Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Be positive...but talk with the teacher *now*.  The end of the session
    won't afford anyone an opportunity to change.
    

    I agree with .1.  Talk to the teacher...politely and positively.
    I have found that talking to teachers gives me the ability to reinforce
    the teachers expectations.  Kids this age need to be reminded, both
    in class and out of class, of whats expected.
    
    If you feel that you didn't get anywhere with her, you might go
    over her head to the director (I'm assuming she isn't the director)
    or owner and mention *politely* and *positively* that you can always
    take your money elsewhere.   Unfortunately some people only respond
    to a ham-fisted approach.  
    
    Don't mean to start a rathole here, but don't be too sure that Jamie
    is too young to know that she's being put down.  My 3 1/2 year old
    son is very sensitive to "how come he can do this but I can't" types
    of issues.   And I remember being 4 years old in kindergarten and
    being mentally abused by an alcoholic teacher (who was later dismissed
    for driving onto the *playground of the school* at 50 mph and flipping
    her car over!).    
    
    Whatever you do, don't let it continue.  Resolve it now.
    
    Priscilla
    

    Agreed.  Try talking to the teacher and director, and give them one
    more session to get the attitude adjustment.  I also agree that 3-year-
    olds are more than likely to understand they're being singled out.  If
    it gets to the point where you switch dancing schools, by all means
    explain why to your daughter (grownups are not always fair; we're
    choosing not to deal with those grownups any more).  Alex has been taking
    dance lessons since she was 2 3/4, and in the 3-year-olds' class the
    most the instructors hoped for was that the kids paid attention (vs.
    talking and horsing around) and *tried*.  We parents were in an
    adjoining room and could hear everything; the instructors' voices were
    downright saccharine and so patient ("Alex, your *left* foot.  No
    honey, your *other* left!").
    
    It's very early in the year (assuming the dance year is Sept-June) to
    start demanding any kind of precision or dexterity in a kids' class
    (IMHO).  I think around Feb/March is when Alex's instructors start to
    crack the wet noodle (expect the kids to remember most of the sequences
    they've been practicing all year).
    
    Leslie                       

    
    Forget talking to the teacher now. Go directly to the director. The
    teacher, especially in an artistic setting, is not going to deal with
    you directly in a rational manner and is most likely going to dismiss
    your concerns as those of a jealous parent. I have to say here that
    this opinion is based on the data you presented. It would appear that
    the teacher has a problem with young children and has no patience for
    children that can't follow her instructions explicitly and with
    discipline. This is frequently a problem with artists teaching those
    who are just beginning. That's also why most teachers are educators
    before they become content experts in subject matter. It takes a lot
    of patience to be a teacher.

    I believe that you should go to the teacher first and if the situation 
    isn't resolved, go to the director.  
    
    
    Mike
    

. . . that is right in every situation.

     I think that whether or not going to the teacher or the director is
appropriate is dependent on a number of things.  For that matter we don't
even know that there IS a director.

     Many gymnastics, dance, etc. schools are set up such that there is a
director who handles the marketing, client relations, etc., and who is very
"hands on" and in touch with what is going on.  We used a daycare center like
that once, and would have gone to the director in a case like this.  She also
happened to be a good manager, so we didn't worry about getting someone in
trouble if the teacher's inappropriate behavior was unwitting and correctable.  

     Our children both went to gymnastics school.  That was set up
differently.  The co-directors looked and acted like any other teacher.  On
the first day the teacher introduced herself to us and said "Hi, I'm _____. 
I'll be _____'s teacher.  If you have any questions, comments, or complaints,
please see me."  In that case, we would have gone to the teacher.

     I agree with Mike that a great ballerina, athlete, etc.  does not
necessarily make a ballet instructor or coach ESPECIALLY for very young
children; in fact some of the same skills that make them a great dancer --
drive for perfection, highly focused, impatient -- might make them a terrible
instructor or coach for very young children.

Clay  

    Thank you everyone for your comments and suggestions.
    
    In answer to some questions brought up in your replies:
    
    Yes, there is a director for the dance school, but I haven't seen her
    since the day I signed Jamie up for the class. I can call her if need
    be, though.
    
    I've decided to stay silent for one more class and send my mother there
    with my daughter instead of myself. This way I'll have a second opinion
    about this teacher's behavior from someone who can see it first-hand (I
    didn't mention in my basenote that the parents sit in the same room
    with the kids during the class). I will then probably say something to
    the teacher the following week (if my mother concurs with me) and not
    wait until the end of the session (and I am definitely going to handle
    that positively and politely). If that doesn't work, I will phone
    or write the director a letter about the teacher's behavior, but
    probably not until the session ends.
    
    I hope this situation will work out and will let you know if anything
    positive comes out of it.
    
    Thanks again.
    
    Nancy-

    Execellent idea!  We'll be interested to find out how it all works
    out....
    
    Pris

    	Who decided on dancing anyway?  You?  Or did your kid ask to
    	go...
    
    	Maybe she's just not cut out for dancing (although age 3 1/2 
    	is a little early to determine that...)
    
    	Actually, now that I think about it, I don't know many 3 1/2
    	year-olds that have the coordination to do much more than run,
    	hop, spin a little and fall down...
    
    	If YOU chose dance for her, perhaps some other activities could be
    	tried instead -- in particular swimming.  Proficient or poor, if
    	someone has ANY swimming training it could save their life!
    
    	Just a different perspective.
    
    	Joe Oppelt

    From my past experience I would venture to guess your gut feel is the
    right one.  As other noters have said, approach the teacher.  You could
    do this in a way of asking the teacher if you think she's too young for
    this class that you notice she seems to be giving her trouble.  Watch
    the teacher stick up for the kid that she's really no trouble, it's the
    age!
    
    My daughter stopped dancing at 7 because of the teacher.  She had no
    patience with her and she was being singled out all the time.  At 3 1/2
    they do know a "stroke" when they get one.  All children need positive
    reinforcement, some more than others.  
    
    Be sure to keep us posted.
    

    Well, Saturday came and went and we never made it to dance class. Jamie
    threw a fit when it was time to leave the house, so we didn't push her
    (my parents were there and things were crazy). I'm not going to force
    her to go, since we're going through a tough time with her and nursery
    school as it is (separation anxiety). I'll mention it again before
    class this coming Saturday, and if she wants to go, fine. If not, fine.
    
    Joe - I learned about the class through a newspaper ad, so I asked her
    if she wanted to go and she did. As I mentioned in my basenote, Jamie
    loves to dance and call herself a ballerina, so we offered her the
    chance to be one--at least for 10 Saturday mornings. I'm not the type
    of parent who will push her child into something she doesn't want to do
    (school being an exception), but she's still young enough that she
    doesn't know something exists unless we point it out to her.
    
    I'll write again if Jamie decides to go back. Thanks again everyone for
    your help.
    
    Nancy-