Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I can sympathize with your son's fear at having his hair washed.
    Our son Tobias, 5 years old, doesn't like it either.  However,
    I've found a way to do it that gets him less upset.
    
    It works this way.
    
    He stands in front of the sink.  I use a wet wash cloth to get his
    hair wet, being careful to not drip it down his face; this takes
    a lot longer than just spraying water, but it doesn't upset him too
    much.  Then I do the usual massaging of an eye-friendly shampoo
    into his hair.  Finally, the same wet wash cloth can be used to get
    out the soap; again, this takes a bit of time, but it doesn't upset
    him too much.  I also give him a small towel to hold that he uses
    to cover or wipe his eyes.
    
    Regarding general fear of baths, have you tried just putting him in
    the bath with you?  That's how we got Tobias to like his baths. Now
    he sometimes even asks for one.  Also, we have a rubber mat on the
    bottom of the tub so that he can't slip and fall.
    
    Hope this helps.

    We had the same problem with James when he was 3.  We made
    the bath and shampooing his hair into two different tasks.  As
    for washing his hair, I put a towel down on the kitchen
    counter and rolled the end nearest the sink into a sort of
    pillow for the back of his neck.  I then gave him his special 
    towel to hold over his face if he needed it while I was washing 
    his hair.  His head hung over into the sink but his neck didn't 
    get stiff.  Then I used a mug rather than the sprayer to do his hair.  
    This seemed to do the trick.  By washing his hair this way, he
    didn't have to deal with soapy water dripping down over him.  We
    then gave him positive reinforcement for doing a great job.  We
    also went out and bought him some new bath toys to reinforce
    that taking a bath is fun and kept reassuring him that he wouldn't
    get his head washed in the tub.  The only problem with this
    procedure is that the child will grow too tall to be able to fit
    on the counter  ;-)
    
    Nancy
    
    

    
    
    Couple of things.  Because my kiddos have tubes, they wear those little 
    "hats" that fit over their heads, exposing their hair but acting as an 
    awning over their ears.  This works wonders for the water in the eyes 
    problem.  My now 5 year old, went through the fearful stage at around 
    3 1/2 but it passed after a few months.  Give them something to do, 
    something they can have control over.  I let Jake wet his own head with 
    a cup (plus the hat).  He feels more in control and is less likely to 
    get upset.
    
    About the Psssst, finding it should be an adventure.  I have a nanny 
    from Belgium and she uses dry shampoo regularly at home.  Well, finding 
    it here in the U.S. was a different story.  I mean, the big pharmacy 
    chains wouldn't dream of having that stuff, they just giggled when I asked.
    So, I started going to the individual pharmacies, the family run businesses
    and was able to scrounge up a few cannisters of the stuff.  It's still out 
    there, a little dusty maybe, but it's there, way in the back, behind the 
    mousses and gels.
    
    Good luck.
    
    -dorothy

    Have you tried some swimming lessons??  One of the things that they do
    with the little ones is teach them how to put their face in water
    briefly and blow bubbles.  That gives them some understanding of the
    feel of water on their face in a fun setting.  It also teaches them to
    breathe out rather than in when there is water on the face.
    
    

You might try talcum powder instead of Pssssssst.

Also, if he's afraid of the bath in general, try some new bubble
bath, bath crayons, or blowing bubbles.  All worked with Kathryne.

She also has those bath hats.  Got 'em from the Lillian Vernon 
catalog.

    
    I calmed my son by washing his hair in the bath when I was in with him.
    You can use your legs to hold his head up and give lots of hugs at the 
    same time.  This is the only way he doesn't scream and he's six years
    old!
    
    Rochelle

    Re:  The bath horrors, will s/he take a shower?  Either by themself or
    with either one of you?  AJ thinks taking a shower with dad is the best
    thing in the world!! Will he kneel up on all fours in the tub?  AJ does
    that sometimes when his rectal area is sore due to poor wiping during
    the day and it's too sore to sit.
    
