Conference thebay::joyoflex

There's a Volkswagen dealer in Belmont with the name:

Bugs, Bunnies, etc.

--- jerry

THIS PRACTICE OF PUNNING ON ONE'S OCCUPATION IS ESPECIALLY PREVALENT
AMONG HAIR SALONS. I'VE SEEN SALONS NAMED:

                 SHEAR DELIGHT
                 THE RAZOR'S EDGE
                 CLIP JOINT
                 A CUT ABOVE
                 AN AFFAIR WITH HAIR
                 HAED ON INN
                 HEAD SHED
                 MANE ATTRACTION

WHY THEN, WHEN YOU GET YOUR HAIR CUT, DO THESE PUNSTERS ASK MUNDANE
QUESTIONS SUCH AS "WHERE DO YOU WORK?" 

I'D LIKE TO RESPOND WITH SOMETHING LIKE "ALL HANDS ON DEC."

THE GUY (OR GIRL) WILL LOOK AT YOU!

George Carlin once said (of shop signs): "Go into a gift shop and
say 'I saw your sign outside. Where's mine?'"

re; .2

"All hands On DEC" would make a great bumper sticker...


- chuck

Somewhere in New Hampshire is "Tooty's Good Shoes".

	Tom

There is a Volkswagen repair shop in Worcester that has for years been called
Bughaus.

TRUE signs seen in National Lampoon (May, 1984)
-----------------------------------------------

- The Bunghole (Package Store)
- Lucky Lady's Sweet Hole (Candy store?)
- Hole Control Tools, Inc.
- Fannys Hole trail (U.S. Forest Dept. trail)
- Holes of San Antonio (Drainage ditches?)
- Hole Opener Corporation
- Scott A. Hole (Democrat for County Clerk, Valparaiso, Ind.)

    More TRUE signs (seen by me in Ohio and Illinois):
    
    Outside a restaurant:  "What foods these morsels be!"
    
    Outside a beauty salon:  "We curl up and dye for you."
    
    Roy

    
    Curl Up and Dye is actually a beauty salon in Chicago.  Some may
    have noticed that this was also the beauty salon that Carrie Fisher
    worked at in "The Blues Brothers."
    
    -Jim

           
    In Ann Arbor, MI:
    
    Krazy Jim's Blimpy Burgers.  Cheaper than food.

    This past weekend I went past a tavern in Londonderry that had the
    following sign outside:
    
    		NEW BARTENDER
    
    		OPEN IN REAR

    						-Brian
    

    I once saw a chemists' shop (= pharmacy) in England with a sign in the 
    window (literally "in the window" ... etched in plate glass, gold-filled)
    that said:


	    		We Dispense With Accuracy
			~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a controller cabinet (disk?) attached to a KL10:  KL-UDGE

        There used to be a gas station/diner up on 101a in Merrimack
    NH I think that had a large sign on the roof which read
    
    "Eat here and get gas!"

    At the site of the old Kealey Farms, soon to be Hampshire Farms,
    there is one of those illuminated "make your own sign" thingies
    by the road.  This is what is says:
    
    		  Coming soon
                  Help needed
    		15 yr olds wanted
    		 Inquire within
                 
    Does anyone besides me find the phrasing of this sign weird?
    				
    					andrew

    re .15:
    
    Unusual, and if I knew any 15-year olds, I'd keep a close watch
    on 'em.
    
    _Psycho XIII_?
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
    

    In Acton [Mass] there's a sign on Route 27:
    
    
                            CAUTION
    
                          MUSEUMS AHEAD   
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
    

    There's also the language barrier between the U.S. and the U.K.
    
    Some years ago, I saw a sign while driving in the U.K.:
    
                            BEWARE
    
                            OF THE
    
                             SHEEP
    
    This is serious in the U.K.; amusing to a Yank.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
    

    Re: .19 As a serious UK-ite, it took me a little time to understand
    the joke.  I think I see it now - your sheep are not vicious?
    
    Jeff.

    Re .20:
    
    Our sheep are lambs. ;-)
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
    

    RE: .18 "plurality of place"
    
    What has bothered me about the CAUTION MUSEUMS AHEAD sign on Rte.
    27 in Acton is that it is only accurate southbound, in that you
    can include the Faulkner House along with the Children's Discovery
    Museum.  Northbound, however, I can think of no museums within
    reasonably dangerous distance.  They must have gotten a twofer on
    the price of the signage.
    
    
    
    

     Then there was the logo on a semi for a freight company:
       South 
        Eastern 
         Xpress

Speaking of freight companies, how 'bout the big *orange* trucks in the
area emblazoned with the marking "YELLOW".  This is apparently the name 
of the shipping company, as they are most definately *not* "YELLOW" trucks!

-- Sam

    On I-93, a few miles north of the Mass-NH line, there is a radar
    installation on a bridge. If you are speeding, the gizmo blinks lights 
    at you. (It is ALWAYS blinking, but that is another story ...)
                                                        
    The sign says:
                                  
    
                YOU ARE SPEEDING WHEN FLASHING
              
    
    Between you and me, I have known some flashers that didn't speed.
     
    
    And, in several places around the state you are warned of possible
    bears in the air through this sign:
    
    
               STATE POLICE CLOCK SPEED BY AIRCRAFT 
                                               
    
    I don't know why they are interested in how fast the planes are
    going.
                                
    -bs
    

    In Cambridge, Mass. between M.I.T. and Vassar street is an old Armory
    with fortress-style abutments extending from the walls, and the
    front is emblazoned with the legend "STORAGE WAREHOUSE, FIRE PROOF".
    
    From the right angle, however, the abutments obscure part of the
    print, yielding
    
    	"RAGE WAREHOUSE, IRE PROOF"
    
    		!	!
    
    Sounds mighty useful!!
    
    	Rick
    	Merrill
                   

I saw a hotel in Oklahoma many years ago with a damaged sign reading

        __________________
       |    XXX Hotel     |
       | Reasonable Rat s |
	------------------

Then there is is a little town in northern Arkansas, widely known for its 
fine fishing and also for a local religious center. I saw the following 
configuration on a main street:

		 ________
		/        |
	       / Passion |
	       \  Play   |
		\________|
		/        |
	       <  Worms  |
		\________|

    When we got married in Las Vegas, the license bureau (open 24-hours)
    had the following sign:
    
    
      FISHING, HUNTING, AND MARRIAGE LICENSES
    
    
    -bs

    On all of our U.S. paper money (now all Federal Reserve Notes) there
    is a phrase: 
    
                            THIS NOTE IS LEGAL TENDER
                         FOR ALL DEBTS PUBLIC AND PRIVATE
    
    How many remember the old Silver Certificates where you could fold
    over the end of the bill and slip it to the bartender showing only:
    
                                           GAL TENDER
                                           AND PRIVATE
     

The entrance to work has double doors (arranged side-by-each, as we used 
to say.)  This morning the door on the left had a sign reading "USE THIS 
DOOR" with an arrow pointing toward the door on the right.  

    Our local supermarket has a sign on each door stating
    
                    NO DOGS ALLOWED
    	         (Except Seeing-Eye Dogs)
    
    
    I can see it now...
    "It's okay, Sandy, the sign says we can go in !"
    
    On another tack, my favorite bumper sticker says
    
                    HONK IF YOU'RE JESUS

		The Chamber of Commerce Welcomes you to

		       A NEW, IMPROVED MAYNARD

		     Sorry for the inconvenience.

    I once saw a sign on a business that said PLEASE USE OTHER DOOR.
    But people (including myself) took it to mean that there was another
    entrance to the building, and would wander around outside with puzzled
    looks.  So the business put up another sign on the oppsite door
    panel: THIS IS OTHER DOOR. 

    re .29:  I remember being shown how to fold the dollar that way,
    but I didn't know the part about showing it to the bartender!
    (I was too young and innocent...)
    
    Showing my age.
    
  --Simon
    

    Speaking of Silver certificates:
    
    Did you ever notice that the full statement is:
    
    	This Note is Legal Tender
    	For All Debts, Public and Private,
    	And Can Be Exchanged for Legal Money ...
    
                                                   
                  /
                 (  ___
                  ) ///
                 /
    

Seen on Route 119 in Groton, MA:

	SPEED
        RADAR
        CHECKED

In Hollis NH there is a sign near the end of a 50mph zone that says,

		REDUCE SPEED AHEAD 40 MPH

Since my forward speed is 50(ish), I guess it means I should be doing
10, but I've always wondered what I should do if I were in traveling in 
reverse?

      Re .35
      
      I never saw a silver certificate with that obligation.  What
      series of silver certificate is it?  There is a discussion
      on the various kinds of money circulating in the U.S. in the
      conference LANDO::TRIVIA (Hit KP7 to add it to your notebook),
      note 839.
      
      Dave C.

    I always wondered that the plethora of perfumes and aftershaves
    kept multiplying, even though few of the many new ones were
    original. I found my answer while shopping in New York, when
    I saw the signs:
    
    MALE FRAGRANCES           FEMALE FRAGRANCES
    
    Guess the little buggers just can't help themselves after closing....
    

    Seen on the back of a Datsun (Nissan)
    
    	Gee, I could of had a V8!
    
    Larry

    Did you really see "could of"?

    	This being France, ...  some of the woodland round here has
    signs round it pointing out that unless you are resident in the
    parish, snail hunting is forbidden.
    
    	I'd really like to move to one of these parishes so I could
    hunt snails, but I am not sure what equipment I would need.

    re: .42	YES
    
    re: .43	A 30 Gauge Snail Gun and a good Hunting Dog.
    
    Larry

    [Preface for distant non-residents: License plates in Massachusetts
    are composed of three random numbers followed by three random letters.]
    
    Recently, I saw a car with a
    
    	Stay Alive - Drive 55
    
    bumper sticker.  The license plate, however, was
    
    	110�MPH

    Reply .45 reminded me ...
    (This assumes some knowledge of the last book of the Bible)
    
    Another Massachusetts (random numbers : random letters) license
    plate:
                666-AKA

    Seen on a Porsche in Nevada: NO 2 55

    Seen on a radiator repair shop in Westboro, MA -
    
    "This is a good place to take a leak."
    
    	Tom

    Our local hardware store has a sign that reads:
                          
          
    WE REPAIR BROKEN GLASS
    
    
    Somebody crossed out "REPAIR" and wrote in "REPLACE."
    
    -bs

    Re -.1
    
    Why would I want my broken glass re-placed?  I would think I'd want
    new glass put in the broken glass' place.

    Re: .48 (The radiator repair shop...)
    
    Reminds me of the license plate I saw last week in Nashua...
    
                              IP 2
    
    

    Sign outside a local pub...
    
    		Kiss my cook!
    
    
    Number plate on a Lambourghini (?sp) Countach...
    
    		TOO 510 W

    In Cambridge, Mass.
    	
