Conference moira::parenting_v3

    
    I had days like that when I was pregnant. But mostly torwards the end,
    because of impatience. It could be the weather, even when not pregnant
    the lousy weather brings me down. How far along are you? It is probably 
    a combination of hormones,weather and just waiting and waiting.......
    I found reading when I was down helped alot. Or talking with other
    pregnant moms to be.
    
    Cheer up!:-)  You'll soon have something to smile about!
    
    sandy

    It wasn't a pregnancy, but I started getting depressed when it became
    clear that Daniela was actually going to arrive.  I didn't even want to
    go to the airport to meet her.  (I did, however.)  I think that there's
    something to be said for the effect of anticipating the end of
    something even if it is the beginning of something else.  

    .0
    
    Yes, I believe that there is such thing "pre-partum depression"! 
    During my 5th - 6th month of pregnancy I went through a "huge"
    depresion.  I cried all the time for no reason what-so-ever. My
    body was changing drastically before my eyes, I out grew my clothes,
    my hair was growing drastically.  I gained 45lbs during my pregnancy,
    now I was a person so use to being in a size 7-8 (117 lbs.).  I'm
    sure everyone has their differant reasons but I felt unattractive
    (FAT)!  But it is all worth it and I'll do it again!!  Alot of 
    husbands/SO's think that woman are more attractive when they are
    pregnant!  I'm now "PRE" planning for my 2nd!!
    
    Cheer up! :*)
    It does go aways!
    
    -nadine
    

    I definately believe there is such a thing as pre-partum depression.
    I got so bad at times that my boyfriend called me "The psycho b*tch
    from h*ll". :-)  It has a lot to do with your changing hormones.
    That is why a lot of women experience post-partum depression.
    
    Lori B.

    I just started my 7th month this week. But last week was one depressing
    week, everything seemed to go wrong and I was thoroughly depressed.
    We ended up going up to Maine Sat night and the change of scenery
    did wonders. Am feeling much better this week.
    
    Janet O.

    
    I can't imagine what it's like to be suffering from the mood swings
    of pregnancy AND to be troubled by the war, economy, etc.  The
    latter is enough to give me a constant headache....my heart goes
    out to all you preggos!
    
    Carol

    
    
    	RE: .0
    
    	Yes!  I firmly believe in pre-partum depression as well.
    	I'm the type of person who has to be in control of my
    	emotions and I'm also very independent.
    
    	The first five months or so were an absolute breeze,
    	although I had developed a severe attitude problem (I
    	don't believe it had anything to do with being pregnant
    	in and of itself...it was more a feeling of "How could I
    	have let this happen?!).
    
    	After those five months, I was like one of the previous
    	replies.  Cried constantly and for the LITTLEST thing.
    	I cried because Oprah said "boo", I cried because I
    	looked fat, I cried for anything and a lot of times
    	nothing.
    
    	The mood swings are atrocious in my case but it WILL
    	pass.  For me, it's eased up A LOT in the last couple
    	of weeks.  I've only got two and a half weeks left and
    	I'm actually starting to see signs of my "old self"
    	appearing once in awhile.
    
    	Hope this eases your mind a little!
    
    	/Kim

    
    	RE: .0
    
    	(me again) (8
    
    	I went back and re-read your base note and wanted to
    	touch upon a couple other things you mentioned.
    
    	My sense of humor didn't go "away" so to speak but
    	I did snap at everyone for stupid things that wouldn't
    	normally have bothered me.
    
    	I've also been a complete tyrant in certain situations,
    	too.  "If I want to cry, I'll CRY!!!!!!!!" with all	
    	the hostility I could possibly muster...
    
    	Be sure to explain to your partner (especially if he's
    	awkward at support/comforting) that all you need is
    	a hug or a "everything will be ok" to reassure you when
    	you need it.
    
