Conference thebay::joyoflex

Last night, the radio news reported that "[t]he jury convicted the Framingham
doctor of raping and drugging a woman after four days of deliberation."

I apologize for putting this under the topic "hilarity".  I placed this here
because, as in the previous note, the use of improper sentence structure
conveyed an unintended meaning.

RE .1 -- I don't think you need to apologize.  This note is a good place
for that sentence!
							-- Nina

Re: #0,

  Not only do misplaced or missing commas change meetings [sic] but so do
misplaced, misspelled or missing words.  

From this morning's news on WBUR-FM:

The Justice Department used for the first time a five year-old law which
guarantees the rights of mental patients to sue the state of Massachusetts.

Funny you should mention this now about the radio.

Just yesterday I had to laugh as the radio announcer said

	" . . . with temperatures tomorrow rising into the Thursdays"

he didn't even laugh or correct himself either !

From this morning's news:

"Students who have not been vaccinated against measles will be prohibited from
entering the B.U. [Boston University] Library and Athletic Complex."

Lew Lasher

re .6

Why do you think it's strange that B.U. would put both a library and a
gymnasium in one complex?

Dave C.

It's the perfect place to wrestle with words.

It's just a matter of multiple-meanings, but:

     "Anglican Church Votes On New Primate"

caught my eye.  "A new species of chimpanzees?", he wondered...

- dave

Somehow the radio news is a never-ending source of these:

"The bomb went off killing three people injuring ten others."

    The following headline was found over a story about a Maynard town
    meeting:
    
                     HEARING DECLARED ILLEGAL
    
    
    
    Earplugs will be distributed at the border :-)
    
    > R.Michael
    

    "The penis mightier than the sword."
    
    This is not an assertion, just a missing space.
    
    Chris

These are from a friend, who assures me that they are real.

Beating Witness Provides Names
   Quad City Times (Davenport, Ia) 8/2/78

WAR DIMS HOPES FOR PEACE
   Wisconsin State Journal, December 27, 1965

Lucky Man Sees Pals Die
   The News American (Baltimo, Md) 4/4/78

Former Man Dies in California
   Fremont County (Calif.) Chronicle-News 2/13/75

Gov. Moore meets miners' demand; two pickets shot
   Cleveland Plain Dealer 3/14/74

12 on their way to cruise among dead in plane crash
   The Dallas Morning News 4/3/77

Free Postage for Slaying Flyers
   The Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, Mich) 6/14/78

Carter plans swell deficit
   The Tribune (Houston, Tex) 3/17/77

Farmer Bill Dies In House
   The Atlanta Constitution 4/13/78

Dead Expected To Rise
   The Macon (Ga.) News 8/11/76

Silent Teamster gets cruel punishment: Lawyer
   The Home News (New Brunswick, N.J.) 12/15/75

Carl Viking Holman, perennial loser, dies
   Wenatchee (Wash) World 5/27/77

[Jokes #228]	What can you expect from a day that starts with getting up in the morning?

	"The penis mightier than the sword".

Perhaps you should have said "no word missing, just a space!"

/Eric

    The title to an article in a do-it-yourself-type magazine, describing
    a _lightning_ (note the two "n"s) arrester gadget:

        Protect Your Wiring And Appliances With A Lighting Arrester

    I heard this on the radio this morning (paraphrased):
    "Rose Kennedy celebrated her 97th birthday last Sunday at the Kennedy
    compound in Hyannisport, complete with cake and presidents ... err ...
    presents ..."
    Really!  I did!

    From the sports news this morning:
    
    The New England Patriots opened their National Football League training
    camp yesterday.  Daryl Haley won't be there; the Patriots traded
    the offensive lineman to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Lew Lasher

  Must have been a dull day yesterday in the international paper currency
  sorting room, because this morning's news reported that "the dollar fell
  against the yen."

Lew Lasher

    Chili today with hot tamale.
    
    DM

    I received a piece of electronic mail a while ago urging caution and
restraint in anticipation of a power shutdown.  The message was directed
towards ZKO LAVC managers concerning the "massive traffic loads on the
ethernet when power is restored".
    All well and good.
    When our group's secretary forwarded it around, the mail header looked
like this:
		From:	[well-meaning secretary]
		To:	[vast distribution list]
		Subj:	Be kine to your ethernet week(end)
		... text ...

    Maybe we should "low"er our demand on the network?
    Or should we milk it for everything it's got?
    "Moooove over packet, I'm comin' throooo."

>    Maybe we should "low"er our demand on the network?
>    Or should we milk it for everything it's got?
>    "Moooove over packet, I'm comin' throooo."

Especially true for our cluster whose dual bootnodes are ELSIE and ELMER!

