Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    Although I was both physically and emotionally battered, I never
    thought to give myself a label such as "battered."  I too let my
    children be abused by their father because I felt too shocked,
    frightened and helpless to stop him.  The few times I tried to
    intervene, I ended up being "put in my place" through both physical
    beatings(--one time with a chunk of firewood, several others with
    a broom, the rest of the time using martial arts techniques including
    "bone twisting" called yawara, kicking, punching, and having handsful
    of hair ripped out; he also used a knife at times...), and what
    was worse, emotional "beatings".  The emotional abuse lasted far
    longer and hurt far worse than anything else he did because it attacked
    the "inner" me.  When it was finally over, I felt like a total zombie
    for months afterward.  It took a year of painful therapy to start
    on becoming the person I am today.  Although I swore to never let
    it happen again--and I haven't, I still have to live with the knowledge
    of what I DIDN'T do as well as what I DID do (I had--under threats
    from my husband--a brief period where I was abusive to my children
    too.  It totally disgusts me to remember, but I was *that* frightened.
    It was horrible!!!)
    
    I cannot find it in my heart to condemn another for NOT assisting
    because I *know* what's it's like to be there.  I've walked in those
    shoes, and it's the most degrading, terrifying experience--what
    one might call an emotional rape that totally destroys all self-esteem
    and frequently the will to live.  
    
    I don't know if this is what you had in mind from the wording of
    your basenote, but I hope it can help.
    
    Barb

    In re-reading a portion of the basenote, I realize that I didn't
    answer the question... No, I didn't feel there was anyone who could
    help me/us.  I felt totally alone.  I didn't trust the police or
    social services to *do* anything to help me because I doubt that
    they would hvae put a 24 hour guard on my husband and he said he
    would kill me/us and anyone who tried to help--as painfully as
    possible.  I believed him.  He was very serious.
    
    From what I've personally seen, the police are restrained by laws
    intened to protect the innocent, but too often end up protecting
    the guilty as well--many times to the detrement of the innocent.
     I feel that this would have ben the case here.
    
    Barb

    
    I think all woman who are good hearted suffer! because men take
    advantage of the goodness of the heart,and don't appreciate it.
    angelina

	re .4:

	Yes, some men. Maybe even most men. But certainly not
	all men.

						Tom_K

  Has anyone read Susan Brownmiller's newest book?  I can't remember the name
for the life of me, but it is a fictional account of this case.  I heard her
on a talk radio show a week or two ago discussing this book and some of her
thoughts about spouse abuse.  Don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger, but her
stance was that a woman can't simply be a victim of abuse since after the 2nd
time she knows what's going on and can leave that situation.  A view which has
not won her wide acclaim in such organizations as NOW.

  After listening to her, a couple of things came to mind.  First, she's still
very good at creating controversy (anyone read her book "Against Our Will: Men,
Women, and Rape" -- talk about hardcore feminism!).  The other thought was that
she took this problem from a very "middle class" perspective.  Its just not
always easy to walk away from a horrible situation because of practical
realities like finances, what to do about the kids, etc.

    <--(.7)
    
    Sounds as tho not only a middle-class perspective, Jim, but a non-
    victim's perspective too.  Yucch.  You'd think she'd know better. 
    
    						=maggie

Re .6/.7

In all fairness to Susan Brownmiller, she did say in the NPR interview that
a great many women find themselves unable to leave due to their financial 
situation, but that in Hetta Nussbaum's case, she did have to financial
resourses to do so.  When asked during the trial why she stayed in the marriage,
here most compelling reason was that she loved her husband.  Now given this,
it does not seem that Ms. Nussbaum should be completely absolved of responsi-
bility for the death of her daughter, and this I think was Ms. Brownmiller's
main point.

/Mike

    The system failed Lisa Marie Bianco on Saturday, according to the
    article on page 3 of today's Boston Globe.  Her former husband was
    serving an eight year sentence for beating her when he was released
    for eight hours and he allegedly bludgeoned her to death as neighbors
    watched!
    
    What does this *example* say to people who are victims?  It would
    appear that conviction in a court of law and imprisonment is not
    sufficient protection for some people.