Conference back40::soapbox

    
    An estimated 5,000 to 10,000 of these men really need to get
    a life/job/clue.
    

 Sounds like these "men" should quit whining and take .1's advice.




 Jim

Having half your knob cut off sounds a bit painful to me.  What bloody
perv decided that it was such a good idea anyway?

Chris.

    
    the G*d of Moses

I'm sure God never said that all newborn males must have their John
Thomas shoved into a bacon slicer.

Chris.

    I think that journalist should stick to stand up comedy. 

>    I think that journalist should stick to stand up comedy. 

Oo-er missus!

    <--- Bad cold or allergies?
    
    8^)

    
    
    Had a guy here local who was suing his parents for having him circed.
    
    
    

    
    .9:
    
    Wow...bet their Christmas dinners were fun.
    
    
    Mom:  Peas?
    
    Sis:  Oh yes.
    
    Son:  Yes, please.
    
    Dad:  Good turkey this year, darling.
    
    Sis:  Mmmmm...
    
    Mom:  Anyone care for some more?
    
    Son:  YES, PLEASE, EXTRA FORESKIN!!!!
    
    <clank>
    
    Dad:  Ummm...well...uhhhh...hmmmm...
    

    Maybe the government would be willing to award a grant pertaining to
    recovering lost foreskin. I wonder what chromosome is the foreskin
    chromosome?  :)
    
    ...Tom

    It is believed that men who have lost it, are insencetive(sp).... 

    .12
    
    THERE!  THAT'S IT!  Men are crude, insensitive animals cuz our parents
    abused us by getting our willies whacked half off when we were babies.  

	I'm very senssssitif......

re:                  <<< Note 463.5 by CBHVAX::CBH "Lager Lout" >>>

>>>I'm sure God never said that all newborn males must have their John
>>>Thomas shoved into a bacon slicer.
    
    The set-up has too many potential punchlines (none of them in good
    taste):
    
    1.  "Of course not, that wouldn't be Kosher"
    
    2.  "Why do you think they call it porking?"
    
    3.  "Yeah, and they fired her, too."
    
    tom

Not all circumcisions are the same.  Some guys find it painful to achieve
a full erection, because too much skin was removed.  Some others find that their
penis becomes so calloused over time, that in their 50's they are unable to
function sexually.
Perhaps painting all of these folks as whiners who need to get a life, is adding
insult to injury.

    I don't think the backlash is against those whose circumcisions were
    performed incorrectly so much as those who feel they are not "whole"
    and are therefore deprived of something they had a right to experience.

    Where have all these whiners in the world come from?!

    
    <-------
    
    Agreed!!!
    

    >> ...therefore deprived of something they had a right to experience.
    
    To simulate the experience, tell them to buy a pullover sweater
    that's a couple of sizes too small.
    
    Chris

> Some others find that their penis becomes so calloused over time

Calloused?????

What the hell are they doing to it????

re .21

Don't be judgemental.  Holes in cinderblock walls are a perfectly normal pref.

    -1 now that was callous...

    
  > Calloused????? What the hell are they doing to it????
    
    Their lawyers advised them to file.....

I've heard Dr. Scholl's has moleskin condoms.

        They're not bad with the furry side in...
        
        &y
        

    
I've heard Dr. Scholl's has moleskin condoms.
    
    Are they made for Molasses?

    The only reason I have to note in this topic is because I think that it
    is fun to say penis in public!!!!!    :)
    
    penispenispenispenispenispenispenispenispenispenispenispenispenispenis
    
    Thank you, that was fun!!!  :)
    
    ...Tom

All I can say is you guys with "25% off" don't know what you are missing.

You can't go for days without a shower.
You can't dry it just by shaking it a few times.
ZIPPERS are dangerous!! 
You can't introduce your dates to a new version of "peek a boo"
You don't get it stretched during some "dry runs" (OUCH!!!)
You don't have a handle to grab when you go to the john wearing tight jeans
You can't go undercover in Israel 

;->
Mikey

    re: .28 - SNL sketch
    
    Hey nice penis !

<---I've said that

    What an accomplishment.

| <<< Note 463.32 by WAHOO::LEVESQUE "Mr Blister" >>>



| What an accomplishment.

	At the time I thought it was....

The callousing comes from rubbing on underwear constantly.  Scientific 
measurements (taken during autopsies) showed that the skin on the head of
the average uncircumcised penis was 1 micron thick.  The skin on the head of the
average circumcised penis was 15 microns thick.
Apparently, in some small number of people, the callousing process never stops,
and the skin keeps getting thicker all their lives.  This is what is believed to
cause the loss of sensation for those unfortunate few.  Some of them have been
helped by foreskin reconstruction, by stretching or surgery.

	Why don't they just not wear underwear and let it dangle.....

