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Conference thebay::joyoflex

Title:The Joy of Lex
Notice:A Notes File even your grammar could love
Moderator:THEBAY::SYSTEM
Created:Fri Feb 28 1986
Last Modified:Mon Jun 02 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1192
Total number of notes:42769

493.0. "On The Road..." by VAXWRK::SIMON (Hugs Welcome Anytime!) Wed Mar 16 1988 22:44

I am reading ON THE ROAD AGAIN WITH CHARLES KURALT by Charles Kuralt.
It is a collection of essays about the people that Mr. Kuralt has
met and the places he has seen while travelling around the country.
It is delightful.  The following is an essay from the book that might
amuse fellow noters in this conference.
    
    
                     MISSPELLING

They say this is an age of conformity, but wherever we go, we keep finding
refreshing evidence of individualism, even on the roadside signs.  You know
that no stuffy conformist painted this sign: PARK HEAR.  It is spelled wrong,
but it does tell you where to park: "hear"!  MACHANIC ON DUTY.  FRONT END
REPAIRES.  This mechanic may not be good at spelling, but he's probably fine
at making "repaires".  Anything which can be sold, we have found, can also
be misspelled...ANTIQES...anything from antiques to souvenirs...SOUVINERS...
especially souvenirs...SOUVENIERS.  How do you spell souvenirs? SOUVENIRES.
This is the American answer:  just exactly as you please!

We have found our country's spelling to be horrible, and entirely excusable.
ACERAGE FOR SAIL - we may excuse this man because he's a farmer, not a
schoolteacher.  RASBERIES - so is this man.  SPEGHETTI AND PIZZA - and this
man because he's probably from across the sea.  BEER AVAILALBE HERE - and this
man because, like as not, he was sampling his own product while he painted the
sign.  BAR DRINKS 55 CENTS ANEYTIME - that can blur anybody's memory of how
to spell.

Some misspellings are quiet and private, like this one in the back room of an
Oklahoma diner: BE CURTEOUS AND SMILE.  Others are spectacular like this one
in Oregon - [huge lighted sign] BAR AND RESTRUANT - and proclaim their error
proudly for half a mile in every direction.  HUNGARY? MARION'S SNACK SHACK
6 MILES.  If you are hungary enough, of course, it doesn't matter much.

NO TRESSPASSING.  We like the snappy rude signs.  NO TRASPASSING.  You get
the idea.  NO TRUSTPASSING.  Keep out.  NO BOATS ALOUD - silent boats okay,
but no boats aloud.

The point about American spelling is that, however awful, it serves the
cause of individualism, and serves the purpose.  We read this one at a
gas station in Tennessee:  NO CONGRETATING ON THE DRIVEWAY.  VIALTORS WILL
BE PROSCUATED.  Well, naturally we didn't congretate.  Fearing proscuation,
we paid for our gas and pulled right out of there and headed on down the
road.

                            ----   Charles Kuralt   ----

Copied without permission from ON THE ROAD WITH CHARLES KURALT by Charles Kuralt

T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
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493.1Who painted that sign??AYOV27::ISMITHSpare a shekel for an ex-leper.Thu Mar 17 1988 15:3216
    Talking of unusual road signs, there is a nice one at Culzean Castle
    Visitor Centre, near Ayr.
    
    
    	+----------------------+
        | Car Park -->         |
        |                      |
        | Coaches unload here  |
        | and park over there  |
        +----------------------+
                  | |
                  | |
            \|\\!?\!/??//|\/
     
    
    Ian.
493.2shows where the talent isVIA::RANDALLback in the notes life againThu Mar 17 1988 15:447
    re: .0
    
    I notice he only talks about men who misspelled signs.
    
    Does that mean all the women spell correctly?
    
    --bonnie
493.3ERASER::KALLISWhy is everyone getting uptight?Thu Mar 17 1988 16:0317
    My favorite misspellings can be found in produce stores, where you
    are informed of such as
    
                           BANANA'S
    
                            ONION'S
    
    and the like.
    
    But my top joy was the Acton, Massachusetts, Donelan's supermarket,
    which periodically offered for sale
    
                           SCULLIONS
    
    Forsooth!
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
493.4ERIS::CALLASI've lost my faith in nihilism.Thu Mar 17 1988 19:153
    That's the way I pronounce it. But then I say, "ovalcado."
    
    	Jon
493.5scullion! peel me a --VIA::RANDALLback in the notes life againThu Mar 17 1988 19:258
    That's not so surprising.  After all, they are rather oval.
    
    What would be surprising is if you called them "squarecados".
    
    Of course you can get around the problem entirely by calling
    them the name I learned from my grandmother:  alligator pears.
    
    --bonnie
493.6Poor childrun.SAHQ::LILLYreality is in the eye of the beholderThu Mar 17 1988 19:313
    
    As I recall, there was a sign announcing some event to benefit the
    ORFUNS around Christmas time here in Atlanta.
493.7ERIS::CALLASI've lost my faith in nihilism.Thu Mar 17 1988 19:324
    Ah! Sort of like the Chinese gooseberry, otherwise known as the kiwi
    fruit. 
    
    	Jon
493.8or the guinea squashVIA::RANDALLback in the notes life againThu Mar 17 1988 20:393
    otherwise known as eggplant.
    
    --bonnie
493.9signs of those timesINK::KALLISWhy is everyone getting uptight?Thu Mar 17 1988 22:209
    A tastier sign was a protest picket down South years ago, saying
    
                            GOVERMINT
                          LEAVE US ALONE                      
    It was shown in a news photo.
    
