Conference moira::parenting_v3

723.0. "Pregnancy and Childbirth with Herpes" by MOIRA::FAIMAN (light upon the figured leaf) Fri Feb 22 1991 16:49

This note is being entered for a noter who prefers to remain anonymous.  
Anyone wishing to correspond with the author may send mail to me, and I
will forward it.

	-Neil Faiman, PARENTING co-moderator

===============================================================================

This is a message of encouragement for HSV-infected (herpes) folks who want to
have children.  I delivered a healthy baby girl in October and we are both
doing fine.  I think the story may be instructive.

I've had HSV for about 15 years.  I get outbreaks when I am under emotional
stress.  It was very hard when I was looking for a man to marry.  When I got
close enough to people to tell them, I sometimes got a rude reaction and
rejection.  But I kept trying.  I badly wanted to be married and have a family.
Finally at age 36 I met my husband.  He was very accepting about the HSV and
trusted me to not infect him if I could help it.  That was four years ago and
he still doesn't have it.

During my pregnancy I had one or two outbreaks in the first 7 months.  My
obstetricians (a group practice) turned out to be very knowledgable about HSV
and were confident about dealing with any issues.  My primary OB did not
recommend frequent testing at the end of pregnancy.  She said this has not
proven to be helpful.  For years I was a member of ASHA (American Social Health
Association) and saved copies of their Herpes Helper publication, primarily to
help inform my eventual OB.  Turns out the practice is a member and those back
issues weren't necessary. (To join ASHA, call them in Triangle Park, NC)

Near the end of the pregnancy my husband and I were very tense about the 
impending childbirth, becoming parents, and the changes in our relationship and
in our lives.  My husband, who's self-employed, also hit a completely dry spell
in his work during my ninth month, which got him depressed and irritable.  Bad
luck, I guess.  As a result of my emotional upset, the thing I dreaded most
happened - I had an outbreak.

The first culture came back negative.  But the infection was just starting and
we took another culture a few days later.  The lab reports back after n days (5 
or 7, I forget) that there's a definite negative or positive.  If they call
earlier than that with a positive, that means the culture's really growing fast.
This is the most common, when there's an outbreak.  When the Dr. didn't get this
call, he said to take it easy and wait for birth to begin; there's no evidence
of infection.  I felt very uneasy because I was sure I had an outbreak.

3 days later the Dr. called; the results were postive then.  My husband and I
came in for a conference.  We had 2 alternatives, wait for that day's culture
to come in (the outbreak was healing then) and hope I didn't start labor until
I got a negative, or go for a Ceasarean Section immediately.  The problem with
the first alternative was that if I started labor before a negative result, the
Dr. would insist on a C-section since there was no proof of lack of infection.

My husband and I decided on the immediate C-section since I was overdue and
labor could start any time.  We'd rather plan it than have a last-minute crisis.
We went straight to the hospital to do pre-admittance and returned the next day
for the delivery which went smoothly.  I was having minor contractions that
morning; they may have been false labor but we'll never know.

I strongly believe we made the right decision.  Having a C-section is a small
price to pay to guarantee the baby's health.  Since I had virtually no labor,
the pain/discomfort was probably less than a normal labor.  The C-section was
scary but overall much easier than labor, even taking recovery into account.

We are planning to have a second child as soon as we can.  I haven't had any
outbreaks since then.  My husband's business has been much busier and hopefully
we'll be more relaxed about the second one.  I'll have a vaginal birth (standard
now - its called VBAC, vaginal birth after C-section) if there's no problem.

*          *          *           *           *             *        *        *

How did we handle telling people?  After much thought, we worked it out:

~ If the individual was very close to us, and wouldn't get freaked out, we told
them why I had a C-section.  This included my parents, not his, and a few close
friends, including those who knew I have HSV.

~ Everyone was told "The doctor decided it was best for the baby." No further
explanation provided.  A couple of nosy people tried to find out more, but I had
no qualms about saying "I'd rather not discuss it."  I was prepared to say
"Its none of your business." if pressed, but I didn't have to.  Everyone who
was told the truth, was instructed to handle it this way.

~ My father told one relative that the C-section was because the baby was late,
but I told him not to do that since they don't do it for that reason any more.

So all is well.  We're surviving babyhood -:) and hoping for another child.

Happy (heck - overjoyed) mother

    
    I have nothing add about pregnancy and HSV, BUT since I don't think
    that most people realize this, I felt sort of obligated to enter ....
    A friend of mine contracted HSV - from a boyfriend who frequently has
    cold sores.  It turns out that a) ALL cold sores are Herpes, and b)
    Herpes 1 and 2 are the same virus.  1 refers to above the waist, and 2
    to below the waist.  So, if you (or anyone you're involved with) should
    happen to have or recently had a cold sore, be aware that oral sex
    could infect your partner with HSV-2, which I understand is quite
    painful.
    
    I never knew this - I'm just glad that I found out this way instead of
    the way my friend did!!
    
    So - to the base noter - I wonder if those men who freaked out after
    you were honest with them, realize just how widespread this is - you
    ALWAYS see folks with cold sores!
    
    I'm glad for you and your child and wish you the best!!
    
    

    Be careful in handling infants when you have a cold sore (or genital
    variety).  It is highly communicable to them and can cause severe
    problems to skin, eyes, and nervous system.  Wash your hands thoroughly
    to remove any traces of the virus.  Do not expose infants by kissing
    them when you have oral cold sores.  Restrict children with cold sores,
    also, from contact with infants.

    	Thank you for sharing your story with us. You have showed and
    continue to show tremendous courage in handling your chronic condition.
    It's not easy having a chronic illness and when it is so "frowned" upon
    by society it is even more difficult. 

    	I used to be an RA in college and have counseled some women who
    contracted herpes, the mental anguish that they endured was
    heartbreaking and some even talked of suicide because they "couldn't
    bear to live with the stigma". 

    I, for one, never realized what one had to go through when they had
    herpes and were planning for children, you have made me more aware and
    certainly more sympathetic.

    	Good luck to you and your new family.

    			Wendy