Conference marvin::uk_music

    Presumably as in the NME's 'Bismillah' section, or similar?
    
    Bob

    Easy - whatever songs Stock Aitken and Waterman ever wrote.
    

    Something which always makes me cringe, I think it's from Depeche
    Mode: 'people are people so why should it be, you and I should get
    along so awfully'  Awfully???
    
    Elizabeth
                                                                            
    

Great topic !!

I'm sure I'll think of lots, but for now how about:

"She used to be a diplomat,
 Now she's down the launderomat"

This is from 'Highly Strung' by Spandau Ballet - personally I think
they should be :-)

Cheers,

    Derek.

    "I was walking in the park dreaming of a spark" - I'll have a pint of
    what Fish was drinking when he wrote that for "Lavendar".

    blah blah blah or I will attack, and you don't want that
    
    The Power, by Snap.
    
    
    I'm just totally sick of all this macho posturing lately. 
    
    Bob

    I dont care about the state of my hair,
    cos I got somthing out of nothing that just wasn't there...
    
    Juju
    xxxx
    

The latest by They Might Be Giants:

Istanbul was Constantinople,
Now it's Istanbul not Constantinople,
Been a long time gone Constantinople......


Peter

    Re 685.5 - oh yes how I must agree. That one always makes me giggle.
    
    For silly prosaically how about "Carried along by a moonlight shadow",
    - thankyou Mr Oldfield for that gem.
    
    Or Al Stewart with all of "The Year Of the Cat"
    
    Jules  

    Re "the newie" by They Might Be Giants - it's older than most of the
    people reading this conference! Don't know the exact date, but well
    over thirty years.
    
    As for "The year of the Cat", I believe this is a reference to the
    Chinese years, which are named after animals.
    
    Keith

    One lyric I hate is also the title of the song....
    
    ...heres the translation..   "Joe the Taxi" by Vannesa Paradis(Sp)
    
    Graeme
    

    Istanbul, bad? History and humour in one song can't be bad...
    
    "Why did Constantinople get the works?
    That's nobody's business but the Turks"
    
    I like it.
    
    I personally cringe at lines like "Midnight, not a sound from the
    pavement" from that Elaine Page song (is it a Lloyd Webber jobbie?)
    or perhaps that Staus Quo number that really examines mankind's
    place in relation to time, space, the universe and everything.....
    
    
    
    "Down down down down down down down down down down down down down
    down down down down down down down down down down down etc. etc."
    
    
    Bob

    all time cringe has to go to the Adverts ...
    
    "Gary don't need his eyes to see.."
    "Cos Gary and his eyes have parted companyyyyyyyyy"
    
    
    From Gary Gilmores Eyes - which other than that line was a good track.
    
    woof

    
    Whats that song by ABC ? Goes something like ...
                                                   
    "<somethingorother> mustn't grumble            
    cut yourself another slice of apple crumble"   
    
    God awful lyrics !!

    How about all those Bong-a-bing songs from the eurovison song concert.
    
    EG; "Bing-bing-a-bong-bing-bing-bing-bing-a-bong.......

    Some song from JC Superstar went something like
    
    "Always wanted to be an apostle
    Knew that I could make it if I tried
    And when we retired
    we could write the Gosples
    and they'd all talk about us when we died."
    
    Or is it cheating quoting from TR & ALW ?
    
    Martin M.

    
    Or how about the classic from the Beautiful South ...
                                                         
    "I love you from the bottom of my pencil case"       

    I hate all those songs that have `Cust just like a knife' in there
    somewhere.  I have at least 4.
    
    and Erasure's `Star' "Not a sateliteof love, but a laser..."
    
    or Maddy's "When you call my name, it's like a little prayer" - ahhh!
    
    Or the Keith Allens lyrics to `World In Motion'.
    
    
    matty

    Hmmmm...I think there are some bad lyrics, and some lyrics which are
    genuinely silly for decent reasons.  I thnk almost any Yes lp is full
    of dodgy lyrics
    "We see the shining light of the lasting buddah on the mountain of
    everlasting fish which we travelled to on the silver laser beam from
    the heart of..."
    
    Mike

    What about....
    
    "You have got your diamonds, and you might just have another,
     But you'd better watch your step girl, or start living with your
     mother..."
    
    Or similar...... Thank the Rolling Stones for that gem - Cheers
    lads!
    
    R|tch^d

    "It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog"

    McArthurs' Park:
    
    "someone left the cake out in the rain"
    
    ??????????
    

