Conference moira::parenting_v3

    
    Boy, tough situation.  I'm feel very sad for you and your daughter.
    
    Is there any way out besides getting an evening job?   Are your 
    expenses already cut to the bare-bone?   i.e. could you move to
    a cheaper apartment?  take on a roommate?  move in with your 
    family for awhile?   Re-finance your home or car (longer term,
    less payments)?   Modify your eating habits?  Bag your lunch?
    
    Another thing that comes to mind is to do some kind of work from
    the home.   I frequently see ads looking for people to stuff
    envelopes, etc at home or to do telephone solicitation from home.
    This might sound very silly...but what about an early-morning paper 
    route?   You could even involve your daughter in it and get the 
    added benefit of spending more time with her.
    
    Do you sew?   Maybe take in mending (I know I'm always looking for
    someone to shorten pants, etc!), ironing, etc.
    
    Just a few ideas, maybe some will apply!  I wish you well,  Carol
    

Without a location, it's difficult to make suggestions.  One warning, though --
convenience stores get held up a lot.

3 ideas;
babysitting in your own home at night for money.

waitressing - that brings spending money. (but you'll need a sitter)

Typing things like termpapers at night, letters, doing somebody's billing, etc.

Please hang in there - we all wish you the best!!!		nancy

    I know what you are going through,  My brother is a single parent with
    2 kids (a girl 8 and a boy 6) and he is only working 3 days a week
    painting and is getting help through DSS and Welfair.
    
    Maybe you could get a job at MacDonalds they are always looking for
    people and they are flexable with their hours.  The only problem that
    you would have is if you have to pay a babysitter to stay with your
    daughter or if you have a relative that will do it for free.  Like -1
    said about the convenience stores they get robbed alot, I wouldn't work
    there.
    
    Keep the faith and good luck.
    
    
    liz

    
    Telemarketing is a big thing - I'm sure you get some of these calls.
    Look in the paper and sometimes will see ads for them. I think these
    folks have a list of names to call, most of them call in the evening,
    to sell things like magazine, vacations, etc. I don't know how well 
    they pay, but it's something you can look at, it's maybe something
    you can do at home. 
    
    
    Eva.
     

    A few suggestions:
    
    My childcare provider (also a single parent) does not watch as many
    children during the day as she would like so she took in a child to
    babysit all night.  This childs mother (a single parent) works the 
    midnight shift at the post office and needed someone to watch her son. 
    He is around 4 years old, he is dropped off at the sitters home around 
    9pm and picked up the next day around 7am.  This seems to work out
    great for all involved and doesn't seem to take too much effort on the
    sitters part since he is sleeping most of the time.
    
    Another idea is doing residential housecleaning on weekends, I have
    friends who do this and they seem to think it is very worthwhile.  I 
    believe there is a definate demand for this with so many familes where
    both parents work and not enough free time.  It might even be easier 
    for you to find someone (relative - for free) to care for your daughter
    on a weekend than a weeknight.
    
    Another  benefit to both of the above is that most people would pay you 
    cash if you requested it.
    
    Good Luck,
    
    Mary
    
    

    Although most housecleaning is done on weekdays (they give you the
    key), some customers want it nights or weekends.  Either they are at
    work then, or they feel more secure being there with you.  
    
    I did housecleaning once myself, and it is very lucrative for the time
    you spend.  Rates vary depending on the region.  In New Hampshire the
    rate is about $12.50/hour or $50 to clean a 4-bedroom, 2 bath house. 
    The lowest rate is about $35/house.  The customer supplies all
    equipment and materials.  You only need to bring rubber gloves and
    anything special you want such as a squeegee.  They pay by check the
    same day.
    
    There are also cleaning firms that do offices at night.  They are
    listed in the Yellow Pages.
    
    I wish your friend good luck.  Though this work is lucrative, it is
    certainly very tiring after a full day at work.  If she doesn't go to
    relgious services now, she may find them very good for her spirit. 
    Plus many have babysitting or simultaneous relgious school for the
    children.  During the worst times in my life, I have found religion a
    source of hope and refreshment.  One also can meet people who know of
    jobs, maybe even a day job that would pay more.  May G-d bless her.
    
