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Conference trucks::football;1

Title: Soccer Football Conference
Notice:Don't forget your season ticket.....
Moderator:MOVIES::PLAYFORD
Created:Thu Aug 08 1991
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:608
Total number of notes:85903

138.0. "Christmas presents" by KERNEL::HAWLEYI (NOT Paul Wattersons love child) Tue Dec 17 1991 15:54

    I thought id start up this note in order for you sarcastic noters out
    there :-) to enter your ideas for possible christmas presents for
    your favourite footballers and/or noters.
    
    e.g   fishing tackle for Ian Rush so that he knows what a net looks
          like!
          scuba diving gear for Mark Hughes following his effort in the 
          ECWC final :-)
          for cunno, a night out with is darling, Aldo.
    etc..
    
    any ideas?
    
    Ian.
    
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138.1YUPPY::PANESIts the Filth, Ma'amTue Dec 17 1991 16:0924
	
	The Remington Nasal Hair remover  - Ian Rush
 	A Clairol Styling Kit             - Peter Beardsley
	Scaletrix set                     - Terry Fenwick
        A straw hat                       - Tony Adams
	A passport 		          - Ian "European" Wright
        A brain                           - Paul Gascoigne
        Stabilisers		          - Hughes/Klinsman
        A Zimmer		          - Bryan Robson
        A Team                            - Any North-East side
        Elocution lessons                 - Jan Molby
        A loan                            - Tottering Hopeless
        Some fans			  - Wimbledon
        A new car coat *                  - any Arsenal Fan
        Thumper                           - Niall Quinn
        A ticket for a match              - Most Moancheater United Fans
        

        
        Santa's little helper.

       
       * Yes, that old chestnut
		 
138.2ASKFOR::HAIGHA vision of guerrilla goodness.Tue Dec 17 1991 16:2511
    Like it! But there's 2 I don't understand;
    
    
        A Zimmer		          - Bryan Robson
        Thumper                           - Niall Quinn
    
    
    		?
    
    
    			Steve
138.3Rudolph , Prancer , Dancer,,,,er thats itYUPPY::PANESIts the Filth, Ma'amTue Dec 17 1991 16:4227
      <<< Note 138.2 by ASKFOR::HAIGH "A vision of guerrilla goodness." >>>

       The Contact 400 is addling my brain

    
  >      A Zimmer		          - Bryan Robson
         ^^^^^^^^

         The market leader in walking frames.

         
          
  >   Thumper                           - Niall Quinn
    
    
      Quinn reminds me of Bambi. Thumper was the rabbit who uttered the 
      immortal lines 


      "Kinda wobbly ain'tcha"



      And now for some paracetemol.

     
      Stuart
138.4YUPPY::PANESIts the Filth, Ma&#039;amTue Dec 17 1991 16:4313
.,..oops forgot..


    A night out with the Harlem Globetrotters....

                                                      Ron Noades




   Stuart

                   
138.5PresentsESSB::BLONGThe Scousers Trophy Cabinet is EmptyTue Dec 17 1991 18:199
A girlfriend               :       Jan Molby
A goal against UNITED      :       Ian Rush
A smile                    :       Kenny Dalglish
A facelift                 :       Peter Beardsley
A haircut                  :       Vinny Jones

�rian.
                   

138.6CURRNT::PAGEDChristmas is a krankheitTue Dec 17 1991 18:247
    A goal
    
    
    
    
    For David Pleat.
    
138.7some more ideasKERNEL::HAWLEYIits a monster!!!Tue Dec 17 1991 18:3112
    
    some more...
    
      Jimmy Hill        - a signed photo of Peter Beardsley.
      Lee Chapman       - a goal from more than 10 yards out.
      The Man Utd team  - a 10p piece....the only silver they'll get their
                        hands on this season.
      Brian Long        - a Liverpool scarf :-)
      George Courtney   - ditto
    
    Ian.
    
138.8My PressiesESSB::MCUNNIFFELEEDS-STUFF THE MANCSTue Dec 17 1991 20:3918

       Present                             player
       =======                             ======
Footballing ability                      Mike "useless" Phelan
    facelift                             Steve Bruce
Oscar (for perfecting Diving)            Mark Hughes
     Hope (of a league medal)            Bryan Robson
League goal                              Paul Ince
Euro footballer of year award            TGA
A brain                                  Tony Adams
A brain cell                             Fat Boy Gazza
full fitness                             Ronnie & Barnsie
No Irish connections                     Vinny Jones


    Cunno             	    

138.9Either that or a double intruderKIRKTN::SPATONCatch me if I fallTue Dec 17 1991 20:482
    A one way ticket to Stammford Bridge   -  Hans Gillhaus
    
138.10FUTURS::DAGLESSMay 16th, 1990Tue Dec 17 1991 21:219

	A triangle for *the* Newcastle fan!





	It's the only way he'll get 3 points :-)
138.11Can't beat em join em.WELCLU::BWALKERCome on you Hatters.Tue Dec 17 1991 23:549
    
    How about a cruise control that will engage at 5mph.
    
    For one D. Pleat.
    
    
    Regs.
    
    Barry.
138.12ASKFOR::HAIGHA vision of guerrilla goodness.Wed Dec 18 1991 09:4712
    Re .3,
    
    	kinell! I don't feel so bad about asking now!
    
    	
    	A penalty taker	- Peter Reid.
    	A compass 	- David Batty.
    	Umbrellas for Rudi V�ller and Frank Rijkard.
    	A friend 	- Effenberg.
    
