Conference moira::parenting_v3

Another role to be chosen in Illinois, United States: trustee.  That person 
handles the money from your estate (after the executor has cleaned up your 
liabilities and disposed of assets as appropriate).  You also decide at what
age the balance of the estate passes to the child (18, 21, 25, whenever you 
think they can handle it).

My lawyer advised that we have a first and second guardian and a first and
second trustee named.  That safeguards against the first choice being dead or
unavailable.

And of course, we hope we *never* need to use them!

=ss

    If anyone has a legal will (ie done by a lawyer) that states the
    intents of the parents and whom their children go to, and one that is
    written to be indisputable, and if you wouldn't mind posting the
    terminology in here, it would be very helpful to others who don't have
    one, or don't have the money to seek the lawyer.  
    Also, after it's written up, does it just need to be notarized, or
    what??  Everyone KNOWS who we would want to raise our children, but
    there's nothing legally approved.
    
    Thanks!!
    Patty

I would strongly recommend against a "do it yourself" will where children
are involved.  Pay the money for the lawyer - it can save lots of money
and heartache later.

			Steve

Laws very TREMENDOUSLY from state to state and what is
valid in one state may not necessarily be valid in
another state.  If you buy a "do-it-yourself" book,
get one that is DESIGNED FOR YOUR STATE.  I found one
for Texas that had five different versions (single,
married without children, with children, step-children,
etc.) that had all kinds of terminology.  After 
comparing it to the will that my husband had done by
a lawyer ($300) I thought it did a decent job.

It would be nice to make sure both of you agree on
what should happen with the children, in case you both
go together.

Unless the will is entirely in my handwriting, I had
to have mine notarized in front of two witnesses.

    There is also a software product for PCs or Macs called Willmaker
    that looks pretty good for producing a do-it-yourself will. Has
    a manual that covers trustees, guardians, estate planning, etc,
    and is valid in all states except Louisiana.
    
    We have it but haven't used it yet.
    
    Lucy
    

How do you go about getting a lawyer?  Look one up in the yellow pages,
call him/her and ask "Do you do wills?"  ???  Can anyone recommend one in
the Marlboro, MA area?

My husband and I don't have a will, but I think about it every now and then, 
and feel we should legalize our "wishes".

� �ori �

    Another consideration in a will is the division of the estate.  For
    example, if one has 3 single siblings, it has to be stated whether the 
    estate will be divided between those 3 ONLY, or those 3 siblings and any
    future families.  If one sibling marries and has 5 children, the estate
    would be further "diluted", unless stipulated in the will.
    
    If there are any particular sentimental items that don't have tremendous 
    monetary value, our counselor recommended that we write out a list of 
    instructions outlining the item and the recipient.  For items that have
    financial value, it should be stipulated in the will.
    
    Bottom line is *put it in writing* and make sure that your executor
    knows where to find the information (lawyer, safety deposit box), etc.
    
    My husband and I drew up wills that went into effect right after we
    were married.  We just wanted to make sure things were covered, in case
    something happened to either of us.  We also didn't want anything
    settled by the state in the event that something should happen to us!
    It's easy to add to the will as situations change.
    
    Basic wills are very easy to draw up.  Our Financial Advisor was able
    to ours because he's licensed to do so.  (He's in Rhode Island, so that
    wouldn't be of help to those in the Central MA and NH areas.)  I'm sure
    there are books available that can point you in the right direction
    about what to include in a will and who can draw one up for you.
    
    If you have property and children, take the time to put together a
    will.
    
    
    Judi
    

Re .6

You can get a personal recommendation, look in the
phone book, or call your state bar association and
tell them the criteria you are looking for (I would
suggest getting one who is board certified in family
law) - usually you can get a 1st visit discount by
using one recommended by the bar association.

There are many lawyers who practice family law, but
not all are board certified in family law.

Good Luck!

    I second using the Mass Bar Assoc. Lawyer referral service. The last
    time I used them, the number was (800) 392-6164.

    I have had referrals for a few different issues. Just tell them what you
    are looking for in a lawyer and they will give you recommendations for
    lawyers in your area.