    Now that I see what this note is about, I had to add an entry:
    
    From the Fort Myers News-Press (via the New Yorker marginalia):
    
        "A Sanibel Island property owner has filed a request to fill
         a wetlands area with the Army Corps of Engineers."

    re .22:
    
    Best idea in a long time. It kills two birds with one stone, so to
    speak. 

    The President,who has been sick for several days,is now in
    bed with a coed.
    
    They were married and lived happily even after.
    
    Upon arriving at the Honolulu airport,the two men were given
    coveted lays by Hawaiian maidens.
    
    Overcome by gas while taking a bath,she owes her life to the
    watchfulness of the janitor.
    
    She went into the hospital after being bitten by a spider in 
    a bathing suit.
    
    Mr Okum lives with his wife, his high-school sweetheart,and
    three sons.
    
    When his wife called from London,Mr Favish said,'It was wonderful
    to hear her voice and realize she was over 3,000 miles away.' 
                                                                
    He collapsed on the sidewalk and died without medical assistance.
    
    Mr Frenkel won the national bedding award from the National
    Association. Mr Frenkel has ten children.
    
    The All-Girl orchestra was rather weak in the bras section.
    
    His friends could give no reason why he should have commited
    suicide. He is single.
    
    Mrs Williams of the Home Gardening Club gave a short talk on
    how to keep ants out of your blooming pants.

    From a recent memo about company expenses:
    
    Company purchased meals should be eliminated at meetings.

My kids gave me a book of these twisted headlines for Christmas one year. 
My favorite has always been:

	BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FAULKLANDS

    Note: This is probably in bad taste (so you'll have to advance past the
    formfeed to read it):
    
    This morning's radio news, in announcing the new murder season in
    Boston, said that a man had been "shot several times in the south end."
    
Lew Lasher

    Heard on KCBS radio (San Francisco) toward the end of the July 11
    solar eclipse:
    
    "The eclipse will be over in another twenty minutes.  The public
    is reminded to not look directly at the sun until then."

    National Public Radio claimed today that (the?) Sudan is becoming a New
    Haven for terrorists.
    
Lew Lasher

    A le Havre for terrorists?

Here, here!

With Crimson in triumph flashing
Mid the strains of victory!
Poor Eli's hopes we are dashing
Into blue obscurity! etc., etc.

Wook '83

    ...
    Resistless our team sweeps forward
    	'Mid the fury of the blast;
    We'll FIGHT for the name of Harvard
    	'Till the last white line is passed.
    
     Harvard! Harvard! Harvard!
     Harvard! Harvard! Harvard! 
     Harvard! Harvard! Harvard! &c &c...
    
    Ha.  Let them MIT wonks try to top THAT for stirring agitprop.
    
    Not to mention Tom Lehrer.

    Re .32
    
    Should English usage errors be corrected in Digital notesfiles?
    
    If so, where?
    
    >Here, here!
    
    (Nothing personal, especially nothing against someone who doesn't
    usually make this kind of error.  It's just a hot button after
    I've seen it too many times elsewhere.  Sigh.  Will anyone say
    about this, "Hear, hear"?)
    
    -- Norman Diamond

    I here you, Norman!
    
    Chears, Dan
    
    :-)

    There there now. I spent 30+yrs knowing when/how to use H* H* but never
    writing it because I wasn't sure which H* to use. A few years ago I
    found out, but I still don't write it because someone's bound to think
    I got it wrong (and the heat generated by their realization of error,
    or our discussion would outweigh any light the usage threw). I managed
    for 30+yrs without writing it, so I can live with the privation.
    
    b

    re: .33
    
    ...
    And when the battle's fever
    	Has cooled and Crimson sleeps,
    T'will be the lowly beaver
    	Who's won the war for keeps.

    Re: .33

    MIT doesn't need stirring agitprop.  We leave that to Hahvad, Yale,
    etc.

    In fact a standing joke at MIT concerns the band playing the school
    song (there is one!) at some sports contest.  The only person who knew
    the words was recognized as a non student.


    And while we are on inter-Cambridge scholastic putdowns, here is the
    best double one I know.

    There is a Stop-and-Shop on Memorial Drive about half way between MIT
    and Harvard.  It is frequented by students from both places. One day a
    scruffy type (the story doesn't record whether he wore a tie or not,
    and that would be a definitive label) was seen going through the "6
    items or less" check-out line with far more than that. A local observer
    said, "It's either an MIT student who can't read or a Harvard student
    who can't count."

    ...who is unclear on the difference between "inter-" and "intra-."
    
    'Tis clearly "infra dig" of me to point it out, but as long as we're 
    only in here to have fun, I thought I'd drag this out yet a bit more.
    