    	Long Funeral Service
    
    

re .53:

The Buffalo, NY area has a chain of funeral homes each called the
Amigone Funeral Home.

-Mike

  My home town hosts the Dunrovan Nursing Home.

  Then there's the red box at the Spit Brook helipad.  It says:


                    MAIL BOX

                FIRE EXTINGUISHER


  Not sure what it means but if I ever see smoke coming from a mailbox I'll
  know where to go...

  JP

A suburb of Rochester, NY, is named Chili 
(rhymes with jai alai).  So, the local
veterinary clinic is called the 

Chili Dog Hospital

	I like the road signs that read:


	"CAUTION NARROW BRIDGE AHEAD" or some other hazard.

	I always do it but seldom get any reaction from the bridge.

						-Brian

    There is a bridge in Harvard MA that says
    
    	"TANKS STAY IN CENTER"
    
    and I suppose everybody else had better
    stay off!
    

    In a number of places around Boston I have see signs that say:
    
    	INTENSIVE TRAFFIC
    	ENFORCEMENT AREA
    
    Not wanting to break the law, I have routinely trafficed (sp?) there.
    
    
    
    I also got pulled over once after being nailed by a cop using radar.
    This really frosted me because I had just seen a sign which said:
    
    	SPEED CONTROLLED BY RADAR
    
    Now, I want to know who was asleep at the controls and let me go
    too fast.  (I didn't ask the cop.)
    
    
    
    In the middle of some construction on RTE 2 (last time I checked)
    there is a sign which says:
    
    
    	ROAD AHEAD
    
    I'm glad.
    
    
    Chris

    There is a shop on the Mile End Road in the East End of London which
    sells "orthotic footwear". The owner is one H. Clogg
    
    Phillip
    

    Have you tried to read the sign this way :
    
    
    		PRIVATE PROPERTY ?
    		      NO !
    		TRESPASSING ALLOWED !

.61 reminded me of college days, when friends driving in Boston
(please no flames) were tempted to interpret the signs that said
NO TURN ON RED as "No, Turn on red!"

Sam Levitin	SEMI::LEVITIN	DTN 225-4135	HLO2-1/G11

    Re .62:
    
    Also reminds me.  In places where pidgin had some popularity, the
    traffic sign:
    
                                No
                                U
                               Turn
    
    was interpreted as "You no turn," meaning "drive straight ahead
    only."
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
    

Someone back there mentioned a sign saying

	TRESPASSING ALLOWED

This idea has a problem for me.  For any of you too ?

/Eric

    At a car wash - "If you can't read this sign, it's time for a car wash."

    mlnois::harbig
                   Re .64 
                             TRESPASSING ALLOWED
    
                   Problem for me as well.I prefer to trespass 
                   in silence.
                                Max

Well, I'll explain why

	TRESPASSING ALLOWED

is a problem.

Because as soon as you're allowed on the property, you're not trespassing!

So, taking this a step farther, reconsider a sign saying

	TRESPASSING FORBIDDEN

It's a truism, since it's always the case, regardless of whether the owner
cares whether you walk on his or her land or not.

In other words, trespassing, by definition, is never allowed.  But wait!
That sounds strange.  It's the walking on the land that is not allowed.

Does this make sense to anyone but me ?

/Eric

    I drove from Philadelphia to Atlanta a few years ago, a 16-hour
    drive. As I drove through South Carolina, my mental state was
    somewhat out of focus, and I saw a sign on a piece of machinery
    which read:
    
    			CAUTION MOWER
    
    I tried to understand. What the !*&% is a 'Caution Mower'?
    After a few minutes I realize what it was:
    
    (hit <CR>)
    
    A device for mowing caution to the winds!
    

    In the vicinity of CXO3-1/I14 (that's from memory -- I may be in
    error by a pole number or so) there is an overhead sign that proudly
    announces what takes place there:
    
	    		DIS SERVICE DEPARTMENT
    
    So far, I have been too cautious to stop and sample their products ...

Today, in the halls of Digital, was a large cardboard box, probably
containing, or contained, some expensive computer equipment.  On the
side of the box was a warning:

	Two people required to deskid this box

It took me a few seconds longer than usual to figure out what that
verb was !

/Eric

    I am told that if you translate the bar codes on the outside 
    wall of ZK0, you get:
    
    		SOFTWA
    		REENGINEERING
    

    To be precise, the barcodes translate as:
    
    	digitalsoftwa
        reengineering
    
    Note, the barcodes are case sensitive.
                                
    					andrew

  Except that they are not barcodes -- they are plain, old 7-bit ASCII codes.
  I hope that we move with the times and use ISO Latin-1 encoding on
  the new ZK3 building.

  JP

    Barcodes... code made from bars... 

    Black is 1 and white is 0 - or is it...?
    
    					*sigh*
    					andrew

    I thought bar codes were those signals you used when you were out
    looking for a one night stand -- you know, wearing the properly
    improper color of handkerchief in the correct pocket, making sure you
    don't have your wedding ring on . . . ?
    
    --bonnie 

    ... And I though bar codes were signals that mama bear gave out
    to papa bear when she was in the mood ...

    -bs

  ...nope -- it's a pre-arranged signal between you and the bartender for
  those times when you are too numb to order a drink in the usual fashion.
  For example, "Bill, after 11:30 I'll just blink twice 'cause I won't be
  able to lift a finger."

  JP

    A bar code is the infliction suffered by a grizzly with the
    sniffles.

    
    I think that DecSpell missed on barcodes. In fact, it should mean
    those young ladies that visit the pubs adjacent to the universities.
    Yes, that's right,
    

        bar coeds.
    
    jc

    Traveling through northern New Hampshire last weekend, I stopped to get
    gas at a station by the highway. In front of the station was a marquee
    that had on one side a quote from Scripture about God's having promised
    us eternal life. On the other side, it read: "Lube job while you wait." 
    
    	Jon

    Re: .71 thru .74
    
    What's ISO Latin 1? According to DEC Std 047 ('Bar Code Symbology') the
    ZK3 building - if it has a bar code - should have a Code 39 code (which
    is not ASCII and has only 44 characters - no lower-case letters). 047
    says 'The industry standard "CODE 39" bar code symbology (as defined in
    _CODE_39_ _Alphanumeric_Bar_Code_Specifications_ ) shall be used for
    all bar coding applications throughout Digital.' 
    
    Code 39 was developed in 1974 (when was ZKO built?) and is, according
    to 047, 'the most widely used alphanumeric bar code'.  It's preferred
    by, among others, ANSI and the DOD. Are the architects (sic) of ZK3
    going to defy DEC Std 047? Heads will roll.
    
    Bob

    Code 39 symbols can be used in pairs to indicate the full ASCII
    lower case characters too.  That technique is sometimes called
    "extended". 
    
    Of course, carrying a discussion along to this length can be measured
    in MBJEUs! (Mega Blue-Jay-Emetic-units)
    

    Re: .81
    
    > What's ISO Latin 1?
    
    You jest?  It is an international standard character set, very similar
    to DEC Multinational, which our future imaging devices will support.
    Useful knowledge for anyone in International Engineering :-).
    
    Jeff.

    Two well-known (but maybe apocryphal) signs in the UK:
    
    				 DANGER
    				QUICKSAND
    
    and
    
    			   PLEASE DO NOT THROW
    			  STONES AT THIS NOTICE

    	Similar to a sign mentioned earlier in this note, I am always
    puzzled by the warning sign in neighborhoods telling me about
    
    				SLOW
    
    			      CHILDREN

    Am I in the midst of a group of young people with learning
    disabilities?  Are they dangerous?  Am I expected to stop and
    sympathize?
    
    	Frank

    
    And
                              SLOW
    
                          CONSTRUCTION 
    
                              AHEAD
    
    Usually is.

    	Not too far from here there is a patch of woodland, surrounded
    by signs which I do not remember exactly, but a rough translation
    of the French is:
    
    		THIS WOOD IS PROPERTY OF THE COMMUNE.
    		SNAIL HUNTING BY FOREIGNERS IS STRICTLY
    			FORBIDDEN!!!
    

    The slow children go with the blind driveway you'll find a little
    further down the same road.
    
    	Jon

    When selecting among interpretations, the best fit is obviously a
    grammatical, complete sentence, when possible.  So "slow" is a verb,
    and "children" is the direct object.  The community is telling you to
    cure hyperactiveness. 
    
    
    				-- edp

    While in downtown Nashua the other day, I happened to notice the
    painting in the street at a crosswalk:
    
    
                      |                                 |
                      |---------------------------------|
                      |                                 |
                      |---------------------------------|
                      |              ||  YIELD  | YEILD |
                      |              ||         |       |

    I guess the painter wasn't sure which was correct, so he decided
    to cover both options!
    

Expanding upon edp's interpretation of

	SLOW
	CHILDREN

as meaning

	Please slow the children down.

It's interesting that such an interpretation is totally opposite to the
intended meaning, which is

	Go slow, so you don't harm the children.

Edp's might be interpreted to be

	Go fast, maim the children, that'll slow them down.

The sign I always find interesting is

	CONSTRUCTION NEXT 12 MILES

I mean, doesn't it depend how fast I'm driving ?

re: < Note 28.91 by VIDEO::OSMAN "type video::user$7:[osman]eric.six" >

>The sign I always find interesting is
>
>	CONSTRUCTION NEXT 12 MILES
>
>I mean, doesn't it depend how fast I'm driving ?

   Why, no.  12 miles is 12 miles, regardless of the speed driven.  Now, if
   the sign said, "Construction next 15 minutes" then you might have a problem.

   (You know, like the restaurant signs, "15 minutes ahead on left".  Yeah,
   right - not at rush hour it's not!)
   
   Which brings up another topic:  Why do they call it "rush" hour?  One 
   certainly isn't able to "rush" during that time... :-)
   
   -- Sam

    re: -1
    
    According to my Webster's New World Dictionary of the American
    Language,       ----------------------------------------------
    (about the 2nd item under the 'noun' category), Rush is defined
    as "An eager movement of many people to get to a place".
    
    I have my own theory on the term "Rush Hour".  Remember college
    when you had to "rush" a fratrenity or sorority to join?  The idea
    of "rushing" was to do some sick and crazy things to become accepted
    by the fraternity or sorority involved.  Maybe all these "rush"
    hour people are acting weird and crazy to be accepted into the
    brotherhood.
    

    After the rash of "Baby on Board" signs in cars, there now seems
    to be a rash of all kinds of "XXXXX on Board".
    
    Some person reacted rather interestingly with the sign
    
        "Who cares who's on Board"
    
    This can have two meanings ... total flippancy, or the one I prefer:
    It doesn't matter who is board you should still drive carefully.
    There is that corollary that if there isn't a baby on board others
    need not be so careful!
    
    stuart
    

    re:.94
    
    I agree. I've been sorely tempted at times to put up my own
    sign that says: "No baby on board; go ahead and hit me".
    
