Conference hbahba::cam_sports

    From Sam Snead to a golf student.  Obviously, a hacker.
    
    "Lay off for a few weeks and then quit for good."
    
    
    
    From Al Batt
    
    "A true sports fan is one who can leave a game and ask, "What
    cheerleaders?""
    
    
    
    From Rocky Graziano
    
    "I quit school in the fifth grade because of pneumonia.  Not because I
    had it but because I couldn't spell it."
    
    Lee

	This week's S.I. has a section called "They Wrote It" and I can't 
remember the writer's name but he had this to say about bungee jumping.
"It takes no skill, is over in a minute and afterwards you can brag to your 
friends how good you were.  No wonder so many men like it."

				/Don

    
    Riddick Bowe (from SI): " I am the man who beat the man who beat the man
                              who beat the man."

    
    >>THE BATHROOM SPORTS QUOTE BOOK was conceived during the fifth annual
    >>movement of National Bathroom Reading Week.  (Honest.  There really is
    
    
    Only 5 annual movements, sheez, sounds like a job for Ex-Lax ta me.
    
    JaKe
    

    "I often say that when you can measure what you are speaking about,
    and express it in numbers, you know something about it; but when you
    cannot express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meager and
    unsatisfactory kind; it may be the beginning of knowledge, but you have
    scarcely, in your thoughts, advanced to the stage of Science, whatever
    the matter may be." -- Lord Kelvin

Hail, Kelvin was so into numbers they named a number scale after him. You
know the one you have to use in the calculus equations for expressing the
temperature, wherein 0 is colder than many things you can say but might
get write locked for. Celsius and Kelvin are close but not exactly.

One can only wonder what Heisenberg musta thought about Kelvin's
compulsion with numbers. Maybe he was just uncertain what to think...

TTom

>One can only wonder what Heisenberg musta thought about Kelvin's

    From the book:
    
    "Baseball is like church.  Many attend.  Few understand"
    
    	Leo Durocher
    
    
    
    "There's nothing better in life than a head-on collision."
    
    	Lawrence Taylor
    
    
    "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."
    
    	John Wooden
    
    
    
    Lee

    
    	"Kelvin is a lot like rugby"
    
    		Kev_for_Hawk
    

Yogi Berra-isms:

Sometimes you can observe a lot by watching

It ain't over til its over.

No wonder nobody comes here - its too crowded!

If the people don't want to come to the ballpark - nobody's gonna stop them.

There are some people who, if they didn't already know, you can't tell them.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

I want to thank all the people who made this night necessary.

Half the lies they tell me aren't true.

If you can't imitate him, don't copy him.

Why don't you pair 'em up in threes.

Ninety-nine percent of this game is half-mental.

Because it gets late early (on why its tough to play left at Yankee Stadium)

Those previous ones from Yogi reminded me of the ColemanBalls you sometimes
see in VOGON news.....


Here's one from Vince Lombardi:

	
		The glory is not in never falling, but in rising
		every time you fall.....


'Saw

    I remember Yogi telling a reporter he had a little run in with his
    manager. Yogi told the reporter that Stengel(??) yelled at him
    for being late to another meeting. Yogi told the reporter " Jeez,
    I told him that this was the earliest I'd ever been late!"
    
    
    MikeL
    
    

    	"Once when I was golfing in Georgia I hooked the ball into the
    	swamp.  I went in after it and found an alligator wearing shirt with a
    	picture of a little golfer on it."
    
    		Buddy Hackett
    
    
    	"If I ever needed a brain transplant, I'd choose a sportswriter because
    	I'd want a brain that had never been used."
    	
    
    		Norm Van Brocklin
    
    
    	"I never cease to amaze myself.  I say this humbly."
    
    		Don King
    
    Lee

    	"I always turn to the sports pages first, which record people's
    	accomplishments.  The front page has nothing but man's failures."
    
    		Chief Justice Earl Warren
    
    
    	"Nolan Ryan is pitching much better now that he has his curve ball
    	straightened out."
    
    
    		Joe Garagiola
    
    
    	"As I remember it, the bases were loaded."
    
    		Garry Maddox, when asked to describe a grand slam he hit
    
    
    Lee

    
    	"Be good or begone."
    
    		Bear Bryant
    
    
    	"I'm even tempered on the golf course.  I stay mad all the time."
    
    		Bob Murphy
    
    
    
    	"Baseball is ninety percent mental.  The other half is physical."
    
    		Yogi
    
    
    Lee

    
       "Underdog. Overdog. Who cares ? The important things is that
        there are two dogs left. And we are one of them."
    
                          _Darryl Talley, Bills linebacker

    
    	"Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon."
    
    		Tommy Lasorda, on the press
    
    
    	"Supposedly, he weighs 325.  Hey, who knows?  He's running twice a
    	day - from the refrigerator to the bathroom."
    
    		Mike Ditka ( while still coach) on the off-season conditioning 
    		of William "The Refrigerator" Perry. 
    
    
    
    	"I prefer fast food."
    
    		Rocky Bridges, explaining why he won't eat snails.
    
    Lee

    
    
    	"The only thing duller than track is field."
    
    		Texas University publicist Jones Ramsay
    
    
    	"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the 
    	wrong golf ball."
    
    		Jack Lemmon
    
    
    
    	"The larger the ball, the less the writing about the sport.  There
    	are superb books about golf, very good books about baseball, not many
    	good books about football, and very few good books about basketball. 
    	There are no books about beachballs."
    
    		George Plimpton
    
    Lee
    		

    I dunno if this belongs in here but I'll give it a shot.
    
    Yo've all heard that Piston Olden Polynice has decided to fast except
    for game day in order to protest the US gugmint policy towards Haitian
    refugees( Olden being Haitian). I don't argue with his intent but
    today he decided to call it off because he "couldn't take it any
    more".
    
    Heard on ESPN radio about dat and I paraphrase, "  Polynice decided
    to end his quasi fast. Well I thought that from the beginning it was
    a half-fast attempt."  Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk..... Courtesy of Charlie
    Steiner.
    
    Again, not laughing at the Haitian refugee situation, but Steiner's
    commentary.  A pippen.
    
    MikeL
    
    

    "If hockey fights were fixed, I'd be in more of them."
    
    		Rod Gilbert
    
    "Good pitching always stops good hitting and vice versa."
    
    		Bob Veale
    
    "I once thought about playing football but you have to wear too much
    equipment and people can't see you."
    
    		Muhammed Ali
    
    "His hands got so dirty that he used to wash them before he went to the
    men's room."
    
    		Mike Royko, about Cubs third baseman Ron Santo
    
    
    Lee

    "Dan's cheeks were tight as a drum.  They were so tight you couldn't
    have stuck a bobby pin up there."
    
    Charles Barkley, commenting on Dan Majerle's nervousness in throwing
    in an inbounds pass during the waning seconds of last night's game. 
    Majerle had blown an identical play in the disputed Suns' loss last
    month. 

>    Majerle had blown an identical play in the disputed Suns' loss last
>    month. 
    
    sure looked to me like the guy on the court (Ceballos?) muffed the pass 
    thrown in by Majerle.

    
    Well, Majerle admitted that he blew the pass.  He probably had a better
    view than either of us.

     Man's gotta point there, Mikey.

    Well I hadn't heard that, but it doesn't surprise me to hear Thunder
    accept the blame.  The ball was still catchable and his teammate muffed
    it.
    
    Mike

    quote was something like " ...I've made a 100 inbounds passes this year,
    and I blew that one..."
    
    brews

    Taking the blame instead of giving it to someone else is the Christian
    thing to do, I suppose...  What kind of name is Ceballos anyway...
    

>    Taking the blame instead of giving it to someone else is the Christian
>    thing to do, I suppose...  What kind of name is Ceballos anyway...

Well, the anagram of his name is Close Lab, so I think he must be
a Scientoligist....

hth,
'Saw    

>                   -< mods shouldn't encourage baiting ;-) >-


Mea Culpa.

But Close Lab just kind of JUMPED out at me.

Or I could use the old Flip Wilson excuse.......8^)


'Saw
    

    Oh boy this sounde like just the note for me to jump in after an
    absence due to vacation and then work. Naah, to easy a target.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

"It's nice to feel wanted again"

Wade Boggs

    
>>             <<< Note 49.33 by SALEM::DODA "Bill says I'm rich" >>>
>>               -< Yabbut, the season hasn't started yet Wade... >-

>>"It's nice to feel wanted again"

>>Wade Boggs

    What, did Margo return?????
    
    
    JaKe
    
    

Her's a good one from USA Today:

	"To be honest, I think I'll get out of the AFC because
	the conference just isn't competitive in Super Bowls."

				Mark Clayton
				Free Agent in waiting.

TTom

      Geez,  he should get there and say that instead of not getting there
    and saying that.

    "BOOM...  HE'S ON HIS BACK"
    
    	John Madden (on sega genisis `93 John Madden Football"
    
    BG

>    "BOOM...  HE'S ON HIS BACK"
>    
>    	John Madden (on sega genisis `93 John Madden Football"
    

Big Game, long time, no notes.  HOw's it going?

Madden is ALWAYS great for a quote.  He's the working man's football
analyst.....


'Saw

  >>> "BOOM...  HE'S ON HIS BACK"
    
  >>>  	John Madden (on sega genisis `93 John Madden Football"

  

    
>>    BG


 Must be Elway QB'ing....

    re .39 Mike Childs
    
    Your totally wrong about it must be Elway QBing,you know that he was 
    refering it to any player on Buffalo that touched the football when 
    your squad won the SB 27 this year.  :-)  :-)
    
    It was" BOOM... HE'S ON HIS BACK"....AND HE COUGHS UP THE BALL

    "My toughest fight was with my first wife."
    
    	Muhammad Ali
    
    
    "If you don't get it by midnight, chances are you ain't gonna get it;
    and if you do, it ain't worth it."
    
    	Casey Stengel (no explanation given)
    
    
    "My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your
    mouth, you can play.  If you stick it on your forehead, your chances are
    less."
    
    	Vic Braden, tennis instructor
    
    
    Lee

    Asked if he knew why Syracuse was banned from the NCAA Tournement,
    Sherman responded
    
    
    
    "Because they were over the [salary] Cap"

    	"When you're as great as I am, it's hard to be humble."
    
    		Muhammad Ali
    
    	
    	"Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. 
    	If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get
    	you off."
    
    		Bill Veeck
    
    
    	"The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have
    	to watch films on Sunday."
    
    		Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach
    
    
    
    	"My family was so poor they couldn't afford any kids.  The lady
    	next door had me."
    
    		Lee Trevino

    "Now there's three things you can do in a baseball game; you can win or
    you can lose or it can rain."
    
    	Casey Stengel
    
    
    
    "Cool Papa Bell was so fast he could get out of bed, turn out the
    lights across the room, and be back in bed under the covers before the
    lights went out."
    
    	Josh Gibson
    
    
    "Our players don't do dances in the end zone.  We like them to act like
    they've been there before."
    
    	Lou Holtz, at the time the coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks
    
    
    Lee

    I think Holtz` stole that line from Dick Vermeil, when he was the
    Eagleshead coach. I also think that Vermeil stole it from someone else.
    