    	/Kim

    I definitely believe in pre-partum depression.  In the first trimester,
    I had those hormonal blues where everything made me cry.  Then, in the
    second trimester, the real depression came.  I totally lost my sense of
    humor, I had no desire to do anything with my friends or even talk to
    them on the phone, and I snapped at my husband constantly.  His
    nickname for me has since become "Grouch."  In fact, he went out and
    bought me an Oscar the Grouch doll, bought me flowers and called them
    "grouch-me-nots" and writes over the labels on products (like he
    changed the name of the Cheerios to Grouchios).  I guess he thought I
    was extreme.
    
    Anyway, about last week I started feeling a little better.  Maybe it's
    because I only have 7 weeks left to go in the pregnancy.  I attribute
    some of my depression to nerves and the rest to the fact that I've had
    an extremely uncomfortable pregnancy.  I'm really making an effort to
    smile a bit more now and to be more pleasant at home.  It seems that
    it's helping.  Also, we set up the nursery last weekend and that
    cheered me up.  
    
    Good luck.
    
    Nancy

I was lucky enough to be depressed in the first and last trimesters, and after 
the baby was born.

In the first trimester, I just wanted to be left alone.  I didn't want to tell
anyone I was pregnant, or even talk to anyone.  My husband could make me laugh
and cry at the same time.  One friend was so surprised; she couldn't understand
why I wasn't extremely happy, after all, I was getting what I had wanted for so
long (I was ready to have children but had to wait until my husband felt he 
was ready to be a father).  I *was* extremely happy; I was depressed at the
same time.  The depression went away after a couple weeks.

In the last trimester, I was depressed because I couldn't do anything. I
felt fat, bored and boring, and everything ached.  I was put to bed for the
last 5 weeks and I felt guilty being out of work, but relieved that I didn't 
have to go (I was very tired).  My husband could easily make me cry but it 
wasn't easy to get a laugh out of me.  I just wanted to be done and start 
having a life again.

Elise will be 3 months old next week, and I still don't have a life, but we're
getting there.  I go to bed so early, I really look forward to watching a whole
innane tv movie.  (Last month I looked forward to sleeping enough to feel human.
The first month, I looked forward to sleeping).

    It's normal Kate!!
    
    Especially with your second (IMHO).  It's a battle to keep up with
    James at this stage (as I've guessed from your previous notes), and
    being pregnant, with all of it's wonderful attributes (off balance,
    fat, hormones, cravings...etc...etc...etc), just adds to the fun!!
    
    What I found was that I was a b**ch during my second pregnancy, but 
    (not to make you feel worse), became untolerable for the first two
    months after Jackie was born!!!  The way the laundry seemed to
    quardruple, instead of just double, those 2 am feedings again, not 
    being able to just say "come over here Jackie" like I can to RJ -
    these things made me a MADWOMAN!!! I couldn't believe I had choosen to
    have these kids 22 months apart!!! 
    
    But, now Jaclyn is 9 months (next week!), RJ is almost potty trained,
    and things are looking up!! Except, they are *already* fighting over
    toys!!!
    
    So, keep smiling and God Bless - and, as RoseAnn RoseAnna Danna would
    say "If it's not one thing, it's another"!!
    
    Meg

    
    It's nice to see I'm not the only one. I wouldn't say I'm depressed,
    but I tend to be one of those "gets along with everyone and is always
    smiling" type of people, so now having to deal with these mood swings
    is not easy. People that have always bothered me but that I tolerated
    now I can't tolerate at all...so I try to steer clear of these people.
    One day I had a busy day at work and when I got home I was doing the
    dishes and the dog wanted to be fed and whenever my husband came home
    and sat down and started going through the mail I almost lost it!!!!
    Luckily I realized it was just my hormones going wild and that I was
    hungry so I didn't say anything, but boy did I say alot in my mind.
    Once I ate (my husbannd does the cooking) I was fine. 
    
    Patty

    I have 17 more days left I am due on the 24 of August.  This is my
    second I have a son who is 2.5.  Sometimes I have to stop before I say
    something to him.  A few times my husband has told Andrew to just leave
    mommy alone mommy is in one of her moods and they will go out to get
    away from me. Because it seems like nothing they do is right.  Today I
    am in one of those moods,  I dont know why just because.  All I want to
    do is go to bed and pull the covers over my head and pretend today is
    not even here.  Thank god my husband is so understanding.  
    
