Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Our daughter attends a private school in another town.  She is in the
    first grade and because her best friend attends the school, she very
    much wanted to go.  To date, I am VERY happy with the school and her
    progress.  She is a happy child, has made many friends at school and
    has some friends in town.  I am concerned with the fact that she is
    not to interested in extra curricular activies.  She does not want to
    join T-ball this year and didn't return to ballet lessons.  However,
    I don't think this has anything to do with where she goes to school.
    
    We've decided to let her just be herself and enjoy her first school
    year without pushing her into other activities if that's not her wish.
    She does want to go to a gymnastics class next school year so I'm
    looking into that.  She's a happy child, has friends,is making all A's 
    in school and generally seems to be content with herself.  She has
    always found is easy to make friends and is mature for her age.
    
    You know your childs personality and socialization skills best.  I can 
    see that a child who is shy may find it more difficult at first in a 
    private school.  It would be harder because all of their friends would
    be going one place and they were different and going to another school.
    I think they would adjust in a little time without to much of a
    problem. 
    
    You mentioned that your children were 2 and 4.  If their first
    school experience was at a private school, I don't see that it would
    be very much different than starting at a public school.  It would
    still be a new experience, school being a new experience that all of
    us must go through.   
    
    You need to determine if the benefits of a private vs. a public
    education outway the other concerns.  Most kids will make friends
    easily enough.  Of course, you may have a little more driving to
    do to get to birthday parties and invites to visit over a friends
    house after school :>
                                                                        

    This is just my opinion.   I went to a Prep school for my high school
    years. I LOVED IT!!! I lived at the school which was 3 hours away from
    my parents. I learned so much. How to be independent, how to buget money, 
    how to buget my time. 
    
    Eighteen years later I still keep in touch with 3 friends, and every 
    5 year I go back for the reunions (which I look forwared too). I always 
    said if I could afford it I would send my children to a Prep School. 
    (My children are only 2.5 and 10months, so I have a while to save for
    this).
    
    One more point, when I got to college I felt I was more adjusted to
    college, because of the previous years being away from home at school.
    
    Lynne  

I did go to a "private" grammar school, but it never felt that way. I went to
a Catholic school on the next street over from my house. This was in a suburb
of Boston in the 60's and it was not unusual for about 50% of the baby boomers
in town to be going to the Catholic schools. In most cases, they seemed just
like another public school.

I went to high school at an all boys, Catholic, school in Dorchester, MA. (Boston
College H.S.) It was an hour away from home (Arlington) by bus and subway. I
loved it! Everyone always used to ask me about how "awful" it must be to 
not have any girls around. Only those who have gone to school in an environment
like this can really understand, but it was just the opposite. I still had all
my friends from grammar school. And I had girlfriends all through high school who
went to Arlington High. As a result, I was always involved in the same social
activites as the kids in the public schools. Plus I had another whole social/
friends environment encompassing the whole Boston area and beyond.

I was active in sports all three seasons each year. The hour to/from school was
used to get my homework and studying done. Weekends were spent with my friends
in Arlington.

The advantage to the one sex classes was very evident at this age. There was
none of the cliquiness, prancing, clowning, and inhibitions associated with
trying to impress the opposite sex. As a result, classroom discussions were
more focused, more freely discussed, and more productive. It seemed to be
a self-escalating scenario. We behaved with more maturity, so the teachers 
treated us with more maturity, ... (in hindsight, probably more than we
deserved. :-) But it worked!)

One of my most memorable moments was watching my girlfriend's brother weeping
(he was the classic, macho, townie, jock, football player) after the "faggots"
from that all boys school beat the snot out of the Arlington High football team
my senior year.

						Mark

    Our older daughter goes to a private preschool and will probably
    continue in private school at least through her elementary
    school years.  Chances are our younger one will go the private route
    also.
    
    My daughter has friends in the neighborhood and friends from school. 
    It's always a drive to take her to birthday parties and the like, but
    her "neighborhood" socialization doesn't seem to have suffered.  The
    local kids go to a number of different schools, not only the local
    public school but other private schools as well so my daughter is not
    the "odd kid" in the neighborhood.  I think Elizabeth's private school
    experience has widened her horizons.  
    
