Conference 7.286::sports_90

    Why does Jose Canseco twitch his haid(tm) like that all the time?
    Is he having a musclehaid spasm?
    
    Claybone

    At least he doesnt' sweat like Dominique Wilkins ;-)

    At leasted he doesn't have fast hair like Carl Lewis.  :-)
    
    

The twitch is caused by some nerves that are misfiring.

You see, when the nerve impulse gets to the end of the neuron at the
axion, it is supposed to jump lightly across the synapse to the dendrite
of the next nerve cell.  

However, in Jose's case, he's thinking about that hooker-chic-girlfriend-
wife-type-hose in his life all the time.  As a result, that nerve
impulse gets all horned up and when it starts from the dendrite, it
gets a really manly running start, tears down the neuron and fires
itself out from the axion into the synapse, like a demon gone
wild.

Simply a matter of biochemistry and physics...

Chainsaw

�    And steroids abuse, perhaps?
    
Oh, without a doubt.  Jose is a juicer if I ever saw one.

See, them nerve impulses would normally get all horned up, right.
(That's why cold showers work, they cool down the neural pathways,
and lessen the kinetic energy of the neural impulse, thus limiting
the speed across the synapse).

Anyway, them ol' nerve impulses get horned up, and nexted thing
you know they're all speeding along.  Well, when you're putting
the juice into you, you're increasing your nerve impulse's ability
to get horned up, so they try to go even faster.

In severe cases, what you end up with is nerves impulses that are
literally flying into the old synaptic space, sometimes missing
the gosh darned dendrite all together....  So, what you get in 
that case, is a twitcher who is starting to develop pattern baldness
(all the synaptic space speed makes them hair follicles jump right
outta your haid), large nipples, and little testicles....

you heard it here first...

'Saw

    
    Whattya know...now we have neuroweenies in SPORTS.
    
    -Ticcy Dick
    

    Thank you Chainsaw.  Because of you, I will never be able to
    look at Jose without bustin' up!
    
    Since you're on a roll, or bagel as the case may be, can you
    'splain why he's always blinkin' his eyes whilst his haid
    twitches?  Jose = the new Blinky the clown.......
    
    Claybone

Claybone --

Very simple anatomical type 'shplanation(tm).

You see, in the corners of your eyelids (outside, where you get "crow's feet")
there are some of them same neuron type thingies, along with some of them
muscle cells.

Now, when the nerve impulses gets to firing down the axion, seeking their
satisifaction in jumping through the synaptic space into the waiting
arms of a dendrite (this is called nerve sex, btw), they can become
really overexcited.

Now, as I previously mentioned, these over-arroused nerve impulses can
often miss the dendrite all-together,  in their hasty attempt to cross
the synaptic space and get to "dendrite city".  This is know as
premature synapcism.

Anyway, over a period of time, certain nerve cells have evolved to the
point that they can shorten this synaptic space, thus increaseing their
accuracy.  They've done this by invading muscle cells, and bending them
to their will.  The muscle is then made to shorten the synpatic space
by bringing the dendrite and the end of the axion closer together.

So, imagine the corner of Jose's eyes.  There, the nerve cells have mutated
into the super nerve cells which can BEND the little curved muscle which  
surrounds the corner of the eye.  When they bend, the nerve cells there
are able to make the jump across the synaptic space very easily....

With Jose's humongously developed muscles (again from the Juice) his
nerve cells have a very easy job of getting it done around his eyes...

Very simple...

Hope this helps...
Chainsaw

You might also want to reference the extremely interesting medical
case of Steve Carlton/

His nerve cells were so well developed that they could shorten
the synaptic space by contracting the muscle in the corner of the
eye, with the muscle in the corner of the nose.

When that happened, SCORES AND SCORES of nerve impulses in his
face would find nirvahna in the arms of their respective dendrites...

Quite a stimulating study, I must say...


'Saw

    re: the A's [sic]
    
    Ok, I'm sick of trying to figure out what [sic] is, and you grammatical
    types use it all the time.  Please expl�n�.  Thanks.
    
    H�wk

Hawk,

"[sic]" is MrT's weak attempt to delude himself into feeling superior to
other noters.

Dan

    So 'Saw,
    
    	These little things are engaging in nerve sex whilst the eyelid
    	is closed?  Sheesh, I always wondered where that *white matter*
    	came from that we rub out of our eyes in the morning.  It's
    	nerve sex schmegma!  ACK!
    
    Claybone

Yep, Claybone, that's whatted it is....

