Conference thebay::joyoflex

    A friend of mine spent some time in Brazil.  He went to see "Young
    Frankenstein" with Portuguese sub-titles.  When it came to the seen
    where Marty Feldman knocks on the front door of the castle, Gene
    Wilder leers at Terry Gar and says: "Look at those knockers", the
    translation read "Look at those door-bells"
    
    

    The name "A-to-Z" can't be used by Digital in several countries, 
    because Z is not the last letter of the alphabet there. It would
    be like calling the product "A-to-W" here.
    
    BS

At the first Joint Conference on Machine Translation of Languages
(back in the '60s), one of the main exhibits was a paper that had
been translated from Russian into English by a computer program.

The document constantly referred to a "water sheep"; it was only by
investigating the original document that one realised that what was
meant was a "hydraulic ram".

	Nigel

  Nigel, was that the same program that translated

     "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"

  to

     "the vodka is good but the meat is rotten"

  ?

  If not, does anyone know whether this beauty is apocryphal?

  JP

	Another old story (joke?) about computer translation:
	"Out of sight, out of mind" was translated into Chinese by
	a machine. Unfortunately, no one present spoke Chinese,
	so they asked the machine to translate back. [I wonder
	where the people were who supplied the linguistic
	knowledge?] The English translation: "Invisible idiot".

	Sam

re: .0

I had heard that the slogan mistranslated to Chinese was for Coke, back in the
Jimmy Carter Cultural Exchange days.  (CocaCola was one of the first American
businesses to try it over there.)  The phrase "Coke Adds Life" works out to
"Coke brings back the dead". 

-- Sam

    I read in an article about computer aided translation that the "spirit
    is willing" and "invisible idiot" stories are indeed apocryphal. At
    that writing, the authors could find no one who admitted to being
    present at either of those translations, so the authors concluded that
    the tales were simply that.
    
    	Jon 

    We have an unfortunate practical example right on our hands. Our
    first OSI product runs on the VAX and provides the OSI Transport
    Service, so we called it "VAX OSI Transport Service", or VOTS for
    short.  We pronounce it as a word, but our German field test site
    kept spelling it out.  Turns out "votze" is the exact German equivalent
    of the well-known four-letter word for the female pudenda.
    
    And of course there's the Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow.  Right up until
    it went on the market, the working name was "Silver Mist".  But
    in German that translates as "Silver Cowdung."  So they changed
    it.
    
    	John
    

    Votze the the way the cookie crumbles.
    
    BS

    Re: .8
    
    Along the same vein....during the late 1950's there was a popular
    American tune "The Witch Doctor and the Purple People Eater" which
    was frequently broadcast on the Armed Forces Network in Europe.
    This caused some snickering among the Germans who also have a word
    "piepel" which refers to a portion of the human anatomy unique to
    males.
    

    Back to the Pepsi or Coke slogan for a moment:
    
    I have seen some pretty bad translations from English into Chinese.
    This one I'm inclined to think is apocryphal also.
    
  --Simon
    

RE: .11

Actually, 2 songs.  Don't tell me you don't know them!!!!

Right. "Witch Doctor" and "Purple People Eater" were both novelties
depending on funny voices, and I believe both were done by David
Seville (aka Ross Bagdasarian), the Chipmunks man. My memory places
them about 1958. I recall bits of both:

"My friend the Witch Doctor, he told me what to say.
 My friend the Witch Doctor, he told me what to do.
 He said I couldn't miss if I said this to you:
 Ooh, eeh, ooh ah ah,
 Ooh, eeh, walla walla bing bang,
 Ooh, eeh, ooh ah ah,
 ooh eeh walla walla bang bang."

and

"...
 I looked in the sky and-a what'd I see? 
 It looked like a purple people Eater to me.
 It was a one-eyed one-horned flying Purple People Eater,
 Pigeon-toed, bless-my-soul, f.P.P.E.
 'We wear short shorts'* F.P.P.E.
 What a sight to see.

 I said, 'Mister P.P.E. what's your line?'
 He said, 'Eatin' P.P. and it sure is fine.
 But that's not the reason that I came to land;
 <funny voice> I want to get a job in a rock'n'roll band.'
 Etc."

