Conference thebay::joyoflex

	In addition to that list is it ok if we include puns?

				Johnny O.

If I were to be punish�d for all the puns I shed I'd need a puny shed
to cover up my punnish head.

I have pun thing to say to you, Dave --

re -.1:  That's the worst-tasting pun I've ever heard (or hoid)!

Is it a sesame seed pun?

					*** Kristy ***

File is less than 24 hours old and it is already getting a bit
pungent in here....

I think we will see some of the better English pundits punish us for poor
punctuation (they being a punctual and punctilious crowd).

I did not mean to restrict puns from this file.  If that idea came across
I humbly apologize.

- dave

I'm real glad you opunned this file.  

Dave C.

Okay, you people, I oughta punch you all punks out.  Maybe I'll just invite
you to puncture a puncheon of potable (sorry...).  Think I'll browse the
punditry in this file instead.

Cheers,
Dick

I LOVE THIS FILE!!!!!  As a former English teacher, I feel as if I've died and
gone to heaven.  Which, by the way, certainly beats the PUNishment of hell. 

Steve

So I take it you feel as if you're on CLOUD9::, eh?

	Jon

Re: .7

A person who'd make a remark like that deserves to be sent to the punitentiary.

JP

	apun my word, this is a stupundous idea for a file! 
	

Any plans to convert this to VAX Notes anytime soon?

Tom

 Re: .11:

 This weekend would not be too soon for me - tired of "RMS access"
 and too few Notefiles to justify maintaining a NOTARY any longer.

 Neil

Hear! Hear!  But the "RMS access" is a different problem.  We have VAX Notes
and VNOTES (with server) running happily side by side on VOGON.  Though
we no longer have any unconverted notes files to require the VNOTES server.

Jeff.

  YES!  I have had some time constraints -- but can now address the issue.
  I intend to have conversion completed in a day or so.  Please bare with
  me.


  - chuck

"Please bare with me..."  Great!!! When's the orgy?

					Val

    
    
    Welcome back to the new old "Joy of Lexical Discourse" notefile.
    
    Note 1.0 will remind you why you are here.
    
    - Moderator
    

RE: .3 (RE: .2)

It was not a sesame seed pun.  John clearly was agitated and angry when he
wrote .2, so it must have been a hot, cross pun.

--PSW

     I've seen some poor jokes, but this file is downright poverty-stricken!

    I was going to become an English teacher, but I couldn't handle
    the math.
    bill
    

Apparently, there are no sesame seed puns in the conference.  The index
for this item would then read:

	0 pun, sesame  ??

Looks as if you've opened a Pundora's box.

I will now leave.

BU

    	Letting me into this file is like giving Khaddafy a nuclear
    bomb!
    
    	Anyone ever been to Punnsylvania?!
    	Ever live in a pungalo?!
        Ever write with a pun?!
    	Ever see a punquin?!
    	
    	Well, I'll just stop using my compunter for now!
    
    	NYA HA HA!
    
    	Larry
    

                      PUNCICLE!!
    
                      CLOSEPUN!!
    
    sorry, busy sPUNning out of control.
    
    
    ):^)  dennis

        Remember that PUN backwards is NUP
        
        
        
        And a NUP is a NUP
        
        Boooo Hisssss

    Enuf of these puns!  How about a song from the Networks and
    Communications Marketing Research group?
    
    	This LAN is your LAN,
    	This LAN is my LAN,
    	From Mountain View, California,
    	To the PC islands....
    
    ...sorry.  I guess that's about enuf.  But please notice that enuf
    spelled backwards is fun-E.  (I guess I should be PUNished for that
    one too.  (Does it come across differently if I say one-two?  I
    guess it depends on whether you lead with the left or the right.
    (Or maybe it depends on the weather.  (I guess I've really gone
    off the deep end.  (DOWN WITH IBM!) Good knight!))))   

    JoyoFlex: n. An exotic piece of exercise equipment?
    

    I'm just a hired gun in the war on literacy.

    re: -.1
    
    very nicely punt.

Re .NOT.-20

Everyone writing in this note is callously ignoring Jon's ill-starred attempt 
to start a new game making puns on each others nodenames.

Lapsis lapiz, perdoneme!  -JwT

    re .28:
    
    We don't *have* to have parity on all pun topics, but since Turner-bout 
    is fair play, I'll play fairly.
    
    	Jon

.30:

Actually I only maintain a second account on PARITY for efficiency (as I
imagine ERIS::CALLAS might on HUMAN::).  My "home" node, PARSEC, is an 11/780 
which compares poorly to a cluster of 8650s.  Can you believe the 780 was once 
called the "Star"?  Whereas PARSEC is sort of an astronomical eunuch.

