Conference moira::parenting_v3

    
    	Well, on a related note, my baby (who is only three months old)
    smiles and plays more for the babysitter than for me.
    
    	Now, I *realize* that at this stage the babysitter represents fun
    and attention and that I represent food and comfort,...
    
    	but it still makes me just a wee bit jealous.
    
    	What can I do about it? Nothing except realize that the different
    types of interaction are good for the baby's development and let it be.
    
    			Wendy

    How rotten do I feel?  Oh, about this high: _____
    
    --bonnie

    This weekend we celebrated Christmas with my family.  Amid all the 
    presents and excitement, all Michelle kept saying was "Paula, Paula" 
   (our babysitter's name).  This morning when I dropped Michelle off at
    Paula's house, I got barely a backward glance and a wave over her 
    shoulder as she ran enthusiastically into Paula's arms.

    But it's much better now.  Last summer Michelle used to scream and
    kick when I picked her up form Paula's house at the end of the day.
    I put a note in here someplace because, like you, my feelings were
    pretty hurt.

    If you can, try to look at the birght side.
  James is very lucky to have
    two women who obviously love him and take good care of him.  

    And I would venture to say that there are probably times at Elaine's
    house when he says "I want my mommy!"

- Carol

    Kate-
    
    Whenever my daughter, who is the same age as your James, gets to me, I
    try to remember the hugs and kisses and "I love you" messages that far
    outnumber the screaming fits and hurtful words. I also have to remind
    myself that as Mommy, I must sometimes be a meanie in order to help
    Jamie (my daughter) stay healthy and happy. Sure, it's no fun being a
    meanie or having to do the unglamorous tasks of parenting (like
    cleaning noses--Matthew just *loves* that), but it comes with the
    territory.
    
    So concentrate on the hugs, kisses, and "I love you's." You'll be
    smiling before you know it!
    
    Nancy-

    My daughter is also very attached to our babysitter.  And I can
    understand why.  Our babysitter is in her 50's.  She treats my
    daughter as her own grandchild and really spoils my daughter.
    
    Sometimes I get jealous, but most of the time I am thankful that
    they have such a close relationship.  And there are times that
    my daughter only wants me.   This really ease my mind.
    
    Try to think positively.  Just remember for a child, no one can 
    replace Mommy.
    
    Wendy  

    From 2 months (when Andrew started to go to day care) to about 16
    months Andrew couldn't have cared less if I was around or not.  He only
    had eyes for his daddy and 2 of his care givers (who obviously adored
    him).  When I'd arrive at daycare to pick him up, his expression
    wouldn't even change when he'd see me walk in.  I might get a hint of a 
    smile, but that was that.  I was a little hurt about it, but was able
    to joke about it with his favorite care-givers.  But now, I practically
    get knocked over when I come in.  It just happened to change on day.
    (But he still ADORES his caregiver too, which make me VERY happy.)  I 
    attributed his non-chalant-ness to the fact that when I used to come in
    to pick him up, I wouldn't rush over to him, instead I wanted to
    observe him at play.  Then he'd alway find me watching him.  I wondered
    if he wondered why I didn't rush over to him like all his friends
    parents did?  (You know how you can try to over rationalize? Yep, I
    did).
    
    But, I went through that "I'm not special to my child" stuff.  Not fun.
    But, I guess this is one of the ways in which they grow and become little
    independent people.
    
    Chin up!  
    
    Nancy
    

    At daycare, there is a toddler named Kristen.  For a long time, Kristen
    called her mother "Hydee" - the babysitter's name.  Ouch.  Kristen's
    mother took it well.  She said, "At least it shows that she is well
    cared for."  I think she thought Hydee is an honorary title - like
    Mommy in reverse.  
    
    L

    Interesting occurance the other day at AJ's preschool.  His teacher
    stopped me as we were leaving for the day, and asked who Mrs. Mc_____
    was?  Mrs. Mc____ was THE reason I pulled him out of his former
    preschool, she was the abusive one.  My answer to the current teacher
    was just about that.  I told her that Mrs. Mc is the reason he is attending
    the current preschool.  Then the teacher looked a little concerned, and
    asked if he had ever said anything negative about her.  I think she was
    thinking he must hate her, as much as the former teacher.  I explained
    simply that it certainly couldn't be that way, he more likely is just
    having a tough time remembering his new teacher's name, and is using
    the only one he can think of.
    
    On an earlier experience, when we had him in home daycare. Almost from
    infancy he would just about hit the floor and take off, hardly ever
    giving us a look back.  Most nights it was a battle to get him out of
    there.  This was in about three different home care environments.  We
    always took it as a compliment to the provider, NOT and inusult!
    
    Lyn

    I had my daughter in a day care center from 3.5 months to 15 months.
    The last couple of months there, every time I walked in the door she
    would run to the door, try to open it and say "bye" to everyone.  It
    was as though she couldn't wait to get out of there (which concerned
    me). 
    
    Now, I have her at a different center.  There are nights it can take me
    1/2 hour to get her coat on to come home.  She just loves it there.  She
    identifies with one particular caregiver and even calls her name at
    home.  However, I have never taken offense to this because she is so
    happy now and it eases my mind knowing that.  Daycare is fun - there's
    lots to do and other children her age to play with.  I don't blame her
    for wanting to stay!  :)
    
    Mary
    

    My situation is a little bit different.  I am divorced and my 2.0 year
    old son spends Wednesday nights and every other weekend with his
    father.  When I get upset with Josh and say no,
    or whatever, he yells "I want my Daddy!"  I was amazed at how young he
    learned this trick, because at first it made me feel really bad.  Once 
    I even asked him "Do you want to go live at Daddy's house?" and he said 
    yes!!  Good thing we don't let 2 year olds make decisions.  So I cried
    but I got over it.
     Then I realized he might be pulling the same thing at his father's house,
     so I asked him (Father).  He said yes, he gets mad and says "I want my
    Mommy!!"  and that makes (Father) melt.  
    
    I guess he's just testing his boundaries, and trying to get what he 
    wants.  When the person he's with doesn't give in, he says he wants the
    other person.
    
    And by the way, he does the same thing an another noter noted at the 
    daycare.  When I walk in he acts like he doesn't see me and keeps right
    on playing, or he gets excited and starts running over to play with more 
    things, rather than come running to me with open arms like we imagine 
    should happen.  It is tough sometimes to get his coat on and get out of
    there.  I got a kick out of reading that other kids do it too.!  At
    least it's an indication that he's happy there. 

    Daniela at 27 months now seems to call for whomever is not there: 
    "Auntie", our caregiver, or mommy and sometimes daddy.  More often than
    not we have the reverse problem; Daniela only wants mommy.  Even if
    mommy is in the house, upstairs, mommy has to be with her.  Over the
    holidays she screamed about going to the 'beep-beep' store (Home Depot,
    named for its trucks) because mommy wasn't going.  Frankly, right now,
    I'd like to have a little less attention and love and demandingness and
    more going to/calling for others.  Guess that'll come soon enough.  I
    just keep thinking what everyone says over and over here...it's a stage
    and it'll pass.