Ah, they don't write 'em like they used to, do they? Now if you'll all
excuse me, I have a sudden overwhelming urge to go home and dig out my
old pegged chinos with the buckle in the back...

-John

*A reference to yet another eminently forgettable novelty number of
 the period.

> Ooh, eeh, ooh ah ah,
> Ooh, eeh, walla walla bing bang,

In the interests of scientific accuracy, I believe it was

 Ooh, eeh, ooh ah ah,
 Ting, Tang, walla walla bing bang,
					>>>==>PStJTT

    
    Oh yes,  these adolescent culture songs do bring back
    the memories...
    
    Perhaps they should be in their own note...
    
    
    -  chuck
    

      Sheb Wooley did "Purple People Eater".   See the Trivia conference
      (press KP7 to select).
      
      Dave C.

    .15 is, of course, correct; I stand humbly corrected and apologize
    profusely to all who were misled. The correct words actually came
    to me as I was crossing the parking lot on my way home, and I
    thought about rushing back and posting a correction, but then I
    thought, "Who cares?" Didn't remember Sheb Woolley at all. Hey,
    I was just a little kid at the time.
    
    -John, almost an old guy.

    Here are some more of Richard Leder's favorite examples of fractured
    English phrases from around the globe: 

    In a Tokyo hotel: "Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you
    are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis." 

    In a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day.
    During that time we regret you will be unbearable." 

    In a Leipzig elevator: "Do not enter the lift backward, and only when
    lit up." 

    In a Belgrade hotel elevator: "To move the cabin, push button for
    wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should
    press number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
    national order." 

    In a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office
    between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily." 

    In a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is
    the job of the chambermaid." 

    In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
    monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian
    and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
    Thursday." 

    In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: "Not to perambulate the
    corridors in the hours of repose and the boots of ascension." 

    On the menu of a Polish hotel: "Salad a firm's own make: limpid red
    beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck
    let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people fashion." 

    On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope
    for." 

    In a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend
    courteous, efficient self-service." 

    Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs." 

    In a Bangkok drt cleaner's: "Drop your trousers here for best results." 

    Outside a Paris dress shop: "Dresses for street walking." 

    In a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is a big
    rush we will execute customers in strict rotation." 

    From the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by
    15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over
    the past two years." 

    In an East African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking
    shape since the contractors have thrown in the bunk of their workers." 

    In Japanese coffee shop: "World smell in Cup Full." 

    In an advertisement by Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the
    latest Methodists." 

    A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: "A lot of water has
    been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played." 

    An information booklet in a Japanese hotel room carries these
    instructions for using the air contioner: "COOLES AND HEATES: If you
    want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself." 

    On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work
    throughout its useful life." 

    Set of instructions from the brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
    "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
    melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then
    tootle him with vigor." 

    I know an older couple who immigrated to the states about 20 years
    ago, but still haven't quite picked up all of the American idioms.
    They had been driving all day, and the sun had been bothering her
    quite a bit.  At the end of the day, when the sun was behind them,
    she remarked "Isn't it nice to finally have the sun in our rear?".
    
    
    						Dave()

    On the old Bob Newhart show, there was one episode involving a French
    friend of his that was priceless.  The Frenchman spoke perfect
    English, but sometimes didn't get the idioms just right.  I can
    only remember one: Newhart asked him how he had slept that night.
    "Ah, I slept like firewood", he replied.
    
    Does anyone remember any of the others from this classic?  There
    were several really good ones (which illustrated how strange idioms
    can be).
    
    Of course, there's the reasonably good errors made by the Russian
    Cosmonaut in "2010" : "It's a piece of pie" and then "It's easy
    as cake."  (These were the only good dialogues in an otherwise dull
    movie.)

    There is a story about a computer at was translating 
    from English to Russian and then back to English.
    
    The phrase "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"
    cam back to English as "the wine is good but the meat has
    gone bad."
    
    and I remember a story about an American woman who missed
    her train in Paris. She went running looking for help
    crying "Aidez mois, je suis gauche derrier" ( which means
    she was saying she was the left side of her behind).