    I wonder whether one could make Govermint Juleps.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
493.10Some sort of union?NEARLY::GOODENOUGHJeff Goodenough, IPG Reading UKFri Mar 18 1988 13:473
    What is a scullion when it's spelt/spelled creckly?
    
    Jeff.
493.11Unfortunately, scallions don't scrub potsSLTERO::KENAHMy journey begins with my first stepFri Mar 18 1988 16:056
    A correctly spelled scullion is a scallion, known as a "green
    onion" on the other side of the pond.
    
    They look something like very slender leeks.
                        
    					andrew
493.12a true storyMARKER::KALLISWhy is everyone getting uptight?Fri Mar 18 1988 16:4320
    re .10 (Jeff):
    
    >What is a scullion when it's spelt/spelled creckly?
    
    The prooblem is that "scullion" _is_ a correct spelling.  Just not
    for produce.
    
    Re .11 (Andrew):
    
    >They look something like very slender leeks.
    
    Some decades ago, there used to be a lot of home/housework shows
    broasdcast over radio, including a number involving cooring.
    
    One woman lost her audience by starting her instructions for a soup
    recipe:
    
    "First, you take a leek ...."
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
493.13As you say, reality is in the eye of the beholderSSDEVO::HUGHESNOTE, learn, and inwardly digestFri Mar 18 1988 19:448
    Re .6:

>   As I recall, there was a sign announcing some event to benefit the
>   ORFUNS around Christmas time here in Atlanta.

    Are you sure that the typo was not deliberate?  Maybe the organizers
    of the event wished to imply that the proceeds were going to the poor 
    orphans, whereas in reality they were destined to end up in Our_Funds.
493.14AKOV11::BOYAJIANBe nice or be dogfoodSat Mar 19 1988 09:098
    �One woman lost her audience by starting her instructions for a soup
    recipe:
    
    "First, you take a leek ...."�
    
    Maybe she lost them because none of them had a pot to piss in...
    
    --- jerry
493.15ScullionsNEARLY::GOODENOUGHJeff Goodenough, IPG Reading UKWed Mar 23 1988 14:223
    "Slender leeks" sound like spring onions to me.
    
    Jeff.
493.16VOLGA::B_REINKEwhere the sidewalk endsWed Mar 23 1988 21:232
    I have always assumed that scallions and spring onions were the
    same thing.
493.17KAOA08::CUSUP_LAPLANThu Mar 24 1988 14:073
    Scallions = spring onions = shallots = echallots 
    
    Roger
493.18It's enough to make you join the onion!NEARLY::GOODENOUGHJeff Goodenough, IPG Reading UKThu Mar 24 1988 14:288
    > spring onions = shallots
    
    No, no!  Spring onions have a white base, very slightly bulbous,
    with long green hollow leaves.  They are eaten raw with salads -
    never cooked.  Shallots look like small onions, have a distinctive
    flavour and are delicious when pickled.
    
    Jeff.
493.19Welsh onions?MARVIN::KNOWLESSliding down the razorblade of lifeThu Mar 24 1988 15:304
    And where do Welsh onions fit in? They come from seeds sold in packets
    different from chive seeds, but they look and taste remarkably similar.
    
    b
493.20truffle-izedVIA::RANDALLback in the notes life againThu Mar 24 1988 21:165
    And while we're not on the subject, why is it that when I see
    "truffles" on a menu, sometimes I get mushrooms and sometimes I
    get chocolates????????????
    
    --bonnie
493.21sooweeee! Pig! Pig! Pig!MARKER::KALLISWhy is everyone getting uptight?Thu Mar 24 1988 22:006
    Re .20 (Bonnie):
    
    Price ought to give you a clue.  Unless the chocolate is _highly_
    overpriced.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
493.22the coffee! was 5 bucks!VIA::RANDALLback in the notes life againThu Mar 24 1988 22:107
    re: .21
    
    Well, I assumed the truffles on the dessert menu were chocolate
    and the ones in the veal were the mushroom kind, but the prices
    at this restaurant were so high that they weren't much of a guide.
    
    --bonnie
493.23Booker T and the MG's had it right.SKIVT::ROGERSLasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrateFri Mar 25 1988 21:035
What's with "spring onions"?  Must be some kind of U.K.ism. |<)  Everyone knows 
that they are really "green onions".

Larry
493.24Ah but, here spring = greenNEARLY::GOODENOUGHJeff Goodenough, IPG Reading UKTue Mar 29 1988 16:201
    
493.25oops wrong conferenceWELSWS::MANNIONZonked!Tue Mar 29 1988 18:035
    re -1
    
    Dare I say, especially in Welwyn?
    
    :-)
493.26oops-2NEARLY::GOODENOUGHJeff Goodenough, IPG Reading UKWed Mar 30 1988 15:285
    How can it be green in Welwyn, when you have 24-hour sunshine?
    
    Jeff :-)
    
    PS: To read about the joke which is Welwyn, see RDGCSS::GREAT_BRITAIN
493.27Whereas here in New England, spring = mudSLTERO::KENAHMy journey begins with my first stepThu Mar 31 1988 01:121
    
493.28Whereas in Canada spring=more winterKAOA08::CUSUP_LAPLANThu Mar 31 1988 15:511
    
493.29re: .22XNTRIK::LARRY_MWed Apr 06 1988 05:011
    Sounds as though their prices were nothing to be truffled with!!!