    You use (sic) when you are quoting something from another source
    and the original source has mis-spelled a word.  That way you don't
    look like a dummy who can't spell, the person who originally wrote
    it is given proper credit for his or her own stupidity.
    
    Mr T, the Mariners are using M's (sic) as part of their logo, so
    our foot-soldierdom should be going after them as well.
    
    The 'Police

Hawk,

	Sic means `thus' in Latin.... 
As in: Sic transit Gloria Mundi ... which means: 
                            That mutt Gloria makes me sick!

so you put it in English sentences when you want people to know you're not such
a nerd as to really make a dumb mistake, but enough of a nerd to know what sic
means. I learned about it in my Dick Tracy's Crime Stoppers Manual.

Mike JN

    (sic)=Spelling is correct
       T only likes Jose cause he has a 900 number jist like his hero.
                                             Denny

�    (sic)=Spelling is correct

	uh uhhhh.  It really does mean `thus'

	Like some people say Ibid means ditto.

	Actually, it's ibidem, and means `in the same place'.

Honest
Mike JN

    re:chainsaw
    
    Are you such a dullard that you had to steal your name from that other
    noter from down Texas way that has been calling himself chainsaw for
    several years? C'mon,get a life!
    
    Ken

�    re:chainsaw
�    
�    Are you such a dullard that you had to steal your name from that other
�    noter from down Texas way that has been calling himself chainsaw for
�    several years? C'mon,get a life!

    
Well, Ken, since you didn't put any smilies on your note, all I can
say is that its a damn good thing you didn't come on to my property
and talk to me like that.

First off, it's Chainsaw, with a capital "C".  You know, you use that
little "shift" key.  I see you managed to do it with "Texas", so I 
know you know where it is...;^)

Second, I've had the name for a while, in various forms, since before
I ever came here to work.  I didn't always use it in notes, since
not everyone would understand.  It's one of several nicknames I've
carried.  There are a couple of people who know one of my other ones,
but most of my nicknames are pretty personal and I don't advertise them.

Oh yeah, one final thing.  I see you used that verb "steal".  Seeing
as you don't know me all that well (as in at all), I'd be very very 
careful how you use that verb in relation to me.  I've never stolen anything
in my life, don't plan to start now, and have always given
credit where credit is due.  

If you were trying to be funny, use some smilies.  If you weren't,
I'm not impressed...

'Saw

    Hey /DOn - change that P_name now - you heathen!!!  The Rangers
    are all Lady Byng candidates - it's the media's fault for playing
    them as less than savory characters!!!!
    
    JD

    rangers can clinch tonight.. rangers/devils in patrick finals
    
    dinz
    

    	What the "hail" does that have to do with the A's Dinz?

    ask jd  ,  i was following his lead..
    
    
    dinz
    

re /Don:

	I did lighten up.  I lost four pounds this week.

	And thank Gawd it's friday.  I could use a weekend.

	And so what if I'm testy.  I can get testy if I want.  Everyone
	else does.  Nobody tells them to lighten up.

	I'm beginning to think Slasher that it's time we had this
	out.

	Meet me on the playground, at 3pm....

Chainsaw

	PS  Your mother wears army boots!

	Just for you Dinz, some quotes from Deirdre Luongo:

	"...and I just want to see if I can go the whole way again."

	"before long the running club had ...me."

	"I'm  addicted..."

				/Don

    
    oooh yea, i love it.. im addicted....... running sure has its
    advantage..
    
    
    dinz
    

Dinz...just remember to run with a condom, then....

    	OOoops!  Sorry, thought this was the Oakland A's topic...
    Could someone point me to it?  thanks.  8^)

�    	OOoops!  Sorry, thought this was the Oakland A's topic...
�    Could someone point me to it?  thanks.  8^)


	Sorry Sean... The Oakland A's (sick)(tm) topic won't officially open
until sometime near the end of May. Please check your listings.

Mike JN

>Oh yeah, one final thing.  I see you used that verb "steal".  Seeing
>as you don't know me all that well (as in at all), I'd be very very 
>careful how you use that verb in relation to me.  I've never stolen anything
>in my life, don't plan to start now, and have always given
>credit where credit is due.  
    
    Liar!  You stole my Jets bumper sticker and put it on the back of your
    pickup truck.  And don't you deny it!  Plenty of people spotted you and
    warned me to hide the others from you.
    
    Dan

�    Liar!  You stole my Jets bumper sticker and put it on the back of your
�    pickup truck.  And don't you deny it!  Plenty of people spotted you and
�    warned me to hide the others from you.
    
