Conference moira::parenting_v3

    My feeling (as someone who has plenty of moles myself and seen
    dermatologists about them for years) is not to mess around with
    any mole that changes in any way. Having it checked out is the
    smartest thing a parent could do. While there, get the dr. to 
    explain the "ABCD" method for monitoring moles.
    
    Lucy

As was responded to you in MEDICAL, bleeding moles are not normal.  If it
is a raised (caulifower) mole then it may have been abraided and caused
to bleed that way, but raised moles should always be very carefully watched
anyway.

If it were me, I would most definitely take her to a Doctor who was
comfortable with a diagnosis.  If a primary care physician (the pedi)
is willing to refer her to a dermitologist that means there is an element
of doubt.  It may well be nothing, but malignant melanoma is the type
of cancer normally associated with moles and it has a very poor cure
rate unless caught very early.  If it were my daughter, I'd give the
shirt off my back to ensure that it is not cancerous.

Stuart

     re: .2   I agree 100%.   I don't even think that John Hancock would
    have a problem with payment for the doctor visit...I've been in a 
    similar situation and didn't have a problem.   But, as Stuart said,
    I wouldn't sweat the payment anyways to be sure there was no problem.
    
    jmho, carol   

    Several years ago, I had a bleeding mole removed and tested for cancer
    (turned out benign) and had no problems at all with Hancock paying the
    bill.  I wouldn't  wait, because skin cancer is very treatable, but you
    have to know its cancer to treat it....
    
    Cathy Koos Breazeal
    Santa Clara

    I had a dark mole removed last year.  I went to the doctor thinking he
    was going to laugh at me for being concerned with this thing.  Well, as
    it turned out the Derm. told me that they now recommend that any mole
    that is not like the other moles on you body should be removed and
    tested.  It was amazing, he said want to do it now.  It was so quick,
    he measured it, administered a local, took it off and stiched me up all
    in 20 min in his office!!   
    
    I found out another bit of info I will pass on.  My son was born with a
    birth mark on his behind.  I have always called it his trademark. When
    I had my mole removed I was talking to the Dr to take my mind off of
    what he was doing.  I told him about Jason and he said I should have
    him checked out because they now remove ALL brown birthmarks when the
    children are old enough to lay still for a local.  So, now I must bring
    him every year to have it measured and they will remove it when he is 7
    or 8 yrs old.  The Dr said it should be removed to avoid problems later
    as they can become cancerous.
    
    Donna

    RE: .5
    I would get a second opinion.  I recently went to a specialist to have
    some moles and bumps checked out.  Everything looked ok.  She
    definately didn't recommend having the 2 large, black ones removed even
    though they were different than the rest.  Sounds like your doctor may
    be either knife-happy or overly cautious.
    
    RE: base noter.  John Hancock will definately pay for it.  The above
    appointment was paid for even though nothing was found.
    
    Diana

Every time one of my many dots (we like to call them beauty marks at our
house) changes, I have it checked out.  I've seen many doctors, including
dermatologists for these, over time. Most of the time, they decide to 
remove them right there and it is really no big deal.  Only one was large 
enough to need a stitch (that one was blue - change in color is something to 
watch for).  All the others were fine with a band-aid.  All were biopsied and
all were benign.

Bleeding is one of the warning signs of skin cancer, as others here have
mentioned.

Better safe than sorry, I say on this one.

It also sounds like some of your concern is about other things, like the
decisions your ex-wife makes and how she reacts to things and the frustration
of not being directly involved (having to hear things second-hand, etc.) Hope
that part gets easier, regardless of the medical decisions.

The primary concern I had was more of what my ex was doing in that she was
probably overeacting to things, and making decisions.  I was frustrated
and upset yesterday when I realized I was hearing things second hand.

I made a couple of calls today.  One was with the nurse at the Dept of
Dermatology at the University Health Ctr. It lasted 40-45 minutes.  I settled 
things with her in the hope we set the record straight. I HAVE TO KNOW UP
FRONT what the skin specialist has diagnosed.  NOT what my ex thinks it is.  

The nurse and I came to an understanding.  I am comfortable with
her decision to contact me directly.  

My daughter told me last night her mommy said, "Your daddy doesn't need to 
know".  She was up to her old tricks again, even after the divorce was 
finalized last week.

I may get a 2nd surgical opinion should the doctor find that the mole must
be removed.  I'm sure he wouldn't object to that.  But, for instance if he
suggest it be removed right there, and decides to administer a local, would
you (be honest now..) suggest he call you first or would you tell him do 
absolutely nothing until you get a 2nd opinion?... I told the nurse under no
circumstance do I want him to ask for my ex's permission to go ahead. But,
he MUST contact ME.  

The 2nd phone call I made was to John Hancock.  They will pay for the 
evaluation at 80%.  Surgery is 100% covered.  2nd opinion is also covered
100%.  I intend to go ahead have have the moles on my daughter evaluated
even if I have to take Friday afternoon off and take her there myself.

My SO down south at ZKO; Hi Sweetie!..:-), has been wonderfully supportive with
her suggestion and help.   

Thanks to you readers, for your input, experience and comments.  I will keep
the Parenting & Medical conferences posted on my daughter's evaluation.

John

    
    I really don't believe that your ex would use your daughter's health 
    to take out her feelings on you.  (My parents went through a very
    bitter divorce and I saw these kinds of behaviour fist hand.)  She is 
    likely just very concerned, and to be honest it doesn't sound like 
    she is over-reacting because as I mentioned before ... melignant melanoma 
    can quickly be a death sentence.  It is perfectly possible that she didn't 
    want you to have to worry for some people do like to try to carry this 
    kind of worry alone.
    
    I hope, for your daughter's sake, that you will take the opportunity
    to let your ex wife know that you are very concerned about certain
    aspects of your daughter's welfare and feel that you have a right to
    be consulted on these matters, *because you care about your daughter*
    and not because you are worried about costs (as it did rather sound
    in your original note I hate to say).  I know that you are worried
    about costs ... we all would be ... but from what I remember of my
    parents divorce, any mention of $$ was how to create instant
    *non-co-operation*.
    
    Good luck to you ... and I sincerely hope your daughter's mole is
    really nothing to worry about.
    
    Stuart
    

    
    Of course, this is kind of a rathole............................
    
    All of my moles changed while I was pregnant, the doctor said it was
    due to the hormonal changes.  My daughter is 10 months old now and 
    some of my moles are still pretty big.  After my first pregnancy I went
    and had the big ones removed.  I'm wondering if I should do the same 
    thing again.......
    
    Rochelle

    I would defininitely have them checked.  My sister had a few moles that
    were diagnosed as meloma after her third child.  During her pregnancy
    as you stated the hormonal changes made the moles change rapidly.  We
    now are checked every six months just to make sure all is okay.
    
    

Hi,...

I'm back with regard to my note in -.0 about the "bleeding mole".

The nurse at the skin specialist's office gave me details concerning
Laura's mole on her chest near her left nipple, over the phone this
morning.

It is benign and it's harmless.  Nothing had to be done in the doctor's
office last Friday as it appeared to be normally brown in color.

But, the doctor advised Laura (and my ex..) to watch for these things;
     1. Change in color
     2. Does it get lighter or does it get darker?
     3. Border irregularities;  does it get bigger around the border or does
        it become smaller.  Does it spread?...
     4. Any pain,... any itchiness. (In the winter time, when it's dry it
        can be confusing as dry air causes the body to feel some sort of
        itchiness also.  

No appointment has been set up for her.  She is fine and needs to watch for
any change in the mole.

John,