    
    Dennis Faust
    

    "We want to be the most disliked team in basketball." - Pat Riley,
    Coach of the NY Thugs

to quote Al Davis

"just win baby"

The Crazy Met

>     <<< Note 49.46 by FRETZ::HEISER "raise your voice in shouts of joy" >>>
>                           -< they have their wish >-
>
>    "We want to be the most disliked team in basketball." - Pat Riley,
>    Coach of the NY Thugs


     I don't know.  The more I am forced to hear about some team out west
     that has never won a title, the less I like them.  The more obnoxious
     the fan is for some overrated team, and the more I hear those fans point
     their fingers and complain, the less I like the team.  If that team
     can win a title (and that is questionable at this point) on the court,
     instead of in their fans' minds, then I will start to respect them --
     though any obnoxious fans may still keep me from liking them.

    No one like the Pistons when they were on top...
    

	"I hit him because he hit kicked me in the scrotum.
	 That is to say, my balls"

				 -- Shaq on why he hit back....



Better pair this guy up with Don King!  8^)

    
    Walt,
    
    
    	Still don't!  :*)
    
    Claybroon

	Charlie Steiner on ESPN SportsCenter last night commenting on 
Derrick Coleman's missed punch in a Nets game.

	"The same punch knocked out Sonny Liston in Lewiston Maine some 28 
years ago..."

>	Charlie Steiner on ESPN SportsCenter last night commenting on 
>Derrick Coleman's missed punch in a Nets game.
>
>	"The same punch knocked out Sonny Liston in Lewiston Maine some 28 
>years ago..."


Classic.......

    "No, I clean giraffe ears."
    
    		Elvin Hayes, 6'9" Bullets forward, when someone asked him if 
    		he was a basketball player.
    
    
    
    	"They should move first base back a step to eliminate all the close
    	plays."
    
    
    		John Lowenstein
    
    
    
    	"Baseball is very big with my people.  It figures.  It's the only
    	time we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot."
    
    		Dick Gregory
    
    
    	Lee

    Pirates VP Rick Cerrone is quoted in John Feinstein's book "Play Ball:
    The Life and Troubled Times of Major League Baseball."  But former
    Pirates left fielder Barry Bonds is not.
    	That's because Bonds demanded to be paid for his quotes and
    threatened to sue Feinstein if the quotes were used and he was not paid
    for them.  Cerrone made no such demand, then waxed eloquent on Bonds.
    	
    
    	"You have to remember one thing at all times when dealing with
    Barry--this is not an adult,"  Cerrone said.  "This is a 9 year old. 
    He's a 9 year old kid in the body of an extraordinary, 28-year old
    athlete.  He's not a horrible guy, he's just a very immature person."
    
    
    And it took Cerrone THIS long to find out what I been saying all
    along????
    
    
    JaKe
    

    
       "In an unfortunate fould up of scheduling, 'Beer Night', 'Bat Night'
    and 'Delinquent Youth Gang Night' were all on the same night."
    
    		--Comedy writer Ken Levine(scriptwriter for "Cheers" and 
    "The Simpsons," among other TV shows) on the plight of his rotisserie 
    league baseball team, which he claims plays in a fictional stadium 
    called "The Pit".
    

    	"I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else
    	in the world is fixed."
    
    		Frank Deford
    
    
    
    	"If I just had some humility, I'd be perfect."
    
    		Ted Turner
    
    
    
    	"The thing I like about football is that you don't have to take a
    	shower before you go to work."
    
    		Jay Hilgenberg, Chicago Bears center
    
    
    
    	"Our game plan is first year, a .500 season.  Second year, a
    	conference championship.  Third year, undefeated.  Fourth, a
    	national championship.  And by the fifth year, we'll be on
    	probation, of course."
    
    		The Late Alabama coach Bear Bryant
    
    
    
    
    	Lee

    
	
	Tim McDonald, writer for the Florida Times-Union on Vinny
	Testaverde, a six year bust with the Tampa Bay Buckaneers
	after he signed lasted week with the Cleveland Brown(spots):
	" Testaverde looks like a quarterback, acts like a quarterback,
	he even talks like a quartback.  But he's got the heart of a 
	placekicker." !!!!!

	What say ye Hal?

	:^)


	I remain,
	like the crocus's, beginning to bloom!
	Kev

    
    	"The greatest name in football."
    
    		Alex Karras, on former wide receiver Fair Hooker
    
    
    	"If my quarterback runs, I'll shoot him."
    
    		Bill Parcells, on the Giants run and shoot offense
    
    
    	"A complete ballplayer today is one who can hit, field, run, throw
    	 and pick the right agent."
    
    		San Francisco Giants owner Robert Lurie
    
    
    
    	"I find it to be the hole in one."
    
    		Groucho Marx, when asked about golf's toughest shot
    
    
    
    
    	Lee

Yesterday morning I flipped the page on my SI Greatest Sports Moments
calendar a day or two late.

This month, the picture is the shot of Bobby Orr flying through the air
after scoring the winning goal in the Cup finals in 1970.   The quote
though, is classic:

	
		"No practice tomorrow.  No one left to beat."



'Saw

    
    "...give the LAkers credit.  They won three in a row-I mean two in a
    row..."
    
    Kevin Johnson

>    "...give the LAkers credit.  They won three in a row-I mean two in a
>    row..."
>    
>    Kevin Johnson


Musta been one of them high scorers on the SATs!


[many, many 8^)]

    "It's like watching Mario Andretti park a car."
    
    	Ralph Kiner, describing Phil Niekro's knuckleball.
    
    
    
    "We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs.  He never decides which
     course he will play until after his first tee shot."
    
    		Bob Hope, aboaut former President Gerald Ford
    
    
    
    "It's still embarrassing.  I asked my caddie for a sand wedge, and ten
     minutes later he came back with a ham on rye."
    
    		Chi Chi Rodriguez, talking about his accent
    
    Lee

Kevin McHale on losing Reggie Lewis and getting ready for Game 4 against
the Hornets:

	"That's too convenient, that's too easy. He's not here. We're
	professional basketball players, man, you've got to be able to
	make adjustments. I've never been in a series yet when you
	didn't have to make adjustments."

TTom

    
    that kind of comment will get Walt urinated.

    Nope... that's what I want to hear.  Get out there and play... not any
    of this "If we only had Reggie, we would have..." crud... Kev's got
    the right attitude.
    

    Imagine how interesting this series would be if the Suns had Rodman...
    
    	- Keith Olbermann

    Dan Cortese is Mark's evil twin.
    	- Anonymous
    

    Do me.

From: "George Brooks" 29-JUN-1993 09:49:36.04
To:	royalt::ashe (Walt Ashe)
CC:	
Subj:	Quote from last weeks' Globe ...

"Wilt Chamberlain is the greatest player ever ... all of this about Micheal,
first it was me, and Magic being the greatest ever, now it's Micheal, and in
10 years it will be someone else ... all anyone has to do is look at the
record book or film... it's Wilt ....



Larry Bird, Boston Globe 6/13(?)/93
--
"New England - Year Five - already ?"
George Brooks - HP Clinical Information Systems

> From: "George Brooks" 29-JUN-1993 09:49:36.04
> To:	royalt::ashe (Walt Ashe)
> CC:	
> Subj:	Quote from last weeks' Globe ...
> 
> "Wilt Chamberlain is the greatest player ever ... all of this about Micheal,
> first it was me, and Magic being the greatest ever, now it's Micheal, and in
> 10 years it will be someone else ... all anyone has to do is look at the
> record book or film... it's Wilt ....
    
    Fraud!  I saw that quote from Bird and it definitely stated that
    Chamerlain *and* Russell were the greatest players in his estimation,
    which DrM has conveniently edited out.  If he were still around we'd
    have the makings of an iron-clad court case.  How low can you go, Doc!?
    
    glenn
    

|    Fraud!  I saw that quote from Bird and it definitely stated that
|    Chamerlain *and* Russell were the greatest players in his estimation,
|    which DrM has conveniently edited out.  If he were still around we'd
|    have the makings of an iron-clad court case.  How low can you go, Doc!?
|    
|    glenn


Doc's credibility TOTALLY and COMPLETELY shattered.... Film @ 11.....


'Saw    

    Great Quote but here's another one
    
    "All anyone has to do is look at the record book, and anyone with a 
     brain can see that Michael is in the act of single handedly rewriting
     it"
    
    I'll have to pickup a record book sometime, In playoff scoring jordan
    has surpassed wilt/magic and next year bird and has a better avg.  He
    will hopefully break wilt's record for consecutive scoring titles (He's
    tied right now).  3 Championships in a row (I dont know how many Wilt
    has), 3 Finals MVP, I think 3 regular season MVP's (or is it just 2).
    I dont know how long MJ plans on playing in the NBA so I would predict
    weather he will or wont pass Wilt on the All time Scoring List (Wilt 
    has a whopping 31,419 pts).  If he can play as long as wilt did Im sure
    MJ will rewrite a few more records.  Its the records that most likly
    wont ever be broken that impress me.  Like Wilts 100pt game, I dont see
    anyone every hitting that baby...  But that record is another example
    of how the game has changed, bill on his best day in his prime couldnt
    score 100pts against any of the 28 starting center in the NBA today.
    
    I'll agree with bird's assesment for now, but once jordan has surpassed
    Wilt in term's of records then Bird should reasses his statement :-)
    
    								MairB

    	Yup, in the anonymity of a Hershey Pennsylvania night Wilted was
    tops.  But under the intense glare of the playoff spotlight, he wilted.
    Is anybody really surprised at DocQuixote's� latest "college prank"?
    
    				/Don

    From "George Brooks":
    Haaa ... let's face it - the very foundations of your heathen religon has
    been shaken to the core ! You Jihad-ites wouldn't have dared mention that
    quote until *I* brought it up !
    
    Where is Slasher ! In denial! Dousing himself with gasoline ????
    

    	I think Doc needs to take up drinking...
    
    				/Don

    Or reality.

he better opt for the drinking...it'll be an easier hurdle......

    Ha ha ha, great one, Mike.   :*)  :*)
    
    Lee

    
    	Don Baylor had a great one the other day.  He said that
    	his pitcher "Threw a Linda Rondstadt to him........Blew
    	By You".
    
    	Made me giggle........
    
    Claybone

"They're building him up as the king...I'd like to see how many 
hits he's had off the (Skydome) turf. If they want to talk about 
hitting .400, let's talk about doing it on grass."

Sparky Anderson on John Olerud. Problem is, Olerud hits better on 
the road.

daryll

	Problem is Sparky is senile!

	:-}

	Nadeem

	

  Kind of makes me wonder what is Sparky's opinion of Pete Rose breaking
 Cobb's record.

    Depends... turf vs. grass isn't the same as home vs. road.   I know
    your point, but if he's .500 in Minny, Seattle, KC, etc... and .340
    against the rest of the league...
    

	He is actually better agin contenders.

	His best outing is:
		 on the road, saturday, day game vs. righty, playing first.

	His worst outing is:

		at home, wednesday, night game, vs. lefty, playing DH 

	For those Yankee fans who are lloking at the schedule  :}

	Nadeem

Olerud doesn't strke me as a hitter that gets a whole lot of hits on
the ground; seems to hit mostly line drives. Of course a few grounders
that get through the infield make the difference between .390 and .400

The Crazy Met

re: .86

Tommy, what was that you said about baseball and statistics?