    Good Luck,
    Norma

    
    About 6 years ago (before child), I went to a lunchtime seminar
    sponsored in my facility titled, "Wills and Estate Planning."  The
    legal entanglements one can get into without a will are mindboggling! 
    After attending the seminar, I called my husband up at work and said,
    "we are getting our wills done within the next week."  I then called
    the lawyer that had done the closing for us on our house--and made an
    appointment PRONTO to have our wills done.
    
    I forget the legalities regarding non-married people--but my advice to
    those of you who are either living together without marriage, or who
    have kids without marriage--get a will done right away!  No kidding.
    The surviving parent could have a hard time getting custody of your
    child--others (such as grandparents) may have almost equal rights to
    custody--if they choose to fight.  And you can NEVER predict how
    someone will act when in a state of total grief--or how tempers will
    fly over the smallest sentimental item.
    
    For those of you who are married, with no kids, take note:  if one of
    you dies, the parents of the deceased are entitled to 50% of the estate
    (including jointly-held property) if there is no will.  That means if
    you own a home or a car--your in-laws can potentially claim part
    ownership.  I think the estate has to be over a certain amount of
    $--but as I recall, the dollar amount wasn't all that much.  Hearing
    that prompted me to get that will done pronto!
    
    And as for those of us who are married with kids....believe me, I heard
    horror stories in that seminar regarding improperly written wills,
    wills that didn't properly designate guardians, trustees, executors,
    etc.  Once you have kids, it all gets very complicated--best to have a
    qualified lawyer do your will--it's worth the $$ to know that your kids
    will get their inheritance, that someone YOU TRUST will manage it for
    them until the age you designate that they can manage it--that your
    wishes are known, that guardians and back-up guardians are named, that
    your property is disposed of by the executor of YOUR choice (not some
    unknown that will sell everything for $.10 on the dollar just to be rid
    of the hassle and responsibility), etc.
    
    In my opinion, do-it-yourself wills are fine if you have only a few
    things to leave and don't have any children.  Better have a lawyer do
    it if there's $$ involved--and children involved.  Your kids will be
    devastated enought without legal and monetary entanglements to worry
    about.
    
    Bonnie
    
    
    

    Make sure you have the wording that designates the kind of
    division of wealth that you want.  You can say you want each of
    your descendents to have an equal share, or you want each child's
    share to be subdivided; you can include or exclude siblings and
    other relatives.  Say you have three children, Sue, John, and Roy,
    and Roy never marries, John has six children, and Sue has only
    one.  Assuming everybody's still alive when you die, if you want
    it all divided equally, your estate will be divided into 10 equal
    portions (3 kids, 7 grandkids).  If you want it divided the other
    way, your estate will be divided into three equal portions.  John
    and his six kids will get equal shares of one third, Sue and her
    daughter will get equal shares of another third, and Roy will get
    one share all to himself. 
    
    If you just list the names of the children, then have another
    child, and don't remember to update the will, either the newborn
    will be considered as specifically excluded, or else the whole
    will will be overturned since it doesn't reflect your wishes.  A
    good lawyer can tell you what the wording is for your state so you
    don't have to update your will every time your family increases.
    
    You'll also want to take into account what you want to happen if
    only one of you dies -- in some states the surviving spouse DOES
    NOT INHERIT THE DECEASED'S ENTIRE ESTATE; the deceased's parents,
    siblings, and/or children may get a share.  
    
    Make sure to make provisions for any children by previous
    marriages and relationships.  Don't be offended if the lawyer
    suggests a phrase like "children known and unknown"; it's legal
    ass-covering.  Doesn't mean he thinks either of you is fooling
    around! 
    
    Life insurance is paid directly to the beneficiary without going
    through your estate, probate, etc.  Our lawyer recommended that we
    have a certain amount of life insurance to cover estate taxes, so
    the survivor wouldn't have to sell the house to cover the bill.  
    This is the kind of thing you need to talk to a lawyer for because
    it's not always true depending on the state and the size of the
    estate.
    
    Come to think of it, I think we got to specify which state's laws
    would apply when the will was actually settled.  
    