    --- jerry

    re: .95
    
    I've seen that one on a couple of cars around Nashua.
    
    --bonnie

    I like: Lawyer on Board

    I used to have a car sticker that said "Take a streaker to lunch".

    I used to feel really sorry whenever I would pass a
    
    			SLOW
    
    		      CHILDREN
    
    sign.  The thought of all these poor kids made me sad.
    
    But the other day I saw something that cheered me up...
    
    
    			SLOW
    
    		       MEN AT
    
    			WORK	
    
    Them poor kids had grown up and gotten themselves jobs!!!!!!!!!
    
    -Dave

    Re: .99

>    I used to feel really sorry whenever I would pass a
>    
>    			SLOW
>    
>    		      CHILDREN
>    
>    sign.  The thought of all these poor kids made me sad.

    Me too. (For those who have not seen it, the sign appears most frequently
    in New England). But then I would encounter the following sign, and
    conclude that the family environment in which the kids lived was largely
    responsible:
    

    
                      DENSELY
    
                     POPULATED

    Seen on a car from a local photo lab:
    
      PHOTOS 
    DO NOT BEND

	ROAD LEGALLY CLOSED - this usually comes about in the middle of

	nowhere. What am I suppossed to do?  Will I be arrested if I am
	seen by a policeman?

    Re .102:
    
    Actually, although it's poorly worded, that's a "cya" notice.  It
    means that you're able to traverse the road, but if doing so causes
    you any injury, or any harm comes to your vehicle, as a result of
    the road's condition (e.g., pot holes), you are unable to sue anyone.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

    Re: .102
    
    "Road legally closed" isn't so much poorly worded as poorly
    conceptualized.  The lawyers couldn't think of a better way than
    creating this legal fiction to negate the liability that they would
    normally tend to impose.

Lew Lasher

Re. the last couple:

I've always wondered if traffic laws are in effect while traveling on a 
legally closed road.  It seems to me that you could make a pretty good case 
for beating a speeding ticket if you got one on a legally closed road, for 
instance.  Any legal beagles out there?

Larry

    	I don't think I would care to speed on something with worse
    potholes than a New England road that is not legally closed, but
    if it is not a public highway, then at least in Old England you
    do not need a driving licence. I might take my son there to learn
    how to manage a car on something that looks almost like a road.

    Most often, these signs are used when a highway is under repair.
    As Steve said, it's mostly a CYA action, and I really doubt if
    the negation of liability is enforcible. If the road is that
    unsafe (i.e. under normal driving conditions, I'm likely to do
    extensive damage to my car and/or myself) it should be *actually*
    closed, not just "logically" closed.
    
    --- jerry

    The negation of liability (at least in Connecticut, which is 
    where I've seen these signs most often) is partly enforceable.
    
    If you're driving prudently and have an accident, it's not
    enforceable. If you're driving at 90 over an unpaved detour, it's
    enforceable because they warned you and you chose to ignore it.
    The 'road closed' business is considered a stronger warning than
    just 'construction -- drive carefully'.
    
    It should be noted, in light of the driver's license comment, that
    although the road is legally closed it is still legally a public
    road and you do need a driver's license to drive on it. 
    
    --bonnie, who has to drive on the legally closed I-84 several
    times a year to visit her in-laws . . . 
    

    If, god forbid, I should accidentally strike and kill a child with
    my car on a "legally closed road", would my insurance not protect
    me against legal suits?

    It appears that some people are reading too much into the "ROAD LEGALLY
    CLOSED" signs.  The words "PASS AT YOUR OWN RISK" are sometimes added
    to the above signs or used as a substitute for them.  Basically, what
    it means is that there is construction work being done to the highway,
    and that means there is an attendent risk associated with the movement
    of construction equipment and there may be portions of the road which
    do not lend themselves to normal speeds (unpaved portions, single lane
    portions, uneven pavement, etc.)  In the event that you suffer any 
    damage to your vehicle or its occupants as a result of such hazards 
    _associated with the construction_ their can be no liability on the 
    part of the construction contractors nor the state or municipality 
    responsible, since you chose to _pass at your own risk_.
    
    This limitation on liability has no application relative to accidents
    or injuries from other causes.
    
    As to protection by your own insurance policy, you might have to
    check the fine print to see whether your collision and comprehensive
    insurance covers "off road" damage and whether they consider a legally
    closed highway to be such.  Injury or damage to the property of others
    comes under your _liability_ insurance, and I doubt that a legally
    closed highway would limit that in any way.
     

     I thought that "PASS AT YOUR OWN RISK" meant it is risky
     to pass other cars on the road.  Are you saying it means
     that it is risky to go past the sign itself?
     
     Dan

    It depends on where you're at.
    
    If you're in Connecticut, "Pass at your own risk" means "We aren't
    going to ticket you if you don't stay in your own lane, but it's a bad
    idea to pass that slowpoke in front of you"  and "Road legally closed"
    means, "We can't afford to keep traffic off I-84 while we're working on
    it, so we'll let you drive on it while we're working, but you'd better
    be damned careful about it and not abuse the privilege."
    
    In other places, "Pass at your own risk" may mean that you pass over
    this stretch of road at your own risk.  These states usually say "No
    passing zone" or "Stay in own lane" when they want you to stay in your
    own lane.
    
    Personally, I've never had any trouble passing a zone.  They move
    so slowly . . .
     
    --bonnie

    	It seems that laws vary. I knew a road in England that *was*
    legally closed, and the result of the legal closure was that it
    was no longer a public highway. It was still owned by the public
    authority, but if you drove on it without a licence or drunk you
    would just be trespassing.

    We also have the provision for closing roads as described in .113
    in the States. I live in a small town with a lot of dirt roads where
    there are no longer houses. (There were twice as many people in
    our town 100 years ago.) Periodically the planning board will petition
    to have a road closed. This means that the town will no longer be
    responsible for snow plowing on that road and if some one builds
    on the road subsequently they will not get school bus pick up at
    their door.
    
    Bonnie

    In Montana, when a road is closed in this sense, it's no longer
    even publicly owned.  It's divided up among the abutting property
    owners and ceases to exist.
    
    --bonnie 

    re .113 - "without a licence [sic] or drunk":  I have a license,
    but next time I'll consider bringing a drunk with me.
    
    Back to the subject at hand - signs.  I haven't been back through
    everything that's been posted here, so this may already have been
    mentioned.  There's a sign over near the confluence of Route 30,
    Route 128 and the MassPike, that says
    
    			Duck Feeding
    			    and
    		        Parking Area
    
    Indeed, there are many ducks (and geese) parked there.
    
    len.
    

    > re .113 - "without a licence [sic] or drunk":  I have a license,
    
    [title is a pun on a comedy show that ran here for a long time -
     it may not have made Broadway :-) :-)]

        Which comedy show might that be?  Surely not "Pump Boys and
        Dinettes"?
        
        Tom

    It was "No Sex Please, We're British." It toured here in the US for a
    while.
    
    	Jon 

    G'day,
    
    Re -.a couple,
    
    In Wagga Wagga (pronounced woggah - yes only once), there is a sign
    
    Beware Geese Crossing
    
    and sure 'nuff  there they were - a gaggle of geese used to keep
    the lawns trimmed (and fertilised?) on the riverside parks. 
    
    Derek

    
    
    	  		 WARNING
    			---------
    	THIS PROPERTY IS PROTECTED BY OWNER WITH SHOTGUN
    	  3 NIGHTS A WEEK. YOU GUESS WHICH NIGHTS !!!                    
    
                                 

    Many years ago, I was a shift worker, and would get of the train
    after approx 13 hours barely awake. A new sign went up on a gate:
    
      NO
     PAR
    KING
    
    For over a week, I pondered on just who the the NO PAR KING was!
    
    -Alison-

    re:.112
    
    He's a relative of Nosmo King.
    
    --- jerry

    re .112:
    
    Nah, it's me. It's why I gave up golf.
    
    	Jon

    I'm always shocked by the barbarian sentiments expressed by those
    
    			PAY TOLL A HEAD
    
    signs.
    
    len.
    

Speaking of signs at toll booths:

I find it rather silly, perhaps even a bit mocking, to employ advertising
for the toll booth.

I mean, I'm in my car, I'm on the road, I'm approaching the toll booth,
what choice have I but to pay ??

Yet, New Hampshire insists on advertising, even though I have no choice.
They have a sign that says

	PAY TOLL CARS ONLY 50�

Such a bargain!  I think I will.

/Eric

    In Illinois, the message is stretched over all the automatic lanes:
    
    
    EXACT CHANGE ONLY 40� PAY TOLL
    |           |        |        |
    
    I always go into the lane marked, "ONLY 40 �".  I thought it was
    the bargain lane.
    
    Spd

    re:  .2, & .4
    Clearly, We're going overboard!  

    Our local fire department had two signs by the side of the building.

    
        
                NO PARKING            
            Fire Department Only            
                                      
    and
    
                 PARKING           
          Fire Department Only   
    

This is a true story.  At Waltham Racquet Club, on the men's lockerroom
door, visible as you walk in (or just look at the door from the lobby),
was a sign:

	Massage available for male members

		Inquire at desk


Hmmm.


/Eric

On the door of the stairwell on the 3rd floor of the DEC facility here


        EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY

            no way out

    G'day,
    
    One of our supermarket chains here has its emergency doors clearly
    marked.
    
    
      THIS DOOR IS ALARMED.
    
    I mean to ask the manager who upset it - is the number of shoplifters
    of did someone say 'Boo"?
    djw
    

     Having typed 'exit' to a very friendly system , it responded
    
    "SYSTEM EXCITED AT USER REQUEST"
    
    John J

    
    	...and I have always enjoyed pretending that the network message
    	really says
    
    		NETWORK PARTNER EXCITED
    
    	Joe Oppelt

    Re: -.1
    
    You may have given her a byte, but all she got was a tid-bit.  8^}

    G'day,
    
    In Oz the government alias the Mint have just issued a $2 coin.
    
    (Known as the Bob-ork because its two-faced,small & brassy and would
    like to think its a Sovereign)
    
    It is not popular. A sign seen recently read
    
    Dislike the $2 coin?
    Throw them in the box below and register a protest!
    
    djw
    

    
    Thought you'd enjoy these two from my sign-stealing teen years:
    
    A farm outside of Meadville, PA displayed a beautifully hand-painted
    sign reading  
    
    				EATING
                               POTATOES

    The farmer was obviously selling potatoes suitable for eating, though
    I wondered if just maybe the family had an affinity for spuds and was
    advertising their joy of ingesting them.
    
    Another great one that is now in my possession appeared at a Christmas
    tree lot in Pittsburgh.  It too is hand-painted (Green on Red I
    might add) and says
    
				SMALL
    				TREES
    				KEEP
    				OUT
    
    Is that a warning or a threat?
    