The Crazy Met

    
    For the average hitter, artificial turf has very little effect on
    batting average (proven fack).  For a slow, line-drive hitter like 
    Olerud, it probably even hurts, because grass gives up the tough-hop 
    hits to the guys who regularly drive the ball hard to the infield 
    dirt and beyond, whereas on turf you position yourself well into 
    the outfield, play the true hop and easily throw Johnny "1.2 Gedmans" 
    Olerud out.  Turf helps the slap-hitting phony ballplayers like Vince 
    Coleman (or even Pete Rose in the final days), not the John Oleruds of 
    the game.  Sparky probably had a few idle moments on his hands and 
    decided to get some reporter jacked up, as he has been known to do...
    
    glenn
                                     

  re .88

   I feel somehow vindicated for my senseless, nothing-constructive-to-add
  diatribe on baseball and dumb statistics.
  

    	"I'm not an athlete, I'm a baseball player..."
    
    	   	-John Kruk, Firstbaseman, Philadelphia Phillies

"Let it all burn, I don't live there anymore"
		
		Darryl Strawberry, upon learning that the fires had
		started up again in Southern California.  Earlier
		he had whined aobut how tired he was of the place
		and how much he hated it.  He had said he was moving
		to (gulp) Arizona.

>		and how much he hated it.  He had said he was moving
>		to (gulp) Arizona.

    Never seen him play Arena football..
    

    "I remember my mother calling me into the house at 6:30 or 7
    at night when the other kids were still in the street. They'd 
    laugh at me and I'd sit in the window and watch them. It's
    funny how the situation has reversed itself. Now some of them 
    are in jail. Now they're inside and everybody is watching me."

                     _Riddick Bowe on fame and fortune and   
                      growing up in the tough Brownsville
                      section of Brooklyn.

I remember my mother calling me into the house at 6:30 or 7
    at night when the other kids were still in the street. They'd 
    laugh at me                                            ~~~~~~
    ~~~~~~~~~~~


At least some things never change. 8-)

Mike

    "Dad, they let me go"
    
    -Bernie Kosar

    Saw this quote made by Hollywood producter Joe Levine a few years back.
    
    He was commenting on the big box office killing made by some utterly
    putrid picture - I will get the name of the movie if anyone asks but
    we call could name a few - It may have been "Harlow" (the Carol Baker
    one)
    
    "You can fool all of the people all of the time.  You just need [publicity]
    and an ample budget."

Article: 13724
From: [email protected] (UPI)
Newsgroups: clari.sports.misc
Subject: Sports Quotes of 1993
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 93 4:11:18 PST
 
	``And the winner is ... Sydney.'' International Olympic Committee
chief Juan Antonio Samaranch ends the most political, and expensive,
campaign for hosting rights. 
 ------
	``We went to Brothel des Paris every morning to prostitute ourselves
and try and get one more vote for Sydney.'' The Year 2000 Olympic city's
Lord Mayor Frank Sartor on the bidding process.
 ------
	``The Best Lttle Whores on the Riveria'' An Australian newspaper
headline following Sartor's remark. 
 ------
	``It was the most thrilling race I have been in. I've been teetotal
for 14 years, but I'm actually going to get drunk tonight, and I'm going
to drink like there's no tomorrow.'' Britain's Nigel Mansell after
adding the Indy Car title to his 1992 Formula One championship with a
victory in Nazareth.
 ------
	``I only want to be in 'Kill' movies. It ain't no fun unless you get
to kill somebody. I don't want to be in no love story. I want to be the
black Rambo. I want to be Ram-bro!'' New York Giants' Lawrence Taylor on
a film offer from Robert de Niro.
 ------
	``The boy has big feet and big hands. The feet are for playing
football and the hands are for picking up the wages.'' Former Dutch
soccer great Johan Cruyff, now coach of Barcelona, on the birth of his
grandson.
 ------
	``I'm going to shock the world again. One more time.'' Drug cheat Ben
Johnson before the Toronto World Indoor track championships AND before
his second positive test and life ban.
 ------
	``I've often been on a saddle for over 350km at a time. If, the
minute I get off a saddle, they say 'Alfredo do it', I will do it.''
Italian cycling coach Alfredo Martini dousing claims that cycling causes
impotence.
 ------
	``This is the greatest feeling I have ever had and I didn't even hit
a shot.'' U.S. Ryder Cup golf captain Tom Watson after their win at the
Belfry.
 ------
	``I'm not nervous. The only thing that scares me these days is the
Americans' dress sense.'' Europe Ryder Cup player Mark James.
 ------
	``He was by no means athletic, in fact a bit lumpy, but made an
excellent second row forward.'' A former coach on U.S. President Bill
Clinton's stint of rugby union during his Oxford University days.
 ------
	``They've done me so wrong, they can't look me in the face. There's
no way I could sleep if I did my family the way they did me.'' Tennis
player Mary Pierce's father after his daughter and wife walked out.
 ------
	``Don't let them fool you. They'll trot out all these fancy
statistics like 14.5 million Americans play soccer and that the U.S.
just loves the game. It doesn't. America doesn't give a monkey's cuss
about soccer. It will be a bit like the Olympic stadium in Seoul where
the only two events the Koreans understood were the opening and closing
ceremonies.'' Writer Peter Nichols in a preview of the 1994 World Cup,
to be played in the U.S.
 ------
	``I move on the B in bang.'' World 100 meters champion Linford
Christie on his roaring starts.
 ------
	``He speaks English, Spanish and he's bilingual.'' Boxing promoter
Don King on Julio Cesar Chavez.
 ------
	``If I went into a restaurant with Robert Redford and there was one
seat left, he'd be left on his feet.'' Jockey Dean McKeown on the film
star status of riders in racing crazy Hong Kong.
 ------
	``Nobody should be ranked No. 1 who looks like he just swung from a
tree.'' Andre Agassi on Pete Sampras.
 ------
	``I've been in the twilight of my career longer than most of you have
had careers.'' Martina Navratilova announcing her intention to retire at
a news conference.
 ------
	``He was my captain and my right hand man. Bobby was the heartbeat of
the team, the king of the castle.'' Sir Alf Ramsey, manager of England's
1966 World soccer Cup winning side pays tribute to captain Bobby Moore,
who died of cancer.

    
        "No, but they gave me one anyway."
            Los Angeles Lakers rookie Elden Campbell, when asked if he earned 
    a degree at his alma mater, Clemson University.
    
    

    "I don't watch NBA basketball.  I prefer to watch basketball."
    
    
    - Bob Knight

    "Great trade!  Who'd we get?"
    
    - Lenny Dykstra on hearing that fellow outfielder Von Hayes was traded
      to the California Angels.

    
    "Willie May's glove is where triples go to die."
    
    		- Dodger executive Fresco Thompson

    
    "A very strong and compact girl.  Great potential."
    
    - Joe Russo, veteran baseball coach at St. John's University, after
      auditioning Madonna for a role in the Penny Marshall movie A League
      of Their Own.
      

>    
>    "Willie May's glove is where triples go to die."
>    
>    		- Dodger executive Fresco Thompson

Also a line about Shoeless Joe Jackson, from the book _Shoeless_Joe_
by W.P. Kinsella.   8^)

It's a GREAT line....

>    
>    "Willie May's glove is where triples go to die."
>    
>    		- Dodger executive Fresco Thompson

Please, please, please don't give me any more gray hair.  This is the second
time in this file that the name of my all-time favorite ball player has been
misspelled.

		Willie MAYS  ("Willie Mays' glove")

Please write it down somewhere.

Thanks

the 'Cadet

    what was Willie May's favorite glove?

From: [email protected] (United Press International)
Subject: Super Bowl Remarks
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 94 14:52:29 PST
    
	What was said at the Super Bowl Tuesday:
	``This is just another game. It may be a big game to some people, but
it's just a regular game to me because I already won mine.'' -- Dallas
defensive end Charles Haley, who beat his former teammates from San
Francisco in last Sunday's NFC Championship game.
                               ------
	``They should be confident and cocky. They're the defending champs.
You can't take that away from them. We've got to get our just due on
that. I'm not even worried about how they feel about the game. We have
to go out and do what we do best and win the football game to be
confident and cocky ourselves.'' -- Buffalo cornerback Nate Odomes.
                               ------
	``It makes me nervous, but hopefully the next person will see the
success we've had with this system and keep it. The old saying, 'if it
ain't broke, don't fix it,' applies here.'' -- Dallas running back Daryl
Johnson on the expectation that offensive coordinator Norv Turner will
leave the Cowboys to become the head coach of the Washington Redskins.
                               ------
	``It's going to take a pot full of money, that's what. It's going to
take at least a million dollars. Our owner will probably figure out a
way to keep this team together. But if he doesn't, Jimmy Johnson is
going to have to go back to the drawing board.'' -- Dallas offensive
guard Nate Newton concerning the possibility free agency will send him
and some of his teammates elsewhere.
                               ------
	``You know, I don't even know. It will be just be a big relief.
Probably the biggest relief I've ever experienced. We've been through a
lot. We've been through a lot of ups and downs in four years. We feel
it's time for us to get paid.'' -- Buffalo wide receiver Andre Reed when
asked how he would feel if his team won the Super Bowl.
                               ------
	``Emmitt Smith, Emmitt Smith, Emmitt Smith. The best running back. A
great running back.'' -- Dallas safety Mark Washington when asked to name
the single most important factor in making the Cowboys successful.
                               ------
	``All I've got to say is the last time I checked, I guess he was in
Memphis looking for a job and he finally found one as an Elvis Presley
impersonator. I'm glad to be back in Atlanta. I'm here and he's not.'' --
Dallas defensive tackle Tony Casillas, whose disagreements with former
Atlanta coach Jerry Glanville led to a trade to the Cowboys.
                               ------
	``If I retire tomorrow and not have won a Super Bowl, I've fulfilled
all my dreams. But, of course, the ultimate is to win the Super Bowl.''
-- Buffalo quarterback Jim Kelly.
                               ------
	``I'm very happy to play that role. Having three older brothers
around you when you're growing up tends to give you that special teams
mentality. I like the contact. Football is a contact sport. If you don't
like the contact, then you're in the wrong sport.'' -- Buffalo special
teams specialist Steve Tasker.
                               ------
	``There is a lot of great talent on this team. A lot of these guys
don't realize how really good we could be.'' -- Dallas defensive back
Bill Bates, who is in his 11th season with the Cowboys.
                               ------
	``We're too close (to the Super Bowl) to doubt ourselves. It would be
like going to the moon and on the way having doubts.'' -- Buffalo
linebacker Cornelius Bennett.
                               ------
	``I haven't been having nightmares or anything like that, but I've
had dreams about losing the Super Bowl. I wouldn't wake up in a cold
sweat or anything. It's just that the last few times we've been to the
final game, it's been disastrous.'' -- Buffalo defensive end Bruce Smith.
                               ------
	``Thurman Thomas is banged up like Emmitt Smith. But neither one pays
attention to that when the ball is snapped.'' -- Buffalo coach Marv Levy.
                               ------
	``It's the first time that's ever happened to me. It was a very
strange feeling watching the sports stations that night and seeing
things that I had done in the game and not remembering them. I think it
would become more of a concern of mine if it happened again or on a
continuous basis.'' -- Dallas quarterback Troy Aikman, discussing the
concussion he suffered last Sunday.
--
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authorization. Please send reports to [email protected]. 


