Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    You may want to enter this note into the parenting notes file.
    Someone else can do the pf1 7, stuff, I don't know how to do
    it.  It is on node helpme::parenting.
    
    

    
    By seven they are ever so much more sophisticated than we usually give
    them credit for....at least mine was.
    
    I would sit down and tell him [edited just a tad] what you wrote in the
    base note.
    
    He is old enough to understand cause and effect....your note
    shows that...so give him the black lines.
    
    If you do....then you get to do...
    
    If you don't....then...
    
    And stick to it. Just once will be enough.
    
    He sounds quite charming, actually. And if he is half as bright
    as you indicate, he would resent anything but the truth. The truth
    you lay out is reasonable...so he will most likely react that
    way.
    
    Just one caution comes to me mind.
    
    My nine year-old is apt to stay up very late. He is that kind of
    person. I have found that "This is bed-time on school nights"
    and "This is bed time on weekends" and This is bed-time when something
    utterly special is going on" works best.
    
    Not all [although I have wished sometimes it were true] children need 
    12 hours of sleep every night. It frustrates them when they
    lay in bed and can't get to sleep.
    
    Another trick I use for Eric...who will gamely go to bed but not
    be able to sleep...is that if that happens...reading quietly in bed
    for 20 minutes [only]...sometimes breaks the routine.
    
    Good luck...I love little boys!
    
    Mel
    

    Re: .1
    
    To do the KP7 and all that jazz...
    
    NOTE> Help SET note/conference
    
    
    SET
    
      NOTE
    
        /CONFERENCE=notefile-spec
        /NOCONFERENCE
    
         Associates the specified conference with this note to allow users
         to add the conference to their Notebooks by pressing the SELECT
    key
         or keypad key 7.  A note that is linked to a conference by the SET
         NOTE/CONFERENCE command has an asterisk (*) next to its note
    number.
          
    
    So you would have had to do a 
    
    NOTES> set note/conference=helpme::parenting
    
    (KP7 on this note will do that for you)

    As long as he knows you really like him always...and especially
    when you are disciplining him.
    I was recently visiting one ingenious mother whose children were
    slow in picking up things -- she kept reminding them of the times
    they were sooo  good...there was no punishment threatened.  Also
    as we were walking somewhere she reminded them of longer stories
    when the children were so helpful  (i.e. once she was sick, her
    husband away, and the oldest boy just kept taking care of here)
    ..so stress the positive.
    
    Bedtime rituals are nice....gives them a framework and helps
    expectation...(i.e. after the bath, the teeth-brushing and the book
    - lights out!)
    
    Trips to museums, sports places, events, etc  help to keep him 
    challenged.
    
    Sounds like you have a good heart and some common sense. Consistency,
    honest conversation, and consideration go a long way.
    
    Good luck. You must have been awared custody for some good reason.
    
    RR
    li

    Children thrive on discipline... your kind of discipline I mean, there is
    nothing better than to instill good principles and good habits in
    children, it does make them more responsible, more understanding of
    everyday's chores and responsibilities and make them more
    mature...There is nothing better than a well behaved, honest, and
    healthy kid to have around.  I have 3 kinds (now grown up) and I always
    had them on good schedules, I seldom allowed eating between meals,
    always ASKED if they could eat or have a pop, (just as a courtesy) and
    I did not allow to interrupt adults in a conversation... I am proud of
    them and I always get all kinds of compliments on well bahaved the kids
    were/are... I've never had a problem with any of them regarding any
    teen-age misconduct.
    You sounds like a very mature, lovable person and your common sense
    will come forth in dealing with your nephew, he seems to be a great
    kid too, I am sure you'll have a grand time and... he will BENEEFIT of
    a bit of much needed discipline...
    Best of luck! Ana
    

    Re .0
    
    Not sure if this is "legal custody" or just mutually agreed upon
    custody so I'll throw this suggestion out...since kids can get sick,
    fall out of trees, etc. make sure you have something in writing
    authorizing emergency medical treatment if something should happen.
    Precious time could be wasted while medical personnel attempted to
    contact a parent/legal guardian.  (Some knowledge of his medical
    history would also be beneficial.)
    
    ep

    
    
    My boyfriends three year old daughter has never had an established
    bedtime.  While at her moms house she is allowed to stay up until
    well after 11:00.  That is ridiculous for a child let alone a 3yr old.
    
    When she is at our house she is in bed by 8:00 ready to go to sleep.
    Since she does not have an established bedtime getting her to
    go to sleep is difficult.  But it does happen.  One of the things
    we do to get her ready for bed is to have "quiet time".
    
    During quiet time she can only stay in her room.  She can do whatever
    she wants to do during this time as long as it is quiet.  So jumping
    on the bed does not cut it.  She does not have a TV in her room
    (even though both her and daddy are tv junkies).  But she does have
    alot of books and a Big Bird that she has many different tapes to
    use with.  So she calms herself down.  We leave her alone for about
    a half hour.  Then go in and give her a goodnight kiss/hug.  She
    is usually out by 8:00- 8:15.  It has worked everytime she has
    come up to stay with him.
    
    Plus she always is asked to help clean up her mess.  She usually 
    is pretty good about this.
    
    Good luck,
    Michele

    
    
    I don't find it ridiculous for a child to not have a set bedtime.
    Kids know when they are tired, and will go to sleep when it's ap-
    priate.  Not all kids need 10 or 12 hours of sleep-in fact, most
    of the children I've known have needed much less (than me :-).
    
    I find it easier and more appropriate to set a 'rise and shine
    time'...ie, "Jamey, I'm leaving at 7:30.  You'll need to be dressed,
    have breakfast, and gather your school supplies by 7:30." 
    
    The James in question has always gone to bed when he's ready.  And,
    with only several notable exceptions, he's ready to go in the mor-
    ning (those exceptions are another story).
    
    Now, the REAL reason for set bedtimes is that parents need some
    quiet time to themselves.  That's appropriate.  In our case, I an-
    nouce that my time for myself will be (name a time), and at that
    appointed hour I am to be left alone.  My bedroom is my haven; if
    I need quiet time in the living room, that is respected and Jamey
    knows that the living room is off-limits, or at the least, a place
    to be quiet and let Mom relax.
    
    We have the same approach to meals. I certainly don't expect everyone
    else in the house to live by my preferences.  Dinner is served.  Those
    who don't like the menu are free to find something else.  I"m not a
    short-order cook, so I don't participate in extra preparation (well,
    ok, when he was little I'd help out a little).  The only requirement
    is that the meal be nutricious (did you know that pizza can provide a
    well-balanced meal?).   
    
    I keep plenty of healthy snack foods around-carrots and fruit and
    yogurt and juice and crackers-kids get hungry between meals.  Their
    metabolisms are not the same as an adult's and kids need frequent re-
    fueling.
    
    You know, after 10 years of parenting, I've found life is much easier
    when I concentrate on being responsible for my own life, and allow/ex-
    pect my son to be responsible for his.  The times we share
    responsibilities are a source of pleasure, as a mom.  Naturally we've
    redefined 'responsibilities' as he has grown, and as has been
    appropriate for his age and living skills.
    
    I'm always amazed when I hear a parent insisting that a child don a
    jacket.  The message there is that the kid is not bright enough to
    figure out for her/himself that s/he is cold...what a thing to imply!
    
    Deb