    --bonnie

 .9 > I second using the Mass Bar Assoc. Lawyer referral service. . . .  Just
 .9 > tell them what you are looking for in a lawyer and they will give you
 .9 > recommendations for lawyers in your area.

 This is a reasonable approach, but it is stretching things to call them
 "recommendations," as they are not screening for quality.  They are just
 going to give you names of members; about the same as consulting the Yellow
 Pages.  And I think most any lawyer interested in new business will give you
 a brief initial consultation without fee.  There is no need for a referral for
 this.  I would recommend asking friends, neighbors, colleagues.  There is
 also a publication (ask the reference librarian at your library) that lists
 lawyers geographically, along with background, education, etc.  I chose a
 lawyer from this, and have been quite happy.
 
 		- Bruce
 

Can someone define the terms guardian, trustee & executor ?  

I'm assuming guardian means the person who takes over the care of the children.

I'm not clear on the difference between the trustee & executor.

My husband & I have been "discussing" this since before Cory was born (15 
months ago).  He doesn't want to appoint a guardian since it will be 
difficult to determine who will be in the best position to care for the
children when we're no longer around.  He wants to appoint someone to
make that decision.  I'm not comfortable with the person he would choose.
As a result, we still don't have a will.

But, as a result of this discussion, we have an appointment to make our wills.

Thanks for the good info.  It's just the push I needed to stop procrastinating.


- Terry

    re .13
    
    You can always make changes in your will!  The important thing is to
    take care of the basics now and as your situation changes, change you
    will.
    
     An executor is the person who makes sure that the terms of your will
    are carried out according to your wishes.  It is *extremely* important
    that your executor know where you keep the pertinent papers.  If you
    have a safety deposit box, have accounts at different banks, or any
    other pertinent info, LET THEM KNOW.  It will make things easier to
    settle.
    
    The executor's job will be easier if you spell things out clearly. 
    It's not an easy job and emotions tend to go haywire.  If you've made
    things clear, it will help to avoid any disagreements or possible
    rifts.  There's a clause in the will that spells out the executor's
    responsibilities and liabilities (in case of disagreement).  It's a
    standard clause.
    
    re the guardian for your child.  Talk to your lawyer about the scenario
    if something should happen to either or both of you and you hadn't
    named a guardian.
    
    Drawing up a will is a form of insurance.  It outlines what *you* would
    like to happen in case something unexpected should happen to you.
    
    
    Judi

    
    
    Terry,
    
    Before you go to do your will, you really need to know who will be the
    guardian of your child(ren).  Appointing someone to make the decision
    sounds like a legal nightmare to me--can't a relative or the kids then
    contest that person's decision?  It's also a great way for the two of
    you to hand over what is probably the *most* difficult decision a
    parent has to make--who will look after the kids if something should
    happen to you and your husband--into the hands of someone else--who
    might find it equally as difficult as you do.  Forgive me for being
    gruff--but talk about passing the buck!  Do yourselves a favor and do
    make some kind of decision before having your will drawn up.  It truly
    is in the best interest of your children...
    
    A guardian is the person who will physically take care of your kids if
    you and your husband should die.  Your children will live in the
    guardian's home, and the guardian will become your children's surrogate
    parents.  People usually choose either a relative or a very close
    friend for guardianship.  Guardianship can be changed at any time by
    writing a "codicile" to your will--sort of like an addendum to your
    will that states a change in status.  So, if you decide in a year or
    ten years that you want to change the appointed guardian of your kids,
    you don't need to do a whole new will--you can do a codicil.
    
    The Executor is the person who will settle your estate--according to
    the terms of your will.  For instance, the executor will probably
    oversee everything from the cleaning out of your closets (both Aunt
    Martha and Aunt Hattie want the flannel shirt you always wore--the
    executor will determine who the shirt goes to--or, if it goes to
    Goodwill instead), all the way to selling your house and your cars. 
    The executor files your last tax return and distributes the money from
    your estate accordingly (ie: pays the gov't., pays inheritance taxes,
    distributes the remainder of your estate to the designated parties in
    your will...).  Once everything is settled, sold, and/or distributed
    according to the terms of your will, the Executors job is finished. 
    The executor is legally allowed to charge a fee for their
    services---which is usually taken out of the estate.  The executor can
    be your attorney, a close friend, or a parent.  It is usually advisable
    to choose an executor who lives in the same state as you do.
    
