Conference thebay::joyoflex

    Steven, 4, doesn't believe me that the big brick building downtown
    is a bank.
    
    It doesn't have a slot for pennies. . .
    
    --bonnie 

    Does the author of .2 consider that language is only for adults ?  
    Do children not have the capability as described in .0 to make us 
    take a second look at the words we so often utter without so much
    as a backward glance ?  We pick at one another in an intellectual
    way in this file, but sometimes we should look at ourselves with
    some naivte.  It is rather like humour, we often see movies that
    are intellectually humourous and we laugh in our mind, but just
    occasionally we see a movie that makes us laugh from our stomach
    and we feel so good for it too.
    
    No, this note is not reeking sentimentality (although this reply
    may well be!); it is, rather, another way of looking at the words
    and language we take for granted.  We talk of children's naivte
    and adults intellect, maybe it's time to turn the tables for a while
    and look at children's intellect and our own naivte.
    
    stuart

    My elder son, then about nine, was looking at the wrapper of an
    unopened tubular packet of biscuits (cookies?). Printed thereon was the
    usual "sell by" legend, "Best before end:" but the embossed date was so
    faint as to be almost illegible. 
    
    "Dad" he said "why are the nicest ones in the middle?"
    
    -- brian
    
    P.S. Sentimental? kids, in my experience, aren't. Let's enjoy their
    sayings with that in mind.

    My son, 4, referred yesterday to `getting unchanged' after a swim
    (preparatory to which, of course, he got changed).
    
    Loads more, but I don't remember them long enough to write them
    down.
    
    b

    Some time ago, H. Allen Smith published a couple of collections
    of children's writings, _Write Me a Poem, Baby_, and _Don't Get
    Perconel [sic] With a Chicken_.  He even gave his criteria for
    separating true children's essays from clever fakes by adults.
    
    One that I always enjoyed, which seems somewhat appropriate, was
    a young lady's couplet on the Fall season:
    
                   Autumn days are here.
                   You always expect them, this time of year.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

 1  On finding that we had a third child due, we asked the first two,
    then aged 6 and 4, "Would you rather have a brother or sister?"
    
    After some sotto voce debate they replied, "Neither, we'd rather
    have a puppy."
    
    My wife's response was unrecorded, but I recall she was not excited
    at the prospect.
    
2   This third child, now aged 8, in response to a comment about my
    weight, said, "You're not fat daddy, you just need to be taller."
    
3   Many years ago a friend's 5 year old ran into the house and asked,
    "Where did I come from?"  After a 5 minute explanation of the facts
    of life Isobel finished with "... is that alright, Christopher?"
    
    Christopher thought for a moment and then said, "David, next door,
    comes from Redcar"
    
    (Geographic note - Redcar is a town in NE England)
    
    Be sure you understand the question first!!

    "Bumples, ... what women have on their chests" (my younger daughter
    at about 3 years old).

    Grabbity.
    
    						Ann B.

    G'day,
    
    My younger son, then aged 7 (now 16 :-( ) came in one day and said
    ..
    
    "I don't know if you will understand this....
    B u t 
    
    How do you catch a bra?  
    
    Looking truthful and serious...
    
    
    You set a booby trap.
    
    Also a friend recalled the story of his friend's young delicate
    as floss young 4 year-old daughter...
    Daddy is working in the garage...
    
    
    "Daddy, Miffy(the cat) can in here yesterday, but I pissed him off"
    
    "Oh Natasha, (feeling alarmed at such language) how did you do that?"
    
    I waved my arms and went "psss. Psss"
    
    Derek
    

    Four year old is watching intently as mother breast - feeds baby.
    
    "Mummy, what do babies drink?"
    
    "Milk and orange juice"
    
    Long pause, then ...
    
    
    "Which one's the orange juice?"
    
    -- brian

    A friend's 3 year old, fond of a recent PBS offering her Mom taped
    for her, loves to watch "Anne of Green Gerbils".
    
    My daughter, fond of my terminal at home, used to call it the
    "bangputer" when that's what she did to it. Now that she's old enough
    to sit with me while we type .PIC files and draw things with LOGO,
    she calls it the "fun TV".
    