Okay, Okay, I won't deny it.  I took it,  yeah, that's right, see, I took
it, you dirty rat.  I took it to keep the world safe from Jets fans like
you, see, and I woulda taken the rest of them too, see, if I coulda got
my hands on them, you dirty rat...  But now you and yer lawyer friend
Perry Mason, think ya got me, see, but you don't... you and the coppers
will never take me alive see....never....   I got this here hand grenade
see, and yeah, I stole that too, see, but ya can't pin it on me, you
dirty rat, see, cause I killed the guy that owned it see, and anyway,
I'm gonna pull the pin and wait for it to blow see, and you'll never
take me alive....never......

Lookit me, Ma, I'm on toppa da woild!


{and for you dyslexic folks}

aalksfjlk, lkjo8uwkm, akm; jlm lklsdkurekml   kdflskjwoi oiyhunf jmdfks
hsdkjwoillk   kmlkjowi lkjoje kj k dfwe, tijoi, seqsefhfg.  ajhi 
jkdowgg kqofhni!  kjrowe, mlkoi i imoi w iojo ot  foim  ,moswe  wkmokm 
oiqn owqigfjjgoprwek! jirgng  kdskweio ddslkmwok, soiwoim  oimeofk 
skjowk! kjof! jaijfa a a fa.... dkolksmls...ooi mglj it.....

    Well I think[sic] that the A's[sic] will[sic] finish[sic] in third
    place[sic].
    
    
    
    
    O_J

    
    Hey guys, I'm an innocent bystander who happened to stumble onto this
    note, and I must say, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!  
    
    My reason for looking at this note in the first place, is my 9 year old
    son.  For some reason he likes Jose "PUMP_U_UP" Canseco.  As such, he'd
    like to find out he cn get an A's[sic] yearbook. If anyone can help out with
    a phone number or address, you'll make a good kid happy!
    
    						Juan

    I take a backseat to nobody in my annoyance at incorrect apostrophes.
    When I saw someone write "Wade Bogg's" I thought I'd blow a vein in
    my, err, head.
    
    Anyway, I would see phrases like "yeses and no's", "do's and don'ts", 
    etc. in the Wall Street Journal and thought "Hey, these guys should 
    know what they are doing", so I went to the bookstore and read a guide
    where it stated the correct usage of apostrophes.  
    
    They are:
    
    1. To show possession (obviously).
    
    2. To show letters have been left out (contractions).
    
    3. Can be used with numbers (i.e. VT220's, 1950's).
    
    4. Can be used with initials (ABC's, Oakland A's, etc.)
    
    5. Can be used for plurals if the word you are pluralizing is just a
       word, as opposed to a symbol for some other object (geez, this is
       hard to explain, but it means that you say "dogs" when "dog" refers
       to an actual, identifiable thing, but "no" and "do" are merely words
       that don't represent anything tangible.  Make sense?  I thought
       not.) 
    
    Anyway, much as I hate to see it, A's, M's, 1990's, and even no's and
    do's are acceptable.  Personally, I see no reason to put in the 
    apostrophes if the word makes sense without it.  Thus, 1990s is just
    as easy to read as 1990's, but I'm not so sure As and A's fall into
    the same category.  
     
    So, now you all know what is and isn't acceptable.  The real question
    is why does the incorrect use of apostrophes annoy some of us so much?
    It must be our gene's!
    
    By the way, John H, can you deputize me in the Apostrophe Police Force?
    I'm willing to die for the cause. 8^).
    
    Pete
    

    Pete, what letter is missing in "ain't"?
    
    Perspiring Mime Ninja Action Figures gotsta know.
    
    Mark.

re "ain't"...

Ain't is a vulgarized contraction of "are not".  Probably it got
mutilated somewhere along the line....

C'a'n'a'

    Pete, you've been deputized.
    
    While the use of apostrophes in plurals is correct as you've noted,
    I still write As instead of A's and so forth.  Apostrophes in this
    sort of case does make readability more clear.
    
    Crusading for truth, justice and proper pluralization!
    
    The 'Police
    
    PS - I've always been crusading against writing such as Bogg's (sic).
    The only way an apostrophe should be used in a case like that is
    for possession (ie, Boggs' glove)

    < Note 210.45 by FSHQA1::JHENDRY "John Hendry, DTN 292-2170" >

>     PS - I've always been crusading against writing such as Bogg's (sic).
>    The only way an apostrophe should be used in a case like that is
>    for possession (ie, Boggs' glove)
		     ^^
    
    Should read "i.e., Boggs' glove".
    
    The Auxiliary Punctuation Department of the Apostrophe Police
    

    
    Uh-oh.  Now we have the Period Police.  
    