    The Trustee is the person who will administer the money that you've
    left in your estate.  Obviously, small children cannot administer their
    own money--you may want to designate a Trustee until the children are
    18, 21, 25, or 65!  It's really up to you to decide at what age your
    children will inherit the money you've left to them.  The trustee will
    give the guardian a weekly, monthly, or yearly "living allowance," for
    your children--or, you can choose your trustee and guardian to be one
    and the same.  If so, you may want to stipulate in your will that there
    be enough money left to put your kids thru college and professional
    school--that the money is not to be used for family cruises, new homes,
    etc.--but you really have no control over that once you're gone anyway
    (unless someone contests the way the money is being spent--a legal
    nightmare). 
    That's the reason our lawyer recommended choosing a trustee--separate
    from the guardian.  A trustee is more likely to be careful about the
    children's money.
    
    As you can see, this is all quite complicated.  Also, our lawyer
    recommended choosing an alternate guardian, trustee, and
    executor--in case, one of the above is not available to perform their
    duties. 
    
    As you can see, it can all get quite complicated.  A good lawyer really
    helps you to sort out the legalese.
    
    Also, be sure to ask about estate taxes and "trusts."  This is also a
    good time to update/and/or upgrade your life insurance--etc.  We were
    told to have enough life insurance to cover living expsenses for each
    child up to the age of 18 (including summer camp, musical instruments,
    lessons, sports, etc.--whatever we want for our kids--and to stipulate
    in our will what the money is designated for)--and for college and
    related costs.  
    
    Hope this helps.
    
    Bonnie
    
    

Bonnie:

Thanks for all the info.  I agree that my husband is trying to pass the buck
on the decision of the guardianship.  I just haven't been able to convince
him that we HAVE to make a decision.  As a matter of fact, I think I'll print
out your note so he can read it.

Thanks again for taking the time to explain the differences between the 
trustee & executor.


- Terry

    One good thing to note regarding the appointment of the executor
    (executrix) and the trustee:
    
    It is very common to appoint your surviving spouse (if alive) to act
    executor and trustee.  DON'T -- unless you absolutely must.  Think
    about it ... how often is the surviving spouse fit to take on this
    difficult and emotional role when their partner dies?  Generally,
    never.  Leave it to someone a little more detached, even if it means
    paying a lawyer or firm of trustees.
    
    
    Another useful thing to note, in the event of "joint survivor" wills
    in which couples leave their assets to the surviving spouse,
    in many places, under the terms of such wills, specific assets left
    to someone other than the spouse may not be settled until the death
    of both.  This type of will used to be popular because it was
    essentially one will for two people and therefore inexpensive.  They
    were often available "do-it-yourself".
    
    Stuart

    I don't think the joint survivor will is legal in the state of NH. 
    I would definitely check before executing one.  
    
    Our lawyer mentioned that probably the majority of the wills he
    sees don't specify a guardian but rather expect a court-appointed
    guardian.  I don't say whether that's good or bad, only that it's
    very common.  
    
    --bonnie

    Codicils may be used to supplement or change a will, BUT in most states
    they require the same formality (witnesses, etc.) that the will itself
    requires.  Handwritten changes on the will/notes appended to the will
    do not have any effect to change the original will.
    
    One thing you may want to consider to reduce the expense to your
    child(ren)'s guardian(s) is to provide a lump sum payment to be used to
    defray expenses the guardian(s) may have in enlarging their home to
    provide room for your child(ren) or moving to a larger home.  The
    executor/trix can supervise this payment and assure that it is used for
    its intended purpose.

As I mentioned in another note string, it is a common misconception that 
naming a guardian in your Will means that the person you chose will become
the guardian.

Naming a guardian in the Will only reflects your wishes while you were alive.
It is NOT binding.