    Re .22:
    
    Actually, they translated "out of sight, out of mind", and it came back
    as "invisible insanity".
    
    
    				-- edp

  Re: last few

  See .4 through .7 in this topic...

  JP

    .22 re: Eng. to Rus.  - That is the Modern Version of the translation,
    which achieves parity between the two subjects.
    
    The True, Original translation (made by computers at Oak Ridge National
    Laboratories, by the way) fed in
    "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." (King James)
    and after translation from English to Russian back to English became
    "The Ghost is ready, but the meat is raw."
    
    The new translation is better, but the original is funnier.
    
    	Rick
    	Merrill
    

    When I was practicing Svenskt by writing to my father-in-law, I picked
    some bloopers out of the pocket English-Swedish dictionary.  In
    one letter I was telling of the large number of people responding
    to an ad for a house we had to rent.  The word that I chose had
    more relevance to a tailor and he replied commiserating about all
    the people who were trying to tear down our house.
    
    In another letter I described the recipe for a Danish cake which
    I made for my wife's birthday.  It was a fairly plain yellow cake
    with a sugar glaze frosting which was put under the broiler to brown
    at the end.  The word I picked for broiler referred to something
    you might buy from Frank Perdue.  My recipe called for putting the
    frosted cake under a chicken 'til it turned brown.  

    A DEC installation guide translated into Italian read:
    
    	Before installing this software, check your driving license
    
    Another one: Our local document production group used to download
    to a typesetter connected to a terminal device.  I was flicking
    through the published Finnish version of some User's Guide, when
    bang in the middle of one page appeared the words:
    
    	New Mail on node XXXXX from YYYYYY
    
    Jeff (no, I don't remember why I was looking through a Finnish manual!)
    

    Personally seen on a block diagram for a stereo system, 
    in an electronics store in Tokyo:
    
    
              +---------------------------+
        ----->|    PREAMPRIFIRE           |------>
              +---------------------------+
              
    Took me a while to realize what this component did...

    I have a wonderful Japanese small-sized bottle brush hanging in my
    office.  Its original packaging says "Mini Creaner".
    
    	@V@ 

    
    	For almost two hours of translation gaffes (plus an entertaining
    	comedy to boot), get the video "Short Circuit".  You'll have
    	to watch it a few times to catch them all...
    
    
    	Joe Oppelt

I visited my parents several times while they worked for
Aramco in Saudi Arabia.  We often saw some real boners.
The goof I still remember was one of the safety slogans to be
found on the ball-point pens from office supplies:

	"To avoid firing repair wiring."

    Long ago, I was a radio amateur, and bought a Japanese mechanical
    morse key.  It had a sheet of instructions which had me rolling
    on the floor.  Unfortunately, it's long since gone, but one line
    sticks in my mind:
    
    	"Avoid tremdling and disfomation of hand"
    
    Jeff.

    re .27
    It may be a bit late to point this out but how many people
    spotted page 4-99 of the VAX-11 Architecture Referance Manual,
    Revision 6.1 (20 May 1982) ?
    
    Andrew

    Must have been a printer's glitch . . . my ARM isn't spotted.
    
    --bonnie

    Re .33
    Do we really publish an Architecture Referance [sic] Manual?
    :-)
    
    >M

    Re .0: I am told that Pajero (the Mitsubishi 4WD model) means a
    solitary male pastime in South American Spanish. Is that correct?
    
    John.

Relocated this here - Jeff.
    
                <<< VISA::USER:[NOTES$LIBRARY]JOYOFLEX.NOTE;1 >>>
                              -< The Joy of Lex >-
================================================================================
Note 545.0                    Amusing translations                    No replies
NEARLY::GOODENOUGH "Jeff Goodenough, IED/Reading UK" 23 lines  27-JUL-1988 13:47
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Some notes recently have referred to amusing translations from one
    language to another.  This reminded me of an Epson ad I have on
    my office wall, extolling its international character set.  It
    shows a page of a phrase book, produced by one Pedro Carolino.
    He was a Portuguese who spoke no English, but he did not allow this
    to stop him writing a phrasebook with the help of his Portuguese-French
    and French-English dictionaries.  Here's a brief selection:
    
