Conference turris::womannotes-v2

664.0. "Valuing Differences" by TLE::FISHER (Work that dream and love your life.) Wed Jun 21 1989 14:42

[The context of this note is in MENNOTES, but I was asked to post it 
here for the generic Valuing Differences information.]

(Most of the information here was obtained when I took the two-day
course called "Affirmative Action University," which is a training for
Core Group leaders.  Core Groups are groups of 6-8 people who meet
once a month to work on their own racism, sexism, and homophobia.  The
idea is that, over the course of a few months, the group begins to
trust each other enough to be able to open up and do very risky and
personal work.) 

Valuing Differences is a personal philosophy, created by Digital
Equipment Corporation in the early Eighties, that is designed to aid
personal growth.  The idea behind the Valuing Differences philosphy is
for each individual to look inside themselves and to examine
attitudes, assumptions, and stereotypes about all differences.  The
idea is for each person to look inside her or himself, to solicit and
to give feedback, and to work on reducing the number of times that we
base business decisions--knowingly or unknowingly--on some stereotype
or assumption about a difference.  The end result should be an 
increase in effectiveness in dealing with people and in productivity. 

The steps that an individual takes towards valuing differences are as
follows: 

	o  Recognizing the difference

           "Oh, okay.  I get it. 'White men' are a group.  But so
            what?  Why should I look at my feelings about white men?"

	o  Understanding the difference

	   "Oh, okay.  I get it.  There are some things that white
	    men go through that are pretty much unique to white men.
	    Okay, I can understand some of the things that they go
	    through, but I still don't understand why I need to look
	    at how I feel about white men.  It isn't important to me."

	o  Accepting the difference

	   "Oh, okay.  I get it.  I find myself acting and reacting to
	    white men a certain way. It's subtle, but it's there.  I'm
	    ready to take a look at how I feel about white men and 
	    what some of my stereotypes and assumptions are."

	o  Valuing the difference

	   "You know, now that I think about it, there are some things
	    that white men go through that are really unique.  My team
	    can be a lot stronger if white men are able to be a part
	    of that team and can contribute some of the things that
	    they have learned by being part of that unique group 
	    called 'white men.'"

Some people think that folks can enter into and exit from any of these 
categories in any order.  I have a different opinion.  I see a 
necessary order.  (I find it hard to believe that someone can Value a 
difference if they cannot Recognize it.)	

Recognizing and Understanding are not too difficult, and AA/EEO
legislates that we at least recognize differences ("Okay, I'll meet my
quota" or "Okay, I won't harass them."). In between Understanding and
Acceptance is what I would call "tolerance." Understanding is what I
refer to as "logical" acceptance.  Accepting is what I refer to as
"emotional" acceptance. 

In my experience, Valuing is very rare. I have met only a handful of
strate people (Barbara Walker, Tom Couming, June Lemen, Mary Orcutt,
and Joann Moriss-Scott come to mind) who genuinely "value" my
difference as a gay man, in my opinion.  I see this in their
knowledge, comfort, and ability to seek out my knowledge and expertice
in areas that most strate people don't even Recognize that I have been
through; with these people, I feel that our sexual orientations "do
not make a difference," because the difference is fully appreciated
and integrated within the totality of our relationship.

In my opinion, it is a tough journey, and it is tough work.  It is 
also personal work.  In order for me to get enough information to
examine my own attitudes towards differences, I need to solicit and to
give feedback; according to the Johari Window principles (I'll give
more on this if people are interested), feedback works best when it is
both given and received in a polite way. 

For me to shout, "Value my difference!" is not appropriate and does
not have a place in the Valuing Differences work as defined by Digital
Equipment Corporation. 

Therefore, having someone key in the title "Valuing Differences goes 
both ways" in response to feedback that I was giving to someone is not 
in synch with the Valuing Differences program.  Valing Differences does 
not mean that I shut up when I am offended.  Valuing Differences does 
not mean that I should ignore my own anger.  Valuing Differences means 
that, in an attempt at my own personal growth, I should get and give 
feedback about how I am feeling, whenever I feel it would be useful.  
In the note about "real" women, I felt angry, and I gave that 
feedback.  I felt that I gave my feedback of anger in an appropriately 
polite way.  What that person choses to do with my feedback...well, 
it's up to him.  My only concern is that I am sharing, stretching, and 
growing in accordance with my principles.  And I think that I am doing 
that.


							--Ger

    Gerry, 
    
    Thank you for sharing such a complete and accurate account of the
    valuing differences "curriculem".  I think it is important for people
    to understand that VoD is not merely lip service nor a temporary
    slogan.  
    
    The work that has been done by Digital in this area is very
    significant. I had a chance to attend a brief workshop facilitated
    by Barabara Walker several years back (before Vod was a common term
    or even used, although she had been working with core groups at
    Digital for quite some time, mostly in the Manufacturing area).
    I learned a great deal about myself, the assumptions I carry and
    those that others carry towards me - and also understanding the
    beginning of a very long journey I have had to take as an "angry
    but nice girl" to becoming a positive and assertive woman.  I am
    still working that last piece!
    
    This kind of training is something I very much miss now that I am
    no longer part of Personnel.  In my current job, Effective
    Presentations and Investments in Excellence are as far as the outside
    training goes (besides technical courses directly related to my
    role as an instructor). These do not go nearly far enough.  
    
    One needs to be aware - Core Groups are not for the faint of heart.
     And honesty is critical and sometimes less than comfortable.