Conference moira::parenting_v3

    
    I've never been in this situation, so take my suggestions with that 
    in mind, just some ideas...
    
    Everyone seems to be feeling some pain here (your daughter, your niece, 
    your husband, YOU!)  That's understandable...but it sure does create 
    lots of problems to manage!!   It's great that you are able to help 
    your "brother" (I assume you mean -in-law) out,  but I would still 
    strive to have the children spend as much time as possible with your 
    brother to maintain some sense of normalcy AND to visit their mother 
    as much as the hospital and her health permit.   Also, I would try to
    follow the child's normal routine or schedule as much as possible, I
    think routines/rituals are very important to young children.   Do you 
    think it would help to have the children spend weekends at their home 
    with dad...or would that create more havoc come Monday?  Also, I wonder 
    what would be effect of having mom say goodnight by telephone each 
    evening?   Are there any kids' books on this subject that you could 
    read together? 
    
    I'd guess it would also be important to keep some private one-on-one
    time with your daughter, so she doesn't feel pushed out.   As far
    as the fighting, well, I think that's pretty normal for kids... 
    
    Good luck, it's great that you can help out your sister's family
    in their time of need,  Carol

    When we were growing up my mother was frequently hospitalized,
    sometimes for over a month at a time.  Unfortunately it was when
    children under 12 could not visit, under any circumstances.  To say the
    least my sister and I felt upset at being separated from both our
    parents.  We always spent the time with my aunt and uncle (my mother's
    sister who was married to my father's brother).  Although staying with
    my aunt and uncle was nice, my father was able to arrange to work the
    night 12midnight to 8am) shift, and we saw him during lunch time.  Our
    elementary school sent the kids home for lunch.  Dad also stopped by
    each night either for supper or after visiting hours, so we were able
    to relate the day's events.  My uncle was a real "spirited guy" and
    weekends he always made it a point to do something fun with us, even if
    it was hopping a subway into downtown Boston, and feeding the ducks
    from the swanboats, or going into Chinatown for some chinese food.
    (remember Skulley Square, am I dating myself or what?).
    
    Since mom was in the hospital so long were were allowed to visit her,
    but in the lounge, not her room once or twice a month, and always she
    was just a phone call away.  Dad would take the opportunity to make a
    big "pot of something", usually beef stew, where he, my sister and I
    could each do something to contribute, like peeling the vegtables; we
    each took one veggie.
    
    Fortunate or not, depending on how you looked upon it, we became very
    close to dad, through all this and my aunt is still one in whom I
    confide frequently, and she still does special favors for us.
    
    Lyn

    I second the notion of trying to keep the child in step with their own
    routine.  For instance, when my older children babysit our
    2.9-year-old, I leave excruiatingly specific instructions on "how" to
    put him down for the night; pj's, one of his favorite stories (which he
    knows so well that you say the first few words of the sentence, and
    then he fills in the rest), prayers (including a list of "God
    Blesses"), fresh water, "blanket toes", then slap in his favorite
    cassette tape!!!  Now I can imagine how difficult it would be for a
    relative to remember and try to do all this while maintaining some
    sanity in their house, and trying to manage their own jobs, meals,
    family... (I'm sure YOU know how hard it is!).
    
    Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that rituals are extremely
    important to children, especially with a loved one away.  Now you'll
    have an idea what it's like to raise twins!!!
    
    Good luck.  What a lucky child she is to be staying at your house!
    
    Dale

    My sister in law is currently it the hospital, she has a 3yr old and an
    almost 1yr old.  The things they have learned from a past
    hospitalization when the oldest was almost 1 was to keep the
    communications open.  She talks to them every evening and luckily the
    surgery went better than expected and she was able to visit on Sunday
    with them.    

    
    
    Thank you for all your advice.  Lee Ann's dad will take her,
    her brother, and sister for the weekend. And as hard as it is
    to schedule we kept her in the same daycare. We all seem to be
    adjusting to the change much better now. 
    
    Thank you again for all your help.
    
    Sue