  -JwT

Reminds me of a silly saying:

	I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me,
	than a prefrontal lobotomy !

    re .31:
    
    Yes, I can believe that the 780 was once called the "star." This is why
    the VMS development cluster (once, long ago the VMS development 780) is
    STAR::.
    
    	Jon

    re: .31, .33
    
    That's also why the run-time library is STARLET.OLB.

    ...and why there's a file called STARtup.com...
    
    Andy

< Note 1.35 by COMICS::KEY "On the verge of indecision" >
                                -< Moreover... >-

    ...and why there's a file called STARtup.com...
    
    Andy

    			-< JOYOFLEX >-
    perhaps also an erotic exercise machine ?

    I just stumbled across this file on a quiet afternoon ....
    
    There is only one word for what I have found so far (and I'm not
    out of the first note!)
    
    
    PUNTASTIC
    
    

    Re .38:
    
    Actually, your reply belongs in one of the notes on non-words, since
    "PUNTASTIC" is not a word...:-)
    
    Welcome, and have lots of pun.
    >M

    Re .39:
    
    Maybe it's my English accent that makes the first 'a' in 'fantastic'
    very short and clipped ... so the distance between puntastic and
    fantastic much shorter than it appears!
    
    stuart

    Didn't the Greek start this notesfile?
   
    Arie

    No. You've been roamin' to the east a bit too far.
    
    	Jon

    Just remember PUN spelled backwards is NUP.
    
    And a NUP is a NUP!
    
    Lee

    				"Now isn't that special!"
    
    Boy, what a waste of energy this conference is.  I can only
    think of a few worse examples:
    
       A giraffe with a sore throat
       High School principals who lose their faculties
       Doctors who lose their patience
       A lion who loses his pride
    
    

    	As a result of recent comment, this conference is for
    
    DIGITAL INTERNAL USE ONLY.
    
    	This is the way *all* information on Easynet should be treated
    unless it is marked otherwise. While much of the information here
    is clearly not DEC property (for example dictionary definitions)
    it is *your* responsibility to filter anything contained here
    before passing it on outside the company.

    Just like my pay-packet.
    
    Aki
    

    Good job we are all good PUNdits.
    
    This is what i call Pun.(fun)
    
    Is The maker of this file married to......raPUNzel???
    
    
    

    	This notes file is now closely approaching 30000 blocks. I am not
    keen to change anything, but as a conscientious system manager I feel I
    should consider this.
    
    	I have 2 practical suggestions :-
    
    1) Delete the first 9000 replies in the word association football.
    
    2) Set up a note for "best of limerick..." and delete entries from
    the original note, either when they are moved or it becomes obvious
    that no-one considers them worth moving.
    
    	Any comments or other suggestions??

    Dave
    
    Both 1 and 2 get my vote, on the selfish basis that I wouldn't want
    to loose all the other good stuff.
    
    Nick

    I agree with (.48's) 1; I wouldn't, tho', like to select any replies to
    the limerick note as `best of'. But, as every 4th or 5th reply (it's
    not regular enough to make selection automatic - there'd still be
    some manual work involved) contains the previous five or four lines
    (unless there are some priceless asides), what about pruning out
    every first (as line i is usually appended to the triumphant i-v
    note), second, third, and fourth reply?
    
    b

    Re. .48....nice to see everyone's o-pun-ion is valued.
    
    Phil
    
    P.S. Just found this conference...very good..not for someone, though,
    who's just had an op to have an a-pun-dage removed

    G'day,
    
    re -.1 
     �  P.S. Just found this conference...very good..not for someone,
     � though,  who's just had an op to have an a-pun-dage removed
    
       
    Ooooooohh bet that was painful! an appundectomy? 
    
    derek

> an appundectomy? 
    
No, it was opun heart purgery.

    G'day,
    
    
 �   No, it was opun heart purgery.
    
  isn't that the opuneration performed after a visit from the Puntiff?
    
    IMH opunion, we will be punished in the future for these!
    
    Question.
    Would you become NODE:Username after a colon removal?
    
                                  djw
     

>    Would you become NODE:Username after a colon removal?

No. Only of the colon removal would be combined with capital punishment.
Colon removal only will lead to NODE:USERNAME.

Next question please....
;-)
Arie

    Ahhh er umm G'day,
    
    Do I detect a note of putative punitive positioning in your comment or
    are you trying to profit from a capital investment? 
    
    In either case, removal of the colon would have wrecked 'em something
    chronic, probably causing a network partner to become excited.
    
