Conference quark::human_relations-v1

1003.0. "Am I doing the right thing?" by SSDEVO::NGUYEN () Fri May 11 1990 18:52

    She is a friend of my friend.  One day, she found my letter to my
    friend, so she wrote to me that she is interested in meeting me.  I
    don't know who she is, but in her letter she seems very honest.  She is
    divorced with a six-year-old son.  She has blond hair, blue eyes, and
    very out going (that is what she described herself)  I called her, and
    we talked for about an hour.  We have many in common, she likes
    classical musics, and so do I.  She is learning piano, and so am I. 
    She and I go to the same college, and she likes math and so do I. 
    Well, everything seems to go well, therefore I set up a date with her
    next week.  I told her the date and time I would call her for our date. 
    When I called her she said that she had another plan, and she thought I
    would call her a week after next week.   So with her agreement we set
    up another date for this Friday, and I also told her the day and time I
    would call her. 
    	I called her yesterday as I promised, but first she said she was
    busy rearrange her plants, she wanted me to called her back at 8:30
    p.m.  So, I called her at 8:30 as she wished, but she put me on hold
    for a long time because she was on another line.  I thought I should
    hang up, but I patiently waited for her.  When she got back with me,
    she said she cannot go out with me this Friday because she has to work
    (by the way she is a waitress for Deny's)  so she said maybe we should
    go out next Friday.  I felt kind of funny the way she treated me so I
    gave her my phone number and told her that whenever she has time and if
    she wants to go out she can call me.  I remained polite, I did not
    raised my voice or blame her for anything.  I just felt that she should
    be true to her agreement, after all she was the one who initiated the
    date and picked the restaurant.
    	So I guess I will not call her anymore unless she wants to call me. 
    Am I too harsh? too quick in making judgement?  Am I doing the right
    thing?  Did I make the right decision to stop calling her?  
    
    
    	Sorry for this long note.
    
    Thanks for your help.

Sounds to me like you did the right thing.  You gave her another chance, and
she still put off the date.  That seems about right to me.  I think you handled
it just right.

Paula

    My take on it is that something about you 'turned her off' but
    she doesn't want to hurt you by saying directly that she doesn't
    want to see you.
    
    I think you made the right choice, esp since you didn't grow
    up with American dating habits and their conventions.
    
    I'm sorry you were hurt.
    
    bj

	Re .0 -

	No apologies necessary!

	There is something about her makes her 'fickle', because it sounds 
to me like she doesnt know what she actually wants; she just wants to be 
fussed over or something. You're doing the right thing.

	That you "felt kind of funny" by the way she treated you, well, I'd
say that anybody who has feelings would have felt the same way. It was good 
that you went with your "gut" feeling, or intuition, remained polite and left 
it up to her. If she wants to call you, she will.

	If she doesnt, you still have your uncompromised-self, because you 
remained true to your feelings and acted appropriately in accordance with them.

	Joe Jasniewski


	

    Re .0
    
    If by saying she "found" your letter to your friend you mean she 
    violated someone elses privacy by reading their mail then I would
    hardly get the impression she was "very honest".  
    
    ep

       IMHO  you did two things right...
    1. being polite
    2. not calling her again
    
                          but...
    
    don't blame yourself, it sounds like there is some other explanation.
                                                   
                                                   M...

    You definatley did the right thing, don't worry. She sounds rude and
    thoughless to do something like that without considering your feelings.