    
    

    Nate Newton on being questioned on his girth and refusing to take
    the blame for his size, "My mother's real big;she's about 5 feet tall
    and looks like Earl Campbell. What do you expect when two big cows
    get together- a giraffe?".
    
    Pete Metzelaars,6'7" and 250 lbs said he had a great-grandmother who
    was a circus midget who was 38 inches tall and went by the name
    of Princess Numa...
    
    A Georgia Dome press elevator usher commenting on some of the celebrities
    he saw, " I didn't see Al Gore but I saw Orville Redenbacher. Orville
    looked like he was about one pop away.".
    
    MikeL
    

    Your mama's so fat, when she broke her leg, gravy poured out of it.
    
    -Kadeem Hardison's character in White Men Cain't Jump...
    

    Phil Rizzutto NYY anouncer::
    
    "It's a deep shot to the gap, no wait he walked em' that's ball four."
    
    
    Yogi Berra was told that the Republic of Ireland just elected a Polish
    Mayor. Yogi said::
    
    "Sheeesh, only in America"
    

  |  Phil Rizzutto NYY anouncer::
    
  |  "It's a deep shot to the gap, no wait he walked em' that's ball four."
  
More evidence in my case that Scooter is the poorest excuse for an announcer 
in the history of sports...

 |  Bob, you huckleberry... the guy is like 90, give him a break. 
 
Sorry sweety, but he was this bad the firsted time I ever heard him...

The only announcer WORSE thatn Johnny Most.

>
>The only announcer WORSE thatn Johnny Most.
>

Hey, Johnny Most was COOL.  Especially for a guy with no legs and half
a microphone up on the Garden wall....


'Saw

    Billy Crystal's impression is priceless...
    

    I love the Scooter... but then I hate Harry Carey.  It's all your
    personal opinion - even if the guy isn't very good these days.
    
    When I was out there I loved the Celtics and HATED Johnny Most.  There
    is not anyone worse BAR NONE, than Johnny.
    
    
    Spud

    I never say the good in Most.  Rizzuto's ok, he's a characature.  I
    miss when  he worked with Bill White.  
    
    Best baseball announcer was Ernie Harwell...
    

>    
>    Best baseball announcer was Ernie Harwell...
>    

Red Barber....8^PPPPPPPPP

|>    
|>    Best baseball announcer was Ernie Harwell...
|>    

|Red Barber....8^PPPPPPPPP

Jack Buck...

    Red was before my time.  Jack Buck would be in my top 5...
    

    Bob Prince
    
    
    JaKe
    

  <<< Note 49.116 by TNPUBS::MCCULLOUGH "You gotta put down the duckie..." >>>

>The only announcer WORSE thatn Johnny Most.
    
    Thank you, Bob...truer words have never been spoken.
    
    Mark.

    
    Vin Scully is tops, hands down !
    
    "Pull up a chair and spend the afternoon with us ..."
    
    - acp

    
    Have you heard Scully recently?  They carry Dodgers games here, and I
    can't ake him anymore.  Give me Jack Buck or John Miller any day.  Same
    goes for the Scully wannabe that does the Angels game.
    
    brews

I can sympathize with celtic haters who would naturally hate most, perhaps
younger folks couldn't appreciate him.  Technically the early most was excellent
at painting the picture and giving constant score information.  His voice gave
away the score, witing seconds of turning on the radio you could tell.

No Mel Allen fans?

    
     Vin Scully should be beaten about his wrinkled face and neck with a
    large mackerel. I'd like to meet him just to spit in his face. Other
    that that, I have no real opinion of the man.

Mel Allen is another trademark "voice".  He's cool.


Most has one of the most memorable calls of all time with his
Havlichek stole the ball call.   Ranks right up there with the unbridled
joy and disbelief of "The Giants win the pennant, the Giants win the
pennant!" call....


'saw

Billthe

I'm a big Celtics fan, and have listened to the games since the 60s, so I think
I have some perspective on Most.  While he ususally was very good at the score,
and game situation, his descriptions of the game, particularly in the last 10
years of his work, was so far from accurate (I would turn down the volume on the
TV just to check it out), that you wouldn't think you were watching the same
game as him.  I didin't mind him being a little behind the play, but his 
insistance that the Celtics never committed a foul, and that all opponents were
either dirty players or cheats were more than I could take.

From what I could tell in the media (and from Billl), he was a great guy, but as
an announcer, he missed a lot of great games.

=Bob=

	I'd always enjoy turning the sound down on the TV and turning 
	Johnny up on the radio.  To me it was entertaining.  From talking
	to him I think he was approaching it that way, as a form of 
	entertainment.


	billl

    Harry Carey makes one want to commit Hari Cari.
    
    The guy slows down whilst talking and ya think somebody should jab him
    in the ass and get him to spit out the words quicker.
    
    JaKe
    

    
    
          "The game has slowed to a walk."
    
                      _Roger Twibell during yesterday's Cup
                       Championship. (I'm sure the network
                       brass and FIFA's brass really app-
                       reciated that one.)

    "The Suns have signed so many free agents it'll be like going up against 
     Florida State and Notre Dame, night in and night out." 
    
                  - Karl Malone on the desire of many to play in Phoenix

    Anyone notice there seems to be an epidemic of sandbagging both outside
    and within this conference. Here the Umass contingent have joined
    buffs,husks,tcm,pro-donks,donk-bashers ...
    
    	Leary drops a note of < 25 words and he has to bag it.
    
    It's just Jake and me left of the non-sandbaggers and maybe Brydie
    since I've never caught him rooting FOR a team

	Nobody, but nobody, sandbags like the TCM-Heiser cartel!!  They've
	taken it to new, and much higher, limits.

	I really don't get it, though.  Why sandbag?  Root for your team 
	and make all the wild speculations of your team, ala Hal.  Who cares?!
	
	The worst that can happen is you make your complementary visit to 
	the TCM, er I mean Crow, Cafe.  It doesn't even hurt.  Wash it down
	with some brewskis and you won't even notice the smell.



	billl

    I've never sandbagged in my life.

  But have you ever bagged sand?

  George

    this slot is reserved for the crazy met who is attending the funeral of
    major league baseball.  During his bereavement period he can be found
    at rangers exhibition games and jets practices.
    
    During his absence I offer that the Jets early win streak is a fluke
    and the iron of the nfl will quickly overcome Jets inexperience, the
    rangers are too old and the 'cap is killing the knicks.

    hey you took my spot :-)
    
    if you look back at the predictions about how long the strike would
    last I predicted April of 1995 so it was not that big a surprise.
    Silver lining in it all is that those obnoxious Stankees fans (you KNOW
    who you are) have to suffer with the realization that there team will
    not be in the playoffs.
    
    The Crazy Met
     

    
    
    Do Yourself in Flushing!!!

re .141:  My sympathies go out to long-suffering Yankee fans, who are
being done out of the playoffs by a faction to which (if the reports
are correct) their organization does not belong.

On the other hand, I hope George Steinbrenner is REALLY SUFFERING.  I
could never root for a team he owns.  I live in constant fear that one
day, the Yanks will meet the Reds in the World Series, and I'll have
to figure out whether to root against him or Marge Schott.

If there is ever a World Series...

Steve

    
    
       Steve,
    
    
           Don't feel sorry for us! We have won 22 World Championships and
    2 in my lifetime. Although SteinBungler is a Jerk he isn't the Yankees.
    
    
    
    Chap

don't worry Cahppy we won't.

The Crazy Met

    
    
    Cahppy???

Chappy, we also won't worry about you.

The Crazy Met

Greatest sports quote I heard lately was in "A Bronx Tale", where the
kid, now a teenager, says 

	
		The year was 1968, and the Yankees were in last 
		place....and I didn't care"



'Saw

    Great movie.
    
    Mark.

>
>    Great movie.
>    
>    Mark.


Yeah.  I thought so.  I absolutely loved DeNiro's role of Lorenzo.  It was
great.  And I don't know who the guy was who played Sonny, but the tension
there and the interaction was something else too.

Seeing Joe Pesci right at the end was a flashback to "Goodfellas".....


'Saw

From USA Today:

	"I said 'Sure. as long as you don't have a designated
	hitter, you use wooden bats and you don't play on
	artificial turf.'"

		'Spaceman' Bill Lee concerning his position
		as honorary commissioner of the Canadian 
		Intercollegiate Baseball League

    Was it me or did the hat that the "Spaceman" wore on Ken Burns
    "Baseball" seem a little out of place?
    
    UMDan

	"I can't really remember the names of the clubs we
	went to."

		Shaquille O'Neal when asked if he visited
		the Parthenon during a recent trip to Greece.

    "Coach, have you ever played this game?"
    
    Shaquille O'Neal to Lenny Wilkens during last year's All-Star game
    practices.

	"God brought me to Philadelphia. If he wants me to go,
	I won't fight it."

	Randall Cunningham, recently benched Eagle QB.

    
        "They made us out to be a bunch of rubes, like fans in 
         those expansion cities. They sell those PSLs, which only 
         give you the right to buy tickets, like none of us ever
         saw a football on game before. And the sad thing is we
         fell for it." 
    
                          Al Gregory of Richmond, Calif. on 
                          the return of the Raiders and their
                          perpetrating the PSL scam on their
                          desperate fans. 

Resident rube reporting for duty, sir...

TTom

    
      TTom, there's alenghty article in today's Globe
      about the return of the Raiders, who are playing 
      the Patsies tonight, to Oakland. Everyone in Oakland
      ain't happy. One poor sap, who anticpated a run on 
      tickets that never came, sent in five applications 
      for four PSLs/season tickets anticipating at least one
      would get through. All five were processed and he owes
      the Raiders $22,500. He pleaded with the Raiders to
      let him off the hook but guess what Al Davis said?
      That's right, "No dice. Pay up." And to think that
      Joe Garbarino defended this scam.
    

Not trying to beat a danged ol' dead horse but I choose to look at this
PSL this way.

The Richardson's claim that the NFL was not all that interested in
Charlotte until they decided to do the PSL scam. Then they suckered the
city into buying the land for the stadium. This gave the owners a bunch
of money to put up for the team. In the end, Charlotte got the franchise
cause they were the onliest team to cough up the money when the time
came.

I dont' know if'n y'all remember, the firsted round of this had Charlotte
getting the lone franchise. The NFL delayed the firsted round until
someone else could get their money right which turned out to be
Jacksonville. None of the other groups, including the vocal ones in
Baltimore and St Louis, came up with squat.

This, of course, relies on a fairly broad leap of faith ...

TTom

    I really don't understand the legality of the PSL.  Aren't you in
    effect paying for the RIGHT to pay later for a seat.  In effect, you
    are paying for nothing.  Seems like a scam to me.
    
    NAZZ

    >> Aren't you in effect paying for the RIGHT to pay later for a 
    >> seat.  In effect, you are paying for nothing.  
    