    What next?  The Colon Constables?
    
    -Dick
    

    re .43
    
    Mark, you got me there.  I don't know, but 'Saw is probably right.
    
    How about "won't"?  That's a contraction for "will not".  Doesn't
    make sense either.  
    
    John, how about a ruling from the Apostrophe Police Chief.  Should I 
    become apoplectic when someone writes "Donk's" for the Denver Broncos?
    Technically, the apostrophe could be considered to mark the spot where
    the "EY" is left out.  But, I don't like it, and isn't that what's
    really important? 8^).
    
    And another thing.  You know what really puckers my sphincter?  When
    people use the word "apropos" as a substitute for "appropriate".  The
    words are NOT interchangable.  They mean different things.  WHAT'S
    WRONG WITH YOU CRETINS, ANYWAY!  
    
    Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.  I love you guys, really.
    Let's get together and embrace next time I'm in Boston.
                                                           
    Pete
    
    

    
    I always believed that A's was short for Athletics, and was, therefore,
    correct. N'est pas?
    
  
    Are the apostrophe police going to have to turn in their badges?

>>N'est pas?

That's N'est-ce pas'.

j.

    It's' a good thing you'se guys' werent' this picky when the Dinz
    was' in h.i.s. heyday.  :')
    
    L.e.e,'

    Pete, you should become apoplectic.  I believe it should be Donks
    and not Donk's (sic).
    
    I guess I got upset about this type of error because it really stands
    out like a sore thumb.  I saw a sign in a sub shop once that said
    "Bank's (sic) don't sell sub's (sic), we don't cash check's (sic),"
    referring to their policy of not taking checks.  I guess that's
    what really started it.  At the condo complex where I used to live,
    our maintenance man did the same thing when he put up signs.  It
    just really annoyed me.  It has continued to annoy me ever since.
    
    Enough English teaching for today.
    
    John

According to The Little, Brown Handbook, which is a usage manual
used by many writers, the following is also correct:

	Boggs's glove was in the dugout.

It is perfectly acceptable to add an "'s" to a word ending in "s"
as long as it does not make the word too difficult to pronounce.


Mastery of English, and using the proper word is somewhat difficult,
even for individuals whose native language is English.  There are
many more words in English which describe a concept than in any other
language.  Not to mention the fact that English does not possess a
clear, consistent set of rules, as does a language like Russian.


Hope this helps,
'Saw

    	Greenwell's glove was in the dugout too.  It might as well be
    since it doesn't get used anyway.
    
    				/Don

   	From now on... let's say:

   	Boggses glove

   	and

   	Oakland A'S'S

   	Phoe shit shlep
   	Mike JN

       How 'bout 'the glove of Boggs'?
                                        Denny

    Actually, Denny that sort of phrasing is the way French grammar
    is done.  They don't do possessives with apostrophes, rather, they
    do the possessives in the format you suggested.
    
    The Bi-Lingual 'Police

And actually John, that can be quite helpful to the neophyte when
in a foreign country.

The french have this quaint little habit of putting the noun first, and
then all the adjectives after.  This quaint little habit is somewhat
annoying in that you receive none of the grammatical foreplay that
preceeding adjective can provide.

When reading English, you hit the superlative adjectives before a noun
and there's an almost sexual buildup as you thrust toward the noun.

In French, you see the plain, unadorned noun, and then the feeble
flaccid, impotent attempt to dress it up afterwards with adjectives.

But that quaint little habit *is* helpful, because if you're translating
French, you are quite capable of knowing what you're talking about
right away and most times you can ignore the adjectives....(much the
same way you can ignore french beer....8^)

Hope this h'l's....
'Saw

       And it'd (sic) keep the 'apostrophe police' out of our living rooms
    too, right John?   ;^)
                                        Denny

    Not really, because there would probably still be improper
    pluralization unless apostrophes were completely done away with.
    
    John

    
    Frank, if you had been my English teacher, I'm sure the class would
    have been far more interesting.  You do possess a plethora of
    knowledge; a veritable wonk-it-all.  8^)
    
    -Dick
    

�    knowledge; a veritable wonk-it-all.  8^)
    
Dick, I'm going to trademark "wonk-it-all" on behalf of both of us.
You are too funny!

'Saw

    Dennis Eckersley. The ultimate stylist, a scintillating presence
    in good times or bad.  Screams obscenities after a particularly
    tense save.  Walked Mike Davis before Kirk Gibson's homer and decided
    not to walk anybody else, ever, for the rest of his life.