    Laura

    
    
    	It will be hard to find work in a department store (Rich's,
    	Bradlee's, Sears, etc.) right now because it's a slow
    	time of the year.  However, come summer time, it'll be much
    	easier to find a job.  Depending on where you work and who
    	you work for will determine your flexibility.  I used to
    	work at Rich's (a department store in MA/NH) and the hours
    	were basically 5:30-9:30 weekdays, Saturday's either 9:30-
    	5:30 or 12:30-9:30 and optional Sunday's at overtime from
    	12:00-5:00.  It might seem like a longshot, but given another
    	month, you'll see signs start to go up for help.
    
    	I also worked in a convenience store and while some get 
    	robbed, I'm sure, I never felt afraid or scared that it
    	would happen.  If the building is well lit, as is the
    	parking lot, etc. in a busy section of town, you should be
    	okay.  The hours are more flexible (at least I found it
    	that way for me) than a department store but have less
    	personnel.  Right now, I know of a Cumberland's in Leominster
    	that is hiring but I don't know whether that would be
    	good for you or not.
    
    	As many others have mentioned, working from home is an
    	idea too!  Good luck!
    
    	/Kim
    
    	
    	

    I would definitely look into babysitting.  There's LOTS of people who
    work 2nd/3rd shift, and there aren't many sitters.  This will let you
    stay at home with your daughter as well.
    
    If possible, talk to your daughter's father and explain that you'll
    need to take on another job to be able to support her - HOPEFULLY he
    won't be happy about you not being able to spend time with her, so
    perhaps he can be more 'on time' with his payments.
    
    Talk to your boss about it - it may help him/her push for a few extra
    percent on your next review!
    
    If all else fails, the work that I think is the easiest and pays the
    most is a "Home Health Aid" type of position.  Basically, you would
    take care of an older person, and/or someone who is recovering from
    surgery or an accident.  You go into their house, clean, shop, provide
    companionship, maybe drive them to the Drs (though probably not at
    night).  I did it in high school, and it was great work, and pretty
    easy.  Most of these people are just REALLY lonely and they'd rather
    that you sat and talked to them than washed their floor.  The pay at
    the time (for a high school kid, 10 years ago) was $5.60/hour.  The
    hours are VERY flexible.  You tell them the hours that you are
    available, and they'll assign people to you.  You *MUST* provide your
    own transportation.  You DON'T need to do things like baths or change
    'diapers' or any of the 'yucky' stuff - they have nurses who do all
    that.  Also, you can ask the person/people you are assigned to - they
    might just be thrilled for you to bring your daughter along!!
    
    Also, some of these people are on their last leg, so it can be a little
    depressing, *BUT* it sure made ME appreciate what I had, and made my
    life look a lot cheerier than how I was originally seeing it.  If
    you've ever wanted to feel wanted, this is the job for you!!  (But
    DON'T work in a nursing home - that's TOTALLY depressing!)
    
    Good luck!
    Patty

    Depending on whether you can word process and where you live, you might
    want to look into doing some night time word processing at a law firm.
    I used to work for a law firm, and every night there were people who
    came in to word process. The pay is excellent (about $15/hour).  If you
    can type, you may want to go to a few temp agencies.  They may possibly
    have some other night or even weekend typing and word processing jobs
    for you.
    
    Good luck.
    
    Nancy

    My sister in the Philadelphia area is in the same situation - single
    parent, one son just starting college and a 14-year old daughter.  Her
    ex has been on the lam and she has had to supplement her meager
    teaching salary (poor school district) with a waitress job.  And still
    ends did not meet.  Her solution may not be the best for you, and not
    everyone in our family agrees with what she has done, but here is what
    she has done:  she entered her daughter into the Milton Hershey School
    in Hershey, PA.  It is a boarding school for financially deprived
    children.  Once the child has been accepted to the school, they live
    there, are clothed (well-clothed!), well fed and very well educated. 
    These children are also put through four year college if they meet
    requirements.  They live on campus with houseparents and the kids have
    really high self esteem.  As I said, its not everyone's solution, but
    if you would like to discuss off line, I have more details. 
    
    Cathy
    

    
    PARENTS magazine has a good article on getting your ex to pay child
    support payments in the issue that came yesterday.  Contact me off
    line and I'll send it.
    
    Good luck,
    
    Rochelle
    
    newprt::wahl_ro

    I have a part-time job that I do out of my home.  I choose the hours
    and days I wish to work -- very flexible.  Contact me off-line if you
    are interested in hearing more information.  It may be something that
    interests you since you could work from your own home...no sitters!
    
