Conference thebay::joyoflex

    Today, driving back from lunch, I happened to hear a radio talk
    show.  A person calling in was saying that conduct among nations
    would be different if each nation, " ...was left to its own demise."
    
    An interesting, if rather sad, thought.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

"Three people died when they jumped to safety."

-Heard on a newscast about a hotel fire.


John M.

    Just in case anyone doesn't know where the phrase Colemanballs comes
    from, it started in the British satirical magazine "Private Eye",
    where they publish the gibberish our sports commentators come up
    with in a column called "Colemanballs". David Coleman is an athletics
    commentator who lapses into incoherence whenever his pulse rate
    gets above forty per minute.
    
    A snooker commentator once said something along the lines of 
    	"...and he's going to play for the green ball, which, for those
    of you watching in black and white, is just behind the blue."
    
    Phillip

    Seen just now on a notice board:
    
    FOR SALE - solid oak Tudor-style telephone table/seat
    
    (So _that's_ why Henry VIII got through so many wives.
    The phone bills were too much for him.)
    
    bob

    Not all of these may qualify as colmanballs.
    
    "A car so beautiful you literally sit in the lap of luxury."
            Jaguar radio commercial
    
    "We are prepared to expedite the matter as quickly as possible."
            Lawyer speaking on CBS of his efforts to get his
            client released on bond.
    
    "That's a whole attitude situation that I like."
            Baseball manager trying to say 'I like his attitude.'
    
    "Every week it seems we have a bank story, and today is no exception."
            CBS business reporter
    
    "He has endured many tough travails."
            Baseball manager on television last week
    
    And last weekend on NBC, Connie Chung referred to
    "the Caribbean island of Haiti."  Shouldn't a national news service
    know better.
    
    Bernie 
       

Heard on "All Things Considered" last evening:

Alfred Tutella (sp?), the Superintendent of Public Schools in Cleveland, was 
explaining his school system's pay-for-grades program.  He explained that it 
was hard to imagine "...the lack of hope, despair, and self-esteem" which 
beset many of his students.

    Heard on WBUR (Boston) this morning:
    
     "The beer-tasting event will feature beers from around the world, 
      and Boston".

    [ I was previously unaware that we had seceded ]

    Heard yesterday on CNN's _Moneyweek_:
    
    "Takeover news may be making the market go higher, but remember
    most of it is just that - speculation."
    
    
    And last night a CNN anchor person referred to the Baltic States as:
    
         "Latavia, Lithuania, and Estonia"
    
    Bernie
                   

    
    
    Recently, there have been many examples in the news of this
    phrase, but I include a local newspaper headline which said
    "Planes in Near Miss over Logan".  Isn't a crash a near miss?
    
    
    Gloria
    
    
    

    In the course of normal movement, most vehicles, including airplanes,
    miss each other most of the time.  However, when two vehicles approach
    near enough to each other to cause concern it can be described as
    a "near" miss (as opposed to the normal "wide" miss).
    
    I don't have any difficulty with the term, and it certainly appears
    as though its been accepted as part of our language.

    Re .10:
    
    It might be nearly an accepted part of the language, but "near hit"
    would be a lot more accurate and descriptive.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

I sort of disagree with .10.  A "near miss" is the same as a "near collision", 
and yet miss is the opposite of collision.  Something odd is going on here...

Larry

    The meaning of "near" is "failing or succeeding by a very small
    margin".  Consider the basic elements of "The planes had a near miss.":
    subject, "planes", verb "had", and object "miss".  The planes had a
    miss, and the meaning of "near" does not change that.  "Near" is an
    adjective modifying "miss"; it tells you what kind of miss the planes
    had.  To say "The planes had a near hit." would be incorrect; the
    planes did not have any kind of hit at all. 
    
    On the other hand, "nearly" is an adverb meaning "almost but not
    quite".  It _does_ change the meaning; "had" means "had" but "nearly
    had" means "did not have".  So "The planes nearly had a hit." would be
    correct; it says the planes almost but not quite had a hit.
    