    This from my Mom (so keep a grain of salt handy): when my younger
    sister was 4 or 5 she had a terrible sweet tooth. Every Sunday after
    church she'd race to the coffe table for some "church candy", that
    is, sugar cubes. Mom scolded her for this one day, telling her that
    if she ate too much she'd get fat. My sister evidently took this
    to heart, because a minute later Mom got to her just after she'd
    watched a very pregnant woman take her coffee, looked the woman
    in the eye and said, "I know what _you've_ been doing."
    
    Rob
    
    P.S. When the church humor topic comes up, remind me to tell you
    about Dad's sermon on water skiing....

    Re .12 and the milk and orange juice...
    
    My mother alleges that at the age of 3 or 4 I pointed to her in
    bed one morning and asked:
    
    "Did the milk come out of that one and the orange juice out of the
    other?"

    I was talking with my fiancees 5 yr. old daughter,when she said
    somthing I was about to say.I said "you must have read my mind"
    she replyed "I must be psyco!"

Heard on Paul Harvey a few days back:


  Boy: (5 yrs old) "Mommy, I have a tummy ache."
  
  Mom: "That's probably because it's empty. Here, have some cookies and milk."
  
  (The cookies and milk worked perfectly to fix tummy.)
  (Later that day boy answers doorbell by opening the door. Pastor is standing
   there.
  
  Pastor: "Hello Timmy, how are you today?"
  
  Boy: "Just fine. How are you?"
  
  Pastor: "Pretty good, but my head hurts... I have a bit of a headache."
    
  
  Boy: "Oh! I know why, because it's empty!!!"
  
Lee

    I heard the following anecdote in a book review on the radio this
    morning.
    
    During WW II the King and Queen visited Portsmouth after a particularly
    heavy air raid.  The King was in the uniform of an Admiral of the
    Fleet.
    
    In one street where most of the houses had been demolished or damaged 
    there was one which still seemed to be occupied.  The Queen suggested 
    that she and the King visit the house, on their own.  So while the 
    Mayor and city dignitaries waited, they walked down to the house.
    They knocked on the door and a little girl answered the door.
    
    "Is your mummy there?" asked the Queen.
    
    "No, but she left a message for you.  She said, if a girl comes with a
    sailor, they can have the front bedroom for an hour for ten pounds."

    
    Nick    
    

	When my daughter was about 4 she came home from summer camp one day
and told us they had played Midgety Golf.  We still call it that.

    I took some friend's kids to their very first play a few years ago.  We
    had seats close to the front by the orchestra pit.  They told their
    parents they sat behind the  music ditch.
    
    Same kids, there are a set of twins (boy and girl) and an older sister. 
    The boy had a friend named Julia and the older sister asked if Julia
    was his `girlfriend or his GIRLFRIEND?'  Anyone with kids understands
    the tonal difference in these words.  Marcus asked what the difference
    was.  This 8 year old girl replied "The first is just a girl who's
    you're friend, the second is the kind you have sex with."
    
    I came across an article a while back where the author had interviewed
    kindergartners (4 or 5 year olds).  When asked about the pledge of
    allegiance  (which starts  I pledge allegiance to the flag of the
    United States of America . . ),  the kids had been saying:
    
    I led the pigeons to the flag of the United States of America . . .

	
		My wife tells me that, as a little girl in church, 
		she always wondered who was the `Father Witchart' 
		mentioned in the prayer which began:

			"Our Father Witchart in heaven ..."

    My sister apparently used to sing some song which went
    
    	"The boar's head in Hanbury",
    
    or,
    
    	"The boar's head in hand bear I"
    
    She finds this one difficult to live down, for some reason.  A sort of
    family institution to be dredged up on appropriate occasions.
    
    Ian.

    While driving around enjoying central Massachusetts' exuberant spring,
    Alexandra (age 6) asked, "Why is it called 'forsythia'?"  This was an
    interesting challenge, and it only took me a moment to formulate my
    theory: "Well, maybe it was discovered--" I was going to say, "by
    someone named Forsythe," but Alex said
                                           "in 1954?"
    
    I think I'll always call it '54thia...
    
    Leslie

    � Emily Knowles (age 4) 1994: `Are we having a dark lunch today?'
    
    (The opposite of a `light lunch' of course.)
    
    b