    RE:  The tubes, AJ has developed a habit with tubes.  We have him put
    his fingers in his ears while we wash his hair. The wetting and rinsing
    process is done with one of those hospital water pitchers.
    
    I second the idea of some kind of distraction, i.e. bubbles (dish soap
    works as well as the commercial kid bubbles) bath "crayons", lots of
    toys that float; boats, plastic frogs and such.
    
    Lyn

    I have a 4 month old who SCREAMS outrage every week when she gets
    a full bath.  It's not just the headwashing, even getting into the
    water is horror.  I try not to grimace before putting her in (thinking
    she may relate the look on my face to oh-no-its-bathtime-again).
    I don't know whether the water is too hot, too cold - what is the
    ideal temperature????  I've tried showers with me (once) but I think the 
    cascading water is too much for her, plus I'm afraid of dropping her
    
    She tolerates the daily topping and tailing, but barely.
    
    Any suggestions or similar experiences/solutions?
    
    Thanks
    Kathy
    

    Hi Kathy,
    
    My daughter Allison did the same thing.  She did fine in the bath until
    one day she was just absolutely terrified of it.  I have no idea what
    caused it.  I can't remember how long the stage lasted, maybe 4 months?
    Now she is 18months and loves the bath.  I tried lots of things to coax
    her in but nothing seemed to work.  I just gave her sponge baths, and
    when she could stand I would wash her as quick as possible while she
    stood in the tub holding on and crying.  I had forgotten about it until
    I read your note.  I hated the look of fear on her face! 
    
    I think a bath once a week is plenty at that age.  Also, maybe with the
    colder weather she is getting colder easier.  My friend brings a space
    heater in the bathroom to make it nice and warm in there.  I usually
    make the water just slightly cooler than I would like it.  The kids
    seem to like it cooler than I do for some reason.
    
    Good luck!

    
    Have you tried bathing with her?

    tried showers, not baths.  I'll try that and see what happens.
    
    All I know is that she screams herself into such a frenzy that
    she zonks off within 30 seconds of feeding.  THANK THE GODS.
    
    Kath
    

    Kat used to do that too.  I would have thought she was allergic to
    water the way she screamed and howled.  It wasn't until she
    started competitive gymnastics when she was about 9 that bathtime
    stopped being a fight -- though she still showers, never ever
    takes a bath. 
    
    When she was this small, I went the sponge-baths route.  
    
    I don't know whether I screamed about it when I was little, but I
    realized the other day that I don't like getting wet. A good hot
    soak once in a while is great, but showers and swimming are not
    pleasant for me.  So maybe there's something genetic in it.  
    
    --bonnie

My older boy seemed terrified by baths when he was a baby.  I found out that he
was very sensitive to temperature change and air on his skin.  We solved the 
problem by making sure the bathroom was well heated before we took him in as
one noter suggested.  We also bought a thermometer for the bath and always made
sure the temperature was 37�C (body temperature), neither colder nor hotter.
Then, when I took him out, I immediately wrapped him in a big towel.

It may also be the size of the tub you wash her in.  I used a baby bath when
my two were small where their bottoms rested on the bath and they weren't 
floating free.  Any large plastic wash basin would also do.  I think my two
were a bit afraid of the large bath and I think the porceline is a bit cold
and hard.

Cheryl

    
    
    	When my daughter was about that age, she'd scream holy terror
    	about getting into the tub ..errrr... sink. (8
    
    	We "introduced" her to the water.  Sat her on the edge of
    	the sink with just her feet in and washed her from there.
    	Little by little she got used to it and eventually went
    	in entirely with no problem.  I know it didn't take long.
    
    	More often than not, I think it's just the fact that it
    	was because we were getting her out of her warm clothes...
    
    	/Kim

    
    I second the idea that the room and/or water may be too cold as
    of a month or so now.   I know that our son absolutely refuses to
    change his undershirt for this reason.  
    
