Conference thebay::joyoflex

565.0. "How long does it take to grow an obscenity?" by PASTIS::MONAHAN (humanity is a trojan horse) Wed Sep 28 1988 16:25

	VMS doesn't have bugs!
    
	If you're bitten by some nasty creature,
	A gnat or the dreaded mosquiture,
		You'll very soon hear
		From a DEC engineer
	That it isn't a *bug*, it's a feature.

	When the "get well" cards all say "miss you"
	And the itch in your nose makes you 'tishoo
		And you're tucked up in bed
		With a pain in your head
	It's not a 'flu *bug*, it's an issue.
    
    	I was recently reminded in another notes file that one should
    not talk about *bugs* in VMS. If it concerns security then it is
    an "issue", while if it is just unexpected behaviour it is a "feature".
    
    	Would anyone like to guess how long these terms last before
    - like all obscenities - they too are retired from polite usage?
    How long in general do terms that refer to uncomfortable subjects
    (like bugs or water closets) last before they are changed to features
    and bathrooms?   (Incidentally, in England a bathroom is still a
    place where one can commit total immersion in water).

    "Feature" as a euphemism for a computer "bug" has been
    around since 1962 that I know of.
    
    "Issue" as a euphemism for a computer security "feature"
    is a new one on me. 

    I think it's time to replace the words like "crash" and "bugchecks".
    Something like the "automatic shutdown facility" sounds more positive.
    

     And we are all glad that yesterday's shuttle launch did
     not result in unscheduled disassembly.
     
     Dan