    I dont remember being like this with the first one. 
    
    Oh well I guess It will pass in time.
    
    Thank you for listening to me
    
    Della 

    I just saw a program (20/20?) last week about this.  It really does
    exist.  The depression is caused by the hormone imbalance that the
    placenta gives out to your body.  The when the placenta isn't there any
    more it throws your body out of wack.  Apparenty there are a few levels of
    post partum depression (ppd).  It was an interesting program, they
    showed the difference between U.S. and other countries as far as how
    they deal with it.  The gave examples, one woman had it for 3-4 years
    before they figured out what it was, one women unfortunatly ended up
    killing her second baby because of it (saw a rat when she looked at her
    baby).  In fact in England, a woman cannot be sent to jail if she kills
    her baby during the first year(?) after delivery, she is sent for
    therapy,etc.   The woman they interviewed, was given hormons and she
    said after 4 years she's finally starting to feel like her old self.  
    It was a good program.  There are support groups available as well.
    
    Definitly talk to your doctor! 
    
    Karen

No matter what you do, things are very intense, particularly with your first.

But nursing on demand helps your body make a more gradual hormonal adjustment
and produces prolactin, a hormone that actually relaxes you.  Interesting
stuff.

=ss

    re. .14 and .15
    
    I think we're getting two topics mixed up here.  This note is about
    PRE-partum depression rather than POST-partum depression.  I'm not sure
    if we've got a note about post-partum depression yet.  If not, maybe we
    should start one.
    
                                                Tracy

    I was trying to tie in that she has a child possibly the pre-partum
    could tie to something un-detected from the first child pregnancy/
    delivery.  The 20/20 show showed someone that had it from on pregnancy
    on through the second.
    
    If the author never experienced any of the "moodiness" before than
    quite possibly it may not be related.  
    
    

    My post-partum depression from Steven lasted at least three years
    and I didn't start to feel really thoroughly well again until
    about a year after David was born -- and they're 5 years apart. 
    
    So it's possible this is a carryover from your first pregnancy.
    
    --bonnie

    I had pre-partum depression with my second, not at all with my first. 
    I don't know if it is a technical 'medical condition', but I sure FELT
    IT!
    
    Mostly I was depressed ... we had decided to have 2 children and that
    was it, so I knew that this was the last time that I would be pregnant
    (I enjoyed both of my pregnancies), and it was almost over, and that
    was very sad to me.  My first son was almost 3, and was VERY demanding
    and we were struggling to keep up with him.  Remembering all the work
    that a new baby requires, and thinking of trying to keep my 'current'
    family going, required more energy than I could even THINK about!!  I
    spent many a day in bed, with the covers over my head, blocking it all
    out.  I also wasn't COMPLETELY CONVINCED that 'now' was the right time
    to be having a child as my husband and I had been having some difficult
    times before I got pregnant, and so some instability in the marriage
    was weighing on my mind.  And, because of my diabetes and it's
    condition when I conceived, there was some real concern that the baby
    might have a (several?) birth defect(s).  As long as the baby was
    inside of me, these potential defects wouldn't really pose a problem,
    but once the baby was born, if that fear came true, it was something
    that would have to be dealt with, and that I would have taken all of
    the guilt for for not taking better control of my diabetes.
    
    And then there were little things .... looking forward to a 1-2 month
    'period' (ugh!), the discomfort of milk coming in, having to worry
    about birth control again, listening to people ask 'when are you going
    to have another?', KNOWING that I wasn't going to be getting any sleep
    in just a few weeks.
    
    So, it may or may not be recognized, but it sure as H*!! was real for
    me!
    
    The good news is, once the baby was born, and some of those fears and
    anxieties were put to rest (he was healthy, we were nursing ok, I was
    relieved that it was over etc), I felt a LOT better.  My second child
    and I bonded much closer than my first - maybe because there was so
    many more intense emotions around his whole pregnancy - I don't know.
    