    			Idiotisms and Proverbs
    
    A cavallo dado n�o se lhe		A horse baared don't look him
    olha para o dente			the tooth
    
    Pedra moredica nunca mofo		The stone as roll not heap up
    a cubica				not foam
    
    N�o tem era, nem vamo de		He is beggar as a church rat
    figueira
    
    V�le pes�do � �uro			He is valuable his weight's
					gold
    
    Jeff.

    re:.36
    
    I've never heard the word "pajero", but then, most of my Spanish
    grammar books and dictionaries aren't likely to list something
    like the word for "masturbation" (I assume that's what you are
    talking about). But then, I can't even find a verb that suggests
    a meaning like this.
    
    The closest word I can find is "p�jaro", which colloquially means
    "a person of suspicious conduct".
    
    You *may* be confusing this with "pendejo", which is the word
    for a particular part of the male anatomy (it comes from the
    verb "pender", meaning "to hang" or "to dangle" -- that's what
    I meant about verbs that suggest a meaning for a noun not in
    the dictionary :-)). Hispanics also use "pendejo" in the same
    way that Americans use "prick" to refer to someone who is not
    a very nice person.
    
    --- jerry

    Pedro Carolino had an accomplice called Fonseca (I forget the first
    name). Their most memorable version of an English idiomatic phrase
    I think is `The walls have hearsay' - but this isn't really a mis-
    translation it's just a funny slip.
    
    The only other quotation from their phrase book that I remember
    is rather more involved:
    
    Por dinheiro baila o perro		Nothing some money, nothing of swiss

    The Portuguese-French dictionary told them that the idiom `Point
    d'argent, point de suisse' (in which the `suisse' was an ornately
    dressed flunkey - which gave a meaning something like `no money,
    no service') could be represented in Portuguese by an idiomatic
    phrase which means, literally `the dog dances for money'. The
    French-English dictionary did the rest.
    
    The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations (3rd edn - the one with the
    pretty green jacket instead of the dull blue one) has an entry
    for Carolino & Fonseca.
    
    Incidentally, re .38, I believe I once heard the expression
    `hacer la paja' in the relevant, verbal, sense; `pajero',
    in the sense of a practitioner, would follow (though I've
    never met it).  
    
    b
    

    "Hacer la paja" does mean masturbate in Spanish (at least in Ecuador,
     where I was born and raised).  Actually, to be precise, that should
     read "hacerse la paja", which is the reflexive(?) form (i.e., you
     do it to yourself).  True story: First, a little background.  There
     exists a school in Guayaquil (Ecuador's biggest city, but not its
     capital) that is subsidized(sp?) by the german goverment (actually,
     these schools exist all over the world).  German teachers are send
     over by the german board of education (or whatever the name of the
     organization is), and they usually bring a car with them (free of
     the 300+% import duty).  These cars are usually Westfalia Vanagons,
     but one teacher brought his Mitsubishi Pajero.  I was fortunate
     enough to be present when they opend the container and the car drove
     out.  You should have seen the faces of all the locals, they couldn't
     stop laughing.  One actually asked me if the name referred to the car
     or the owner. Ha ha!  I guess you had to be there.  (BTW, the Mitsu
     4WD in question is also named Montero in Ecuador).
     
     This is a great conference; I just found this conference today.

     Alfred

     re .40
     
>>   This is a great conference; I just found this conference today.
     
     Wow, and you've already read up to note 182! :-)
     
     Dan

	I understand that Coca-Cola means "bite the wax tadpole" in
	Chinese.

	I also heard that Esso means "shit" in Japanese -- one reason
	why they changed their name to Exxon.  Does anybody know if
	this is true or made-up?

    In undergrad (Ohio University), I was fortunate enough to take a
    Chinese literature class from Julia Lynn (whose daughter designed
    the Vietnam Memorial in D.C.).  Julia was raised in China and left
    the day the Communists took over.  She came to the U.S. and taught
    herself English.  Being a brilliant woman, she spoke English (or
    "Engrish" as she called it) well.  However, our sayings threw her
    at times.
    
