Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Do you invite other kids over to play or does he get invited over?
    1-1 relationships at that age are much less overwhelming.  Try some
    structured activities that you can invite another child to participate
    in and see if he does ok - even just going to the local playground
    or on a walk.  Don't expect to much out of the karate class - he only
    sees those kids briefly and doesn't get any real time to socialize.
    

     Sounds within bounds of normal to me, particularly if he can do other
"social interactions" like waiting for his turn, sharing, participating in
group activities and the like.  I would be concerned if he actively avoided
any interaction (for example didn't answer questions or return greetings) or
seemed fearful.

     .1 has a fine idea, though I wouldn't force it on him if he isn't
interested.  If it does happen, keep the time relatively short -- like a
couple of hours max, and don't be suprised or disappointed if your son and
his friend spend the time playing independently.  That happens frequently
when kids that age play "together."

Clay 

Markus will be 11 this month and has behaved like this since I can remember.
He isn't really anti-social and seems extremely popular with his classmates.
But it is as if he doesn't "need" a lot of social interaction.  He's invited
to all his classmates parties and enjoys himself but will usually choose to 
have only one or two friends for his own party.  He never has more than one
"best" friend at a time although he runs around in a clique of about four
or five boys.  If he has a friend over, he is usually happy when they leave so 
he can get back to "his" things although he looks forward to the time when
they are there.  For this reason, we try to keep it short.

You never hear him say he's bored and social interaction is no problem.  I 
think some children are just loners.

By the way, my husband worries about this ENORMOUSLY.

Cheryl

    I'd say TJ is still within 'normal' for wanting more to be by himself.
    
    As for 'loners', I was definitely a loner growing up.  I think it
    started mostly because there WEREN'T a lot of kids to play with, but
    when that changed, I still preferred to be by myself.  I remember being
    very relieved when friends left so that I could go back to being
    'normal' and put my stuff back where I liked it, and do what I wanted
    to do.  
    
    It just felt more comfortable to me to be alone and have control over
    things, then to share and spend time with another kid - I didn't enjoy
    that as much as I guess I was 'supposed' to.
    
    The only thing that ever bothered me is that it bothered everyone else
    *A LOT* that I preferred to be alone.  After a while (Jr. High), it got
    so that I started feeling really self-conscious and uncomfortable about
    myself because others were so concerned about me being a loner.
    
    I eventually pushed out of it - not without causing a LOT of trouble
    and doing some things I REALLY regret just to prove to people that I
    knew how to have 'friends' ("if you were really our friend, you'd ..."
    do something 'bad', and so I did).
    
    Think twice before you try to make your child something that they're
    not naturally.  There's nothing wrong with enjoying your own company. 
    Appreciate that they're comfortable enough with themselves and their
    family that they're content to make themselves happy.  It's a
    peacefulness that non-loners will never know or understand.