    
    				-- edp 

    
    Re. 14
    
    By your own definition of "near", viz., "failing or succeeding by
    a very small margin", "near hit" makes sense too.  We could say a
    "near hit" is a failed hit by a very small margin.
    
    In fact, one of the definitions of the adjectival "near" given by
    Webster's New World Dictionary, is "almost happening", as in "a
    near accident".  So, "near hit" is correct use of "near".
    
    But, according to the same dictionary, "near miss" makes sense too,
    because another definition of "near" is "close, narrow", as in "a
    near escape".
    
    So, I think both "near miss" and "near hit" are fine to mean the
    same thing.
    
    

    I notice the Washington Post (and there must be other publications
    doing so) is staunchly sticking with "near collision."
    
    					Val

    The correct term is "air miss".
    
    Jeff.

    The weighty topic of "near misses" (the phrase, not the events)
    even made it to the editorial page of the Globe this weekend.  The
    editorial made the point that I had never considered before -- that
    "near miss" is a euphemism.  "Near collision" tends to put the emphasis 
    on collision, thereby scaring travelers.  "Near miss" tends to
    emphasize that the two planes did, in fact, miss each other.
    
    If you're about to fly, I hope you feel a lot better now.
    
    Clay

    It even made Jay Leno's monologue on the Tonight Show last night.
    He said, "What is a 'near miss'?  A near miss is a hit!"
    Which is true if you consider a "near miss" to mean "nearly missing".
    As earlier replies to this note indicated, there is a subtle difference
    in meaning between the adjective, near, and the adverb, nearly.
    However, I think that nuance is missed by most of us pedantic slobs.
    Therefore, "near miss" grates on the eardrums.
    
    Susan (used to be Nesmith) Dudek

    re:.19
    
    Isn't an "air miss" a stewardess?
    
    --- jerry

        We seem to have got off the point ................




        To drag us back, 

        I can remember my parents saying to me frequently (when I was a child)

        'Well, where did you lose it ?'




        Eh, what ?

    From the Sunday Boston Globe in the business section, this
    correction to a column in a previous issue appeared:
        
     "In my Feb. 7 column a computer glitz resulted in an incorrect
     answer. << ... this is followed by a discussion of a correction to 
     an IRA investment regulation ...>>. Thanks to all the readers who 
     brought this error to our attention."
        
    Somehow I don't think he meant glitz :-)
    
    Although I was amused by the concept -- is it a well-dressed bug? 

    "... and Juantorena opens his legs and shows his class!"
    
    John.

From All Things Considered last evening while discussing the burning and 
desecration of a synagogue in Brooklyn:

	...police have picked up two teen-aged suspects, one aged twelve and
	the other fifteen...

Larry

    
    	Rev Hammond was congratulated on being able to get his
    	parish plastered.
    
    	He had a stroke,and didn't recover until he died.
    
    	There were only three other people in the room,half of
    	them waiters.	
              
    	He was born in Hartford.Prior to that he worked for the
    	American Silver Company.
    
    	The congressman sat on the carpet and discussed the rise
    	in prices and the high cost of living with several women.
    
    And the following sign that was placed on an office photocopier
    
    
    The typist's reproduction equipment is not to be interfered with
    without my specific permission.
    							- MANAGER.
    
                  

    Last night the eponymous David Coleman came out with a wonderful
    Colemanball (or should that be a wonderful example of Colemanballs?)
    
    In Stockholm, the world record for the 3000 metres steeple-chase
    was broken. The time for the race was one-twentieth of a second
    better than the previous best. Both times were a touch over eight
    minutes. Now then, my attempts at maths go like this:
    
    8 minutes = 480 seconds, plus the extra few gives, near enough,
    500 seconds. One twentieth of a second is therefore .01% of the
    old time. 
    
    And what did Coleman say? "The world record has been smashed!"
    I wonder what words he would have used when Beamon broke the long
    jump record in Mexico? 
    
    Phillip

    He certainly makes up, in one fell swoop, for classical British
    understatement, doesn't he ?