It's been a long long time but Eck finally walked a man on Friday night.  Also
gave up an earned run but still got the save.

The A's are sleep walking right now.  They split a 4 game series with the
Royals but really didn't look sharp.  Their 1 and 2 pitchers Stewart and Moore
both got knocked around.  Moore in particular was also victomized by some poor
fielding.

It's good that they jumped off to such a good start.  It makes it much easier
to weather the bad spells.  It also shows how good a team I think they are when
I'm calling a streach of .500 a bad spell.

    just heard while watching the Red Sox win another one that Dave
    Stewart has pitched a no hitter against the Blue Jays.
    
    
    Tom

     
         Poor Roger Craig, will he ever beat Tony LaRussa at anything ???
          It sure won't be the world series !!
    
    steveo

    
    I read in the baseball note that the A's have called up Jose Canseco's
    (identical) twin brother.
    
    If you browse both conferences, this is a summer re-run, but I was
    intrigued by the fact that these two guys are supposed to be
    genetically identical, yet one is a superstar and the other is
    marginal. 
    
    In theory, these guys should have the same vision, the same reflexes,
    the same coordination to both be in the same star category, barring
    and physical impairments suffered earlier in life.
                      
    Tom and Dick Van Arsdale had good careers in the NBA (but mom always
    liked Dickie best.)
    
    Now, leaving twins out of this completely, how come some physical
    specimen similar to Jose doesn't perform like Jose?  Is it simply
    a matter of work ethic? (Lotta big stars don't have this).  Is it
    mental attitude? (Lotta big stars don't have this, either?)  Is
    it dedication to being the best one can be? (probably only the
    individual himself can answer this).  It can't be a matter of the
    mechanics of practice, practice, practice.  I don't see how a kid
    playing baseball all day from the day he could walk is going to
    be an automatic ticket to the bigs.
    
    What is it, then, that makes a superstar?
    
    Dickster,
     who decided to ask something serious because he could
    hear the moderator's footsteps and feel their hot breath on the
    back of his neck.
    
    

    OK, either the newspaper is lying or my girlfriend is.  She's from
    Miami and went to high school with Ozzie.  Jose had graduated by the
    time she was in high school, according to her.  
    
    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
    
    	--dan'l

    Wow, this is the second time today I've entered a reply that was 
    	
    	69 of 69
    
    I'm sure that probably means...
    
    
    
    ...it's Friday and I'm spending way to much time in this conference.
    
    
    	--dan'l

Dickster...

They couldn't be identical twins.  No other human being could
have as big of an ego as Jose Canseco....

HTH,
'Saw

    
    	I think his brother is his twin.  The reason I say this is
    	because of a story a friend of mine told me about the WS
    	last year.  It seems that my friend was at a game, with
    	a guy he worked with, at the 'stick.  While Jose was walking
    	by them, the guy who worked with my friend yelled, "Hey Jose!
    	Where's Hose B?".  
    
    	Claybone :^)

    The A's have signed Van Poppel to a minor league contract.  It hit the
    news big down here because he had been saying he was going to UT (which
    is why the A's were able to get him so late).  Rumors are flying that
    Kirk Dressendorfer (UT's ace for the past couple of seasons) talked Van
    Poppel into joining him with the A's.

    If they're twins, it's the first case of a mother having the second
    twin delivered 20 months after the first one!
    
    NAZZ

Damn, don't you just hate those cross-presentations.  It takes
forever to reach up there and get the head around and positioned
right!

    
    >Damn, don't you just hate those cross-presentations.  It takes
    >forever to reach up there and get the head around and positioned
    >right!
     
    I ain't touchin' this line.  Uh-uh.  No way.
    
    Dickster
    

Dickster....

Cross reference any veterinary clas on animal-birthin', or get thee
to your nearest farm and watch them birthin' sheep or cows.

Normal presentation is simple (especially in humans).  And breach
births are pretty easily handled today (even in the field by EMTs when
the need arises).   But any of the cross-presentations are
potentially life threatening situations for the baby, and it's a
spare no horses deal getting them to the hospital.....

Humbly presented for you edification....
Dr Chainsaw

>>    If they're twins, it's the first case of a mother having the second
>>    twin delivered 20 months after the first one!
>>    
>>    NAZZ

Wrong, dog breath.  They're definitely identical twins according to the
Baseball Register.  Both are listed as having been born July 2, 1964, Jose at
Havana, Cuba and Ozzie in Tampa Florida.  Under Jose, it says "Identical twin
of Ozzie Canseco".

Interestingly, it also says the name is pronounced CON-seko.

j.