    Gee, I hope the previous owners don't subscribe to this conference. 
    

    When I saw your sign that said
    
    		EATING
    		POTATOES
    
    I thought it was the farmer merely being detailed.  Other businesses
    merely give you a vague idea of why they're not answering, something
    like
    
    		OUT TO LUNCH
    
    or
    
    		GONE FISHING
    
    but we can be thankful that someone is nice enough to tell us not
    only that they are masticating, but *what's* on the menu.
    
    Anyway, I saw one today that confused me.  A large box, presumably
    containing some very expensive equipment (a laser printer??), had
    a "clear" sign on it reading
    
    		STACK ONE HIGH ONLY
    
    Now, does this mean...
    
    /Eric

    Re:  EATING POTATOES
    
    Are there potatoes that are not meant to be eaten?  Is there some
    use to which potatoes may be put that is known only to chemists or
    secret agents?   Is there such a thing as potato paper, or potato-skin
    glue, or potato shampoo, or whatever?
    
    Bernie

    A building construction company in Sydney, Oz has the rather amazing
    name of PRESTON ERECTIONS.
    Seeing that name painted in two foot high letters on the side of
    a 50 foot crane boom on a building site usually causes a little traffic
    chaos.
    							Regards, Guy

    > Are there potatoes that are not meant to be eaten?
    
    Yes. They're called seed potatoes.  They're the ones you plant to
    get eating potatoes.
    
    Jeff.

>   Yes. They're called seed potatoes.  They're the ones you plant to
>   get eating potatoes.
    
        Or you get drinking potatoes and make Vodka. Perhaps a carving
        potato like the famous gangster used to carve a gun an break
        jail. (Was that Diligner? sp)

    Re: < Note 28.140 by THEONE::PARSONS "So many notes, so little time....." >
>                        -< A Peculiar Company Name. >-
>
>   A building construction company in Sydney, Oz has the rather amazing
>   name of PRESTON ERECTIONS.


    That reminds me. My first employer -- many years ago -- was Ferranti Ltd., 
    in England. They manufactured a wide range of electrical products, 
    computers constituting a minor side-line.
    
    The major emphasis was on heavy electrical equipment, particularly
    the largest sizes of power transformers. The head of the site
    installation group bore the proud title:
    
    		!!!	Manager of Large Erections	!!!

    I think my leg is being pulled.  Vodka is distilled from grain;
    anyone growing potatoes solely for vodka, would be better off eating
    them.
    
    Seed potatoes, you say?  Live and learn.  Are seed potatoes potatoes
    that cause the growth of potatoes different from the seed potatoes
    themselves?  Or are they smaller versions of the potatoes that grow
    from them?
    
    Bernie (quite confused)

    G'day,
    
    
    re-.a_few
    My first computer was a Ferranti Pegasus , one of the Nebula series
    I think it was called - included Sirius, and Orion. Pegasus had
    light_emitting_transistors  (valves), mercury delay lines and a
    clock - a Smiths I think. It was in the front so you could see when
    your session was over.
    
    
    Re seed spuds.
    
      Seed potatoes are especially noted (;-)) for producing stalks
    that flower and lots of tubers. - they are the ones with lots of
    'eyes' or shoots, though not all eyed potatoes will necessarily produce
    tubers. As I understand it, the shoots must flower for spuds to
    form - the flowers produce seeds so hence (I suppose) seed potatoes.
    Potatoes are not normally propagated from seeds, though - maybe
    never, so the potatoes that produce the edible ones provide the 'seeds'
    that gardeners need to plant.
    
          djw
    

    More on potatoes, eating vs. non-eating. The ones that have a lot
    of green under the skin I think are the ones that are turning into
    seed potatoes, the word is don't eat the green part, it's poisonous.
    Maybe we should start a potatoes note...they seem quite important,
    (a bit like aglets). 

    	Seed potatoes are ones that have been grown in the inhospitable
    environments that prevent the spread of parasites and virus carriers.
    You use seed potatoes to have a better chance of a healthy crop.
    The inhospitable environment tends to mean that the seed potatoes
    are rather small. The only fundamental difference between a seed
    potato and any other other is a high probability of freedom from
    disease.
    
    	Green potatoes are poisonous regardless of whether they are
    virus free.

    I believe the green is due to the presence of prussic acid (cyanide?).
    Also poteen is distilled from potatoes, is it not?
    
    Jeff.

	I had though the poison was Belladonna, which is quite stable
	and poisonous even after cooking.  The same as tomatoes, also
	poisonous and green when not ripe, but then again spuds and
	tomatoes are close relations.

>	I had though the poison was Belladonna, which is quite stable
>	and poisonous even after cooking.  The same as tomatoes, also
>	poisonous and green when not ripe,...

This could come as quite a shock to those of us who like to eat fried 
green tomatoes.

The Joy of Cooking says that the green is a neurotoxin.  It doesn't 
specify which one, but that would rule out cyanide.

					>>>==>PStJTT

    Tomatoe and potatoe *leaves* are poisonous...green tomatoes are
    quite edible. The green on potatoe skins is the result of the
    potatoes being exposed to light and developing cholorphyl. The
    green is not itself poisonous but the exposure to light also
    promotes the production of the poison which is neither belladonna
    nor cyanide...(but I can't remember what it *is*) just below the
    green layer...so if you peel off the green color the potatoes are
    quite edible. By the way you can eat potatoes with a slightly
    green skin. The symptoms of having eaten the poison are primarily
    that of a sore stomach...it takes an *awful* lot to be lethal.
    To prevent the problem, keep your potatoes in the dark.
    
    Seed potatoes are simply potatoes that are planted to grow more
    potatoes - they are referred to as 'seed' because a seed is what
    one usually plants to get more of the same thing. Potatoes do not
    normally go to seed, tho they do form flowers. The potatoe itself
    is a tuber that is formed from an underground stem and is not related
    to the blossom. Potatoes do need healthy leaves tho. I recall a
    friend who didn't pick the bugs off her potatoe plants because the
    potatoes would be underground so the bugs wouldn't affect them..
    unfortunately without any leaves the plant couldn't photosynthsize
    and produced no potatoes. 
    
    When potatoes do go to seed the seeds do not breed true. Most plants
    have been bred over the centuries to breed true to kind...beans
    to the same kind of bean peas to the same kind of pea etc. but since
    potatoes grow from old tubers the seeds produce a wide variety
    of different types of potatoes..most of which are not very big or
    necessarily good tasting. Seed potatoes aren't grown in "inhospitable
    environments" but rather in very hospitable ones..with quite rich
    soil...perhaps you meant that they were grown in disease free areas?
    Tho the seed potatoes I buy are usually treated with various dusts
    that are for the prevention of disease.

    Bonnie

    Re .151 (Bonnie):
    
    >Tomatoe and potatoe *leaves* are poisonous...green tomatoes are
    >quite edible.
     
    True.  What's interesting is that potato and tomato plants are not
    only related to each other but to a number of poisonous plants,
    including deadly nightshade (e.g. jimson weed) and mandrakes.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

>   I think my leg is being pulled.  Vodka is distilled from grain;
>   anyone growing potatoes solely for vodka, would be better off eating
>   them.

        From my DEC supplied desk dictionary:

        "Vodka n. A colorless alcoholic liquor distilled from fermented
        wheat or rye mash, corn, _or_ potatoes."

    re poisonous potatoes:
    
    There are some people who can easily be poisoned by potatoes, green or
    not. However, they are quite rare. Most of them died off after the
    Renaissance, when potatoes were brought to the old world. Evolution in
    action, and all that. By the bye, this is *not* a joke. The people who
    have this problem these days usually have a spontaneous mutation that
    grants the potato-poison gene. 
    
    re potatoes and vodka:
    
    Some vodka is from potatoes. There are those who would say that *real*
    vodka is made from potatoes, and the stuff from grain is a pale
    imitation. Russian and Polish vodkas, particularly, are from potatoes. 
    
    	Jon 

    	In Britain most seed potatoes come from Scotland because the
    climate is too cold and there is too short a summer for the bugs
    that carry potato viruses.
    
    	Most of my potatoes go to seed. The fruit looks rather like
    a tomato, but goes black when ripe.
    
    (old potato joke)
    Tourist in Covent Garden :- What are those red knobbly things?
    Shopkeeper               :- King Edwards
    Tourist                  :- Doesn't he miss them?

    
     
      Hmmm, 

          ?is Spuds MacKenzie the force behind this note?

     jc 

    Re: .151
    
    Thanks for the clear explanation.  Is there a name that applies
    to seeds that do not breed true?  It is a strange concept; is it
    very common?
    
    Re: .153, .154
    
    One _can_ distill vodka from potatoes and, I suppose, there are
    isolated Russians on the Steppes who do so.  When, however, one
    buys vodka, whether it was made in Russia, Finland, Sweden, or Ohio,
    it was distilled from grain.
    
    Bernie

    re .157
    
    *Most* seeds do not breed true, i.e. they do not produce 
    ofspring that are identical to the parent(s). For one example
    look at people and their children....I doubt that anyone has
    a child that is a near mirror immage of themself. In nature,
    bees, and ants among other insects produce offspring from an
    unfertilized female ovum....this could be considered to be
    similar to the situation with potatoes. Most of the plants that
    we use for crops and for which we grow seeds have been bred to
    themselves for so many generations that all the different or
    'wild' genes have been eliminated....the closest thing that I can
    think of to this phenomenon in the animal world are lab mice...which
    have been inbred for so many generations as to be genetically 
    identical...Perhaps the name for seeds/plants/animals that do
    not breed true is 'normal' or 'wild'....or a biological term could
    be 'heterozygous' rather than 'homozygous'.
    
    Bonnie

    >*Most* seeds do not breed true.
    
    True, back in .0, Dave Griffin planted 'Interesting Signs' and he
    ended up with a crop of potatoes!                             ...Guy

    You know how when you keep your potatoes too long, they get those
    long yellowish or white sprouts on them?  That's a potato starting
    to grow.  It does exactly the same thing in the ground. (Potatoes
    grow rather well in hydroponic environments.) 
    
    If you cut the potato up, you'll get more potato plants from one
    potato.  The piece of potato has to be big enough to nourish the
    sprout, and it has to have at least one 'eye', but it doesn't need
    to be any bigger than that.  These bits of potato are "seed
    potatoes" -- "seed" in the sense of "a source of growth", not in
    the sense of "fertile fruit". 
    
    You generally take seed potatoes from the best of last year's
    crop. They are often treated with fungicides etc. to keep them
    from spoiling over the winter, so you can't eat seed potatoes.
    (If you had ever seen them, you wouldn't want to eat them.) 

    Seed potatoes can also be taken from what's left in the spring --
    you cut up the dried-up remains of last year's crop.  But the
    potato plants produced this way are generally smaller and produce
    fewer potatoes because the already withered potatoes produce less
    robust sprouts, which lead to less robust plants, etc. 

