Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Something similar happened when my daughter was in girl scouts.... The
    leaders all had daughters in th etroop and, especially on week-end
    outings, it was apparent tht the girls found it difficult to constantly
    share their moms with 25 other girls!!  For the most part they handled
    it well (thye were in the 9-11 age brackett).  Sounds to me like Brett
    is finding it tough "sharing" everything with Tim.... understandabel at 
    any age.  It may be a passing thing.  One suggestion would be to ask
    Tim if he would like to invite Brett to "his" house some saturday....
    It would give Tim a chance to show-off and share his toys, mom & dad,
    and
    perhaps "set the rules".  My sister does this with her 5 year old with
    one of the other 5 year olds at the home care.  They take turns going
    to each others house's.  
    
    Hope this helps!
    Kathy

    Steven went through the same stage when he was about 3.5.  After
    years of being happy with a wonderful woman who he adored and
    whose daughter was a good friend, he was suddenly miserable at
    daycare.  He was willing to do almost anything to get out of it.
    He didn't want to have anything to do with other kids or other
    adults -- and this from a kid who's been sociable all his life and 
    had no stranger anxiety to speak of. 
    
    Since it coincided with a time I wasn't working, I wound up having
    him at home with me for about six months before he was ready to go
    back to a daycare environment, and then he was perfectly happy at
    a regular nursery school.
    
    It seemed to be a developmental stage, but not one I ever read
    about in books.
    
    --bonnie

    A similar thing happened with Brian.  He was with Cindy for about 2
    years (starting when he was 4 months) and then he just didn't want to
    go there anymore.  He would say that he'd rather stay home, or go to 
    grandma's, or anything else he could think of.  He couldn't say why he 
    didn't want to go but he was very clear that he didn't.  
    
    This happened for several days over a two week period (he only went twice 
    a week) and then one morning he cried and cried and refused to get out of 
    his car seat when my sister brought him there.  She didn't want to drag 
    him in there when he was so unhappy, so she took him to my mom's instead. 
    They started looking together for a new place for him.  They visited
    several homes and then chose one for him.  I think it was important to
    him to help decide which he liked best.  Once he started there, he was
    very happy, so it wasn't daycare in general that he was upset about.
    
    I think that Brian had gotten bored at Cindy's house.  She seemed to
    think that this was the problem as well, because nothing had really
    changed there.  Once he got to his new daycare, he had a new caregiver,
    new (older) kids, new toys, and to top it all off, a cat named Louie.
    
                                               Tracy

Christa:

We, too, were up against the EXACT same situation!  Our homecare provider
had a daughter 5 months older than Juli and similar stuff went on
(I won't go into the details AGAIN ... but write me offline if you haven't
read my many statements on this).

Juli's now in a daycare (learning center-like) environment and LOVES it!
She can choose who she wants to play with (which varies with every passing
minute!), it's neutral turf! and gives Juli the much needed wide-variety
of activites and ACTION!

Juli attended Hudson Children's Center, Reed Road, Hudson.  Jim/I "highly"
recommend them!  It's a toddler's only center: 15 months - 5 years of age.
I don't think they have any openings now, but you can call Robin to verify.
$133/week - 7:30-5:30 (two days a week, grace period until 5:40 pm and
then a $10 penalty!).  We also use the Dependent Care benefit.

If you're interested, please feel free to contact me "offline".

Good luck ... and believe me, YOU'RE NOT ALONE!  We experienced the exact
same thing you are.

Dottie

    I'd echo the previous replies -- sounds like just plain boredom with
    the routine; he may very well have simply outgrown the situation you
    have for his care.
    
    When my oldest were in a home care situation it became clear to me that
    they were becoming quite bored with going there.  Nothing had really
    changed, THEY had changed.  They needed a more stimulating environment,
    and, I agree with Dottie, a neutral environment.
    
    JMO, but I think homecare is great for infants through about 2.5 years,
    but once my children hit about 3, they NEEDED a daycare/nursery school
    situation.  It was far more stimulating for them, just more FUN.  They
    have many more activities, they take field trips to Friendly Farm, the
    firestation, the local police station, a local nursery, they go apple
    picking inthe autumn, I could go on and on.  Just as 6 year olds are
    ready to go into a more structures learning environment as 1st grade, I
    found that for mine by the time they hit three, homecare just didn't
    cut it anymore.
    
    My advice would be to look around at some local Nursery schools, and
    take him with you when you go.  See what his reaction is, that will
    answer your question.
    