�Wrong, dog breath.  They're definitely identical twins according to the
�Baseball Register.  Both are listed as having been born July 2, 1964, Jose at
�Havana, Cuba and Ozzie in Tampa Florida.  Under Jose, it says "Identical twin
�of Ozzie Canseco".

Boy, his mother musta pushed REAL hard!


Re Dickster:

	I knew you knew that.  What makes you think I didn't know that
	you knew that.  I knew that you knew that.


'Saw

�Both are listed as having been born July 2, 1964, Jose at
�Havana, Cuba and Ozzie in Tampa Florida.  Under Jose, it says "Identical twin
�of Ozzie Canseco".
    
    Unless you're going to provide a smiley face after that one, you'd
    better 'splain it.
    
    	--dan'l

    
    �Both are listed as having been born July 2, 1964, Jose at
    �Havana, Cuba and Ozzie in Tampa Florida.
    
    Ah-HAH!  That explains it.  Latin-born players are better!
    
    Dickster
    

>>    Unless you're going to provide a smiley face after that one, you'd
>>    better 'splain it.

Nah.  You're a professional, hired by Digital.  I'm sure you can figure out
that the comment was tongue-in-cheek without my making some sort of permuted
symbol out of colons, dashes, and parentheses.

j.

    Well, I didn't know.  You sited a source and geographic location. 
    According to "T's Rules of Order" that's enough (even if you're
    geographically wacked).  8-)
    
    And stop calling me a professional!  I have an image to uphold.  TTom
    and Bob Hunt will vouch for that I'm sure.
    
    	--dan'l

    Re back a few
    
    If Jose really had a twin brother, the brother's name wouldn't be Ozzie
    it'd be Hose-B.
    
    
    hope this ljdfi
    
    JaKe
    

    Didn't that reporter use Jos�'s brother as proof that Jos� must use
    steroids?

    
    Re Jose-Ozzie:
    
    Yes Boswell used the twins thing as "proof"  (should that be T-pruf?)
    that Jose used steroids.  HE pointed out to the difference in their
    weight as 'proof.'  During the same spring training that the article
    came out, they both were weighed by the team, and Jose weighed 5 pounds
    more.  Certainly not enough to prove Boswell's wild claim.
    
    But we still have the "how come Jose hits so much better?" question
    that Boswell has also posed.  Well, again there is a simple answer. 
    Until 4 years ago, Ozzie Canseco was a pitcher.  Jose has always been
    an outfielder.  The A's picked up Ozzie from the Yankees, right as he
    was being converted to the OF. 
    
    
    Bruce

    I know it's momentarily moot, since Brother Oz has been sent packing
    with his sub-Deion average back to the minors, but what was he doing in
    the major leagues?  His *best* offensive performance was around .220
    average in the double A's.  Could it be the following?
    
    Say it's the ninth inning of a must-win game for the A's in September. 
    They're a half game behind the White Sox, with Chicago having won
    earlier in the evening.  The A's enter the inning down by 4 runs and
    Jose opens the inning with a long ball into the leftfield stands.  The
    A's get some more runners on base and a couple more runs, and with two
    outs, Mike Gallego is due to the plate with men on second and third and
    the A's down a run.  Larussa checks his lineup card and the only
    available player is Ozzie Canseco.  Tony sends the clubhouse boy back
    to the buffet table to get Ozzie who's being tutored by Jose on his
    swing.  Ozzie's nice clean shirt contrast with the dirt smudge and the
    grass stains on his pants, but it sure looks like Ozzie.  He gets up
    and smashes PH homer.
    
    But was it Ozzie, or Jose?  Who can say?  They're identical twins.
    
    Dan

    Identical twins bah.  Maybe at birth, but with all those 'roids Jose
    has done since then I'd say they're about as similar in physique as,
    say, Arnold Swartznager (sp) and Sammy Davis Jr.
    
    
    - ACC Chris
    

Read an article about just that situation last week. The reporter suggested
fingerprinting the twins just in case that scenario ever came up. If I were 
Canseco (either of them) and read that article I would have grabbed the nearest
bat and proceeded to have a little discussion with that reporter. Basically 
it's an insult to Jose and his brother to think that they would ever do that...