    Cringer; `Somebody' by Depeche Mode, sung by Martin Gore.
    
    It's a great song, but there's a line in there somewhere where he
    rhymes "...someone" with itself!
    
    Yuck!
    
    
    matty

"Deh's a rat in deh kitchen"
"Whatcha gonna do?"

			Ed

    eh???  Thats brilliant!!!  But then what do you expect from the
     Coffee Witchunter General?
    
    Mikef       

    RE.25
    
    They never did appeal to me all along.
    Nothing what they do is original,even their band name 
    shows no taste of being something to count for.
    
    "followers of an outdated fashion",thats what they are.
    
    Jan. ;^)

tank, fly, boss, walk, jam, nitty, gritty, 
you're listening to the kid from the big bad city


...art

What about that musical atrocity from a few years back:

"Gonna write a classic,
Gonna write it in an attic,
'cause babe I'm an addict,
an addict for your love"

I don't think I've seen anything quite as bad since
Stephen

    Extract from 'Persuasion' by Throbbing Gristle:
    
    "I've got a little biscuit tin,
     To keep your panties in"
    
    Dave

	Sad teacher nailed upon the coloured door of time...

a bad song title

...art

    
    
    Terrible lyrics .... but a CLASSIC none the less .
    
    ' I drive a Rolls Royce 
     Cause its good for my voice '
    
    
    Children of the Revolution - T REX 

    I think Marc was just 'aving a larf with his lyrics; practically
    all of the classic Telegram Sam is like that, too.
    
    "Jungle faced Jake, Jungle faced Jake
    Make no mistake with Jungle faced Jake"
    
    Ha! Ha! Ha!
    
    Bob

.32>>	Sad teacher nailed upon the coloured door of time...

Same teacher reminded of the rhyme 

(or something similarly deep and profound?!)

All the bridges that you burn come back one day to haunt you.

Dunno who it was (Tracy Chapman?) - heard it on the radio one day. Anyway,
whoever it was, it's haunting me!

Cheers

Steve

    RE.30,  "Any RAP music", or something like that
    
    I don't think you can say that!  You're generalising.  I understand
    people not liking the `I so cool' type of lyrics, or even `Black is
    best' sort of stuff (ie. Public Enemy), or good time stuff like `Pump
    Up The Jam', but there's a hell of a lot of meaningful rap lyrics out
    there.  It's people just stating their opnions, or letting out their
    frustration.  The best example that comes to mind is `Beat Street' by
    Grandmaster Melle Mel (I think), have you heard this?
    
    I think good rap lyrics are as creditable as, for instance, the best
    U2, Simple Minds or Tracy Chapman song.
    
    Do you still disagree?
    
    
    matty

    Mattyb rides again!!  The Message was brilliant - but maybe no-one else
    is old enough to remember it?
    
    Mikef

    No, not really.
    
    Why, because I find the lyrics trite, overly contrived to fit an
    increasingly 'samey' rythem (I can't call Rap music as there is
    none), and too often they are simply protest. I LIKE protest music,
    but it seems to me that the point is wasted when every song is on
    the same topic.
    
    As for saying "Jam Hot, Jam Hot",  or going "Oh...Oh...Oh..."
    I'm afraid that that to me means the rap people said... 
    1. Come on guy's lets be music moguls
    2. I've got some words on this matchbox
    3. Bring your 'babe' mate
    4. Err
    5. Thats it really
    
    Hey presto, a Rap single hits the streets.
    
    Jules 

    I think the point Mattyb is trying to make is that Rap, like any form
    of music, covers quite a wide range of stuff.  There are the more
    obvious,usually awfull, things that get in the charts.  There are more
    interesting things around that you only get to hear by listening to
    Peelie et al.  Try listening to the first Public Enemy lp.
    
    But then who am I to talk - I hate Country and Western music!!  All C+W
    Music!!
    
    Mikef

    I agree with Mikef, *and* I remember 'The Message'!
    
    Bob

    Hmm, good idea for a topic - this one could run and run....
    
    So, what about one of David Bowie's gems from the 70's :-
    
    "She'll scratch in the sand,        
     Won't let go of his hand,      \
     Says he's a beautician,         >   "The Jean Genie"
     Sells you nutrition,           /  
     Keeps all your dead hair,
     For making up underwear"  (!!!)
    