    IMO it must be the *Age*!  We experienced this same sort of thing just
    about the time AJ turned 3, he was in an excellent home daycare
    environment, the caregiver's son was maybe 9 months older than most of
    the others.  The provider was so good about being objective with her
    son, treating him no differently than the other boys (it was 5 boys all
    within months of each other's age and her infant daughter) I heard her
    several times tell her son that if he didn't want to share a particular
    toy he should put it away until the other children left for the day. 
    During this time we also experienced several bouts of "soand so doesn't
    like me", or soandso hit me, or soand so isn't my best buddy anymore,
    not on a regular basis just a couple times in a couple weeks.  But
    let's face it even grown ups become displeased or disagree with best
    friends from time to time, so what's the big deal. (soandso was NOT the
    provider's son by the way).  We also heard all the reasons why he
    should spend the day at grampa's house, and not at the provider's
    house, lots of made up stories including (provider's name) isn't home
    today, right mom.  But this happened after I had left him with my
    father inlaw for a day or two, because he was not feeling well, but not
    sick enough for me to keep him home and not well enough to go to the
    provider's house.  Just needed a little more one on one care, away from
    the crowds and chaos of the provider's house.
    
    He's in a preschool type daycare now, and has established with a new
    "best buddy", and we still hear on occation about how the new soandso
    did something, and he's not his best buddy, guess some things never
    change!

    I think it's the age, too, and I'm sorry if that wasn't clear from
    my note.  
    
    --bonnie

    It might be the age ..... but I think it's more that they just plain
    old Miss You, and think that if they don't go to daycare that they'll
    get to spend the time with you instead.
    
    My suggestion (at least before you go hunting new daycare) might be to
    take a day off and spend specifically paying oodles of attention to
    him/her.  Every once in a while Christopher and Jason will suddenly
    decide that they don't like daycare, and after a rather probing
    conversation, the truth comes out - they miss us!
    
    See if you can find out what they want to do INSTEAD of daycare - it
    may help to understand the real problem.
    
    ....of course it could just be 3 year olds (-;

    Well I might go one further and have you take a week or two off and
    spend it with them.  My wife is a home daycare provider and my daughter
    is 4.  One of the children who my wife watches is also 4. 
    Occaisionally the two get bored with one another, but after a week or
    two break they (my daughter and Heather, the other little girl) are
    very anxious to play together again.  My wife just had to take 6 weeks
    off from sitting (our son was born) and by the time the 6 weeks were up
    both kids were asking about one another ALL the time.  Now if the break
    doesn't work I would say a change of environment is indicated.  I
    really don't think home daycare is the culprit though.  
    
    
    Mike

    This is not related to the basenote, just the title.  I didn't
    want to start a new note since the gist is the same.
    
    My daughter is not unhappy with DayCare, she is unhappy with
    one of the teachers.
    
    The teacher is one of those "overly-expressive-affectionate" 
    people.  She doesn't do a lot of kissing and hugging, but her
    voice is just high-pitched and (my husband's words) "fake."
    
    Sarah, apparently, sees right through this.  She doesn't like
    to be with that teacher (her teacher) because "she loves me too
    much."  I must emphasize that this is not physical attention, I
    have been paying attention.  The teacher is just "gushy."  I've
    experienced just what Sarah's talking about and wouldn't want
    to spend the day with the woman either.
    
    Anyway, normally, Sarah migrates to a play group that is being
    directed by another teacher.  Next week however, her favorite
    teacher is on vacation, and Sarah is dreading the possibility
    of being with Miss Laura all day!
    
    I really appreciate that Sarah is loved and given lots of
    attention.  I'm looking for advice on how to diplomatically
    tell the teacher to tone it down a bit.
    
    Any advise?
    
    Diana

Be up front.  Confront the actions, not the person.  If there is a director
at the center discuss it with her.  If you want to remain anonymous tell
the director so.  Perhaps this teacher has tried to correct a previous
behavior and has gone in the other direction, or perhaps she isn't aware
of how she comes across, and would appreciate the feedback.

    Perhaps you could try giving your daughter some advice on how to
    deal with that kind of person.  You can't go through life avoiding
    everybody you don't like.  
    
    Maybe you could explain that some people weren't loved much when
    they're children, so when they get to be grownups they need to
    have everybody love them, so they cling and "push" and are scary
    to be around, but it isn't anything your daughter did, it's
    because the teacher needs help, or something like that? 
    
    --bonnie

    That's a good explanation, Bonnie.  I never thought about it
    from that perspective.  I think I'll give it a try next time
    the subject comes up.  As it turns out, now that the warm
    weather is here, the pool is open and the incentive to go to
    school and the pool, overcomes the wish to avoid the teacher.
    
    I'm sure next time there's a rainy day, however, the subject will
    come up again.  Thanks for the advise.
    
    Diana