Metz

    How 'bout a tatoo on their upper lips like they do to horses??
    :-)
    
    				Rich
    

    
    
    Does anyone have the A's schedule available online, I'm going to be in
    the bay area for 2 weeks in Sept and would like to take in a couple
    games
    
    Thanks
    Shawn
    

    8/31-9/2	Texas at Oakland
    9/3-9/5	Oakland at Boston
    9/7-9/9	Oakland at New York
    9/10-9/12	Oakland at Seattle
    9/13-9/16	Minnesota at Oakland
    9/17-9/19	Chicago at Oakland
    9/21-9/23	Detroit at Oakland
    9/24-9/26	Oakland at Kansas City
    9/27-9/30	Oakland at Texas
    
    Not including any makeup games due to weather or the lockout.
    
    John

    Thanks John,
    looks like I'll be in town for the Chi-Sox series!
    
    Shawn

    
    A's promoted Van Poppel one step up in the minors.  He had impressive
    stats in his 5 starts so far.
    
    Bruce

    When I was in California in late June, the White Sox series in Oakland
    was a sell-out.  While I'm not sure if it will sell out this time
    around, I'd suggest getting your tickets early.  The last game in that
    series is a Wednesday afternoon (Sept 19) and that may be your best
    bet.
    
    I don't have the ticket office number.
    
    John

�    A's promoted Van Poppel one step up in the minors.  He had impressive
�    stats in his 5 starts so far.

Not to be confused with impressive lats.....

    I read that the As wanted to see Van Poppel in a pressure situation,
    thus the promotion (besides the fact he is pitching so well).  The team
    he was promoted to is in the heat of a pennant race.
    
    Someone from the As organization was quoted as saying that Van Poppel
    is better than Catfish Hunter, who bypassed the minors and went
    straight to the bigs.

    I see that Rickey Henderson wants to renogotiate the contract he just
    signed with the As.

    I was at Anaheim Stadium a couple of Saturdays ago to watch the Angels
    beat the A's in 12. Canseco wiffed 4 times and Ricky Henderson twice.
    It was great.

>>< Note 210.100 by CSC32::J_HERNANDEZ "Waiting for my Kuwaiti Vacation" >

Jeez, Jesse, by the time you get your leatherneck a__ over there,
they'll have decided it's time to call up the over_30, beer belly
guys, I'll have been through boot camp, taken my best shot at OCS (or
whatever they're calling it these days) and I'll be sitting in one
of those Air-Conditioned tents over there with a beer I smuggled in
just for you....


[many 8^)]
Semper Fi,
'Saw

I've seen film clips of the Iraqi soldiers.  He may have a million of them, but
he had to rip off a lot of rest homes to get them!

Mike

     
                          WELCH GETS # 21
    
    Bob Welch continues to be strong , even with Clemens creeping
    up on him. If he wins 24 or 25 , he won't be caught for the 
    Cy Young.
    
    steveo

� I've seen film clips of the Iraqi soldiers.  He may have a million of them, but
� he had to rip off a lot of rest homes to get them!

   We've got about 1.5 million available just in the reserves (but I think
   they can only activate about 200K without a declaration of war.

   One of my neighbors (a reservist) was really moaning about the chance
   of getting called up. 
   I said: Well, you've been drawing a salary and building a pension for
   20 years just to guard against something like this. Time to do your
   duty.
   This didn't go over real big.

   Mike JN

I think the toughest part for some of them is the potentially huge
difference between their active duty salaries and their normal
work salaries.

But, they knew the score when they signed up and stayed in and all.

This is going to be very interesting...

'Saw

    FWIW, I went and saw the Charlotte Knights play the Huntsville Stars
    yesterday.  Ozzie Canseco did a great job for three straight innings...
    
    
    
    ...coaching first base.
    
    	--dan'l

    McGee for Felix Jose and two minor league players.
    
    Hmmmmmmmmm.  If the two minor leaguers are good prospects, I say bad
    trade.
    
    	--dan'l

    If the A's win the championship this year, than how can anything they
    do be considered 'bad'.  Winning THIS YEAR is what its all about!  I
    like Tony LaRussa's comment when asked 'What do you try and do in
    August to prepare for the playoffs'?  He replied 'Kill a mosquito with
    a sledgehammer'.  
    
    In other words, if you have ANY weakness at all, do ANYTHING you have
    to do to shore it up!
    
    The A's made two HUGE moves to bolster their sagging offense...  The
    A's now arguably have the top three OFFENSIVE outfielders in
    baseball...  And the top 6 in their lineup is now truly awesome (stats
    as of last Thursday):
    
    Player        BA   HR   RBI   SB
    Henderson   .324   22    47   50 !
    McGee       .335    2    61   28
    Canseco     .293   34    85   15
    Baines      .293   13    44    0
    McGwire     .215   32    84    2
    Lansford    .280    3    42   14
    
    I just wish the Red Wait-til-next-year's had the same attitude as
    LaRussa...   And I still can't believe that Jose and McGee past
    waivers!  WTF!
    
