| From: SALES::SMITH "Supervisor, Sales Update, DTN 297-4918"
6-FEB-1992 09:40:43.70
To:
OLSON,SIMPSON,NOWICKI,FOWLER,ASMITH,SERGI,KEIGWIN,ORDWAY,MR4DEC::BABINEAU,MR4D
EC::GDYER
CC:
Subj: Cute and humbline
From: LEZAH::ABRODMERKLE 6-FEB-1992 09:28:54.67
To: SALES::SMITH
CC:
Subj: Digital-erata
From: LEZAH::PGRELLA "Phyllis Grella, CUIP/ASG, 297-4024 05-Feb-1992 1454"
5-FEB-1992 14:55:23.09
To: @[PGRELLA]PG_ESTAFF.DIS
CC:
Subj: FYI Desiderata (DEC version) - it's fun - take a minute
From: TIMBER::RAYMOND "New phone number is DTN 287-3512 05-Feb-1992 1310"
5-FEB-1992 13:13:03.01
To: @DCDCUIP.DIS
CC: RAYMOND
Subj: Thought you all might enjoy this......
From: SUPER::KALTENBACH "05-Feb-1992 1148" 5-FEB-1992 11:49:16.61
To: @OSF
CC:
Subj: DEC version of Desiderata (hope I have that spelled right)
From: WAGON::MALAYERY 4-FEB-1992 08:54:29.17
To: SUPER::KALTENBACH
CC:
Subj: this is nice!!
From: LILIMP::NG "BEE NG, DTN 264-3086, MKO1-2/M26 03-Feb-1992 1001"
3-FEB-1992 09:58:22.22
To: NASRIN
CC:
Subj: DEC version of Desderata
From: LILIMP::TRACY "The ROUGHING IT Camper 31-Jan-1992 1549" 31-JAN-1992
15:51:56.96
To: @3CE,@3D2
CC:
Subj: Words to Live By....
Folks,
The attached is light but meaningful reading - a Digital version of Desderata.
Digital-erata
==============
Go placidly amid the noise and re-organization, and remember what peace
there will be in profitability.
As far as possible, even if you have to surrender, be on good terms with
your managers.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, for they may
be generating revenue.
Heed harried and aggressive persons, as it is likely that they are in sales.
Before you compare yourself with others, re-read your last review.
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans, even as your plans
change weekly.
Manage your own career, for no one else will. It is a real possession
in the changing fortunes of Digital.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for cooperative marketing
partners may leave you for Sun.
But let this not blind you to what customers need - strive for market
share, and take significant risks.
Be honest. Especially do not use smoke and mirrors.
Neither be cynical about Digital, for in the face of all aridity and
disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years; you too shall be over 30.
Nurture strength of spirit when the network is slow.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born when the stock price dips.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are an
employee of the company, and have a right to be heard.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt our Ultrix strategy will
unfold as it should.
Therefore, take customers from the competition, wherever you conceive
them to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of
Digital keep your network alive. With all its products, services
and people, Digital is still a wonderful company.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
|
| [many headers deleted]
From: LEZAH::REED "A farmer outstanding in his field. 13-Aug-1992 1436" 13-AUG-1992 14:29:15.21
To: @DAVE
CC: REED
Subj: Dark humor (non-Dave)
Dear Ann Landers;
I am currently on parole from prison where I was serving time for incest,
child abuse, and desertion of my children. My first wife divorced me right
after she discovered that I also have AIDS and three or four other venereal
diseases. I have two brothers, one works for DEC and the other is a serial
killer currently awaiting execution on death row.
I am engaged to a wonderful girl. As soon as she can get a furlough from
prison, where she is doing time for embezzlement and prostitution, we plan
to get married. My question is: Should I tell her that I have a brother
who works for DEC?
Sincerely,
Worried
---------
Dear Worried:
I wouldn't tell her. It's likely that by the time she finds out, it will
no longer be a problem.
--Ann
|
| If I ever become an Evil Overlord:
1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not
face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept
anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is _not_ too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the
Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of
Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, "Or are
you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be, "No, just
sensible."
8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me,
will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll shoot him, and then
say "No".
9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in
a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks time during
which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely
necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled
"Danger: Do Not Push".
11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is
destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.
12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel
well outside my borders will work just as well.
13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to
prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker
enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident: I'm
not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.
15. I will make it clear that I _do_ know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I
simply choose not show them any.
16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in
my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom of
the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying
celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members
of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or
adhere to any other dress codes.
19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other
form of last request.
20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that
such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when
the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into
operation.
21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad
scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted
to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.
22. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one
thing I want to know."
23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their
advice.
24. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned
attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal
distraction at a crucial point in time.
25. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was
evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her
own father.
26. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in
maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected
developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to
accordingly.
27. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original
uniforms for my legions of terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs
that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or
savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops
to have a more positive mind-set.
28. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power,
I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
29. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my
troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize
my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons
useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed
with spears and rocks.
30. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and
weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at
least I will never utter the line ``No, this cannot be! I AM
INVINCIBLE!!!'' (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
31. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any
sort of machinery which is completely indestructable except for one
small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
32. If I am engaged in a duel to the death with the hero and I am
fortunate enough to knock the weapon out of his hand, I will graciously
allow him to retrieve it. This is not from a sense of fair play; rather,
he will be so startled and confused that I will easily be able to
dispatch him.
33. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are,
there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to
kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent
to my bedchamber.
34. I will never build only one of anything important. For the same
reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all
times.
35. If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will
immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the
defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my
inner sanctum to attempt this.
36. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot
escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
37. Even though I don't really care because I plan on living forever,
I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough
that, if I am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good
structural reason.
38. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies
into confusion.
39. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and
cowardly thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to death. My foes
will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of
comic relief.
40. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with
surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected
reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
41. Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously
resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through
self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.
42. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad
news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard
to come by.
43. I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes
and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument
in the main sqaure of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the
secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the
citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.
44. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to
wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual
dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be
reserved for formal occasions.
45. I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party
getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.
46. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
47. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look
diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of
Generation X.
|