    Kathy

    
    First of all, find out what you have to do in order to have your
    court-ordered child-support payments directly deducted out of your ex's
    salary.  From what I've been told, even 1 late payment will prompt most
    judge's to order that the child-support be directly deducted.  The
    benefit is, you know what is coming each week and you can depend on it
    (unless your ex loses or quits his job--then all bets are off).
    
    I would stay away from the "direct marketing" or "phone sales" stuff. 
    Most of the time, you are paid only for what you actually sell--plus a
    very meager base salary.  You are probably better off finding a sure
    thing.
    
    I would also stay away from the "Pyramid"-type companies, ie: the type
    of thing where you have to recruit other salespeople in order to become
    successful.  I think these things can work in certain situations, but
    it takes a very large time commitment--and I think you need to get away
    with as little time as possible spent on another job.
    
    What about calling some legal offices and finding out if they need
    typing done at night?  It's something you can do in your own home--I
    would definetly look for something you can do at home...
    
    Or what about putting up some ads at the local colleges--"term paper
    typing available."  That kind of thing.
    
    Let us know how this turns out.
    
    The best of luck,
    Bonnie
    
    
    

    Daycare (or nightcare), Amway, Tupperware, Telephone answering service
    (for doctors etc), bookkeeping, housekeeping, petsitting, sewing.
    
    I am starting a crafts business. I should be ready to roll in a couple
    of months. I personally make little wooden animals and wooden Ninja
    Turtle jigsaw puzzles and I paint T-shirts. One of my partners is
    sewing adorable stuffed animals and the other is making tote bags. If
    you are interested in doing some craft making, maybe we can talk. I
    live in the Bellingham, Mass and work in Marlboro.
    
    Kate
    
    

    When I was in the same situation I started waitressing again.  I was
    very picky about what type of restuarant though because that determines
    the tips.
    
    I worked for a well respected family owned restaurant Thursday and
    Saturday nights.  Saturdays I would work 5 - 8ish and make about $80. 
    Some nights I would make $100+ (special occasions mostly) Thursday was 
    6 - 9ish and I would make about $50.  
    
    Some things to keep in mind:
    
    Some restaurants make their servers do "side work" (I called it slave
    labor considering you earn $2.01 an hour + tips and can't be earning
    tips when you are doing "Side work"!).  I checked the kind of side work
    and prep work required before choosing my restaurant.  I knew that when
    my section was closed I wanted to fill the condiments and go home -
    forget cleaning everything in sight!
    
    Go for a better restaurant that draws a professional crowd that like to
    eat well and don't mind paying for it.  They will tip much better and
    the larger the check the larger the tip.
    
    Uniforms - usually an upfront investment and keep in mind that it
    needs to be washed every time and how much will it cost to keep
    up/replace.
    
    Great way to meet people.  The hardest part was finding someone to take
    care of my infant daughter on a regular basis.  I found a friend that
    didn't mind keeping her Thursday nights and I would pick her up for
    breakfast and take her to the day sitter.  Weekends she was at her
    Dad's.
    
    

    Before you try getting a second job, make sure your expenses are
    trimmed to the bone.  You would be surprised at the amount of 
    money that just kind of vanishes because you bought the latest issue of
    People at the supermarket, etc., etc.
    
    I would also make the child's father cough up support payments on time.
    (In fact, that would be my first step.)  But I wouldn't tell him that
    you're going to have to take a second job to help make ends meet -- he
    could use that against you.  I don't know what your ex is like, but
    after helping my sister through her second divorce, nothing surprises
    me anymore.
    
    Regarding cutting corners, can you cook more of your own food, sew/mend
    more of your own clothes?  Home made popcorn and a rented video are a
    reasonably cheap entertainment on Friday or Saturday night.  If your
    daughter is still in diapers, switching to a cheaper brand (a friend of
    mine swears by the Toys R Us house brand) will help.  Kids' clothing
    can be bought at consignment shops, rummage sales, etc.  (For that
    matter, yours can, too, but I usually limited that to casual clothes
    and shopped at the "regular" stores for my work/business clothes.)
    
    Regarding food, you can buy nonfat dry milk and mix it half-and-half
    with whole milk to stretch the milk budget a little.  If you daughter
    is still on formula, use the powder or the liquid concentrate instead
    of the ready-to-feed.  Peanut butter is cheap and even thouggh it's
    high in fat, it's a good source of protein.  Brown-bag it as much as
    you can.  Don't buy things you don't need -- soft drinks, junk food,
    cigarettes (When my dad quit smoking in 1975, he found an extra $25 in
    his pocket every week!).
    