    Hey, I hang....dangle sounds so petit !!!!! :*)

    Do any of you guy's have your penis attached to your head...??????
    
    
    
                                      Curious,
                                              Big Whang......

    
    	Ah, another SQF gent getting in his last childish prank before
    heading off to Motorola land....
    
    
    

    Does circumcision affect which way a man dresses???
    
    ..Tom

	I don't think so. If I wasn't circumsised, I still would sit on the bed
first to put my socks on, start the pants, etc....

    >I don't think so. If I wasn't circumsised, I still would sit on the
    >bed first to put my socks on, start the pants, etc....
    
    
    How do you know??
    
    ...Tom (circumcised, left. Just thought you'd like to know :))

    
    You ask a lot of questions, Dan.  Who sent you?
    

    Dan, you don't know if you dress right or left?
    
    ...Tom

    
    Maybe his tailor knows.
    

    How does one type a puzzled smiley face ?
    
    Dan

Would it have been clearer if he had asked "How's it hangin'"

=:-O

Mikey

    A stupid question was asked here.  I have removed it to prevent further
    embarrassment.

    :-/
    Dan

Mr. Topaz, I've never had a suit made, but I've had one fitted.  I've never
been asked that question.  BTW, is that the wearer's right/left, or the
tailor's?

    The kindly meg has {ahem} straightened me out on the
    misunderstanding... please pardon my ignorance..... I shall try not to
    repeat it.....

    Again, my apologies,
    Dan
    :-(

>       Hmmm.  I might stand corrected about the fitted part. 
>       (Alternatively, I'm right and you're not a gentleman).  

Well, I'm left.

    
    What if you answer, "both"?

"Throws right, bats left."

    > What if you answer, "both"?
    
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo impressed or frightened, don't know
    which!!   :)
    
    ...Tom

| <<< Note 463.41 by DASHER::RALSTON "cantwejustbenicetoeachother?:)" >>>


| How do you know??

	cuz cut vs uncut do not go into the making of how one dresses.....

    I think you are forgetting that the penis and the brain are permanently
    attached. The direction of the point could affect the output of the
    brain!  :)
    
    ...Tom

    
    
    i still don't understand the 'right or left' thing...
    
    

>>                     -< maybe cuz i am not a gentleman... >-

	let's hope all the "gentlemen" in the 'box don't rush
	to explain. ;>

Please use private email to explain it to Mz. Deb.

 .63  why, mz_deb doesn't understand it either?

Deb, Raq, what's the difference.

    
    Gerald, are you trying to win the Shawn Labounty Memorial Award?

>    i still don't understand the 'right or left' thing...
    
it lends a whole new meaning to that familiar phrase, "how's it hangin'"!

Chris.

Shawn Labounty Memorial?!  You didn't.... _kill_ him, did you?

    > >>                     -< maybe cuz i am not a gentleman... >-
    > 
    > let's hope all the "gentlemen" in the 'box don't rush
    > to explain. ;>

    How about a personal one-on-one explanation, complete with a demo.....
    
    How utterly crass!  I can't believe I just said that ! ? !

    :-)
    Dan
    
    
    Cool SNARF tooooo.
    :-)
    

saw an awesome baby-making episode involving
two nurse sharks on TV last night...

the male shark has two members...they're called
claspers.  

 .70  see what you're missing, gerald?

the female sharks hang around in shallow waters,
waiting for a suitable male.  if an unsuitable one
attempts to push her out into deeper waters, she 
puts up a fight until she is able to free herself 
and then returns to shallow waters.

Finally, the big bull shark arrives on the scene.
She decides that he will do. He grabs her dorsal 
fin and forces her into deeper waters, where he 
turns her over on her back and proceeds a la missionary 
style while still holding her fin in his mouth.    

A pint of the stuff is "donated" for propagation.
Extraordinary.

So if Mr. Topaz gets a sharkskin suit, his tailor doesn't have to ask.

 .72 not even dinner and a movie first, hunh?

.74

Ha!  

Nope.  Just the pure simple elemental drive to make 
little sharks.  But I do think that male's sex drive
was coarsened. 

 .75 course, he probably flashes those pearly whites
     too.  who could resist that?  i ask you.

    
    Um, why does the male shark have two?  Does the female shark have two
    also?  Or is it for the purpose of menage-a-trois type stuff?

Quick, someone stop me from bursting into song.

 .78  could it be our boy's about to do something rash?

    
    Two! Jeesh. And to think of the trouble some of us have in
    just finding work for one...
    
    -b    

    Male lizards also have two.

    
    One of you shark and lizard experts answer my question!
    
    8^)

Oh the shark has
Pearly teeth and
They are there for
All to seeeeee...

    Re: .80
    
    Bwaaahaaahaaa.....
    That was GOOD !
    