    
    		Steve
138.13FUTURS::DAGLESSMay 16th, 1990Wed Dec 18 1991 09:553

	A Newcastle United watch for Mickey Mouse!
138.14some more..TRUCKS::SANTWed Dec 18 1991 10:1125
    
    A new trophy cabinet for the League Championship for Alex Ferguson 8-)
    
    A wooden hand-carved fruit bowl to put the sour grapes in for this
    conference's Liverpool fans.
    
    Plastic surgery for Ian "Elephant Man" Rush.
    
    Day-trip to Merseyside for Ian..
    
    A smile for George Graham.
    
    Early relegation for Luton.
    
    Forgiveness for '89 from his new fans for Michael Thomas.
    
    Passing lessons for Gary Ablett.
    
    Bottle of non-alchoholic lager for Tony Adams/Terry Fenwick.
    
    ..and an enjoyable, safe, merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous
    New Year to one and all!
    
    Andy.
    
138.15Terry needs a straight jacket...!!!SCOAYR::GMCKEEWed Dec 18 1991 10:4123
    
    
    75 Million pounds for a stadium - Terry Cassidy ( He thinks Santa's
    				      bringing it !! )
    
    Red and Black stripey jumper    - Tony (Elm Street) Mowbray
    
    2 games in a row		    - Gillespie
    
    Paul McSTAY			    - Celtic fans.
    
    		-----------------------------
    And for those up north 
    
    Inflatable rubber sheep
    
    		------------------------------
    And for the Govan boys
    
    More of the same		    - The Teddy Bears
    
    	
    
138.16DBCIC1::RUSSELLWed Dec 18 1991 10:473
    just one pressie;...
    
    a win...............................Chelsea
138.17SUBURB::INV_LIBRARYSanta Claus ate my hamsterWed Dec 18 1991 11:5613
    
    Graham Sourness  -    A new set of excuses
    Graham Taylor    -    Ditto
    Kenny Dalglish   -    Some good grace
    Ian Wright       -    A baby grow ( so he can learn to grow up)
    Jimmy Hill       -    A personality transplant
    John Motson      -    A one-way ticket to Ulaanbataar
    Mark McGhee      -    Twenty million pounds
    You lot          -    An extremely alcoholic Christmas and six months
                          paid holiday!
    
    jeff
    
138.18whatever happened to the childrens film foundationKERNEL::HAWLEYIits a monster!!!Wed Dec 18 1991 12:0711
    re.17
    
    Ulan-Bator? capital of Outer Mongolia?
    TOO GOOD FOR HIM!
    
    re. six months paid holiday..
    yes please!
    
    ian.
    :-)
    
138.19The Aldo Book.ESSB::MCUNNIFFEd i g i t a lWed Dec 18 1991 13:3216
     
    The book "Inside Anfield", the John Aldridge story by Brian Woolnough-
Mainstream Publishing

      
                        for
 All you crazy and fanatic ALDO fans out there. What a lovely Christmas
pressie this would make for the wife or the girlfriend and it's much cheaper
than going to a jewellery shop.

   
 Best wishes for Christmas & drink plenty,

            Cunno               

138.20R2ME2::HINXMANThere has to be a better wayWed Dec 18 1991 15:036
	re .19

	Looks like TGC is trying to drum up business for his second job
	- divorce lawyer.

	Tony
138.21If onlyMINDER::MACDONALDIMUFC ECWC ChampionsWed Dec 18 1991 17:2714
    
    
    
    TGA - A first division club (Man Utd !!!!)
    
    Wimbledon - a crowd
    
    Luton - a point
    
    England - for Arsenal and Liverpool to win their respective Euro Cups
    
    
    
    mac
138.22you heard it first here!KERNEL::HAWLEYIits a monster!!!Wed Dec 18 1991 18:046
    > TGA - A first division club (Man Utd !!!!)
    
    an admission!!!
    United fans want TGA!
    Ian.
    
138.23Who is TGA and who wants himMINDER::MACDONALDIMUFC ECWC ChampionsWed Dec 18 1991 18:099
    re: .22
    
    >> United fans want TGA!
    
    I meant it as an example, and to wind up Martin a little. 
    
    He's not good enough for UTD, maybe for Luton or Liverpool.
    
    mac
138.24though not as good as HughesKERNEL::HAWLEYIits a monster!!!Wed Dec 18 1991 18:194
    well im sorry, but hes a better striker than Brian McLair will ever
    be...
    Ian.
    
138.25KIRKTN::JJACKThu Dec 19 1991 07:1926
    
    A night out without becoming involved in a streetfight  - Iain Durrant
    
    A negative result from his Aids test   -  Richard Gough
    
    A pair of sure grip gloves  -  Andy Goram
    
    A Tony Mowbray mask  -  Iain Ferguson
    
    A haircut  -  Terry Hurlock
    
    Passback lessons  -  Nigel Spackman
    
    An education  -  Durrant,Ferguson etc.......
    
    A new chain for his crucifix  -  Mark Hateley
    
    A personality  -  Walter Smith 
    
    A zimmer  -  David Murray
    (and also a new stand that's been built properly & doesn't restrict the
     back six rows to missing three yards of the playing surface)
    
    
    
    
138.26QETOO::CHAVESCunno Picked Utd to Win!Mon Dec 23 1991 17:416
    He'd probably score as many at Utd as he has for Ireland. I'd prefer
    we sign Cunno....
    
    A happy holiday to all.
    
    JC