    So, what mistake did *I* make in here, I wonder...
    
    /s/ Dan, who is in fact clear on the difference between inter- and intro-
        mission...   :-)
     
    PS -- Loved the bit about the S&S checkout line wiseacre...

    Correct.  I should have said "intra" since I was not referring to
    anything between Cambridge, MA, and Cambridge, England.  I don't make
    much effort to proofread my notes, and that opens me up for lots of
    corrections, particularly in here and GRAMMAR.  No problem.

    On the BBC World Service, a couple of days ago:
    
    [an interview with someone]
    
    Person Interviewed: ...... are far and few between ....
    
    [me, thinking: that sounds wrong, somehow ... ]
    
    ...
    
    [couple of minutes later, news read by BBC person]
    
    ... are few and far between ...
    
    [aha, that was the mistake. Noticed it, but couldn't really put a
    finger on it]
    
    


                                                 - Rik -
    

    This morning's Boston news reported that a recently-discovered victim
    of Eastern Equine Encephalitis was in stable condition.
    
Lew Lasher

>>    This morning's Boston news reported that a recently-discovered victim
>>    of Eastern Equine Encephalitis was in stable condition.

	This is great.  Best laugh I've had in a week.

	Di

    
    Apropos, vaguely... ?
    
    ... I can never help smiling just a teenchy bit (despite the news) when
    hearing crime reports from certain parts of the city of Boston...  
    
    "So-and-so was shot in the South End..."
    

    "Stable condition" gave me a chuckle too.  But just a few days ago,
    I sent a news report to Vogonballs editor Mr. Binder, something like:
    
       "Unlike the eggs that were fertilized by the astronauts Sunday,
       these tadpoles were hatched from eggs..."
    
    Notes 21.* should be sent to Vogonballs and vice-versa.

    Paderewski:  "Commander, which of us would you like to take care of
                  fertilizing the eggs?"
    
    Commander:   "You, Ensign Paderewski.  You're the only one of the crew
                  who looks a tad Polish."
    
                  

    Re: .-1
    
    Oog.  I suppose it really isn't a classical ethnic joke: one can't
    substitute Italian or Yankee or something and have it mean anything at
    all.	:-)

    Lew Lasher kindly points out the embarrassing similarity between 
    .44 and .27...
    
    Any room for me in that gutter, O brother Great Mind?
    
    Dan :-)
    
    

    National Public Radio, commenting on the vice-presidential debate, said
    that the candidates were "poking at each other with relish."
    
Lew Lasher

>                <<< Note 21.49 by MSBCS::LASHER "Working..." >>>
>
>    National Public Radio, commenting on the vice-presidential debate, said
>    that the candidates were "poking at each other with relish."

    NPR seems to do this kind of stuff frequently, and if you ask
    me it's particularly irritating because of their overall
    know-it-all approach.  You kind of expect Rush Limbaugh to
    screw up...

    Re: .-1
    
    I don't see that the NPR "know-it-all approach" is any more know-it-all
    or irritating than this notes conference.  I enjoy them both.

    This conference is only know-its, not at all know-it-alls.

  >>  This conference is only know-its, not at all know-it-alls.

	... with the possible exception of the illustrious Mr. Eggers.

.53  >>  This conference is only know-its, not at all know-it-alls.

.53	... with the possible exception of the illustrious Mr. Eggers.
    
    If we're handing out free insulks here, can I have some too?  :-)
    

    Gee, I looked at that knowt and decided it was intentionally ambiguous.
    Are you sure you want more of the same?

  >>  Gee, I looked at that knowt and decided it was intentionally ambiguous.
  >>  Are you sure you want more of the same?

	Very astute, but I assure you it was more of a compliment than
	anything else.

	Di

    I took it as a compliment too, Di (and a cute one too!), so that's why
    I went fishing for another one.
    
    :-)
    
    Dan K
    

    Re: .56

    My most humble apologies.

    Your obedient servant,
    Tom

	Heard Mr. Cantor (or Canter) - I believe he's a Cabinet nominee
	or some such - say that a proposed policy would "slam the revolving
	door shut".  Interesting concept.

	Di

    On the other hand, our Mr. Cantor saw Digital's door slam shut.  Sigh.

  >>  On the other hand, our Mr. Cantor saw Digital's door slam shut.  Sigh.

	Yes, I don't know anything about Mr. Cantor, but from what I saw 
	of him, that would appear to be a shame.  Certainly didn't 
	mean to cast any aspersions...

	Di

    Story on the radio yesterday about the latest nominee for U.S. attorney
    general having addressed a "group of juvenile judges."
    
Lew Lasher

Considering her stand on Child Protection Issues, that makes sense.

Larry