    For instance, she once discovered she had been calling someone by the
    wrong name, but that person had never corrected her. When she
    discovered her error she said she got a "spark prug" above her head.
    Even worse, she didn't even know what a spark plug was. 
    
    Another time, we were reading a story about a Chinese prostitute
    who did not like her "work."  One student asked why the girl just
    didn't quit.  Julia responded, "Sometimes it hard to get out from
    underneath the madam."    
    
    	--dan'l

    re: .42
    
    I don't know whether Esso meant anything in particular in
    Japanese, but I do remember reading that the company spent big
    $$$$ making sure that "Exxon" didn't mean anything in any language
    they knew about. 
    
    --bonnie

     - and then got called "the double-cross company"....  :-)

    They've been called worse . . . . 

    A humrous anecdote brought to mind by a few back, since people whose
    native language is Oriental have trouble with L's.
    
    A friend of mine was in her political science lecture a few years
    ago (after 1980, 'cuz Reagan was in office.)
    The professor was talking about the U.S. system of government, and
    go the class rolling with laughter when, unwittingly, he said,
    "The Presidential Erection comes once every four years...."

re: .47

>    "The Presidential Erection comes once every four years...."

Well, it sure would have been more frequent if we'd elected Gary Hart.

Clay

    From '74 to '77 I worked with the only production machine translation
    system in the West (hubba, hubba), SYSTRAN. It ran on an IBM 360
    at the Air Force Foreign Technology Division in Dayton, Ohio, and
    translated technical Russian into English.
    
    Until the dictionaries had been adequately primed with practical
    examples, it would come up with things like:
    
    the Russian for 		was translated into
    	
    	hydraulic ram			water buffalo

       	boundary layer 			fur coat
       	 (on an aircraft wing)			 
        
    Stephen
    

    My spouse once purchased a device for winding yarn which was
    manufactured in Japan.  What had been described in the seller's
    catalog as an "all-purpose yarn winder" arrived in a box which
    proclaimed it to be an "almighty yarn winder".  We still worship
    it regularly.

    -dave

    re -1, that to me sounds like an 'almighty yarn spinner' ;-)
    

    Re .42 -
    
    Just to set the record straight on this burning topic, "esso" does
    not mean "shit" in Japanese. 
    
    The word "eso" means gangrene, however, so maybe that's what they
    were trying to avoid. 
    
    Or maybe "heso", which means belly button. :-)
    
    Neil
    
    

    Re .49
    
    Have I missed something? Why hasn't anyone mentioned the most famous
    (alleged) machine translation of all:
    
    Original:	
    		The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak
    
    Paraphrase for Russian translation:
    
    		The ghost is ready but the meat is raw

    Bob "I don't write 'em" Knowles

  The version I heard (for the translation of "The spirit is willing but
  the flesh is weak") was "the vodka is good but the meat is rotten."

  However, I've also heard that the story of this gaffe is apocryphal...

  JP

    in re spirit is willing....
    
    I entered that one in this file some time ago and was told it
    had been entered at least once before...
    
    Bonnie

    Here are some signs resulting from bad knowledge of English
      (Taken from "Anguished English" by Richard Lederer.  Used
 	without permission):
    
    In a Tokyo Hotel:  Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.  If
    you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notice.
    
    In another Japanese hotel room:  Please to bathe inside the tub.
    
    In a Bucharest hotel lobby:  The lift is being fixed for the next
    day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
    
    In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only
    when lit up.
    
    In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for
    wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one
    should press a number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going
    alphabetically by national order.
    
    In a Paris hotel elevator:  Please leave your values at the front
    desk.
    
    In a hotel in Athens:  Visitors are expected to complain at the
    office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
    
    In a Yugoslavian hotel:  The flattening of underwear with pleasure
    is the job of the chambermaid.
    
    In a Japanese hotel:  You are invited to take advantage of the
    chambermaid.
    
    In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
    monastery:  You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian
    and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
    Thursday.
    
    In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the
    corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
    
    On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:  Our wines leave you nothing
    to hope for.
    
    On the menu of a Polish hotel:  Salad a firm's own make; limpid
    red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted
    duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
    
    In a Hong Kong supermarket:  For your convenience, we recommend
    courteous, efficient self-service.
    
    Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:  Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
    
    In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:  Drop your trousers here for best results.
    
    Outside a Paris dress shop:  Dresses for street walking.
    
    In a Rhodes tailor shop:  Order your summers suit.  Because is big
    rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
    
    Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:  There will be a Moscow Exhibition
    of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors.  These
    were executed over the past two years.
    
    In an East African newspaper:  A new swimming pool is rapidly taking
    shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
    
    In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
    porter.
    
    A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:  It is strictly forbidden
    on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for
    instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are
    married with each other for that purpose.
    
    In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests
    of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
    be used for this purpose.                          
    
    In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:  Teeth extracted by the
    latest Methodists.
    
    A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:  A lot of water
    has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
    
    In a Rome laundry:  Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
    afternoon having a good time.
    
    In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:  Take one of our horse-driven
    city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
    
    Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:  Would you like to ride
    on your own ass?
    
    On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:  To stop the drip, turn cock
    to right.
    
    In the window of a Swedish furrier:  Fur coats made for ladies from
    their own skin.
    
    On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:  Guaranteed to
    work throughout its useful life.
    
    Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
    
    In a Swiss mountain inn:  Special today -- no ice cream.
    
    In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner
    if dressed as a man.
    
    In a Tokyo bar:  Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
    
    In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:  We take your bags and send
    them in all directions.
    
    On the door of a Moscow hotel room:  If this is your first visit
    to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
    
    In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:  Ladies are requested not to have
    children in the bar.
    
    At a Budapest zoo:  Please do not feed the animals.  If you have
    any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
    
    In the office of a Roman doctor:  Specialist in women and other
    diseases.
    
    In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the
    water served here.
    
    In a Tokyo shop:  Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find
    they are best in the long run.
    
    From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
    conditioner:  Cools and Heats: If you want just condition of warm
    in your room, please control yourself.
    
    From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:  When passenger of
    foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at
    first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with
    vigor.
    
    Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
    	- English well talking.
    	- Here speeching American.
    
       

    On the French customs' office when using the French entrance to
    the Geneva airport, a little sign says

    			IN CASE YOU ARE ABSENT
    			PLEASE RING THE DOOR BELL
    
    The only way to get through customs is to ring the bell...
    but then I wasn't there, or was I? 8^)
    
    Raf.

    I have seen a sign in a Chicago hotel saying "No Smoking, think
    of the fire in the Astoria hotel". Somebody had written underneeth
    "No spitting think of the flooding of the Mississippi"
    Rudi.
    

    As far as the gas station names are concerned, there was a suggestion
    to change names in such a way that they would have a meaning, like:
    
    Shell to Shellists, Esso to Essoist, ARAL to Aralists etc. but then
    the people from BP didn't want to go along.
    Rudi.
    

Just for fun, SPY magazine (March 89 -- no permisision) translated the
blurb below from English to French to Dutch to Arabic to Hebrew to
English again.  The results are at the end.


ORIGINAL:

SPY magazine: Smart.  Fun.  Funny.  Fearless.  And, we don't mind 
adding, the only antidote to the nutty, head-spinning whirligig of daily 
life in this or any international megalopolis, each issue a virtual Swiss 
Army knife of postmod journalism.  Fed up with short-fingered vulgarian 
Donald Trump and unberable Play-Doh-faced homunculus-action toy 
Sylvester "Sly" Stallone?  Want the inside line on high-domed garden 
gnome Lawrence Tisch or marionettish former frat-boy Dan Quayle?

Then get with the program now: pencil in SPY on your shortlist of 
must-haves for the nineties.  It's time to hit the gridiron, toss the 
old pigskin around and win one for the Gipper -- figuratively speaking.  
SPY's got more pizzazz and panache than a barrelful of monkeys in top 
hats and spats.  Every issue is a brand-new chucklefest -- chock full of 
over-the-top, whiz-bang gut-busters, side-splitters and other assorted 
scrupulously fact-checked knee-slappers.  So don't be a dork.  Subscribe 
now.