       You aren't paying for nothing. You're paying for any capital
       improvements (read: luxury boxes) that the owner wants to
       make. Said improvements will increase said owner's revenue,
       so in essence, you're providing the owner an interest-free 
       infusion of capital and for that you get the right to buy a 
       seat. Damn right it's a scam. And the lowlife that came up with 
       this Milikenesque horror, was in today's Globe in relation to 
       the financing of the new dome. It looks like Pats fans are going 
       to get triply shafted if a dome is built by not only having the 
       dome and not only having it in the city but also having to fork 
       over PSL money to have the damn thing built. I tend to think that 
       unlike Oaklanders and the "rubes in expansion cities" these Johnny-
       come-lately Pats fans aren't hardcore/desperate enough to pay $2,000 
       for the right to buy a seat.
    

	"The game has changed. Now it's about power, greed and money.
	Today the game is controlled by Satan."

			Montreal Expos GM Kevin Malone
			quoted in _Christian Week_ magazine

TTom

First, it's always been about power, greed, and money.  Read Helyar's
_The_Lords_of_the_Realm_, if you don't believe me.

Second, it might be in better hands if it were controlled by Satan.
Read _Paradise_Lost_, he runs a tighter ship than anybody since
Judge Landis.

Actually, I don't think it's controlled by anybody at the moment.
Which is part of the problem.

Steve

    
>	"The game has changed. Now it's about power, greed and money.
>	Today the game is controlled by Satan."
>
>   			Montreal Expos GM Kevin Malone
>			quoted in _Christian Week_ magazine
    
    Myself, I think baseball went to hell when it expanded north of
    the border...
    
    
    glenn
    

Glenn, I've always been of the opinion that Youppi will just go away if
he's ignored long enough... :-)

I wonder what'll happen to the Expos if Quebec separates?

  So 'ol Scratch is running the game? No wonder the sausages at Fenway are
over cooked. 

  Well at least that explains The Curse.

  George

	"I din't fire him and he didn't quit, so I guess he'll be
	back"

	Detroit Lions owner Willaim Clay Ford explaining his
	decision to let Wayne Fontes keep his job as head coach.

TTom

    
    "You know, Boston leads the league in DH's..."
    
                 - The Swami on WBPS

    
    "If there's a better center than me and Otis (Hill) combined, I'd like
    to meet him."
    
    - SU backup pivot J.B. Reafsnyder
    

>    "If there's a better center than me and Otis (Hill) combined, I'd like
>    to meet him."
>    
>    - SU backup pivot J.B. Reafsnyder

You'd need a convention center...

Actually, I shouldn't be that hard on Otis.  But old Joseph Bernard needs
a reality check.

>But old Joseph Bernard needs a reality check.

I could stop JB from scoring at point-blank range AT LEAST 50% of the time.

that's if you don't play him Joe. Seems to me JB has
a better chance of hitting a shot with guys drapped
all over him than he does standing alone. I can't 
remember the last time I saw him hit an uncontested
layup.....

On the other hand Otis has become pretty consistent
this year. I've been impressed with his improvement.
Most of it probably comes from being more relaxed
and sure of himself.

mike

>On the other hand Otis has become pretty consistent
>this year. I've been impressed with his improvement.
>Most of it probably comes from being more relaxed
>and sure of himself.

Otis Hill is a very good low-post player...especially considering he's
just 6'8".  He got a great touch in the paint area, and that's with many
different releases.  If he can improve his defense and rebounding, I think
he has a shot at getting drafted by an NBA team in '97.

"For those of you scoring at home - congratulations!  The Sixers
and the Heat weren't..."

      Its a good thing that "they" changed all them rules to make higher
    scoring games.
    
      Tim

	"I'm a four-wheel-drive pickup type of guy and so is my wife."

				Mike Greenwell
				Boston Red Sox outfielder

Uh, Mike, I'd keep that kinda thing in the closet where it belongs...

TTom

Hey TTom,

Mike Greenwell has concussed hisself on the wall so many times in his career
that he's the Chris Miller of baseball.  He don' know what he's sayin' any
more.....


'Saw

    
> Mike Greenwell has concussed hisself on the wall so many times in his career
> that he's the Chris Miller of baseball.  He don' know what he's sayin' any
> more.....
    
    But he hails from deep in the heart of NASCAR country so that only
    makes him normal...
    
    glenn
    

>    But he hails from deep in the heart of NASCAR country so that only
>    makes him normal...

Them rednecks may not be the brightest bunch of fellas but they aint
marrying no guy, neither, too, also....

>Them rednecks may not be the brightest bunch of fellas but they aint
>marrying no guy, neither, too, also....


'Less it's one of them there guys who dresses up and looks like a woman and
they cain't tell till they get their can of lard and head on into the rumpus
room for a good time....

It sounds like you're rather familiar with the routine there, Saw. ;=]

If'n it happened like you say, it wouldn't be no callus shot off on that
day I can tell you.

TTom

>It sounds like you're rather familiar with the routine there, Saw. ;=]

Nah, that's from that "You know you're a redneck if..." joke.  

I don't use lard in bed.  I like a little ice cream and a packet of pink
stuff.

>If'n it happened like you say, it wouldn't be no callus shot off on that
>day I can tell you.

hahahahahaha.....

>I don't use lard in bed.  I like a little ice cream and a packet of pink
>stuff.

See, there's that ice cream thing again :*}

>                       -< and what happened to lacquer? >-

Threw it out when I got engaged...8^)

Greenwell story...

So last year we're sitting in the condo catching the noon news 
before heading out and Greenwell is on talking about some sort of 
charity event going on at his "park". He goes on for a minute and 
then asks everyone to come on down. The announcer aks Mike to 
tell everyone where the park is located and he says, "Well I 
think everyone knows where it is." End of interview. I look at 
the other two guys and ask them if they know where it is, nope.
They're closing the newscast and the anchors are doing the usual 
chit-chat:

"Going to be a fun time at Greenwell's today." 
"Yes sounds like fun." 
"He never did tell us where the park is located did he?"
"Uh, no"

Great business man that Mike is, free publicity and he refuses to 
give the location of his park.

duh.

I didn't know Greenwell owned a trailer park.

>I didn't know Greenwell owned a trailer park.

Say that reminds me:

	In West By Gawd Virginee, what does a tornado have in common
	with a divorce (and save the sister comments)?


	One way or another, somebody's gonna lose a trailer

TTom

A guy I used to play rugby with was a science teacher.  Funny, funny man.

He wanted to get grant money to study two natural phenomenon:


	1. Why it was that a tornado would invariably and always
	   make a course correction -- even a 180 course correction,
	   to hit a trailer park.


	2. Why, when a man wear light colored chino pants, especially
	   tan ones, and when he shakes and shakes and shakes IT after
	   peeing, does that last drop ALWAYS end up making a wet spot
	   on your chino pants.


I thought those were two studies with a grant.


'Saw

Deep, Saw, very deep!~

re: #1 Tornado - Their God's/Natures's/Other-Big-Entity's revenge on
trailers. They're created to seek and destroy and their onliest purpose
is to stop mobile homes. But to get funds for this, you must tread
lightly on the separation of church and state issues.

re: #2 Last drop of pee - Since ever one knows the wet spot on the khakis
theorem, I think the real money for this study is to do a brand name
comparison. Rig the data to show Dockers  get the spot most/worst and make
'em pay so you won't publish the resuults.

TTom

	"I just want you to write a story and tell him I apologize.
	And if he wants me to take it off the air, just call me
	and let me know."

						Shaq

In case you haven't seen 'em, Taco Bell has a new commercial for some
supposedly hot taco and in it Shaq apparently catches on fire. Some kid
who had been burned complained about the insensitivy to burn victims and
asked that the commercial be pulled.

The one fault in the commercial that I can find is that no one could
really believe that a Taco Bell taco tastes like anything much less hot
and spicy.

TTom

	"Oh my God, my butt is on fire!"

					Gwen Torrance
					After winning a 200-m race

>
>In case you haven't seen 'em, Taco Bell has a new commercial for some
>supposedly hot taco and in it Shaq apparently catches on fire. Some kid
>who had been burned complained about the insensitivy to burn victims and
>asked that the commercial be pulled.
>

No, more than likely said kid's parents put him/her up to it.


Sheesh.


>
>The one fault in the commercial that I can find is that no one could
>really believe that a Taco Bell taco tastes like anything much less hot
>and spicy.
>

Ditto.

      The Shaq commercial is just another dumb one.  Jeez, make him spit
    fire whilst he's chasing Hakeem around or sumthin dumb like that...
    
      Tim

	"It's am aura from God. No artificial chemical abuse.
	What you see is what you get."

				Don King
				Describing his hair

And speaking of Don King, I just got a memo that network services aint
getting it done so they're gonna hire another manager. 

One of the new guys:

>             Don King -  SPT, Japan and Asia Territories

TTom

	"They're the No. 1 team in the country and we're number
	nothing. They're supposed to beat us."

		Nolan Richardson, saying that the pressure will
		be on UMass.

	"We could beat the Cavaliers with our eyes closed. You can't
	play the way Cleveland plays in the NBA. They're playing high
	school ball. Beating them is no accomplishment."

		Dennis Rodman, expressing his opinion of the Knicks'
		first round playoff sweep of the Cavaliers.

    re-1
    
      Speaking of fuel and fire....

    Well it looks like Hal and Grono won't be having Rodman over for the 
    next hair coloring party.

	I need a little help ...

	I remember hearing a quote a few years ago with the basic gist
	that "age and experience will defeat youth and ???" but I can't
	find the exact quote ... anyone have any idea??

	I am pretty sure it came from a sports figure when he (or his team)
	beat a younger, supposedly athletically superior opponent ...

	Vinny

I think it goes:

	Age and experience will defeat youth and Cheese Whiz

TTom

I thought it was "Age and Cheez Whiz will beat youth."

    
    
      Wasn't it Aged Cheeze Whiz makes for experienced youth?

    Grabbed from the local rag:
    
    	The Chicago Tribune's Bernie Lincicome recently wrote a column in
    which he compared Mike Tyson and Tonya Harding and their
    away-from-the-sporting-arena troubles.  "After all, boxing and figure
    skating are not that different.  Both are scored by judges, the losers
    ususally fall down, and the announcers wear tuxedos".
    
    Kinda reminded me of two arch enemies here in SPROTS.  Even they have a
    common bond.
    
    Kevin

    Has anyone thought of fixing the two of them up?
    
    Tyson seems to be following in the tradition of Rocky Marciano in his
    off-ring female encounters.  Fortunately for Rocky, in his day the
    Champ could do no wrong.

You're just jealous 'cause Rocky stole your girl... :-)

    Roland to chronologically fix it I lost a nickel on the Ezzard Charles
    fight and 10 years later won $10 on Ali - Liston I as a soph at BC
    taking 10-1 odds.  Never knew Rock's harem but did date a girl friendly
    with 60s Celtics - she had nothing good to say about Russell.

    
    >> Rocky Marciano 
    
       The single most overrated athlete in the history of sports.

    Why do you feel that way?
    
    Marciano and Hagler are considered by most in the northeast to be
    hometown hero's. Marciano retired without losing a pro fight. 49-0
    I beleive. How's that overated?