    Your potato plant will grow, go to seed, and dry up.   When the
    vines start to get dry and shriveled, that's when your potatoes
    are ready to be harvested.  Unless you want new potatoes, of
    course, in which case you can dig them earlier. 

    --bonnie

    re .157:
    
    Yes, most of the vodka that one finds these days is made from grain.
    But *real* slavic vodka is made from potatoes. Sort of the way that
    *real* beer is made from barley, but most of the stuff you find these
    days is made from barley and rice and corn and chemical junk.
    
    I know of at least one very good vodka made the traditional way -- from
    potatoes. It's from Poland, but I can't remember the brand name. 
    
    	Jon

    All this potato talk got me going through my "library" at home,
    and the following is a condensation of a few book's worth with regard
    to the poison angle.
    Potato: SOLANUM TUBEROSUM
    Egg Plant (Aubergine):SOLANUM MELONGENA
    SOLANINE: Poisonous alkaloid present in immature fruit of the SOLANUM
    genus. (Hmmmmm!)
    Book 1. Nightshade family: Any of plants of genus SOLANUM.
    Book 2. Nightshade family: Potato, Egg Plant, Tomato, Capsicum &
    others.
    Tomato: LYCOPERSICON ESCULENTUM
    Capsicum: CAPSICUM FRUTESCENS and others.
    Deadly nightshade is one particular member of nightshade family,
    and it was a bit unclear in the references, but Belladonna may be
    another name for deadly nightshade.
    Hope all this poisonous talk hasn't turned you off putting notes
    about "interesting signs" here! (Spoken like a moderator, sir!)
    					Regards, Guy 
     

    I've always been under the impression that deadly nightshade
    was also called belladonna.  Also (and I may have misunderstood)
    I was told that the old, Anglo-Saxon name for it is asenath.
    
    							Ann B.

    Re: .161
                            -< One can and does... >-

    Since when does vodka come in cans?
    
Lew Lasher

>    Since when does vodka come in cans?
    
"Can" is a slang word used among the Brits to refer to vessel containing
an alcoholic beverage.  So next time you're in London, just sing out, 
"Gentlemen, lift your cans to the Queen!"

					>>>==>PStJTT

    
    Us "Brits" (ugh!) often use 'can' when refering to vessels containing
    soft drinks as well as booze . Foodstuffs are in 'tins' .
    
    And it's "Gentlemen , _raise_ your cans to _our_ Queen!"
    
    John J

    Re: .161
                            -< One can and does... >-

    Now that that's cleared up ... one can, and does what?
    
Lew Lasher

    One can doesn't do much.  Toucans is better, and three cans
    is even better.
    
    --bonnie 

What about canary?

Arie (the answer is "yes"!)

    Shall we have canary in the cannery?
    
    --bonnie

RE -1
>    Shall we have canary in the cannery?

Sorry, I don't quite get it - though it taught me something about the english
language (cannery was found in....

                                  the dictionary!)

Arie

    Well, to this Yank, there's something about "Gentlemen, lift (or
    raise) your cans to the Queen" that makes me laugh. And stand to
    applaud Pat for his joke. Quite good.
    
	Jon

    re .166:
    
    Why _our_ Queen instead of _the_ Queen? I'd think that a country that
    doesn't put its name on its stamps, and places itself at the center of
    the map would use the definite article. 
    
    	Jon

    
    I don't make the rules .
    
    It gives it that personal touch .
    
    John J (who's not what you would call a royalist by any means)

    Well, at least the last few replies have been uncanny.
    
    len.
    

    Re: .171
    
    "Canary" is a sweet dessert wine from the Canary Islands. It was
    popular in Britain in the 1700's.
    
    --bonnie 

RE -1
>    "Canary" is a sweet dessert wine from the Canary Islands. It was
>    popular in Britain in the 1700's.
    
Guess it's too old to drink it now..... ;^)

Arie

    I imagine so . . . I don't know whether they don't make it any
    more, whether they call it something else, or whether we just
    don't get it way out here in the wilderness of New Hampshire. 
    
    --bonnie

    
    Holy spuds!  I started this potato thing over month ago.  I can't
    believe it's digressed to this point.  I bet those Small Trees feel
    left out (or kept out).
    
    Let's see what you can do with this one:
    
    I went grocery shopping last night and noticed the store's effort
    to become more personal.  In every department, there was a picture
    of that department's manager, his name, and his title.  For instance,
    above the veggies I saw Harry James - Produce Manager.
    
    I laughed all the way to the checkout once I got to the ground beef,
    looked up, and saw:
    
    		Peter Wynn
    		Meat Manager
    	

    Some of my favorite signs:
    
    In Houston, TX:
    
    	PREPARE TO STOP WHEN FLASHING
    
    There were, in fact, no flashers in sight....
    
    In Tenaha, TX, there's a real estate broker trying to be friendly.
    As you enter the town, you see:
    
    		Welcome to Tenaha, Texas
    		The Community That Cares
    		Burns Real Estate
    
    I'm not sure what they care about, but real estate is apparently
    not on the list :-)
    
    In Chestnut Hill, MA
    
    		Wait for Green Light
    
    In Newton, MA
    
    		Obey Traffic Signals
    
    	- Win
    

    
    Wodka Wybrovka is what they call it in Poland,..
    
    

    [been away for a while]
    
    Maxprog6 - are you from the North?  I've never heard the expression
    'cans', as in raising, down here.  But then, we tend to use glasses
    ...
    
    And it is, indeed, *the* Queen.
    
    Jeff :-)

    Re .182
    
    Maxprog6 bit the dust last week .
    
    Actually old boy , I come from Windsor . And I've been in a few
    pubs in which (every now and again when someone's drunk) you may here
    "our" Queen . Probably because she lives next door . 
    
    I agree about 'glasses' instead of 'cans' , but it didn't fit in
    with the general flow at the time . 
    
    Here's mud in yer eye , Liz .
    
    John J

     This came in the email today:
     
>>     I saw an article in one of the Arizona papers (out there on
>>     vacation). The acronym stands for Society for the Preser-
>>     vation of English Language and Literature. It was started by
>>     an English professor in California, and apparently has a
>>     nationwide membership. The reason for the article was that
>>     SPELL had announced its annual winner of the most atrocious
>>     abuse of English (I'm sure the award had a name, like OSCAR,
>>     but I'm sorry to say, I can't remember it, nor can I find
>>     the article amid all the vacation wreckage in my suitcases):
>>     the award went (somewhat unfairly, what with all the damage
>>     wrought by alleged English-speaking people) to a Japanese
>>     company, which enclosed the following notice with one of
>>     their kitchen knives: WARNING - BLADE VERY SHARP. KEEP OUT
>>     OF CHILDREN. 

    There's a new sign up on a local cosmetics emporium, advertising
    employment opportunities in their, uhm,
    
    				wharehouse
    
    len.
    

My wife was recently accepted into the St. Louis Symphony Chorus.  
I went along during her audition to provide moral support.  

While waiting backstage, I noticed a wooden box with a slot in the
top, for purposes of anonymous employee recommendations to management.

The sign on it read:

		Johann Suggestion Box

    
    Just this morning on the way to work ( along RT 128 ) I saw a 
    pickuptruck that had its name - which is usually in large black
    letters, like FORD, CHEVROLET - ammended to note the drivers 
    lack of satisfaction with the vehicle. 
    
    The truck was a MITSUBISHI. And the driver had used black tape
    to add a look-alike letter, "T".
    jc 

Another note on

	Mitsubishi

I always think it sounds a lot like

	bit too bitchy

yes?

/Eric

    I haven't had a chance to read this whole note, so I hope I'm not
    reapeating!
    
    A sign on a dry cleaners in Randolph,MA:
    
                     DROP YOUR PANTS HERE
    
    A sign at the entrance to the New Jersey Turnpike:
    
                      GO SLOW
          
                      GET TICKET
    
    I don't know about you but I go slow to avoid getting a ticket!!
    
    
    Lisa
    
                   

    Seen in passing .....

    
        
                +-----------------------+
                |   Deliveries  Here    |
                +-----------------------+

    
    
    Outside the side door of a "Mothercare" shop ( a chain store which
    sells baby clothes etc )
    

    Steven

    In the days prior to Interstate Highways, there used to be a common
    warning sign seen along Arizona Highways:
    
                                    /\ 
                                   /  \
                                  /    \
                                 /  DIP \
                                 \      /
                                  \    /
                                   \  /
                                    \/
                                
    These warned that the highway was about to drop down through a 
    dry wash and back out again.  However, when the occasional rain
    storm occurred, the dry wash would become a raging stream and
    would halt highway traffic until after the runoff.
    
    Does anyone from that part of the country know if these are still
    prevalent?

    Re: .191
    
    We have lots of dips in Colorado.
    

    Re: .192
    
    Some IN the road, and many ON the road!

    In Massachusetts, they are a working majority in the Statehouse.

    Re: .192

        
    � We have lots of dips in Colorado.
      
    We have lots of dweebs in New Hampshire.
                                           
    					andrew

	Seen in Reynoldsburg, Ohio, a sign that said "Birthplace of the tomato".
Any ideas how they could make such a claim? Reynoldsburg is a suburb of 
Columbus. Another suburb, Whitehall, cliams to be "The birthplace of the 
shopping center" on their signs.

Pete

    
    
    ...and there's a sign in a town in Vermont claiming that it
    is the site of the birth of the U.S. Navy. It's a bit hard
    	to believe, as the town is landlocked.
    
    -- Glinch.

re .-1:
    
>    
>    ...and there's a sign in a town in Vermont claiming that it
>    is the site of the birth of the U.S. Navy. It's a bit hard
>    	to believe, as the town is landlocked.

Actually, it's in Whitehall, NY which is on the Vermont border.  The sign is 
at the insersection of Rtes. 4 and 22, about five miles from the state line. 
Whitehall is at the bottom of Lake Champlain, a *very* strategic waterway in
both the Revolution and the War of 1812.  Makes sense.

Larry-who-lives-about-25-miles-from-Whitehall

    
    � Whitehall is at the bottom of Lake Champlain ...
    
    So, is Whitehall's population mostly aquatic?
    :-) :-) :-)
    
    >Mark

    
    
    		RADAR
    		USED 
    		TO
    		CHECK
    		SPEED

   ... is on Dartmoor (England)         +--------------------+
       in an area used for              |  � �    �        � |
       army manoeuvres saying ...       |    DO NOT SHOOT    |
                                        |  �           �   � |
                                        |    AT THIS SIGN    |
                                        | �      �      ��   |
                                        +--------------------+
                                          | |            | |
                                          | |            / /
                                          | |           |/\\

    -.1
    

    re .200:
    
    That could mean that radar could be used in lieu of brakes.
    Or that it once could.
    
    Steve Kallis, jr.