    I'd take a punt, and this is no bull, bearing in mind certain stag parties,
    stock exchanges will result in punishment by a low level army non-com
    who is likely to be non-com pus mentus after coming to the party.
    
    
    Merry Christmas etc and ho ho ho  (Guess who's playing Santa today at
    the office do)
    
    
    derek

RE -1 (derek)

>    Merry Christmas etc and ho ho ho  (Guess who's playing Santa today at
>    the office do)
>    
>    derek

Wait wait wait!!! It's not *fair* to ask something and answer *yourself*!
*Please* give us a chance! :-)

>          -< What does hold screen key mean? and when can I let go? >-

I don't know. But if you become too excited about it all, use the special key
down left: "compose character". Take the capital "U" to refer to yourself, and
add two bright eyes to it ("). You'll see how composed you are!

And now that we're discussing special keys: if you want to scream at your
terminal, don't forget to push the "data/talk" key first.....

Have a nice Xmas-on-the-beach....

Arie

    G'day,
    
    � Have a nice Xmas-on-the-beach....
    
    When we first came to Australia, we thought just that - we'd do like
    the locals and spend Christmas on the beach. Guess what? It was
    deserted - all sand and no people. They were all indoors eating their
    traditional roast chook and turkey! 
    
    Derek - and merry Christmas and Happy new Year to _EVERYONE_. I hope
    1990 is the best year yet for all.
    
    
    Best Regards
    Derek

    WOW!  Dismember of the Trivia conference put a plug in four this won.
    Eye wish too thank hymn fore that.  This is two much!
    Can't weight to reed all the "stuff" in hear.
    
    Bye the weigh, ANOVAX is a new substance used to polish your ***.
    Oh, I can't say that word can I?  How about butt.
    
    luv it
    Terry

    	This conference has been caught in a time warp - I did
    $ ANALY /DISK /REPAIR
    on our user disk, which normally tidies up minor discrepancies in the
    disk structure, but in this case completely corrupted it.
    
    	The conference has been restored from backup. You probably need to
    fix unseen maps in your notaries, and a few notes may have been lost.

re .60:

Assuming that you have accessed this conference any time during the last week,
you probably will want to fix up the Unseen map in your notebook.  Otherwise,
you may miss some notes entered since then.  The following Notes command will
do the trick:
	SET SEEN/BEFORE=18-MAY

This probably will cause you to then get some "new" notes that you'd already
seen, but also will make sure that you don't miss any.

I wish to complain about the 'limerick addition-football' note. 
Recent additions aren't limericks at all, and it makes my blood boil.

If this is the standard of limerick writing within Digital, thank God
we're not asked to dance.

Richard.

    There was a young man named Machin
    Who said that his back was achin'.
    Our amateur rhymes he could not bless,
    So wrote a note to voice distress.
    For from limericks crude he was shakin'.
    
    Bernie

    there was a young man named machin,
    who said that his heart was achin'
    if he can do better
    with use of the odd letter
    he could show he was jus' not flakin'
    
    djw
    

    Whenever I see the WORD ASSOCIATION football, I have to hit a whole
    extra keystroke (next unseen), which would not be necessary if we had
    "kill files" a la Usenet.
    (Actually, the delay of a few seconds is almost slightly irritating,
    but it happens only once per session, instead of many times per note
    when someone uses accents etc.)
    If Mr. Machin volunteers, or finds a volunteer, to add "kill files"
    to the Notes command, I'll use them (on Word Association, not on
    Limericks) and thank him/them.  Otherwise, hit your one extra key per
    day and quit complaining.

Now lim'ricists write without fear
Of offending the shade of Ed Lear,
By writing in metre
That makes a man teeter
Twixt shedding their blood and a tear.

    Some noters can write proper meter,
    While some handle rhyming much beter.
    But both in one note?  See,
    It's not that hard, really!
    So, please, rhyme *and* count - it's much sweeter.

I thank you for ans'wring my query
'Bout verses that people call Leary.
There's no doubt that rhymes
Made of metreless lines
Are annoying -- though writ they are serially.

    
    Rhyme without reason
    or reason without rhyme
    Which would you rather?
    (Both! but who has the time?)
    Bad verse is a curse
    and causes much pain 
    But everyone's not poetic
    As this note makes plain!
    
    So overlook the bad ones,
    (be encouraging, be kind)
    And enjoy the pleasures 
     of the good ones you find.

    
    Old HEART::MACHIN counts syllables in rows.
    For without the numbers his ire grows.
    The rest of do fail his test,
    'Fore our pencils we lay to rest.
    Unless we use our fingers and our toes.