FINAL:

SPY's magazine: closet, bad joke, and anecdote.  Less commerce.  Was not 
a mirage done in addition flew against and on the single metropolis, 
spinning on its axis shaped like the head of a stick to the song of love 
for everyday life to this or any other big city.  Any exit to drowning a 
real Swiss Army to methods of the popular press.  A restaurant above 
"Donald" will welcome the vulgar with short fingers and games of labor.  
Sylvester "Cheater" Stallone as a muscle to an unreasonable point in a 
form of a mixed game: if you want an internal line to Lawrence Tisch 
like the embarrased bride Dan Quayle son of the seventh brother.

Following this leave the nation's plans: mix the "spy" on your short 
height to rich people's world, forever to the nineties.  This will be 
the hour to hit on an iron tool, to blast the old pigskin and you will 
have one to "the man."  The spy to him is more La-Ri-La and methods from 
a barrel high above the others.  Any exit place will be a new sign for a 
festival of laughter.  A waiter signaled with interest to bombs at 
strict accuracy wih empty hands on a narrow position and slaps knees of 
others manufactured with concern.  Therefore don't be drafted.  Take for 
granted the nation's cooperation.


They actually hired some professional translators in NY to do this.  Can 
you imagine what they would have got if they ran it through a machine?

	-- Cliff

                 I thought you said they started from English.  I
                 found the final version only slightly less
                 comprehensible than the original.

		 Delia

    re .60 and the translators:
    
    Yes, they hired professional translators, but what did they hired them
    to do? Is *was* done by Spy magazine, after all.
    
    	Jon

    Maybe if they had hired a professional writer for the "English"
    original there would not have been so much divergence. 

         <<< HYDRA::DISK$USERPACK02:[NOTES$LIBRARY]DAVE_BARRY.NOTE;1 >>>
================================================================================
Note 415.2            American TV Commercial Personalities                2 of 3
DEBIT::SOO "Chong Soo"                                4 lines  30-MAR-1989 19:25
                             -< How?  Why?  What? >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    If you pronounce it as Kenlah Kerthou, it means "chew the wax tadpole".
    But it does not sound at all like Coca Cola. ???

    Chong.
    

    I remember seeing, as a child, instructions for an abacus which
    included the advice:
    
      "With ABACUS, you know how much fun your life is!"
    
    I never understood what was intended...
    
    Bill

    In Berchtesgaden, high up on the mountain where Hitler had that
    building with the plush elevator ride up to it, there is posted
    a sign that warns "ACHTUNG - Danger of Death. Lightning is striking
    this area".
    
    On a clear blue day ...
    
    Scooter

	During a tennis match, the referee may announce:"First
	service !"; it means that a player still has 2 chances
	to serve.

	If you watch the Monte-Carlo Open these days, or
	Roland-Garros later, you'll notice that in French the 
	corresponding announcement is: "Deux balles !".

	I wonder if there's a virtual translation gaffe involved
	in this.

	roger	

    I seem to remember that about 25 years ago (maybe still true) a `balle'
    was a franc. That was before inflation and open tennis; to an amateur,
    the promise of two francs must have been thought encouraging.
    
    b

A fairly large bank and a much smaller travel agency are located in a corner
building in Zion Square, in downtown Jerusalem.  Because of the arrangement
of the entrances, people could mistakenly walk into the agency instead of
the bank.

To solve this problem, the agency has (or had until recently) a sign on
their door, warning prospective bank customers who might get confused.
The sign is in Hebrew and English; the English version reads,

	"It is not a bank here."

I've always wondered just what is not a bank there.  And if it isn't a bank
there, is it a bank somewhere else?

    In some parts of America, people would recognize the sentence:
    
    	This here is not a bank.
    
    Bernie

On a machine that scans luggage at Charles de Gaulle Airport (Paris):

	"No Affection to Film under 1000 ASA"

    Re .42 and .52
    
    Regardless of any meaning that Esso (or another word ending in -so)
    might have in Japanese, this could not have been the reason for
    changing its U.S. name to Exxon.  They still use the Esso name in
    Japan and a lot of other countries.
    
    I pronounce the parent company's name "ex-con".