    
      The average age of Marciano's opponents was 34. He fought
     Joe Louis, Jersey Joe Walcott and Archie Moore when they
     were damn near drawing Social Security. He was a good fighter
     but hardly a great one.

    The other 46 must have been bums too. You've convinced me.

    I'm not sure Marciano was that young when he fought them either.  He
    had war service and a late career.  He was smart enought to wrap it up
    before getting hammered.  Some think his best sport was baseball as he
    had awesome power.
    
    I don't recall him ducking anyone and Ezzard Charles was pretty much in
    his prime when they had the fights.  Most of the early "40" were stiffs
    although a 40s/50s stiff was another thing entirely from a McNeeley
    style setup.

    The "single most overrated athlete in the history of sports"?
    
    
    I'd have to go with someone like Deion Sanders, or maybe Bo Jackson.
    I'm going by the fame-to-accomplishment ratio metric, of course.  
    Probably 6 of your top 10 are from New York, Don Mattingly, Joe Namath, 
    guys like that...
    
    glenn
    
    

    
  >> The other 46 must have been bums too. You've convinced me.
    
     Peter McNeely could have gone 49-0 with the right scheduling.

    Are you saying Jordan is a better center than Ewing or Jordan has won
    three championships playing alonside Pippen and Cartwright and others?
    
    Didn't I have Jordan only behind Russell and Magic?  Or did you mean
    Bird?  And noone had documented the fiscal sins done by the nba upon
    mj as I have thought perhaps not here.

    Not only did Peter never face a Charles or even Moore,Jersey Joe or
    Louis at the age Rocky did, Tyson's never faced that level of talent.
    
    The type of stiff Rocky beat is name Buster Douglas today.  Not that
    Rocky could have handled Tyson, I'm a big Tyson fan but the heavyweight
    division had a small renaissance 1968-74, Holmes and several guys who
    were pretty good while Cus D'amato kept his bum away from real
    fighters.  But this current crop including "Fats" Bowe is nothing to
    brag about.
    
    If you want me to concede Joe Frazier as an 8-5 choice over the Rock
    I'll think about that one.

    The right scheduling???? Marciano never ducked anybody in his era. He
    fought the very best fighters that were around at that time. It's to
    bad that you consider them to be bums. To me 49-0 speaks for itself.
    He was the best fighter of his day and proved it. One of the very best
    of all time pound for pound in my opinion. 49-0 is still the record. 
    Holmes came close but lost the 49th fight if I remember correctly and
    even he hadn't started to fight bums yet. Marciano got out when he
    didn't have anything else to prove. He'd already beaten all your
    over the hill bums and then some.  

    
       Marciano didn't have to duck anyone. Between the fixes and 
      the fogeys he had about as easy a reign as champ as anyone 
      in the last 50 years. Care to name a great Marciano fight? 
      The comparison to Holmes is an apt one because they both
      came along during dead spots and while they beat everyone 
      out there, the fact is there wasn't much out there although
      Marciano was much more coddled. Holmes would have beat him 
      like he stole something. 

While I agree that Marciano is generally overrated, I would have to say the
Ezzard Charles fights were great fights, classic puncher-boxer confrontations.

During Muhammad Ali's enforced layoff, he made a movie based on a computer
matchup between him and Marciano.  The computer had Marciano cut and bleeding,
but stopping Ali in the late rounds.  Horse puckey, was my feeling at the
time.  The cut and bleeding part was right enough, but the computer greatly
underrated Ali's chin.  He would have handled Marciano like he handled Joe
Frazier in their third fight.

Bill, I'm not sure about Marciano v. Frazier:  remember what happened to Joe
when he got into the ring with a puncher (Foreman).

Steve

    Name a great Marciano fight? For me? How about all of em. Cuz he beat
    the living snot out of everyone who got in the ring with em. Ezzard
    Charles, Archie Moore, Jersey Joe Walcott, Joe Louis. What a lineup
    of bums that is. Yeah, right.
    
    Name me a fighter who would have wanted to face those guys at any age.
    
    Holmes couldn't carry Marciano's jock.
    The Rock would have taught Mr Tyson some manners.
    Marciano would have knocked Frazier out.
    Ali "the Greatest" would have beaten the Rock.
    In my opinion of course.

    
    >> Ezzard Charles, Archie Moore, Jersey Joe Walcott, Joe Louis. What 
    >> a lineup of bums that is. Yeah, right.
    
       Moore and Walcott were both pushing 40 when they fought Marciano.
       Louis was well past it.
    

    "You're right, you're no Wally Pipp"	
    
    Adam's wife in the cartoon this morning after he told her he'd play
    injured in that night's softball game.  She had asked who Pipp was and
    Adam responded "A liftime .300 hitter who took a day off for a headache
    and was replaced by Lou Gehrig".
    
    I've pasted it on Waugaman's office.
    
    Btw - The size difference did in Frazier vs Foreman - Marciano was more
    his size but yes, indeed, quite a puncher.  Tommy forgets the sheer
    volume of good fighters in the 40s from all the clubs and the money
    incentive unmatched elsewhere.  Just like today there's hundreds of
    basketball players with the complete set of fundementals, then they had
    the numbers with all the boxing tools.  Today there aren't a hundred
    in the world.

	"Seeing this and leaving is like going out on a date
	with Michell Pfeiffer and then expecting to have
	dinner with Minnie Pearl."

	Carmen Policy, in Charlotte with the NFL owners meeting,
	after seeing the Painters new stadium, reflecting on his
	efforts to get a new one in San Francisco.

TTom

    I would think a dinner with Minnie Pearl would be very interesting. 
    Perhaps an apres soiree with Michelle without a lot of conversation
    would seal the evening.

    
      Minnie Pearl is dead. 

>     Minnie Pearl is dead. 

	That's the only reason dinner with her would be really interesting!


	zamboni

           <<< Note 49.229 by SPIKED::SWEENEY "Tom Sweeney in OGO" >>>
                                  -< Well... >-

>     Minnie Pearl is dead. 

	That's the only reason dinner with her would be really interesting!


And from the True News of the Weird:


           <<< CAM::SYS$SYSDEVICE:[NOTES$LIBRARY]SPORTS_91.NOTE;1 >>>
               -< CAM::SPORTS -- Digital's Daily Sports Tabloid >-
================================================================================
Note 20.128                   The SPORTS.Joke Topic                   128 of 128
CAM::WAY "She said she sure could take it if I roll" 18 lines  30-APR-1991 14:09
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Read this in USA Today yesterday.  It's true, not a joke, but it strikes
me as hilariously funny.


In (get this) Batesville, Arkansas, a 29 year old guy was arrested by the
police for disturbing a corpse.

With the permission of the funeral home, he checked out his mother's corpse
(she had died recently) and he took her to a party that she had requested
(but never got) before she died.

Police found her at the party, with a can of beer in one hand, and an
unlit cigarette in another....


Too much!

'Saw

which of course reminds one of ol' Sam Kinison. 

When questioned about why he made jokes about having sex with dead people
he replied that since he had been married twice and this was a topic that
he knew something about....

TTom

	"They haven't announced this yet, but I believe the Olympics is
	going to be moved back a day ... because they asked me to carry
	the torch for six-tenths of a mile in Indianapolis. If that
	happens, it definitely will be late in arriving in Atlanta."

		Notre Dame football coach, Lou Holtz, talking
		about his stint in the Olympic Torch relay.

    Ole Lou sandbaggin again..
    
    it'll only be delayed a half a day!!!!

	"I'm realistic, but there's no reason to be afraid. What
	can he possibly do to me that he hasn't done to everybody
	else."

		Sonic guard Hersey Hawkins 
		on guarding Michael Jordan.

TTom

	"They could line up orange crates and people would get
	slivers in their butts to watch Michael Jordan. But you
	could put recliners in and they wouldn't watch the
	Brewers."

		Michael Ellis, Wisconsin state senator
		suggesting the Brewers oughta start winning
		rather than build a new stadium to boost attendance.

    Here's my all-time favorite (just in case one of youse been in
    a cave the last twenty years):
    
    Former Milwaukee Braves catcher Bob "Front Row" Uecker on catching
    Phil Neikro's knuckball --
    
    	"It's easy.  You just wait 'til it stops rolling, walk over
    	 and pick it up."
    
    
    

A sampler from a_interview with Dennis Rodman:

When asked what he thought the Sonics would throw at him for Game 2:

	"I hope somebody's wife."

When asked about his buddies, Pearl Jam, rooting for the Sonics:

	"... but we're still friends."

When asked about plans for the future:

	"Win the title, get on a plan, go to Vegas,
	come back here, get a new contract, win
	another title, go to Vegas again."

And don't fergit to be the firsted one on your block to suck a Dennis
Rodman sucker. It's said to be a fat worm with Rodman's head on the end.
Sounds like something he might've shared with Madonna...

TTom

from a_article by Mark Whicker, Orange County Register:

	Commissioner David Stern claims the 50-year old story of the
	NBA is "an extraordinary parallel to life in America. 

	Well, yes. There is more crime, drug abuse self-absorption,
	noise and egomania in American today, and the NBA certainly
	has kept pace... 

	I hope there's room to recognize who made pro basketball
	what it isn't' today - fun. 

	Like Marvin Barnes, who refused to fly from Louisville to
	St. Louis because the departure was at 8 a.m. EST and
	arrival was at 7:55 a.m. CST. "I ain't gettin' in no time
	machine," he said. 

TTom

    Marvin was an accessory in a bus holdup.  Solving the crime wasn't to
    difficult when the search went out for a 6'9" fellow wearing an East
    Providence High School jacket with the name "Marvin" on it.
    
    A great basketball player who let it go to waste.

    He was also a pretty fair iron player.
    
    Tire iron, that is!

... and then there's the time that he was knocked off his feet by the
exhaust from a commercial jet...

and oldie but goodie:

	"Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it 
	does look like he hasn't eaten in a while."

	Charles Barkley, after elbowing an Angolan basketball 
	opponent in the Olympics

	"I'm going to walk up to Jack Nicklaus and tell him
	that 'If you don't win, I'm here.'"

		Dr. Jack Kevorkian
		during the U.S. Open

"I hope that the rest room facilities will be adequate next month at
the Centennial Olympic Stadium in Atlanta, where fans at the U.S.
track and field trials were advised by the public address announcer
to drink eight to 16 ounces of water an hour."
 
		Allan Malamud
		Sprots writer from the Los Angeles Times

> 
>		Allan Malamud
>		Sprots writer from the Los Angeles Times
>

Okay, this is begging this question ---  is he any relation to the writer
Bernard?

I don't write 'em. I just pilfer 'em.

    "[What makes this draft so interesting] is no one has a clue"
    
    Marty Blake of NBA Scouting

major typo:

	"If I want a dog to guard my home, I don't want
	no damn poodle"

		The real Thompson quote on Falk

>> > 
>> >		Allan Malamud
>> >		Sprots writer from the Los Angeles Times
>> >

>> Okay, this is begging this question ---  is he any relation to the writer
>> Bernard?

No.  Allan Malamud was a writer for many many years on Hearst's entry in
the LA newspaper market, the old Herald Examiner.  When that folded, he
joined the Times.  I don't remember his ever being mentioned in connection
with Bernard.