    Also consider the possibility that you might be using too much
    water or that the child doesn't feel safe in the water anymore.
    We found that about 1-2" of water worked best and that it also
    helped to lay a washcloth on the bottom of the sink so that he
    didn't slide around so much.    Also, we used the kitchen sink 
    from about 3-15 months of age for bathing as Jason seemed much 
    happier to be on the same level as us (not to mention how much
    easier it was on our backs!).
    
    Carol 

    Before Caroline could sit up, we always washed her in the tub (when she
    was laying down on an infant bath sponge). We did this (vs. using the
    sink) since she was a December baby, and I felt that the kitchen sink
    would be too drafty and cold due to the window there. We only put an 
    1"-2" of water in the tub...whatever was enough to soak the sponge but 
    not let it float away. This way, she was well supported and pretty warm
    (since the sponge soaked up alot of the warm water.) On cold days, 
    before we brought her into the bathroom and undressed her, we would 
    run the shower for a few minutes to get the bathroom nice and warm.
    We do basically the same routine now, but we use a bathtub seat/ring.
    Our latest problem has been how to wash her hair when she's sitting up.
    Just recently she decided that she didn't like this. So, I got one of
    those 'shampoo shields'...just tried it the other night and it worked
    like a charm! Also, at 1 year, she's decided that she'd rather sit in
    the tub without the bathtub ring...keeps trying to climb out of it...
    any help with this (or for her nervous mom?)? 

    Our 2.5 year old daughter Avanti will not step into a tub filled even
    to an inch depth with water. So we fill a bucket with water, let her
    stand in the bathtub and put water on her with a plastic cup. This way
    she is not afraid of standing in water but enjoys splashing in the
    little water that does stand.

    My 14-month old is not allowed to stand up in the bathtub.  She gets a
    firm "no" and if necessary I grip her upper arm and re-seat her.  If
    she stands up more than a few times or will not re-seat, bathtime is
    over.  She loves the bath.
    
    I use a plastic pitcher to pour water over head for shampooing.  I use
    my other hand to shield her forehead from the suds.  I keep a towel
    handy to wipe her eyes if any suds stray.
    
    Laura

    
    Our babysitter gave us the best method for washing Jason's hair -
    well, actually the rinsing part, the lathering isn't a problem.
    In a fairly shallow tub of water, Jason lies down on his back
    and holds a washcloth over his eyes while we use a plastic cup
    to rinse the soap out.  Residual soap on the back of the head can
    be rinsed off while he's sitting up.  At 2+ years old, he likes
    to feel like he's helping (keeping the water out of his eyes) so   
    this works great!  We're lucky, though, our sitter gives him a bath 
    Monday thru Thursday so we usually only do a bath on Saturdays.
    
    Carol  
                                                      

    I used to wash Kat's hair in the sink.  She'd lie on her back on
    the counter with her head in the sink and I'd use the sprayer hose
    on her.
    
    The sink also makes a good alternate bathtub, especially in chilly
    houses where the kitchen is often much warmer than the bathroom.
    
    --bonnie

    To be honest, I only vaguely recall one of my boys being terrified of
    baths (the mind is a great thing - to let us forget!), but I DO
    remember reading that fear of the bath may be more of a fear of lying
    on their back.  I remember bathing Jason in the kitchen sink, with his
    face pointing towards the water, his neck/chin in the crook of my arm,
    my hand grabbing a chubby little thigh.  This gave me a good grip on
    him, and he preferred to be "on his belly".  Also, I'd keep the drain
    open a little and keep the water trickling on his back.  This seemed to
    be soothing to him, and made it a lot easier to rinse him.  
    
    If you really think it's the temperature, you can try;
    
    - using a small warm, wet hand towel to cover the parts that AREN'T under
      water
    - leaving their t-shirt on until the last possible second.  If you have
      one that snaps, you can leave it on pretty much for the whole bath,
      unsnap, wash, cover up, and then when you take her out, pull it off and
      flip a towel on QUICK.
    