    There once was an extra syllable
    Which no one could make accentable
      Another one rhymed
      While CO-2 sublimed
    Lack of meaning was reasonable.

	aaarrrrgghhhhh!

    As a poet I am not a star
    There are others more witty by far
    But my verse, I don't mind it
    Because I don't read it,
    It's the people out there that I jar.

    Mr. Moderator, sir, I would like to complain that no one has added
    to the Limerick football for a long time.
    
                         Yours truly,
                         etc., etc.

    	In football of any sort I tend to be a spectator rather than a
    combattant.
    
    	If you complain too much I might insert a couple of limericks that
    my colleague and I produced during a particularly boring meeting (yes,
    there are *two* security consultants here in Valbonne), but apart from
    the pain the limericks themselves might cause they would also disturb
    the flow since they are complete in themselves.
    
    	I think this is a problem that should be solved by a self-help
    group.

    Thou shalt not poke or feed thy moderator
    For he is swift to anger
    And prefers the offer of a drink.
    
    Furthermore he hath strange and mysterious powers
    That which was revealed may be hidden
    That which was hidden may be revealed
    Yea, even the very titles of notes are mutable.
    
    Heck! My attempts at creation are abysmal. Do you reckon there is a
    career in carpentry?

Mr. Monahan asked if there be
A caree-er in car-uh-pun-tree;
t'wich noters replied
In a manner contrived
With dactyl dovetailed to spondee.

    
    This welcome note now seems to be
    A limerick dispensary,
       For when we complain
       In a JOYOFLEX vein,
    We now do it literally.

    > And prefers the offer of a drink.
    
    I'll send you the electrons by e-mail.  You'll have to get the protons
    and neutrons yourself.  "Some assembly required."
    
    Incidentally, I didn't know you were a security consultant.
    I oughta ask you, why do I have to talk to that obnoxious arcane
    overly complicated CTERM object when it would be so much easier
    to talk to a .COM file.  Talk about lexical punishment.  Grrrrrr.

    	As a result of a Mail discussion it seems one addresses CTERM 
    by connecting to object "42=" at the remote node, so obviously CTERM 
    has to be the answer to life, the Universe and everything.
    
    	Whether that implies that the Universe (or life for that matter)
    is "obnoxious arcane overly complicated" I am not sure. Is there a
    "DECnet philosophy" notes file?

From:	JARETH::EDP "Always mount a scratch monkey.  22-Nov-1990 1525" 22-NOV-1990 21:25:53.80
To:	Moderators of conference JOYOFLEX
CC:	
Subj:	Conference announcement

Dear moderator:

This mail is being sent to the moderators of all the employee-interest and
valuing-differences conferences.  There are a growing number of problems with
Notes in Digital, and I have created a new conference to deal with these and
other Notes-related issues.  I am seeking participation from as broad a base
in the Notes community as possible.  To this end, I ask that you post the
following announcement of the new conference in your conference.  (The
conference for which you are receiving this message should be indicated in the
"To:" line of the mail header.  You may receive this message several times if
you moderate several conferences.)


				-- edp (Eric Postpischil)


                        New Conference on Notes Issues


    All noters -- readers, writers, and moderators -- are invited to
    participate in a new conference to discuss issues about or involving
    Notes.  As we explore the communication medium of Notes, we discover
    new problems to deal with.  One problem is disputes between noters and
    moderators.  Complaints about diverse conferences have reached
    Corporate Personnel.  Ron Glover suggests that noters work to find
    something the community accepts as good standards for resolving
    disputes.  Discussion about this should involve all members of the
    community, not just moderators or writers.  I would like to create a
    process for resolving disputes which is generally accepted by
    moderators and noters.  So if you can help or are interested, I ask you
    to join us.

    Add the new conference to your notebook with the command:

    	ADD ENTRY JARETH::EDPEDP::DKA300:[EDP]NOTES


    				-- edp
    

Dear Mr. Mod,

That last reply pushes the boundaries of acceptable limmerickery beyond
the tolerable. 

No sense of metre, only two rhymes, -- it's enough to make a man eat his young.

I, in common with all right-thinking noters I'm sure, require an explanation.

And as for the limerick-addition-football -- I've seen more life in a 
glass of water.

If only there was somewhere I could complain...

Regards,

Richard.

    If resolving the dispute should fail
    I suggest that we send him some mail
    	And explain to Eric
    	What makes Joyoflex tick
    Is disputes, not rubbish banale
    
    (You deserved that last line. I have heard of someone who has 12!
    mails from him already).

    >    ADD ENTRY JARETH::EDPEDP::DKA300:[EDP]NOTES
    Was that conference its own first casualty?
    I used my mouse to copy that command line to Notes, too.
    Opening it comes back with "invalid device name."