Steve

	"It's not about being the highest paid. It's about
	being respected. I know, with all the years I've
	played, maybe everyone considers me underpaid. And
	by no means can I get my worth. I don't think the
	league is big enough to give me what I'm worth,
	actually." 

			Michael Jordan
			asked about his contract demands

  And the scary part is that he's probably right.

  George

TTom, you've said yourself any number of times that MJ "rescued the
league" by coming out of retirement.  That transcends the issue of
his value to a team, in the same way as applies to Wayne Gretzky.

These guys make money for everyone, their owner, other owners, other
players, shoe manufacturers, and on and on.

It is not likely that a single team can pay what that it worth.  On
the other hand, the way the market works, he makes vastly more for his
endorsements than he does for playing basketball, and should consider
that when making demands on his team.

How soon we forget Magic Johnson giving back salary to improve the
Lakers' ability to field a winning team.

Steve

I understand and admit that, Steve.

Jordan is by far the biggest thing the league has going for him.
Unfortunately, he's about the onliest real star left.

Shaq doesn't seem to care enough to carry the league. Grant Hill seems
like much to nice a guy to be The Star.

I'm open for other suggestions.

TTom

    how soon we forgot that 5 years ago jordan gave back money from 
    his salary to keep/sign Scottie Pippen...
    
    Even if Jordan is worth 25,50 or 100Mil per year to the league you
    can't disrupt the entire system by paying him that much.  I think
    everyone agree's that for the past 6+ years he was been the biggest
    draw and most important figure in the NBA and may well be for the
    next 3 years.  But if you pay him 25Mil per year and then you have
    guys like Zo and Shaq demanding 20Mil per years things will be out
    of control.
    
    If you compare zo/shaq's worth compared to Jordans you give them about
    10%, neither have brought anything to there teams yet...
    
    								MaB

The real problem lies in the fact that people worth significantly less than
Jordan were given long term contracts worth $60 million or more.  What that
does is establish a floor for Jordan's salary, and his salary will wind up
being as high above that floor as he can leap.  The NBA will be even more
of a have/have-not league than MLB, by the time this settles.  And if the
have-nots have any brains, they will concentrate on regaining control of
their union.

Steve

    Probably only Pele in the history of sports matched the pinnacle of
    athletic reknown that Jordan has.  Unlike Pele he is playing a sport
    which is popular where the money is and in an age of relatively free
    market sharing of the wealth.
    
    Of course he's no Arnold Schwartzenegar or even Demi Moore in terms of
    dollars earned per unit of work.

Yeah, I'll never forget Pele coming into LA to play a friendly at the
Coliseum, either with Santos or the National Team.  The opponents were
either Mexican League teams or their National Team, and the game would
always start half an hour late because everybody connected with the
other side had to get his picture taken with the star.

And Pele never said no to anyone, but bore it all with remarkable grace.
And then he went out and gave everything he had on the pitch, because he
knew that no game was meaningless in which he took part.

We shall never see his likes again.

Steve

re: .255

Well put, Steve.

Certainly, when LJ and Big Dog get 80+ mil and Arnold, Sly and Demi get
10 t0 20 mil a movie, Jordan is worth a ton.

And once he agrees to a figger that he can afford to take, all the other
nexted biggest names will know what they can get.

And the second and third tier players in the league, like the other
leagues, gets less and less.

I think it is the arrogance of these lesser players that keep 'em from
realizing that as Jordan and the Falksters get more, they will get, at
least as a percentage, less.

TTom

    
    	Not that I agree with LJ or Big Dogs contract, but they are long
    term contracts. LJ's is 84 million over 12 YEARS, which is an average
    of 7 million a season. Big Dogs contract is over 10 years, for about
    the same average. So MJ is asking for ~2.5 times more then what LJ
    or Big Dog got, which is a little high IMO. MJ should be getting about
    15 million a year, with Zo/Shaq around 11/12 a season.
    
    Ron

    
  >> Probably only Pele in the history of sports matched the pinnacle of
  >> athletic reknown that Jordan has.  
    
     Ever heard of Muhammad Ali? Neither Jordan nor Pele are/were anywhere 
     near the level that Ali attained when he was regularly feted by heads 
     of state and stars of every magnitude. Jordan has the benefit of being
     a product of the great media age but he still has a long way to go
     to reach Ali's status. A real long way to go. 

    I knew I was forgetting someone.  Ali I agree with but in terms of
    greatness in the sport I thinks it may be Pele,Jordan,Ali.  But that
    wasn't the issue.
    
    Maybe Gretzky should be #4.

>    I knew I was forgetting someone.  Ali I agree with but in terms of
>    greatness in the sport I thinks it may be Pele,Jordan,Ali.  But that
>    wasn't the issue.
>    
>    Maybe Gretzky should be #4.

Oh c'mon Bill.  I thought you'd be lobbying hard for Steve Grogan.  8^)

    >Pele was in a league of his own
    
    Fwiw. Pele has said, on record, that the two best soccer/football players
    ever were:- 
    
    a/ Bobby Moore:- His quote was "It was just impossible to get past the
       man."
    
    b/ George Best.
    
    
    CHARLEY

>    b/ George Best.

Sorry, CHARLEY, but in SPROTS this is a_oxymoron.

TTom

    Not really, for sheer natural talent and skill you'd be hard pushed to
    find another apart from maybe Ruud Gullit. I, for one, never rated Pele
    with the adulation that alot of people do. He's certainly up there in
    the list of all time greats, but not at the top.
    
    
    CHARLEY

    Ooops...sorry Ttom.
    
    George slightly better than him but not as good as that bloke.
    
    
    CHARLEY

 wish I was still on vaca but that's another matter...so much catching up to do
 
 If I'm Faulk MJ's the last to sign. Let these idiot owners buy up all the 
 other agents and then demand 5 plus  on top of the highest for MJ's services.
 I'd still take the Worm before him though. Throughout the playoffs the
 Worm was the dominating and deciding factor in more victories than MJ. MORE
 HEART! Besides it also looks Dennis like is the next hot thing. How many MJ    
 shirts can you own?  

 As for Ali, he owes it all to Gourgeous George...........

 mike

 >If I'm Faulk MJ's the last to sign. Let these idiot owners buy up all the 
 >other agents and then demand 5 plus  on top of the highest for MJ's services.

The only problem with this is if the players already signed to that point
knock down cap availability enough so that it limits the number of teams that
could afford Jordan.

but Roland he isn't going anywhere and I would imagine any team that might
seriously consider getting his services would pass on everybody else until they
heard from him. He's worth waiting for. He could probably pick up Moses's
four buddies from Petersburg VA (?) and win a championship. Unless of course
Rodman played for the opposistion.

mike

	"At this point, I don't think he wants to fight
	anybody who can fight."

		Riddick Bowe, on Mike Tyson ducking him
		before lasted night's fight

       BODY hair is a sign of intelligence in men, a London conference on
       psychiatry was told yesterday.
    

Even if'n it's on your palm?

The issue of hair for men seems to often be a case of too much some
places and not enough others. I guess you'd call it regional
intelligence.

TTom

	"Somebody has to head them off sooner or later.
	Russia fell, but how long did that take?"

	Texas Tech football coach Spike Dykes
	in reply to questions about who in the Big12 will beat Nebraska

>	"Somebody has to head them off sooner or later.
>	Russia fell, but how long did that take?"
    
    But more than likely it'll be the big bad NCAA before another Big12 
    team...
    
    
    glenn
    

If'n you look at the polls, right now it would seem that Tennessee has
the inside line at losing on New Year's Day to the Huskers.

TTom

    
      All them years of running a virtually scandal free program, 
     Osborne had zero titles to show for it. No his program is 
     pointed to as Exhibit A of what's wrong with college foot-
     ball and he's going for the threepeat. Coincidence? 

    You do have a point although if you reverse the cart and the horse that
    statement may be valid also.  It probably points out as you correctly
    say that the state of college football is that any program that is
    scrutinized (ok because it is successful) is liable to have its cracks.
    
    I do hope Christian Peter is signed by an Nfl team and can try again to
    be successful in his chosen profession and hopefully in his personal
    life.  St Louis would be the natural team since then the attacks could
    be shared by both ex-huskers.  Phillips by far and away the more
    deserving of the attacks.

	"I feel for the schools... But look at the positive effect
	of pro football on a community, the emotional investment
	of people at large. You can't equate that with fixing up
	the schools."

		Art Modell, Baltimore Ravens owner.

This is from a whole special section in USA Today about the costs of
subsidizing pro franchises. In a_effort to avoid a possible rathole,
that's the word that they use so if'n you don't like the word, talk to
them.

In the articles, they reference communities that are forking over
hundreds of millions of dollars on sprots franchises and arenas leaving
them with little or no money for the other things like local education.

They have a summary of the major facilities for the various towns and
leagues. A lot of the local tax based funding is not shown. For instance,
for the Panthers, they say that the stadium was built through PSLs and
private investment when in fack public money was used to buy, improve and
basically give the land to the Richardsons.

A typical sprots franchise returns little direct revenue to the
community. A good example is the Charlotte Coliseum which was built for
the paltry sum of some $50 million. Another 10 mill has gone into it for
repairs and upgrade. In the entire history of the franchise, a grand
total of 10 mill has come back to the area.

TTom

    Modell appears to suffer from (Marge) Schottzheimer's Disease... he's 
    already got the sweetheart deal; best to just muzzle himself now. 
    
    glenn
    

Yeah, ol' Art was really worried about that positive effect in
Cleveland...

TTom

	>> "I feel for the schools... But look at the positive effect
	>> of pro football on a community, the emotional investment
	>> of people at large. You can't equate that with fixing up
	>> the schools."

           Other than maybe Green Bay, what town ever had a bigger
           emotional investment in a football franchise than Cleveland 
           did in the Browns. It didn't stop him from ripping their
           heart out and dragging it down the street. Shut up and count 
           your money, Art. You care nothing about Baltimore, schools, 
           emotional investments or anything else other than lining your
           pockets.

        
    

Sounds like the best thing that can happen to a town is to lose its
NHL franchise.  Once it gets over the shock, it can turn its attention
to the incidentals, like its schools.

Modell's statement is nothing short of sickening.

Steve

   Special report: The Stadium Binge 
   
  Baltimore's new stadium caused revolt in legislature
  
   In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
   
   A stately pleasure-dome
   
   decree.
   
   -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
   
   BALTIMORE - Baltimore is not Xanadu. Art Modell is not Kubla Khan. And
   the story of the Cleveland Browns' move to Baltimore is not poetry.
   
   But the opening lines of Coleridge's Kubla Khan resonate in Baltimore,
   where a stately stadium will be built by state decree, complete with
   luxury boxes and club seats for the pleasure of those wealthy enough
   to afford them.
   
   The issue became a political football in the Maryland House of
   Delegates before it was funded in March to the tune of $200 million.
   Some legislators thought the money would be better spent on other
   things.
   
   ``I feel sorry for their position,'' Modell says. ``I feel for the
   schools. I feel for welfare. But look at the positive effect of pro
   football on a community, the emotional investment of people at large.
   You can't equate that with fixing up the schools.''
   