    Good luck,
    LZP
    

    
    Someone who is a dear friend of mine went to a private school
    for all of his high school years (in Quebec, grades 7 to 11).
    He had an enormous amount of attention and a really rich learning
    environment (It made me envious to hear of it).
    In Quebec after high-school if you wish to pursue higher education
    you must do 2 years in what we call CEGEP. After that 3 years
    in University will make you a Bachelor's of Something (you hope!).
    
    When we met and became friends in CEGEP, he already showed signs
    of having trouble coping with his new environment. He had been so
    "taken care of" in high school, and CEGEP was such a shock to him
    (nobody cares if you come to class, nobody cares if you do your
    work -- no work, no mark, your responsibility totally, no sympathy)
    that his interest and marks dove and remained low for the rest of 
    his school career. 
    
    I mention him because this person is one of the most brilliant and
    dedicated PC- systems person I know presently. He is very smart  but
    the change in schooling attitudes from private to public did him in. He
    never succeeded in properly finishing his CEGEP or his university
    education. (I on the other hand came from an awful public high school
    and found CEGEP especially wonderful, and so did pretty good; squeezed
    by the big "U" and managed a BSc too....)
    
    Monica
    
    P.S. my buddy is doing well now, but regrets his post-secondary 
    education experiences.
     

    The original note addressed the issue of "friends in the neighborhood". 
    I went to private school.  I had friends at schools (that I did not see
    after school or on weekends) and I had my friends from my neighborhood. 
    It all seemed natural to me and to my neighborhood friends.  We just
    went to different schools -- no big deal.  I'm sure it will be the same
    for your kids.  I really don't think it's a problem at all.  Your kids
    will "fit in" with their neighborhood friends based on their skills,
    interests, etc., not where they go to school.

    My two sons started in the draconian Vaudois public school system and
    then I moved them when the younger one was 8 and the older one was 11
    to the International School.  My feelings are very positive about the
    education they get.  Their education is certainly more comprehensive
    and more creative.
    
    There are certain social problems.  First of all, it is somewhat
    elitist.  There are children arriving in chauffer driven limos, one
    giel has a personal body guard who goes along on all outings etc.  In
    general (but not always) my children seem to associate with others in
    much the same social strata as themselves.  In the one case where my
    son had a very wealthy acquaintance, he was the one who broke off the
    relationship when he felt the boy was trying to "buy" his friendship.
    
    Because of the extra wealth around, there is a certain amount of
    pressure from the kids wanting designer jeans or expensive shoes, etc. 
    We are able to handle this with frequent business trips to the US where
    the stuff costs the same as the vanilla variety over here.  And the
    kids get told frequently that we are not made of money.
    
    On the other hand, they have lasting friendships formed from their
    public school years.  My older boys group that he runs around with
    contains a boy who goes to the public school.  If they have a party, it
    is about half and half.
    
    The transportation was a problem at first.  We live about 3 miles from
    the school so the boys go by bike.  At first, in bad weather, the au
    paire took them and picked them up.  Now, if the weather is bad, we
    take them and their bikes and they have appropriate clothing to get
    themselves home in the worst of weather.
    
    Also, as they get older, having friends further afield becomes less of
    a problem.  Dirk gets himself to music lessons, basketball practice
    (both in Nyon, about 10 miles away) either by bike or by train and goes
    into Genva on the weekends with friends by train.  Markus will probably
    do the same starting next year although he goes wherever he needs in
    the area now by bike.
    
    There is occassionally fighting between the public school teenagers and
    the kids from the English section at the International School but this
    hasn't seemed to affect my kids, probably because they're in the French
    section and also because they went to the public school and are
    virtually indistiguishable from the locals.
    
    
    Cheryl

    This is not just an issue for kids going to private school. Boston, for
    example, has a "controlled choice" system. Within one of 3 city
    "zones", you can send your child to any school (by lottery, based on
    availability and maintaining racial balance).
    
    We live in the Dorchester section and preferred several of the 32
    available schools to the two in our neighborhood. The one our son goes
    to is 3 or 4 miles away, and includes kids from 3 or 4 more miles away.
    
    So, he has some neighborhood friends, and some school friends.
    
    If school choice plans continue to proliferate, this will be more
    common. People will have to decide whether proximity or quality is
    their prime concern. 
    
    It doesn't seem particularly strange to me, since I grew up in a
    very rural area, and for the most part had friends *only* at school, far
    away.
    
    Kit