    Have to agree with earlier comments about Depeche Mode lyrics in
    general (e.g. "People are people, so why should it be, that you
    and I should get along so aw-full-ee"....gak!!).  Oh, and then there's
    the one about the handshake on the contract in Korea being insincere
    ("Everything Counts" <-- "in large amount"!!).  Wretch!!
    
    However, I'll defend Marc Bolan's lyrics, most of which were so
    obviously nonsensical, you couldn't help but laugh.

    I did hear a RAP record once that I actually enjoyed.
    
    About a bloke who had his car stolen.
    
    Dunno who it was though....
    
    Juju
    xxxx
    

    re earlier Bolan :-   Rolls Royce good for voice ?
    
    answer - because you dont have to sing so loud over the engine noise
    !!!!  obvious innet  ;-)

Heard this morning on the radio (from "What's love got to do with it")..

"It's only the thrill,
 of boy meeting girl"

Bleaugh !! I hate these near-rhymes so much that I love them !!

Cheers,

   Derek.

    A Madonna song called `Supernatural' about a ghost boyfriend;
    
    The Chorus;
    
    "Gotta be ver careful, never know what the neighbours will say,
     I wouldn't like to wakeup and find myself in the family way"
    
    !!!!
    
    
    matty

    Juju,

RE .44

>    I did hear a RAP record once that I actually enjoyed.
>    
>    About a bloke who had his car stolen.
>  
>    Dunno who it was though....


That would probably be "Who Stole My Car?" by "D.J. Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh 
Prince". Who are also known for "I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson?". They are
quite amusing, a rap act who don't mind having a bit of fun.

Lindsay

    Rap lyrics mostly relect the lives of black people living in big
    cities. If you fit into neither of these categories you're less likely to
    appreciate them, but you're also in no position to criticize.

    Worse than Vanessa Paradis (re a former note) there's this little sh*t
    around here now called Patricia Kaas who seems to reach unimaginable 
    depths in lyrics' stupidity/pretentiousness.
    
    "When Jimmy says here it is
     It's like one would say
     'I love you baby'"      <- this sentence in English
    
    That's the chorus, the rest is on the same level of poverty.
    And this ersatz of a song has made the French Top 10 during several weeks.
    Beurk.
    
    Christophe.

    Dunno if it's been mentioned, but Lou Reed's Walk on the wild side does
    rhyme Head with Head, one being a verb and the other being a noun, but
    still a nerve grinding line.
    
    So even great songs can have the odd naff line.
    
    Martin

    Wonder if anyone will rise to the bait Martin? ;-)

    Changing the subject....for silly lyrics, I think Frazier Chorus'
    Sue album takes the cake.
    
    Sue

    A-ha - Maybe Maybe
    
    "Maybe it was over when you chucked me out the Rover at full speed"
    
    !!!!!

    John Cougar (Mellancamp)
    
    Stand up for Something
    
    "I know a lotta things,
     but I dont know a lot of other things"
    
    rescued by :
    
    "You've gotta stand up for something,
    or else you're gonna fall for anything."
    
    Rich.

    RE .55 That is a classic in my book......
    
    Juju
    xxxx
    

    On the recent Snap hit `Ooops Up' she keeps saying
    
    "everybody say opalah".
    
    This sounds great, but what the hell does it mean.

OK kids,
	You've all been commenting upon the "worst lyrics ever". Well here's
a chance to write your own - have fun! Now who's got a 'C' compiler...?

Cheers

Steve


Article         1832
From: [email protected]
Subject: How to write a Rap/House/Disco song
Date: 7 Jun 90 23:30:06 GMT
 
How To Write a Rap / House(glorified disco) / Disco Song
--------------------------------------------------------

[stuff removed, program for writing rap songs follows]

-----
"Get down" by Mixmastermeatbeaters
 
Get down the joint is jumpin' you'll be humpin'
Shake it feet are stompin' in the city streets
Pump the jam feel the beat with disco heat
Move it get around 'til the night is over
 
(chorus)
Get down to triple beat shake your meat
Pump it up get around in the city streets
 
Pump the jam to triple beat you'll be humpin'
Shake it get body heat 'til the night is over
Get up the joint is jumpin' you'll be humpin'
Pump it up feet are stompin' I'm bustin loose
 
(chorus)
Get down to triple beat shake your meat
Pump it up get around in the city streets
 
Pump it up get around in the city streets
Pump it up get around in the city streets
Pump it up get around in the city streets
etc..
-----
 
Note that this is indistinguishable from the human generated version.
 