   D. Bruce Poole, a delegate who voted against the stadium, begs to
   differ. ``I'm not one who says you never put public funds in a
   football stadium,'' he says. ``But this is not free enterprise. This
   is putting money directly in Mr. Modell's pocket.''
   
   Not so, says John A. Moag Jr., chairman of the Maryland Stadium
   Authority. ``I think some legislators do not want the facts to get in
   the way of opposing the stadium deal.''
   
   Here's the deal: The state pays $200 million to build it. About $91
   million comes from selling bonds to be paid back over 30 years with
   lottery funds. Another $67 million comes directly from lottery coffers
   between now and 2000. The rest, about $42 million, comes from other
   sources, such as admission taxes.
   
   That is in contrast with the Washington Redskins' privately financed
   stadium going up in Maryland's Washington suburbs. There the state
   pays just $75 million for infrastructure.
   
   But Moag says Baltimore's is still a good deal for the state. He says
   as much as $9.3 million a year in admission taxes and other revenue
   will accrue to city and state. He says the stadium will generate the
   equivalent of 1,400 full-time jobs; Poole says a state fiscal services
   report puts it at 534.
   
   During the height of the legislative debate, Modell agreed to pay back
   $24 million in construction costs. Critics called it political cover.
   ``Like putting perfume on a skunk,'' state Sen. Chris Van Hollen Jr.
   says.
   
   How and when the $24 million will be paid is under negotiation. Bruce
   H. Hoffman, executive director of the stadium authority, says it
   probably will be worked out this winter. But he says it probably will
   be paid over time, not in a lump sum, reducing its present value.
   
   ``I stepped up to the plate as a good citizen,'' Modell says. ``The
   stadium had run into some political difficulty.''
   
   Modell gets a rent-free lease at his new stadium, but Moag says the
   team will pay maintenance costs to the stadium authority. He calls
   that a better deal for the state because, he says, rent paid by the
   Baltimore Orioles does not cover maintenance costs at the Camden Yards
   ballpark that will be the new stadium's neighbor.
   
   Modell bristles at the notion he has a giveaway deal.
   
   ``We are not guaranteed a nickel of income,'' he says. ``The only
   guarantee we have is of a stadium. There are guaranteed ticket sales
   in St. Louis and Nashville, Jacksonville (Fla.) and Charlotte. The
   Raiders in Oakland have guarantees running into the ocean.
   
   ``We have no guarantees, but it is a good deal. I never said it
   wasn't. I'd be awfully stupid after 30 years to pick up and go to
   Baltimore for crabcakes.''
   
   -Eric Brady, USA TODAY

>   How and when the $24 million will be paid is under negotiation. Bruce
>   H. Hoffman, executive director of the stadium authority, says it
>   probably will be worked out this winter. But he says it probably will
>   be paid over time, not in a lump sum, reducing its present value.
>   
>   ``I stepped up to the plate as a good citizen,'' Modell says. ``The
>   stadium had run into some political difficulty.''
 
    Hahahahaha.  "Just leave the details up to me", says Uncle Art, good
    citizen and all-around good guy...
    
    glenn
      

I like the part about how they differ on the number of local jobs. It's
either 1400 or 534 depending on who you believe.

Kinda sounds like those handgun statistics that show that concealed
handguns either raised or lowered the crime rate.

BTW, the articles on stadiums is at

	http://www.usatoday.com/sports/stads01.html

TTom

    
 >> I like the part about how they differ on the number of local jobs. It's
 >> either 1400 or 534 depending on who you believe.
    
    Pretend it's somewhere in the middle. Even still, most of them
    are low paying and unskilled jobs like cleanup crew and concession
    stand vendors. No matter how you slice it, econmically a stadium/
    football team is a poor way to spend several hundred million dollars. 
    

That seems to be the consensus.

At least now they caint pretend that franchises will be a big boon to the
local economy.

Good thing the jobs are for unskilled considering the school systems are
going down the toilet.

TTom

Let's see, if moving the Ravens into a new stadium next to Camden Yards
will create N new jobs (regardless of the size of N), how many jobs will
be lost when they cease to play at their current venue?

Steve

	"I saw the replay. It looked really bad, didn't it?
	It made me surprised again that it wasn't all over for me."

		Carolina QB, Kerry Collins on his knee injury
		which amazingly was only a mild sprain.

TTom

That's racin'.


8^)

	"If a back fumbles - and they understand this - and it
	causes me to lose my poise, and my vocabulary is not the
	type it should be to represent the University of Notre
	Dame, that is the fault of the guy fumbling and he has
	to be held accountable for that sin." 

		Notre Dame football coach Lou Holtz discussing
		a solution to his team's problem with fumbling. 

  Lord, save me from my tail back,

  George

	"I don't believe Desmond Howard is going to blossom into a
	big-money WR at age 27 and in his sixth NFL season. Doesn't
	happen. No matter what kind of moves he has, a wideout
	doesn't start running his routes just right and becoming a
	fanatic on learning the playbook after five years of barely
	hanging on in the NFL."

	Meanwhile, yo, Larry Brown, where are you?"

			Edwin Pope, Miami Herald,
			discussing Superbowl MVPs

The SB MVP is starting to look like the SI jinx

    "All I did was go to work every day and do the best I could."
    
    					Mike Webster
    
    
    

>                              -< truly classic! >-
>
>    "All I did was go to work every day and do the best I could."
>    
>    					Mike Webster
>    


As an exercise (just an exercise mind you) compare and contrast this
with, say, Ricky Henderson's "I'm the greatest of all time," or whatever it was
that he said after setting the base stealing record....
    
    

	"They knew we were the JV game."

		Larry Brown, coach of Indiana Pacers,
		on why the Wednesday Hornets-Pacers game was on at 7:30
		and the Duke-No Carolina game was on at 9.

	"A lot of poeple want that one shot. 
	Unfortunately, its at my expense."


		Tiger Woods, whining about fans
		taking pictures of him while he's playing.

    
     Tiger should have done what Mike Webster did upon his appointment
    to the Pro Football HoF and said something completely meaningless
    and self-serving like "All I did was go out and work hard everyday."
    It sounds like Tiger has a legit gripe but there's not much he can
    do about it and what he's saying will only make it worse.

>meaningless and self-serving

So which is it? If'n it's meaningless it caint be self-serving and if'n
it's self-serving it caint be meaningless.

And Tiger has no legitimacy with his gripe or his whining. Fan behavior
is pretty much completely under control in his sport. If'n he don't wanna
participate in tourneys wherein he don't agree with the rules, just don't
show.

TTom

	>> "A lot of poeple want that one shot. 
	>> Unfortunately, its at my expense."


		>> Tiger Woods, whining about fans
		>> taking pictures of him while he's playing.
    
    
       Wrong! The quote was about the folks swooning ove Woods' 
       partnet Kevin Costner.

Wrong,

The quote is from the front page of USA Today. The whine is really about
this particular tournament and how they let fans actually take pictures
of the players. EGAD!~ what will they come to next.

But don't worry, if'n you want more whining, turn to the lasted page and
you'll see a_article entitled "Mind p's [sic] and q's [sic] when watching
Tiger."

Tiger does have one thing nice about the fans:

	"They're learning"

TTom

    
      Here's a big section of that USA Today piece that directly
      contradicts the view that you're giving:
    

''They're learning,'' said Woods of spectators who have flocked to PGA Tour
events to see golf's latest phenomenon.

''It's good they're out watching me play, getting to know me. But it's as
if you went to a basketball game, and you'd never seen one before. You
wouldn't know what to do.''

In Phoenix an estimated 120,000 spectators came to the third round.

''They'd had a few (drinks),'' said Woods, 21. ''They made some noise. But
they never really yelled during my swing.''

    

For a little diff'rnet take on it, here's what the guy who actually won
the event said about the crowd.

"Yeah, I heard the crowd roar," [Mark] O'Meara said about the deafening
response to birdies by Woods on Nos. 16 and 17. "That just motivates me
more."
 
"I've been doing this for 17 years," O'Meara said. "If I can't
handle the pressure I should get another job."

But of course, O'Meara won. One can only wonder if'n ol' Tiger woulda
been whining if'n he'd won...

TTom

    
  >> The quote is from the front page of USA Today. 
    
     You mean the one titled "Woods Unhappy With Pebble Beach Pairing"?
     We built him up nad now we must kill him.

No the one entitled: "Pro-Am, cameras just don't click for Woods."

>     We built him up nad now we must kill him.

If'n that's your rule, have at it. I hardly think me raggin on his
whining is equivalent, even in the literary sense, of killin 'im.

Ya gotta watch that firsted premise, Tommy.

TTom

Now, I'll be the firsted to admit that I can get carried away.

I read another headline in USA Today as:

	"Wood's Jordan-like gripe send TV ratings soaring."

In all fairness to both of 'em, the headline was about their grip.

TTom

	"I haven't committed hari-kari yet,
	but I've thought about it for a month."

		Big Bad John Elway
		who aint got over being whooped by the Jagwires

    
    
    He'll probably wait till next year whne they have to play in the ugly
    new uniforms. They're worse than the Ravens

they're just building in excuse for next year with that change.....

	"I've always been a league guy. I'll abide by whatever
	the league says. If they say I can't do anything for a
	while, I'm not doing anything for a while. I know I'm
	going to be here (New York) in 1998, I know that." 

		Bill Parcells, discussing what NFL commissioner 
		Tagliabue might decide about his contract(s).
		

	"He would have been crushed back then. During my time, if
	you did a 360-degree dunk you either would be on your butt
	or on the bench. It was called hot dogging back then." 

			Wilt Chambelain on how Michael Jordan
			would have fared during his playing days.

	"Like the old cliche, the grass is always greener on the
	other side. Well, I was in mud. Now I'm back to a nice,
	fertilized lawn." 

		Oliver Miller on his return to Toronto after giving
		up a guaranteed $5.3 mil to go to Dallas for $250K 
		and now going back to the Raptors for $90K. 

	"I'm not burned out. I take a few fishing trips, enjoy
	the family, meetings with coaches and players. When I
	feel it slipping, I hope to recognize it and get out."

		Tom Osborne, Nebraska Head Football Coach
		after celebrating his 60th birthday Sunday.

	"It was too easy for him in college. He was easily
	the best player. Now he's up against equals every
	night, and he's not always up to it."

		Toronto Raptors Coach Darrell Walker
		assessing rookie Marcus Camby

I think Camby was just a_optical illusion....

        Boeheim on the NCAA tourney -

    "I look at some of the teams in the tournament and I'm amazed.  I'm
    even more surprised that the Big East can't get five teams in." 

    And on Virginia -

    "They didn't beat anybody, they just played in a league and got beat a
    lot.  So I guess if you get beat a lot, that means you should be in."

    Guess Syracuse didn't lose enough games this year.

    UMDan 

Put me down for questioning Virginia. Y'all kept saying they're in and
they're in but I wouldn't put 'em there.

I woulda left off Vanderbilt and Southern Cal, too.

TTom

	"If Mike gets into a pinch this summer, I'll be in Chicago,
	working out like the physical fitness nut I am."

			Jim McMahon, erstwhile Packer QB
			on possibly retiring or not