>    That could mean that radar could be used in lieu of brakes.
>    Or that it once could.

Yeah. And that it is in other business nowadays. Pretty obvious sign, isn't it?

Arie

    In Strong, Maine, there is a sign for the
    
    	STRONG FAMILY
    	PRACTICE CENTER
    
Lew Lasher

    
    Saw a sign in Philadelphia last weekend (actually in Haverford,
    Pa, at intersection of Haverford and Eagle Rds):
    
    
    		+-----------------------+
    		| North East South West |
		| ------------------>>> |
    		+-----------------------+
    
    
    Hmmm.. I wonder where I'd be headed if I'd turned left...
    
    -- Glinch
    

    Re .206 (Glinch):
    
    >Hmmm.. I wonder where I'd be headed if I'd turned left...
    
    Up.
    
    As in "up the street."
    ;-)
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

    like the sign 
    				  ^
                  All Directions  |
    
    Is this the "highway to heaven" ?
    

    The MBTA (Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority) has lots of signs
    at the entrances (usually going down) to the subway which say, 
    
    		Connections to all Points
    
    The "North South East West" sign is just slightly more specific.
    Maybe you can't go, say, northeast, by turning right.
    
    Doesn't Philadelphia (on the Surekill expressway) have spiral on-ramps
    that climb for more than 360 degrees? Maybe UP is a reasonable
    direction. Or DOWN. 

	A comedian on TV Saturday night was talking about signs. The only new 
one I remember was;

Driving down the highway in southern California he saw the sign;

LAX - take-offs and landings - right lane

Pete

Seen in my travels through the halls --


	Relocation has moved

Clay

    Novel, 'cos around here this week are the signs
    
         Travel Has Moved
    
    

Here in Israel, I have seen multi-lingual road signs, the English version
of which says "ROAD HUMPS".

I've never seen it happen, but it must be quite a sight.

.213�< Note 28.213 by ERICG::ERICG "Eric Goldstein" >
.213�                    -< Is this where new roads come from? >-
.213�
.213�Here in Israel, I have seen multi-lingual road signs, the English version
.213�of which says "ROAD HUMPS".
                    ^^^^^^^^^^
    
    They are actually known as 'comatose constables' over here.
    
    Ian.
    

    This notesfile is new to me and I was surprised to see a favorite
    sign of mine not mentioned.  When driving through Franconia Notch
    in New Hampshire as one approaches the turnoffs near the Old Man
    in the Mountain, there are signs that read:
    
    			OLD MAN VIEWING AREAS

    On route 27 in Maynard, going towards Acton, there is a white diamond-
    shaped (i.e., square-balancing-on-one-corner) sign that says:
    
    
    
                                   DANGER
                                   
    
    It would be kinda nice if drivers knew what they were being cautioned
    against....
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

    	In France there is a common sign not totally dissimilar to that
    (except that it is yellow), and it has a well defined meaning.
    
    	It means that the normal rules of who has priority do not apply
    till further notice. Normally a couple of hundred yards later you will
    see the matching sign with a bar across it, which means you are back to
    the normal priority rules.
    
    	In France they do not bother to add "DANGER" because you knew that
    when you got into the car in the first place, and just suspending the
    priority rules changes little since everyone ignores them anyway.

    I recall driving through Princeton, New Jersey, and seeing the
    sign "High Accident Area". Made me feel really comfortable to be
    driving on that road!

    G'day,
    
    
    A sign on the INSIDE of the gents' toilet at Melbourne, (Australia not
    Fa) which you see only as gents leave the room...
    
    
    
    
       Please Check Your Valuables.
    
    
    derek

While driving around MA, I saw several backroads signs along the lines of "Slow
Blind Deaf Child".  You'd think he'd learn to keep off the road if he can't
move fast.

Greg.

    
    re .219
    
    Seen in the Gents of our local hostelry, in a similar position..
    
    		FLIES SPREAD DISEASE   -   KEEP THEM DONE UP.
    
    IP

 A 30cm deep hole appeared on  the access road to Welwyn offices in
    England.So someone from security put up a sign saying :
    	"DANGER DEEP DEPRESSION"
    		
    			Be Warned it can be true at times ;{

    Since being back in california, I've found a couple of signs that
    caught my eye. one was Futhermuckers, and Ball Liquors
    
    G Kefalinos

    I was recently vacating in Aruba, where the signs are the international
    iconic sort.  But one sign that seemed to be on every roadside said
    
    			BUSHALTE
    
    			  10 m.
    
    with no icon to puzzle out.
    
    My best guess was that it meant something like "10 meter high bushes
    ahead", but there were never any unusually tall bushes nearby, and
    why would a driver care anyway?  Maybe it meant old bushes?  The
    local language (Papiamento) is cobbled together from bits and pieces
    of dozens of language on a simplified Spanish base, so anything
    was possible.
    
    Eventually I bought a map and it explained that the sign meant there
    was a bus stop ahead.
    
    len.
      

    BUSHALTE seems very similar to the German.  The term is Haltestelle,
    (or stopping place), and the bus stop has a sign with a big H. 
    
    Robbie  

RE -2 (Hi len!)

>    			BUSHALTE
>    			  10 m.

It's Dutch. Aruba is still closely related to The Netherlands, and many signs,
especially the older ones, are in dutch there. It reads BUS-HALTE.

Aruba is one of the places I want to visit once. You lucky one! ;-)

Arie

    While driving back from vacation on In where n = 85 or 95, we
    stopped into a Big Bob's restaurant  ( part of a Roy Rogers chain ?)
    and I observed the following sign in the men's room:
    
                     SET A GOOD EXAMPLE
                      WASH YOUR HANDS. 
    
    ... and just for the record, I did.
    jc

    There is a small network of railways and buses which operates only
    between Toronto and its suburbs, though it is sponsored by all the
    taxpayers of Ontario.  These are called GO Trains or GO Buses,
    nominally named for the Government of Ontario.
    
    On the road, where you can board or deboard (reboard?  cf. set and reset?)
    anyway, where you can do the requisite bus I/O, the signs indeed
    say "GO STOP".

    It seems the local gendarmerie in Somerville and Arlington are not
    content to stay quietly out of the way in Dunkin' Donuts shops, but
    instead roam into lawns, fields and vacant lots, heedless of public
    order and of their own dignity.  The scandalized populace has reacted
    by widely posting the following warning:
    
                                    NO
                               TRESPASSING
                                   ----
                                  POLICE
                                   TAKE
                                  NOTICE
    
    Ray

    �                                NO
    �                           TRESPASSING
    �                               ----
    �                              POLICE
    �                               TAKE
    �                              NOTICE
    I thought this meant that the police were supposed to tear the sign
    down.

    Some years ago in Portsmouth (UK) there was sign on one of the public
    toilets that said:-
    
    Open 08:00 to 18:00.
    
    When closed, nearest convenience 200 yards East, childrens paddling
    pool.
    
    
    Honest.

    	
    	At my old high school there were 2 signs facing opposite
    	directions in the street that said
    
    				SLOW
    
    			      STUDENTS
    
    			      CROSSING
    
    	How insulting!
    						
    	Steve      8^)		

    Pardon if this was included earlier -- I'm new to this file and haven't
    gotten to every reply in this string...
    
    Seen on a billboard on the north shore of Boston, from a certain angle
    with the initial "E" of the bank's name occluded by an errant
    condominium, played by the _|+'s on the left:
    
    ---------+
             |SEX BANK
             |
             |Substantial Penalty for
             |Early Withdrawal
             |
             |
    
    :-), Dan

    An advertisment for a motel in N.H. used to read (and maybe still
    does):
    
           LIVE LOBSTER  INSIDE POOL
    
    
    Linda

	I saw a sign in Spain that read:

		FOOTS TO TAKE AWAY

	(I wonder what was in those hamburgers??)

	ALAN.

    Sign seen hanging above the toothpaste/mouthwash/aspirin aisle in a
    Lincoln MA supermarket:
    
                            HEALTH AIDS
    
    (BTW, No levity intended about the seriousess of the AIDS menace :-( )

    When I lived near Syracuse, NY, we contracted with a company to
    haul away our trash. The name of the company?
    
                      +------------------------+
    		      |	Never Refuse Refuse Co.|
                      +------------------------+                         
                                
    
    
    
    A friend, in a VERY extravagant mood, bought a new Jaguar. His cynical
    wife, not to be outdone, obtained the following license plate for
    him:
    
    		      +--------+
    		      | IMN2XS |	
                      +--------+
    
    =-=-=-=-=-=-=g=-=-=-=-=-=-=

    G'day,
    
    In Oz we have a notable device called a 'portaloo'. This is a telephone
    box sized toilet that can be hired from certain companies for use at
    functions. 
    
    
    Seen on the back of a truck, laden with portaloos :-
    
    
    
    "Your business is our business"
    
    
    derek
    

Here in Nashua there's a radiator repair place that advertises:

	"Bob's Radiator Repair...The Best Place to Take a Leak"

-P

	I remember hearing about a septic tank emptying company 
	somewhere up north who had printed on their company note
	paper.

			No 1 in No 2s

	Alan.

    Construction company doing extensive work on the Grafton Mass. sewer
    lines.
    

    Sign in a suburb of Madison Wisconsin:
    
        Population 21,600
        Radar Controlled
    
    

Seen at a construction site:



			CONTRACTORS ONLY

			    KEEP OUT



I wondered why they would want to exclude only contractors.

Clay

    I saw this sign while driving along the shore.
    
    Battered Clams
    
    Martin H.

    On the bank opposite Trinity College in Dublin a sign:
    
    "Way Out"
    
    Grooviest bank I ever did see....
    
    
       Margaret

    G'day,
    
     Outside Merrimack on 110 (?)
    
    
    Densely populated
    
    
    
    Are other areas more intelligent?
    
    derek
    

    Re: .246
    
    The Massachusetts "Densely Populated" signs signify that there are more
    than so many people, I forget the number, per mile and that the speed
    limit is therefore 25(?) mph, which everybody will ignore anyway.
    
    I'm not saying this is reasonable; just stating the significance.

                           CREATIVE
                           THINKING ROOM
    
    The space between the G and R is actually quite narrow...
                                                  
                                                    - Rik -

    
>    Densely populated
    
	I wonder if there's any connection with the

			SLOW
		      CHILDREN

	signs also seen around?   Hmmm.    
    
						Dave

    Hmmm.  Then maybe "DEAF CHILD" is a parental comment on the child's
    inclinations to listen rather than a warning that the kid actually
    can't hear.