For those who wish to compose themselves, the program appears in the next
posting.  I hope for a cut in the royalties :-)
 
!-----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
#include <stdio.h>
#include <time.h>
#include <ctype.h>
 
static char     col1[6][30] = {
	"Move it",
	"Get up",
	"Pump it up",
	"Get down",
	"Shake it",
	"Pump the jam"
};
 
static char     col2[6][30] = {
	" to triple beat ",
	" get body heat ",
	" feel the beat ",
	" get around ",
	" the joint is jumpin' ",
	" feet are stompin' "
};
 
static char     col3[6][30] = {
	"in the city streets\n",
	"you'll be humpin'\n",
	"'til the night is over\n",
	"shake your meat\n",
	"I'm bustin loose\n",
	"with disco heat\n"
};
 
main()
{
	int	chor[2][3];
        int     i,j,getpid();
        long   	now;
 
/* Generate random seed */
 
        now = time(&now) / rand();
        srand(getpid() + (int)((now >> 16) + now + time(&now)));
 
/* Generate chorus and title */
 
	for (i = 0; i < 2; i++)
		for (j = 0; j < 3; j++)
			chor[i][j] = rand() % 6;
	printf ("\n\"%s\" by Mixmastermeatbeaters\n\n",col1[(chor[0][0])]);
 
/* Print out song */
 
	verse();
	chorus(chor);
	verse();
	chorus(chor);
	lastline(chor);
	printf("-----\n");
}
 
chorus(chor)
int	chor[2][3];
{
	int	i;
 
	printf("\n(chorus)\n");
	for (i = 0; i < 2; i++) {
		printf("%s",col1[(chor[i][0])]);
		printf("%s",col2[(chor[i][1])]);
		printf("%s",col3[(chor[i][2])]);
        }
	printf("\n");
}
 
verse()
{
	int	i;
 
	for (i = 0; i < 4; i++) {
		printf("%s",col1[rand()%6]);
		printf("%s",col2[rand()%6]);
		printf("%s",col3[rand()%6]);
        }
}
 
lastline(chor)
int	chor[2][3];
{
	int	i;
 
	for (i = 0; i < 17; i++) {
		printf("%s",col1[chor[1][0]]);
		printf("%s",col2[chor[1][1]]);
		printf("%s",col3[chor[1][2]]);
        }
	printf("\n");
}
 

    Re-1
    
    Yeah....:^) I read it in Commusic.
    Brad Templeton edited as a joke there.
    
    Try it?
    
    yo�
    Jan.  :^)

    Godley & Cream wrote.....
    
    "I don't like Regae - no, I love it.."
    
    <SPIT..SPIT..SPIT>
    

    re -1
    
    Yeah, but if you listen to all the lyrics you'll know why they love it!

Paul Anka:

Havin' my baby.
What a wonderful way to tell me how much you love me.

YUCHHH!

Paul

               tah
            tah^         tah 
        tah           tah^
    tah           tah          YUCHHH
    
    
    Susan Vega(I know....simple and selling)
    Boring radio stations and Ignorent public...thats what the problem
    iszzz.
    
    YO�
    Jan.

    The original version of this song (also by SV) is, IMO, much better
    (and doesn't have nearly so much "tah tah tah" in it).

    RE-1
    gotta have this answered.
    
    what do you all mean with IMO?
    
    YUP...me stupid ;^)
    YO�
    Jan.

    I agree with -2, having heard the thing now. But thats just MO, as
    opposed to MHO, IMO.
    
    Mikef
    
    (sorry Jan...;-))

    Jan... IMO = "in my opinion"
    	   IMHO ="...humble.."
    
    OK? (="Okay")

    TPOLAAPOCP = Two pints of Lager and a packet of crisps plese

    hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha:^))) RE.70
    lets continue this?? ;) DECIFOI=DEC IS FULL OF IT
    JJ=just jokin'
    
    Re-2
    Hiuuuhh...learn every day huh?
    thanks
    
    YO�= ....
    JAN=my name

    DECIFOI??  Didn't you mean DECIFOB??
    
    Ho Hum.  Got the new Orb single yet?
    
    Mikef
    

    I saw the Orb single today, anyone heard it?
    
    Tim
    ---

    
    Re .60
    
    Love the random rap generator.
    
    IMHO it's even better with 'Boot your VAX' and 'Make my day' added.
    
    Mark :^)
    

    While we're at it, what does :^) mean?  or what about all these 8's???

    RE.-1
    
    B for bull you mean? ;)
    
    Nope,I do not have it yet (The Orb)
    
    YO�
    Jan.