    Whatever you do, keep paying your rent and your utility bills.  If
    you're in real credit trouble, contact all your creditors, they will
    (usually) help if they know you are making a good-faith effort to keep
    up with the payments.  Then I would use any extra money from a second
    job to pay those bills, and keep your regular paycheck for day-to-day
    expenses.
    
    Before you decide to take a second job, be sure to add up how much you
    would make versus how much additional babysitting will cost you.  You
    might be better off either not doing it, or else working from home.  I
    think the idea of babysitting for kids whose parents work 2nd or 3rd
    shift is probably the best one so far.  If you work for a "regular"
    business, taxes will get taken out of your check, and you might find
    yourself working longer hours and getting less out of it!
    
    Most important of all, give that little one of yours plenty of hugs.  A
    parent's love is something that money can't buy.
    
    Good luck.  I know what it's like to be broke -- fortunately, I was
    single at the time and had no kids.  But I can remember buying food,
    paying rent and utilities, gassing up the car, paying the bills and
    having $1.89 left from my paycheck until I got paid two weeks later.
    But God was good -- I didn't go hungry, I didn't get sick and I didn't
    have to ask anyone for money.  I am sure S/He will be as good to you,
    if not better.  God always answers a mother's prayers.
    
    Kate
    
    

When you're in this hand-to-mouth cycle, it's easy to get so worried
about next week's paycheck that you forget about long-term goals and needs.
What I did when I was a single parent was swallow my pride, move in on my 
parents with my daughter, wrangle a loan from my grandmother, and finish
college.  

I then turned down a nice safe civil service job in favor of graduate 
school (which I did manage to finance on a graduate assistantship and 
minimal mooching).  And now I'm at a place where I don't have to worry
about night jobs, and I don't have to worry about my marriage breaking 
up and having to support the kids again. Worry about layoffs, yes.  But
I have skills that I can use to find another job, too.

So my advice would be to look not just at the immediate squeeze but at the
long term.  Figure out a way to get a college education if you don't
already have one. Even very small towns usually have a community college
or extension campus; talk to the school's financial office about getting
financing.  Check if you're eligible to have DEC pay your schooling.
Take out a loan if you have to.  Look into scholarship programs.  If you 
do have a degree, see if your college's placement office can help you
find a job that pays better.  

See if your daughter is eligible to have the school pay for her lunches
and/or breakfasts.  
  
There are lots of ways to cut corners.  I've been through it -- if 
you'd like to talk to me directly, please feel free to send mail.

--bonnie

    First the realistic approach, as a couple back said, pay your rent and
    bills.  If you'r having trouble making all the bills each month contact
    your creditor.  Most creditors will allow you to pay just the
    interest,and let the principal slide until you have more.  Or contact
    the creditor and tell them you're in hard times and make arrangements
    to pay some, but not the full "payment due" i.e. pay $20 instead of the
    $40 they're requesting.  DO NOT above all, just skip a payment, make
    some effort to pay something each month.
    
    Now here's how some people we know have been able to make it:
    A friend of mine sells Avon, not the hard sell type, just kind of "I
    have the books if you're interested", anytype of home selling could
    work; avon, tupperware, jewelry, crystal etc.  This same woman also
    works per diem for the school dept as a cafeteria worker, she needs no
    sitter since she's working the same hours as her children and has the
    school holidays/vacations off.  They call her if someone calls in sick
    or takes time off.  She also gets fed, after the lunch period of
    course, but its one less meal she has to buy.
    
    One sister inlaw is a hairdresser, she put her children with a sitter
    on a weekday and my mother inlaw takes them each Saturday.  She works
    in a nursing home, uses their equipment and the patients (clients) pay
    her directly, and she pays nothing to the nursing home for the space.
    
    My other sister inlaw is a Navy wife, her husband is stationed in the
    Gulf, she works cooperatively with another navy wife.  She works a
    certain shift at the base Exchange, and her neighbor works the opposite
    shift, and each takes the others children during working hours, no
    payment necessary in this situation.
    
    When AJ was small I worked at home, and did a complete mailing service
    for a man seeking employment.  I typed the cover letters, attached the
    resumes, event took care of getting the copies made when he ran low,
    signed his name to the letters, stuffed the envelopes and mailed them
    out.  I charged him per hour of my time, at an agreed upon rate, plus
    any expenses incurred such as stamps, buying envelops or copying.  It
    certainly took the curse off of being at home with no income!
    
    Give that daughter of yours a hug from AJ and me!
    Lyn