    In discussing the recent Supreme Court ruling on abortion, the governor
    of Missouri indicated that the babies that had been killed would now
    have a chance to survive. 
    
    
    				-- edp 

    Hmmm.  Did it require a Supreme Court decision to enable their
    resurrection?  This gets curioser and curioser.

    I heard this one last summer during a Boston Red Sox baseball game. 
    The TV announcer is summarizing upcoming programs:
    
    "...and then, Kate can't decide whether to keep her son on 'Cheers'"
    
    Wonder how Kate's son feels about staying on the show? ;-)

    "Mia Farrow on Woody Allen, tonight at 7:30."
    
    						- advertisement for
     						  "Evening Magazine" TV
    						  show

    John Madden, TV football commentator, talking about a player's loss of
    15 pounds:
    
    "He says the weight loss really hasn't made him faster, just
    quicker..."
    
    

    Governor Dukakis, referring to his granddaughter:
    
    (paraphrasing) "She came into the room and smiled, and her smile
    literally lit up the room."
    
    It was amazing to have heard such a common gaffe in a very important
    speech (his last "state-of-the-state" message before ending his reign
    as governor of Massachusetts before hundreds of people and millions of
    viewers).
    
    
    In an ad for Alka-Seltzer Cold Medicine:
    
    "In a word, it works."
    
    Well, maybe TWO words. :-)

    Radio ad for ski instruction program:
    
    "I can help you to be a great skier Monday through Saturday..."
    
    What kind of a skier would I be on Sundays? :-)

    stay in bed
    with a broken leg!
    

    Re the series on near misses that occupied this topic for a while:
    
    Surely a near miss is more fun than a far one.  Of course, it helps
    to have a far mrs.

    Another well-known football (soccer) commentator:-
    
    "I'm not sure, but I think that's the same nose he injured last season."
    
    During a Wimbledon mens doubles match featuring Mark Cox:-
    
    "And they're trying a different formation with Cox up." 
                                                              
    

     There was the golfer on television explaining the proper way to
     execute a wedge shot so you have a chance for the ball to go into the
     cup:

     "...you have to get it up to get it in."

     Sheepish grins all 'round.

    Heard this morning (BBC Radio 4, Peter O'Sullevan):
    
    `This horse is dogged by injury.'
    
    Not that `dogged' is at all inappropriate; I wouldn't have noticed if
    he hadn't specified `this horse'.

       As part of a story on local crime problems in Boston:
       
       "Police are looking for hard-core youngsters."

    Heard a BBC football(soccer) commentator the other week praising
    John Barnes of Liverpool with the following..."John Barnes a great
    goal scorer and scorer of great goals"...Honest I did :-) :-) :-)
                                             
    - Dave K.

    >"John Barnes a great goal scorer and scorer of great goals."
    
    He probably has a part time job as score keeper on days he isn't
    playing 8^)
    
    The Wizard

    
    >"John Barnes a great goal scorer and scorer of great goals."
                                  |                 |
                                  |                 |
                                  |                 |
    Gets the ball in the net often                  |
                                                    |
                                                    |
                                        The guy has great form
    
    
    May not be perfect, but it works for me.
    
    Eric

.46�    May not be perfect, but it works for me.

    Guess you had to be there then...

Super Channel this morning:

"This is the first time that Egypt has beaten Yugoslavia in either team's 
history"

Graham

    All the previous encounters were tied?

.48> Super Channel this morning:
.48> 
.48> "This is the first time that Egypt has beaten Yugoslavia in either team's 
.48> history"

.49>     All the previous encounters were tied?

Rereading the sentence in question, it seems to say that in every previous
encounter, either Yugoslavia won or the game ended in a tie.

The only exception would be an encounter between them that did not occur
in the history of either team.  This is improbable.

Maybe the Egyptian and Yugoslavian teams were from different timelines.

Wook

    What I read was a statement implying creative recordkeeping on the
    part of one or both teams and that both teams' records, in this
    case, happened to coincide.
    
    							Don