    When the Supreme Court condemned Standard Oil to eternal perdition
    -- er, upheld its conviction for anti-trust violations, part of
    the judgement was that they could never use "Esso" universally.
    
    So they finally made up a new name that they could use everywhere
    -- and then they didn't use it everywhere.
    
    							Ann B.

{from some recent chain-mail, originator choosing to be anonymous}

The following program notes, for a performance of Bizet's Carmen at the Genoa
Opera House, were translated from the original Italian for the benefit of 
English-speaking attendees.  Keep in mind that the author was probably working
from a French-to-Italian translation of the libretto or program notes. If you 
always wondered what all the fuss was about Carmen but were doomed to 
ignorance because you don't understand French (or because you can't stand 
opera), here's your chance to broaden yourself:
 
ACT I
 
Carmen is a cigar makeress from a tobago factory who loves with Don Jose of the
mounting guard.  Carmen takes a flower from her corsets and lances it to Don
Jose. (Duet: "Talk Me of My Mother.")  There is a noise inside the tobago
factory, and the revolting cigar makeresses bursts into the stage.  Carmen is
arrested and Don Jose is ordered to mounting guard her.  But Carmen subduces
him and he lets her escape.
 
ACT II 
 
The Tavern.  Carmen's aria "The Sistroms are Tinkling." Enter Escamillo, a
ballsfighter.  Enter two smuglers. Duet: "We Have in Mind a Business.") But
Carmen refuses to penetrate because Don Jose has liberated her from prison.  
He just now arrives. (Aria: "Slop, here who comes.")  But hear are the bugles
singing his retreat.  Don Jose will leave and draws his sword.  Called by
Carmen, shrieks the two smuglers interfere with her, but Don Jose is bound to
dessert.  He will follow into them. (Final chorus: "Opening skies, Wandering
Life.")
 
ACT III
 
A roky landscape.  The smugler's shelter.  Carmen sees her death in cards, and
Don Jose makes a date with Carmen for the next fight.
 
ACT IV
 
A place in Seville. Procession of ballsfighters.  The roaring is heard in the
arena.  Escamillo enters.  (Aria and chorus: "Toreador, Toreador.") 
Enter Don Jose. (Aria: "I do not threaten, I besooch you.")  But Carmen rebels
him, wants to join with Escamillo. Now chaired by the crowd, Don Jose stabs
her.  (Aria: "O rupture, rupture, you may arrest me, I did kill her.") He sings
"O my beautiful Carmen, my subductive Carmen."
 
END OF OPERA

    There's an interesting Wall Street Journal article (it's been posted in
    IKE22::WOMANNOTES-V5 topic 37.97 if you want to see the whole thing)
    about the translation problems being experienced by those involved in
    the U.N. population conference. Some of them are funny, but since the
    confusion only serves to reduce any chances of the participants
    reaching agreement on any of the issues, I find it rather sad as
    well...
    
    Anyway, one of the ones that tickled me most was "family leave," which
    "has stumped nearly everybody. The Arabic translation describes spouses
    taking leave of each other after a birth. The Russian draft has the
    whole family going on vacation."
    
    Then there's "female empowerment": the Chinese can't work out who's
    empowering who (come to think of it, I'm not so sure myself
    sometimes!).
    
    Some phrases seem to be causing lots of trouble; the chief Russian
    translator had "reproductive health" turning into "health that
    reproduces itself again and again" [he realizes it's not correct but
    apparently is having trouble figuring out how to fix it], and bewailed
    the difficulties of rendering "'coping mechanisms' into something
    recognizable to a Russian."
    
    Those seemed vaguely amusing and relatively harmless, but when I got to
    the part about using the phrase "fertility regulation" instead of
    "birth control" - because somebody concluded that the latter connoted
    state coercion somehow [whereas "regulation" doesn't???], I began
    whimpering softly. 
    
    -b

    	I am currently reading an extensively commented translation of the
    Koran. At one point it seems that the sense of the original is "on the
    Day of Judgement We will be able to account for all your good and bad
    deeds", and the translator pokes fun at an earlier translator who had
    this as "on the Day of Judgement We will have sufficient accountants".

	Sounds like Digital in Q4