    Mr. Moderator, there are too many recursive complai

To a new noter of JoyOfLex belies
A trap that most would despise
	For when first (s)he does read
	Encouragement with all speed
to read note 1 and all its replies

    
    Dear Mr. Mod,
    
    The way every note in this conference seems to be a limerick
    really gets my goat. Time was you could find decent prose in here;
    not any more. Everyone wants to be a poet. I really can't take it
    no more; it's becoming a terrible bore. There once was a time when
    with no need to rhyme to note here was less of a chore.
    
    Richard. 

    This weeks Newsweek's cover story is on "Thought Police" or Politically
    Correct [ PC ] language.  Does the moderator consider this topic
    relevant to this Notes file?  I would love to start a base note on
    PC'ers...

    re: .89
    	Newspeak is quite alright in here (as long as you buy me a beer).
    When you write a note just check what you wrote to be sure it does not
    incohere!
    
    	In re: reply .88, I'm sorry you got so irate. I really will try to
    check each reply to make sure it doesn't rhyme.

    	Just a warning that for the next few days you will be immoderate. I
    am taking the kids skiing. Anyone *too* immoderate will be smacked
    later.

    	I regret to announce that Roger Liron has left DEC.
    
    	As a contributor to this file he has been valued for his humour,
    apart from the fact that he is fluent in French, German and English.
    The only reason that Latin is not in that list is that I am not sure
    that "fluent" is the right word when the language has been only a
    written language for a millenium.
    
    	Dave.

    	This conference may soon be looking for a new home.
    
    	In the reorganisations of about 20 months ago I ended up no longer
    a member of the group that owns the disk farm on which JOYOFLEX sits,
    and Roger Liron was the only member of that group that took anything
    like a regular interest in it.
    
    	I have been asked if I can remove the conference, and the only
    resource I currently control is PASTIS, which as a VS2000 just doesn't
    have the disk space. I have asked several times over the last 18 months
    for a disk server, but as you all know it is not easy to get capital
    equipment approved these days.

    >I have been asked if I can remove the conference
    
    Heaven forbid that anyone should enjoy working here, eh?
    
    Of course, "my" VS2000 station was transferred to someone else and
    I now have a DS5000-200 station, but also (in case it matters, if
    there's a notes server for that OS) not enough disk space.  Sorry
    I can't volunteer.
    
    Rumor has it that Next, Inc., doesn't mind if their employees have
    a sense of humor.
    
    -- Norman Diamond

    	Larry Wakeman has kindly offered to host the conference. I expect
    it to be moving almost half way round the world from Valbonne to
    California in the near future. The node will probably be the THEBAY.

Modify entry joyoflex/file=thebay::joyoflex

Larry Wakeman

Received this from a non-DEC friend over Internet today ... he said I 
could put it in here. He's actually looking for a better last line, 
and would welcome your input. 

Here goes ...

A young linguist found a canonical
Shibboleth pan-anglophonical
A way to distinguish
All dialects of English
By reading the poems of McGonnagall.








Don't ask me what that means.

Sheridan
:^)

    	McGonnagall was an infamous Scottish dialect poet. One of his more
    horrible works is :-
    
    	On yonder hill there stands a coo�
    	If it's nae there it's gone the noo
    
    � Scottish for "cow".

    Re .97, .98:
>    	McGonnagall was an infamous Scottish dialect poet. One of his more
>    horrible works is :-
    
    	And an even more infamous actor... once when playing Hamlet, in the
    death scene, he got upset with his opponent and nearly killed him
    instead of being killed by him. He was so bad that he had fans who went
    to his performances just for the fun of it and to see what he would
    find next to ruin the play...
    			Denis.

    Re .99: Oooops! Sorry about the mistake, I meant Mac Beth, not Hamlet.
    				Denis.

            Just thought it was an anniversary worth noticing...
    
    Dan
    

    G'day,
    
     if you look at .0... it is 10 years old on your (then at the time of
    writing-.1) tomorrow.... or did we time wrp?
    
    derek
    
    

"The provisions of the preceding sentence shall not be applicable with respect
to the taxable year beginning January 1, 1975, or any succeeding taxable year
which begins before January 1, 1980; and, for purposes of such sentence, January
1, 1980, shall be deemed to be the first January 1 occurring after January 1,
1974, and consecutive taxable years in the period commencing January 1, 1980,
shall be determined as if the taxable year which begins on January 1, 1980, were
the taxable year immediately succeeding the taxable year which began on January
1, 1974."  - Internal Revenue Code 3302(c)(2)(C)