    :-)
    Dan

>Um, why does the male shark have two?

The reason for the 2 claspers was not revealed.
The female shark has only one clasper-receiver.

It was pointed out that a male tries to impregnate
every available female.  Maybe the two claspers each
have a separate shift?  I wish they had explained this.

	>>Maybe the two claspers each
	>>have a separate shift?

	they can shift with these things?  so can they go
	into, like, sex overdrive?

    >	they can shift with these things?  so can they go
    >	into, like, sex overdrive?

    I think that's called "adolescence".

    -b

>so can they go
	into, like, sex overdrive?

This male shark was, believe me.

RE: .67 Hey! I did that in .48

I guess sharks don't have to worry about dress left or right

Mikey

    So, errrr, what's this fin thing then ?? Is that like oral sex ??
    
    Ya'll are a buncha pervs !! No respect for a sharks privacy.

    .85 ahhh, another link of the male homosapien to a different
        species! :-)

    >Finally, the big bull shark arrives on the scene.
    
     I didn't realize that bull sharks and nurse sharks interbred. FWIW-
    the largest sharks (and fish, for that matter) are almost universally
    female.

    
>Um, why does the male shark have two?
    
    Aren't they just pipe-like extensions of the two back fins?
    I seem to recall from dissecting a Dogfish once.
    
    There was a big shark exhibit at Boston science museum recently,
    that seemed to focus only on their teeth.  A mass o' chew sets in
    Massachussetts.
    
    Colin
    

>So, errrr, what's this fin thing then ??

First, the male shark clamps down on the female's fin
to push her out into deeper waters...then (and I'm 
paraphrasing the narrator) the male shark continues to 
hold onto the fin with its mouth for balance and leverage
during the act.

    .94
    
    No.  The "two back fins" are the equivalent of our legs, and sharks
    have them as usable fins.  The claspers are an adaptation of the anal
    fin, similar to the gonopodium in certain viviparous bony species such
    as the guppy.
    
    There are two claspers, and in lizards two penes, because the mating is
    not a perfectly aligned ventral coupling.  The male shark actually
    holds one of the female's pectoral fins in his mouth during the process
    to force her onto her back, and thus the alignment is imperfect.  In
    the case of the lizards, the male mounts the female from the back and
    must work his way around her tail.  In both cases, the male uses the
    organ that is better positioned to penetrate the female's genital
    opening.

The answer to the mystery!  Thank you, Mr. Binder.

    > the largest sharks (and fish, for that matter) are almost universally
    > female.
    
    I've noticed the same phenomenon among Italians... :-) :-) :-)
    
    Oh, lighten up! I'm _kidding_ !!!
    
    -b

    
    
    >>Deb, Raq, what's the difference.
    
    um, about 3 inches and , um, well, nevermind!!
    
    

    
    
    and besides, mz_deb explained it to me!!!
    
    

re .94    
    
>>Um, why does the male shark have two?
    
 >   Aren't they just pipe-like extensions of the two back fins?
 >   I seem to recall from dissecting a Dogfish once.
    
 >   Colin
    
    You were inspecting a male dogfishs' genitalia ? You perv ! :)
    

re .95
    
>                              the male shark continues to 
>hold onto the fin with its mouth for balance and leverage
>during the act.
    
    Is that like holding on to a birds ears when you're....nevermind.

    
 >>   Aren't they just pipe-like extensions of the two back fins?
 >>   I seem to recall from dissecting a Dogfish once.
    
 >>   Colin
    
  >  You were inspecting a male dogfishs' genitalia ? You perv ! :)
    
    
    Sh! Can't talk about it.  It's a "cloaca and dagger" operation.
    
    

    I am disappointed to come back from vacation and see that we have left
    the topic of male dress. However, this could easily take its place.
    Thanks Dick.
    
    >The claspers are an adaptation of the anal fin, similar to the gonopodium 
    >in certain viviparous bony species such as the guppy.
    
    ...Tom

    .103 "cloaca and dagger"
    
    Given that this has to do with dissection, I give this pun a 10!!
    
    Kudos!
                      

    
    Now there's a man who knows a fishy fanny when he sees it.

    OK Colin, you can turn back around now.
    
    :-)
    

> Now there's a man who knows a fishy fanny when he sees it.

What a classic line, are you aware of what this means in English?

Dave.

>>What a classic line, are you aware of what this means in English?

	some of us are, anyways.

    
    .108
    
    It has another meaning in English?  Golly!

    You should see the responses you get when you say something like,
    "She's got a nice fanny pack."  Especially if you are referring to the
    article of clothing/accessory that used to be fairly common here in the
    US.

    %-)
    Dan

    	Oracle has a program called Business Alliance Program, and
    	participants are called BAPs Partners.  I wonder if they 
    	should also be called bosom buddies...