    
    	 _
    	( )
    	 |
   	 |--------------+
    	 |Electric Ave. |
    	 |--------------+
    	 |
    	/ \
       /   \
      /  NO \
     /       \
     \ OUTLET/
      \     /
       \   /
        \ /
    	 |
    	 |   
    	 |
    
    There exists a town in NH called Weare.  As you come off the highway
    into the northern part of town a sign says
    
    		WELCOME TO NO. WEARE
    
    
    The Wizard

I used to live in North Reading, Massachusetts.  Proceding southward
along Rt. 28 from Andover, one would find a sign which said, in part,

   "NO READING"

Continuing south for a few miles, one would encounter a similar sign

   "READING"

and not much past that, there was the "READING ANIMAL HOSPITAL".

    When I was driving through Acton MA on rt. 27 the other day,  I
    saw a road sign that said:
    
                        CAUTION
                        MUSEUMS
                         AHEAD
    
    Are the museums in the habit of running out in front of unwary
    drivers, I wonder?  Or is there a danger that some cultural
    enlightenment might inadvertently cling to me?  I think I was in
    Acton but maybe it was No Reading.
    
    --bonnie

    No No No!  You have it all wrong!  Those are museums whose exhibits are
    all about caution!

    sometimes it isn't the sign but the reaction to a sign which can be
    very intriguing.
    
    I actually saw a sign which read "Fine for Littering" and then a huge
    pile of trash directly beside it.

.255>    sometimes it isn't the sign but the reaction to a sign which can be
.255>    very intriguing.
.255>    
.255>    I actually saw a sign which read "Fine for Littering" and then a huge
.255>    pile of trash directly beside it.

That's not intriguing, it's perfectly logical.  The sign said that that
particular spot was fine for littering, and someone obviously assumed that it
was.

.256> That's not intriguing, it's perfectly logical.  The sign said that that
.256> particular spot was fine for littering, and someone obviously assumed that it
.256> was.
    
    sounds to me like you might be the type who would become very upset
    when going into a Topless Bar and seeing the roof still on the place.
    :*) :*) :*)
    
    

    .251:
    > There exists a town in NH called Weare.  As you come off the highway
    > into the northern part of town a sign says
    >		WELCOME TO NO. WEARE
    
    Ohhh, so that's where Bush found his Supreme Court nominee.
    They guy does seem very enigmatic...

    In Colorado the no-littering signs read:
    
    	$1000 Fine for Littering.
    
    As I bicycle past one of those signs I always check if a
    thousand dollar bill is near-by.

    Assuming the $ means Peruvian intis, I'd say that $1000 is _very_
    fine for littering.  Mexican pesos being a distant second....

While not a fan of "personalized" car numberplates, I was quite taken with one
I saw on a top-of-the-range Porche: "BOS5".

Since then, I've been looking out for the next one up: "THE 805S".

Then there was one on a white Rolls-Royce: "G 1" - my father's comment was that
it must be God's.


My favourite notice is on various household cleaners, etc.:

			"KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"

This has always seemed like very good advice!


What about the ambiguity in the descriptions of various products:

		xxx SHAMPOO FOR OILY HAIR

		yyy SHAMPOO FOR WONDERFUL-LOOKING HAIR

Is the former for people who want their hair to be oily, or the latter for
those who want to cure their hair of looking good?

Chris.
    

A road sign, near where I was brought up:

			LOW BRIDGE 16' 6"

			1770 yards AHEAD

Chris.

And how about "BLIND DRIVE RIGHT"?

I took the left lane!

:-)

Arie

    While in the Netherlands, I encountered several "MIDGET GOLF" signs.
    I'm still wondering how the midgets are used...
    
    >M

    Passing through Ashland on blizzardy day a few years back, I lamented
    not having a camera.  On a pole was a sign that said
    
    			CAUTION
    		     DEAF CHILDREN
    
    just above a sign on the same pole that said
    
    		      BLIND DRIVE
    
    Cheers...Gary
    
    P.S. Perhaps that's why MA is in such bad shape.  Everywhere I go I see
    
    		     SLOW CHILDREN
    
    They must grow up to be the state's politicians 8')

    �While in the Netherlands, I encountered several "MIDGET GOLF" signs.
    �I'm still wondering how the midgets are used...
    
    Like flamingoes, presumably - oh no, that was croquet.
    
    b

I've seen several restaurants with the sign:

	SEEING EYE DOGS WELCOME HERE

I knew they were smart, but I didn't know they could read!



Ian S.

    Re .267:
    I thought the sign meant that the host/maitre d' was a seeing eye dog!
    
    >M

    I'm sure I saw a sketch on the TV along those lines. This guy goes up
    to a pub door, on which there is a notice saying "Guide Dogs Welcome".
    
    He goes in, and finds all of the "regulars" seated around the bar and
    at all of the tables: they are all Guide Dogs.
    
    
    Dave Hazel

267> I've seen several restaurants with the sign:
267> 
267> 	SEEING EYE DOGS WELCOME HERE
267> 
267> I knew they were smart, but I didn't know they could read!


You don't understand.  Those signs are meant to be read by the dogs' owners!

    Strange how the absence of punctuation can make perfectly plain
    words seem obscure. I've just seen
    
    DO NOT USE OUT OF ORDER
    
    on the shower at REO2, and wondered which should be used first.
    (As there was only one, I didn't have to wonder long.)
    
    b

    I saw one in North Yorkshire, advertising a small hotel or guest house. 
    It said "En-suite Accommodation".  Hmmm.  Do people rent toilets there?
    
    Ian.

On a waste disposal truck in Massachusetts

"Satisfaction guaranteed... or *double* your trash back!"

John

    On a waste disposal truck in Ann Arbor, Michigan:
    
    "We Cater Weddings"
    
    Sid

    G'day,
    
     Having gotten used to pictures of wombats and kangaroos on signs, I
    was amused to see in Portland, Victoria, a picture of a penguin!
    Apparently they nest on th wrong side of the road from the beach.
    
    derek
    

On a waste disposal company's trucks in Fort Lauderdale:

Free snow removel

On back end of same trucks:

This truck has bad breath

    > pictures of wombats and kangaroos on signs
    
    On the old Alligator Alley, between Miami and Naples in the Florida
    Everglades, there was a sign with a picture of an Alligator, entitled
    "Alligator Crossing". 

    Signs in Point Pelee National Park say "Turtles Crossing."

    Well I don't know about alligator crossings, but:
    
    Up in the North of Oz, they have variations on the no swimming sign (the
    top half of a swimmer with a red barred circle across it).  The ones
    up North have Crocodile heads painted in green underneath...
    
    Down in the South of Oz, they have variations on the no swimming sign (the
    top half of a swimmer with a red barred circle across it).  The ones
    down South have sharks painted underneath...
    
    David
    

    On a freeway sign in downtown San Diego.
    
    Cruise Ships take the next exit.
    
    (they always have the right-of-way)  ;-}

    On pavement that narrows in South Florida, the Dept of Transportation
    paints the word 
    
    	"MERGE" 
    
    directly on the diminishing strip of pavement. 
    
    
    When the roadway is too narrow for all five letters, they abbreviate the
    word:
    
    	"MERG"

	When I visited Jamaica a while back, I was amused by a traffic
	sign that read:

			SLOW DOWN

     		    SLEEPING POLICEMAN


	I later determined that a "sleeping policeman" is 
	actually a speed bump -- what a disappointment!


Cheers,

Ian S.

    Re .282: One of the names used for speed bumps in France is "gendarme
    couch�" (the "gendarmes" are, among other things, the police in charge
    of the country and small towns -less than 30,000 inhabitants-, a
    "gendarme couch�" is a gendarme laying down), but it is not used on
    official signs...
    			Denis.

    Re: merge signs
    
    Down here the RTA (Roads and Traffic Authority) paint on the road as
    follows:
    
    
    				LANE	A
    				ONE	|	Direction of travel
    				FORM	|
    
    or on road signs as
    
                                   FORM
                                   ONE
                                   LANE
    
    
    This used to be regularly attacked by vandals (and still is, but not as
    often) to read:
    
                                   FORM
                                   ONE
                                  PLANET
    
    A much better idea indeed...
    David

    Denis -
    
    One of the other French terms for a speed bump has something to do
    with blackcurrants (the word escapes me for now).  Can you think of 
    any reason for this? Can anyone else?
    
    b

    Re .285: The French word for blackcurrant is cassis, which is also the
    name of a bump (natural or not) on a road. The etymologies of the two
    meanings are different. One come from the verb casser (to break) and from
    the fact that it first applied to the rivulets which were broken in the
    roads to let the rain flow out. The other comes from the fact that
    blackcurrants were used as laxatives and replaced in that role a
    variety of sugar which was called casse. At least, that's what the
    dictionary (Robert) told me.
    			Denis.

    I just got back from a cross-country drive (New England to Arizona),
    and encountered several interesting signs. Among the usual leaping-deer
    signs was: "Watch for animals - next 182 miles", with the mileage duly
    updated every twenty miles or so. (Do the animals know that, after mile
    #183, they're not supposed to be on the road? This was in livestock
    country, after all, where the sign could just as well have read "Next
    1,082 miles"...)
    
    But the best sign appeared somewhere in Arkansas:
    
    			CAUTION:
    
    		   RUTTING ROAD AHEAD
    
    
    
    -b

    On the approach road to the Highfield Training Centre near Reading
    (UK)...
    
    		CAUTION   FARM   CROSSING
    

>                               -< Mobile Farm?  >-

>    On the approach road to the Highfield Training Centre near Reading
>    (UK)...
    
>    		CAUTION   FARM   CROSSING


Not only is it mobile, but its crop is "Caution".  I guess that's where the 
phrase "a growing concern" comes from.

Clay

    
    
    	  Slow
    
    	Children

    The name of a large sailboat being towed along I-70 in Kansas:

    		YOT

    The phonetic spelling of "yacht" being "toy" backwards was a
    considerable surprise.

    And when I just ran SPELL over this note, it tried to correct YOT to
    YACHT as first choice.

    Re 28.94-97
    
    When I first read these notes (and there may have been others - I
    haven't checked) I had a general feeling of unease; so I've been
    thinking.  Here's the result.
    
    There's a law in the UK about people under 14 years old having to
    travel in the back of cars in most cases (there's a lot of small print
    about exceptional cases, but that's the gist of the law). Cars whose
    drivers can see signs in the rear windows of other cars tend to be
    travelling behind them. Therefore, someone who hits such a car in the
    rear - if the car that gets hit has children on board - is more likely
    to do damage to the child.
    
    Moreover, I have a suspicion that people are less likely to do whatever
    they're doing carelessly when they can see the people their careless
    action might affect; this applies to careless drivers as much as to
    anyone else. Small children's heads aren't visible through  the rear
    window of a car. [Note that this is only a suspicion, and doesn't form
    an essential part of my argument.]
    