    
    Good Luck!
    Patty

	All good answers and suggestions.  

	One thing I discovered was that my son screamed and 
would not sit in the bath when he had a diaper rash.  It stings!!!  
So I let him stand up and quickly sprayed and scrubbed him.  

	Next time, I made sure everything was warm and extra toys
were on hand.  He squatted slowly, and when it felt ok, he sat down.
It pays to give kids the benefit of the doubt on their senses
and build autonomy.

    My 18 month old daughter has recently expressed a fear of the bath and
    I am having a hard time understanding how to help her over it.  Reading
    this note has helped me to see that it can happen at any age.
    
    Ellen has always LOVED her bath.  Even a few weeks ago whenever we asked
    if she wanted to take a bath she would run to the bathroom, and start
    putting the toys in the tub.
    
    About a week ago, there were 1 or 2 nights when she seemed upset and
    asked to get out as soon as she go in.  Then we went on vacation to
    Hawaii - and she refused to go anywhere near the tub!  When we asked if
    she wanted to take a bath she said NO.  We tried sponging her on the
    sink, alongside the tub, even on the patio, and she cried, clung, and
    trembled. I even tried to get in with her. No luck.  The minute the
    'bath' was over, she stopped crying and was fine.
    
    What event happened to cause this?  The only thing I can think of is an
    incident a few weeks ago when my husband was giving the bath, and she
    apparently tried to bend over and blow bubbles.  She fell in - and
    scared the heck out of herself. It's the only 'event' that I can think
    of.
    
    Incidently, she wouldn't go in the ocean or the pool (even if we
    carried her above water) in Hawaii.  She's generally very tentative and
    extremely cautious about everything.  She would, however, sit on the
    edge of the pool and splash with her hand.
    
    Any suggestions on how to coax her back into the tub?
    
    Mary
    
    

When my daughter was about 20 months old she became terrified of her bath.  She
had previously loved taking a bath.  SHe would scream and try to get out of the
tub - she really was terrified.  We could think of nothing that happened that 
could have scared her.  Our pedi said that this was not unusual.  She said to
try to make them quick and as infrequent as possible.  After about 5 or 6 weeks,
she started asking to go in the tub - actually begging.  For the last month we
cannot keep her out of the tub.

You might want to try letting your child pick out special toys to take in the 
tub etc.  We tried everything but quite honestly nothing worked.  We had to wait
until it passed.

Good Luck!

    My daughter (2 years old) also loves her baths, but lately has this
    thing about bugs.  When she saw some lint in the tub before she got
    into the water, she told me there were bugs in the water.  I tried to
    get the lint out (which is extremely difficult to do in water) and
    explained that there wasn't any bugs, it was *lint*.  When I tried to
    put her into the tub, she panicked, so I gave in.  
    
    The next time I tried to get her to take a bath, she looked into the
    tub and said "bugs" again (although I had PURPOSELY made sure there
    was no lint/hair/whatever in the tub).  What helped was that I got into
    the tub with her to show her that there were no bugs, and after a few
    minutes she was having so much fun she forgot all about being afraid.
    
    -Joy
    

My daughter went through this same thing at around 18 months.  For no reason
(that I could figure) she decided she wanted nothing to do with a bath.  

I offered her a shower and that seemed to work to at least get her clean.

Then slowly I reintroduced her to the bath.  Just standing by the side, then
standing in the tub with me holding on, then slowly she would sit back down
again.  

The phase lasted probably a month before she was running to take a bath again.

Then we went through the screaming when washing her hair.  Thankfully that
phase is now over also.

She loves her bath again and doesn't mind getting her hair washed.  So whats
the next phase??

Barbara

    Thanks for the replies.  I had no idea this was a common occurrence
    among this age group.  It's a bit of a relief just to know that others
    have dealt with it.
    
    In response to going into the tub with her, I tried that.  She just
    clung as tight as can be and still cried.
    
    I guess we just go about it as slowly and carefully as we can until she
    outgrows it.
    
    Mary