    (BTW, Jose's stats are: .261, 8, 37, 8, and as his rotis. owner
    expecting big things from him, he has been a big disapointment,
    particularly in the second half - I would be he hasn't had 2 homers
    since the All-Star break...)
    
    ML

    'Scuse me, I meant to say the top three offensive outfielders in the
    'Merican league...  (yes, I'm including Ellis Burkes, Ruben Sierra, Ken
    Griffey JR, and Ivan Calderon - but I'd still take Griffey for the long
    haul...)
    
    ML

    What's really interesting about these two A's moves (Baines and McGee)
    is that A's GM Sandy Alderson, over the last few years, has royally
    pissed off numerous other GMs by claiming players over the waiver wires
    just to prevent trades like these two.
    
    In other words, Alderson habitually broke all kinds of "gentleman's
    agreements" to let these kind of waiver transactions go through
    untouched so that late-season pennant deals could be made.   He'd claim
    the players in question and the other teams would then have to pull the
    players back off the wire and come up with some other way to make the
    deals.
    
    I recall reading last year about this time (I forget the deal, it might
    have been the Rickey Henderson trade with the Yankees) that Phillies GM
    Lee Thomas did the same thing back to Alderson.   That is, he claimed
    Henderson (or whomever) just so he could plug up the deal.  Alderson
    called him up and said: "Hey, wait are you doing?" and Thomas shot
    back: "See how it feels, Sandy?"
    
    Now, we see the A's making two of these kind of deals of their own. 
    Either Alderson has become a bit more of a gentleman or there are some
    other sneaky things going on in somebody's secret hideaway somewhere.
    
    Bob Hunt

    I've always been a Willie McGee fan, but that goes with also being a
    closet Cardinals fan.  But McGee has proven to be one of the worst
    defensive outfielders in recent years.  He drops routine fly balls
    about once every three weeks.  
    
    Plus, McGee is 31.  (I claim ignorance to Jose's age, so that might not
    be a factor).  
    
    My basic opinion is that the A's are still the best team in baseball. 
    They haven't lost a step from last year even after losing Dave Parker. 
    Larussa is cute with his sledgehammer and mosquito axiom.  I wonder if
    he ever heard, "Don't fix what ain't broken."
    
    	--dan'l

    McGee has 16 errors this season, and is a free agent at the end of the
    season.  THis is a big gamble for the A's, especially if they don't 
    sign McGee to a new contract.
    
    NAZZ

    
    It's very little risk to the A's.  Jose was going to be stuck behind
    Canseco and Rickey for years to come (he'd never be a CF)while McGee
    still has at least 3-4 years left.  Even if he doesn't signe with the
    A's, they got a CF as insurance ofr Hendu, and will get another 1st
    round draft pick.  These trades are very similar to the way the A's got
    Rickey last year, they didn't absolutely need them, but they put them
    over the top.  If anyone can platoon 5 playerrs for 4 spots next year,
    LaRussa can.  He did it with Baylor in '88, and he can do it next year.
    
    Bruce 

    Plus, and I think the Boston media has brainwashed youse guys, (Nazz),
    it DOESN'T MATTER if the guy leaves after this year or NOT - IF the A's
    win the series!  All the A's are trying to do is plug up some (minor)
    holes in their offense: speed (I know this sounds ludicrous to Sox
    fans, but they felt they needed more speed), a quality center fielder,
    and a lefthanded bat (and they got two!).
    
    THIS YEAR IS THE ONLY YEAR THAT MATTERS, AND WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO
    WIN IT ALL, DO IT!!!
    
    (Note: this philosophy only applies to those in a position to win it
    near the end of the year - you of course should think of future impacts
    when making deals before August, or when you have no chance of winning
    it all.)
    
    ML

    A separate Oakland Athletics conference has been created.
    
    To add this conference to your notebook, type the following after the
    NOTES prompt:
    
    	ADD ENTRY SMAUG::user$940:[oakley]athletics
    
    or hit KP7.

�    	ADD ENTRY SMAUG::user$940:[oakley]athletics

   Isn't Smaug a dragon?

   Mike JN

>   Isn't Smaug a dragon?

	Not anymore. Bard slew him with an arrow.

	Jim M

    didja ever wonder what Smaug smelled like about a week after Bard slew
    him? Hell the whole town would have to drag him a considerable distance
    to get rid of the smell. 

	Didn't Smaug go crashing into Long Lake after biting the big one???