    One thing that did help me tremendously, was ahead of time, realizing
    how depressed I was, and knowing that my family (parents/siblings) gets
    on my nerves (very judgemental) more than helps, AHEAD OF TIME, I told
    them that I didn't want ANYONE at the house for at least the first
    week.  It really helped TREMENDOUSLY!!!  It was difficult on them, but
    I felt that we had the right to be a little selfish and get into
    adjusting to this new little squirt rather than trying to explain why I
    was using disposable diapers instead of cloth.... Your situation may be
    different.  The biggest benefit there was the lack of pressure from
    everyone else.  I didn't even answer the phone - I just wanted to be
    ALONE with my children and cut out the rest of the world.
    
    If you'd like to talk more about this off-line, please feel free to
    call or send mail (DTN 381-0877  BCSE::WEIER), or have questions, feel
    free to ask!!
    
    GOOD LUCK!
    Patty
    
    

    I have been reading various notes throughout this file and really
    haven't seen anything related to what I feel right now.....
    
    I am 22 wks along and am soooooooooooo tired and depressed alot!
    I havent gained alot of weight yet - 7lbs so far - but feel just
    awful.....
    
    Has anyone else felt like this before delivery?  I see alot of
    references to depression after delivery but not prior to.
    
    The tiredness from the first trimester only subsided for approximately
    one month and now its back full force (note: I am taking the vitamins).
    
    Any thoughts or just to know that this is normal would be appreciated!
    
    Thanks,
    

    Can't help you regarding the depression, as I was not depressed during
    my pregnancy, but the tirdness I will never forget.   For most of
    my pregnancy I could hardly keep my eyes open.   As soon as I sat
    in front of the tv I was gone to sleep.   I also was taking my
    vitamins.   After the birth, I was back to my normal shelf.   Hope
    this is of some help to you.
    
    
    Bernie

    	Be gentle on yourself.

    	Pregnancy is such a difficult time to go through, not only do you
    have to deal with your changing body (the body that up until to now,
    you knew exactly how it worked), but you are inundated with fears and
    concerns about your new baby. It is a highly stressful time.

    	Take it as easy as you can. Make life as simple as it can be for
    you, say no to obligations that are not that important and say maybe to
    the ones that are.

    	Take a bath with some scented oils in the water, drink some cool
    lemon water, buy some fresh flowers, read a new book, call a friend on
    the phone and cry, cuddle up with a cat or a dog, take a walk at
    sunset, try to establish some (tiny) amount of control in your life
    (even if it is only planning on seeing a TV show and then watching it).

    	And remember, most importantly, pregnancy will not go on forever.

    				Wendy

    Yup, be good to yourself, and don't feel guilty about 
    mood swings or general depression. Lots of mood altering chemistry
    is working its way through the blood stream, and it appears to
    effect each of us differently at different times. 
    
    Monica
    

    As the last note said, there is much chemistry going on. There are a
    few things you can do/try to do. Everyone is different, and what works
    for one doesn't work for another. Try taking some 30 minute walks,
    if you're not already doing so. Are you drinking enough water?
    	You mention "taking vitamins", but I don't know what that means. If
    it's a typical one a day, that probably is not adequate. This topic is
    controversal, but in my opinion,the RDA is a minimal requirement. I
    would suspect that you're not getting enough nutrition, whether it be
    in the form of food itself or supplementation. Supplements need to be
    adequate and of good quality, so that they are absorbed by the body.
    Unfortunately, many supplements are in too hard a case, which is good
    for shelf life, but not necessarily easily assimilated.  I do some 
    consulting on the side, and that's been my experience.
    	While you need a proper amount of rest, mild exercise will relieve
    tiredness, not add to it. An easy relaxing massage administered by
    special other will relax and even promote wellness.
    
    	Have a great and positive day=========SANFORD===========
    
    	Hope this helps