    Of course there are many cases when the difference in position is going
    to be slight; if my child, in the back, gets killed a split second
    before I do, I don't think the difference matters much. But there are
    cases where the difference does matter. I can think of two general
    cases:
    
    	o	older (but not very old) cars have seat-belts in the
    		front but not in the back - an unrestrained child (who,
    		by law, should be in the back) is more likely to get
    		killed than a restrained adult, wherever, and however
    		strong the impact
    
    	o	even if everyone in the car that gets hit is unrestrained,
    		there are certain forces of impact from behind that are
    		going to do more damage to people in the back than to
    		people in the front
    
    Like most sane people, I don't want tailgaters to crash into me.  In
    this sense, I might carry a sign that said "Technical writer on board".
    But in a more general sense I don't want to be in an accident of any
    kind in which I survive my children. So, when I first saw a "Baby on
    Board" sign, I thought the sentiments behind it were reasonable ones
    for a parent to feel - given the law as it stands in the UK (which
    may not be well thought out, but which a lot of people go by). If 
    there's no such law in the USA, the argument in favour of signs like 
    that are less well founded.
    
    While I think the sentiments behind these signs are just, I don't carry
    one.  If there's one thing I want less than a tailgater it's a
    tailgater with his or her mind on quips and quiddities while people's
    lives are at risk.
    
    
    b

>    Like most sane people, I don't want tailgaters to crash into me.  In
>    this sense, I might carry a sign that said "Technical writer on board".
    
    Wouldn't this be asking to have otherwise restrained drivers
    suddenly stomp on the gas and smash you at high speed?
    
    --bonnie

    Make that
    
    			TECHNICAL WRITER ON BOARD
    			  GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT

    I know of a store with the name    The Little Red Brick Shirt House.
    
    There's a building in Springfield, IL next to the capitol called the
    Stratton Office Building.  It is always referred to as the SOB.
    
    Recently here in Chicago I saw this sign hand written sign stuck to
    this old decrepit looking plywood that was laying on the ground:
    
    	This temporary flimsy piece of plywood (that's been here for 
    	3 years) is covering a very deep trench.  Don't step on it or
    	you'll fall thru.
    
    --  Tracy

    British Aerospace at their Kingston-Upon-Thames site erected a new 
    office block.
    
    It was duly named and so the signwriter prepared the building sign:
    
       	 	Kingston
       	 	New
       	 	Office
       	 	Block

	Seen aLL over (urban) Scotland this summer were warnings on 
buildings:

		BILL POSTERS WILL BE
		    PROSECUTED



	I saw a retort in Edinburgh:

		BILL POSTERS IS
		   INNOCENT

    
     MSO-2 is home to the following sign. 
    
     +-------------------------+
     |  Corp. Waste Management | 
     |  Corporate Personnel    | 
     +-------------------------+ 
    
     jc

		Seen in Reading, a graffito .... 

			   PISS OF


	It seems the writer took his or her own advice  :-)

    G'day,
    Sign seen early wintertime in a nearby pharmacist store window...
    
    
    
    Get your
    
    FluVax here
    
    
    
    Would it be riddled with bugs??
    
    
    derek
    

Here is another one of these instructions that are meant for the stupid.
On the back of a cardboard shield for the windshield of a car
(these cover the windshield so that the inside of a car does not get too hot
while sitting in the sun, covering the ENTIRE window)
the instructions, in red letters, are:

    WARNING. Do not drive with this in place. Remove before placing key
    in ignition.

NO! I thought I'd drive with this big cardboard thing blocking my vision.
Anyone dumb enough to drive with their windshield blocked should have their
licence revoked.

    The warning was probably required by the manufacturer's insurance
    company: somebody used the shield to keep the sun out of their eyes
    while driving, had an accident, sued, and *won*.

	yeah, this one is like the wood stove with this legend cast into it:

		HOT WHEN IN USE

    >HOT WHEN IN USE
    
    Any manufacturer who puts such a warning on their wood stoves is
    asking for trouble.  After all, those customers who get in trouble
    are those who can't figure out the real danger:
    
    >REMAINS HOT FOR A WHILE AFTER USE

    >PROPOSED SYSTEM OUTRAGE
    
    When I had read the announcement that went with this headline, I began
    to wonder whether `system outrage' was
    
    	o	the feeling you get when you're editing a file and
    		there's a power cut
    or
    	o	the feeling you get when people think up new strings
    		of characters like `outage', and then can't even spell them
    
    b

    There is some possibility that a pun was intended.  Do you happen
    to know if the author reads JOYOFLEX?

    I don't think he does. I considered the possibility of a pun,
    but ruled it out when the notice was superseded by one with
    `outage' (and no other change) under the headline `Proposed
    system outage - ignore last message'. Maybe the perp.'s
    manager suspected a pun too; if so, the perp. didn't cover
    his tracks very well.
    
    b

    Two signs on one (back)door:
    
    
                 +-----------------------+
                 |                       |
                 |    EMERGENCY EXIT     |
                 |                       |
                 +-----------------------+
    
                   +-------------------+
                   |                   |
                   |  Closed Mondays   |
                   |                   |
                   +-------------------+
    
    
    ....
    


                                                 - Rik -
    

    Here's an excerpt from a 1920's ad by a Boston undertaker: 

"For composing the features, $1."
"For giving the features a look of quiet resignation, $2."
"For giving the features the appearance of Christian hope and contentment, $5."
    
    Funny - you don't see ads like this very often nowadays...
    
    -b

    That's because we all go for the _natural_ look now.
    
    
    E Grace

    Actually, it's because nobody will do *anything* for $5.

    G'day,
    
     Actually, don't we all go _with_ the natural look...
    
    
    dj

    I thought about posting this in SPORTS, for the golf connection, or
    maybe in SOAPBOX for the "Japan is taking over the world" theme. But I
    don't hang out there, so I figured I could shoehorn this into this
    note.
    
    "FLOWERY BRANCH, Ga. (AP) - ...Club Shakespeare Atlanta, a 640-acre
    course where the holes are named for Shakespearean works, is based on
    the idea that golf is like a fine play by the Bard.
    
    "Japanese software executive Hidechika Kobayashi built his first Club
    Shakespeare in Sapporo, Japan, and Napa Valley, California. The Atlanta
    course opens by mid-1994.
    
    "At Sapporo, holes 1 and 10 are called 'The Tragedie of Romeo and
    Juliet.' Running side-by-side, the greens meet in an 'eternal kiss'.
    
    "A walk across Cleopatra bridge bringso ne to the third hole, the
    sandtrap-riddled 'Comedie of Errors.'
    
    "'As You Like It' offers two greens on hole 6.
    
    "And the 18th is 'All's Well that Ends Well.'"
    
    Tennis, anyone?
    
    -b

    Several years ago when posting a letter from London to parts down-under
    I inadvertently short-paid it (I just guessed how much it weighed _and_
    what the airmail rate was).
    
    Received a postcard from the Post Office saying that as they assumed I 
    would not want my letter to travel surface mail, they had made up the
    difference and would I please send them stamps to the value of the 
    shortfall. Quite decent of them, I thought.
    
    However the point is that the card - which I still have - was from 
    the "Reading Letters District Office".
    
    A classic, I thought.  
                                   

    Seen a few years ago, when the UK Government were thinking of putting
    VAT (Value Added Tax) on newspapers and books :-
    
    "DON'T TAX READING"
    
    (Posted all over the town of Reading, Berkshire).
    
    
    Shop name in Romsey, Hampshire, England :-  "L 4 Leather"
    
    
    Sign on the side of a van driving through Hampshire :-  "A. Buckett &
    Sons, Plumbers"
    
    
    
    		Ian

    "PRINCESS ROYAL IN BATH - PHOTOS"
    
    Advertising a local newspaper in Bath.
    
    Nick - courtesy of The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, 4/10/1993

    SATURN of JUPITER
    
    (Hmmm.  Could also be a MERCURY dealer there...)
             

    You don't neet a Mercury dealer, just a dirty car to bump into that one:
    
    Mercury mars Saturn of Jupiter with earth.

"Mobile Towers"

    G'day,
    
    Seen on the back of what I presumed was a truck belonging to a company
    of earth borers (ie dig holes not cause the soil to yawn[see below])...
    
    
    
    Grundite for better penetration
    
    
    also near where I live..
    
    Richmond Earth Boring.
    
    They create yawning chasms, maybe?
    
    
    derek
    

    I've always liked this one:
    
    Following a recent advertising campaign by Ford with the legend:
    
    	"Everything we do is driven by you",
    
    I had the delightful and amusing experience of driving along behind a
    cesspit emptying lorry (presumably with a full tank) with the legend:
    
    	"Everything you do is driven by us".
    
    Love it!
    
    Jon

    Saw an interesting vanity plate yesterday -- it read:	
    
    			ILV2TUP
    
    I assume it was supposed to be read "I love to tee up," showing the
    driver's infatuation with -- well, driving.  However, I noticed that
    it could also be read as "I love to tup."  "Tup" is an Elizabethan
    verb that I first encountered in "Othello."  A synonymous phrase, used
    in the same speech, is "making the beast with two backs."
    
    					andrew

    Leading to the question -- why would anyone want to purchase
    Tupperware(tm)?
    
    Unless of course they've diversified into condoms...
    
    (wonder how they do the "burp")
    

Which reminds me...some folks in California used to have parties
to sell lingerie and other, racier, novelties.  We used to call 
these "Shtupperware" parties.

If you're not familiar with "shtup", may I suggest that you run out
and get a copy of _The Joys of Yiddish_ by Leo Rosten...

Cheers,

Roy

    Since it (albeit unintentionally, p'raps) melds both Yiddish and Olde
    English, can we perhaps (oo-er's included) classify this as a
    trans-lingual pun?
    

    Tup in farming is both a noun and a verb.
    
    As a noun it is a ram, as a verb it is what the ram does to the ewe.

    >Tup in farming is both a noun and a verb.
    >
    >As a noun it is a ram, as a verb it is what the ram does to the ewe.
    
    	My dictionary concurs.  

    anent tup & concur - ain't that wot curs do to create more of the same?
                

    Seen on a passing truck:
    
    	Mystic Building Wrecking Co.
    
    Which conjures up the picture of a company which wrecks buildings
    either in some mysterious way, or by spiritual means.
    
    (The explanation for this name is much more mundane--there is a
    river North of Boston, running into the Charles, called the Mystic
    River, on whose borders now are heavily urbanized towns, and businesses
    like Mystic Travel Agents, Mystic liquors, and Mystic Photos).
    Bruce
    

    Just noticed that someone had brought into the office a sales brochure
    from a computer store that had been owned by Aum Shinrikyo.  .-1 could
    have been a newspaper headline.  The mystic built various companies.
    
    -- Norman Diamond

    seen on a passing truck on the wrong of a tow truck
    
    
    
    JIT Trucking Company
    We deliver on time
    
    apparently for this company, Just in time deliveries takes many forms

      Sign in Peace Corps Medical Office 
 
      Tapeworm for Sale
      Goes where you go,
      Eats what you eat.

      Makes nice Pet.

      Call Joel at 555-1212 for further details.

      jc