For instance, because I am the only legal parent to Evan, if I were to die
tomorrow, then Evan would have no legal guardian.  In my Will, I state that
I want it to be Shellie, and state their relationship as one of parent-child.
HOWEVER, if ANY member of my family were to contest this - ANY of them, even
a 14th cousin - a judge could take Evan away from Shellie and place him with
relatives of mine that he has never met or heard of.

The same could happen, the other way around, with the child that Shellie will
some day birth, if she were to die - despite whatever she has written in her
Will.

What can you do to protect your children from something like this?  Good
question.  I wish I knew the answer.  The best thing that I can think of is
to first of all, put your wish down in your Will, perhaps with reasons you
chose that person (perhaps not, see your lawyer).  Secondly, tell everyone
who is at all close to you what your wishes are, so that if there are 
objections, perhaps you can iron them out now, so they won't fight after
you die.  If your preferred guardian takes the children, and no one objects,
you shouldn't have any problem.  However, if someone objects, then the judge
makes the decision.  Try to make it as clear of a decision as you possibly 
can, while you still have some control over the matter.

      Carol

    Of course, this affects all of your will ... disposition of assets
    as well as guardianship of children.  Depending on the place you
    live, an objection to a will is not automatic ...  For example, here
    for an objection to be considered, it must be proven that you were
    not of sound mind when the will was written, or that coercion was
    used in forcing certain decisions in the will.  And a judge is
    likely to follow your requests in spite of an objection, unless
    it is shown that the named guardian is not capable of raising
    the children in a manner to which they are accustomer or better.
    
    It would therefore be a protection to you to possibly leave notes
    with your will, showing your logic in reaching certain decisions,
    such as choice of guardian.  WHile such notes would have no legal
    bearing, they would likely assist.  Again, talk to a lawyer.
    
    Still, a will is far better than none, and as before, godparents,
    unless close family, don't enter into the equation unless you ask
    them and include them in a will as guardians (if that is your wish).
    
    Stuart
    
    

This has been mentioned before, but you can also name a trustee who will
manage your child's share of the estate until the child is old enough to
do it on his or her own.  This person does NOT need to be the same as
the guardian or the executor -- in fact, I think it can be more than one
person.  You can place limits on what can be done with the money, specify
how to settle agreements, and so on. So if you're concerned about family 
disputes, etc. you can sometimes exercise some control by carefully 
choosing trustees.  The person who controls the purse strings will have a
big influence in how your child is raised. This is definitely lawyer 
territory, though, as laws vary DRASTICALLY from state to state. 

I don't know whether this is the recommended way -- again, check with a 
lawyer, but one way to arrange the lump sum payment mentioned in .19 is 
to name the guardian as the beneficiary of a life-insurance policy.  
Life insurance is paid directly to the beneficiary and doesn't become 
part of the estate, so it's immediately available for expenses, etc.  
There aren't any restrictions on how the money can be spent, however, 
so you'd better make sure it's somebody you trust.  

All the usual caveats about I'm not a lawyer, free advice is worth every
penny, etc.  See a lawyer.

--bonnie

    
     
    I am interested in having a will drawn up by an attorney who knows
    which end of the legal system is which.  I don't expect to be involving
    anything too unusual, but there are to be guardianship provisions
    for the children, etc...so I obviously want things to be done properly.
    
    I have been referred to an attorney in North Andover:
    
    			Russell A. Bodnar 
    
    		of McGarry, Bodnar, and Klipfel 

    If there is anyone out there that has had any experience - good or
    bad - with either Mr. Bodnar or with his Firm, I would appreciate 
    hearing about it.
    
    Just to keep this out of court (we ARE talking about lawyers, here)
    if you have anthing that you care to share, please do NOT post it in
    the notesfile, but rather, send me MAIl at KELVIN::BLISS.
    
    In addition, if you have had a good experience with any OTHER lawyer 
    in the Greater Maynard area that drew up a will for you...a MAIL message 
    would be appreciated.

    Many thanks-
    
    Ralph Bliss 

    

    Please make sure when you do your will you let your family know your
    desires.  
    
    My husband and I sat with our Atty. last night and planned what to put
    in the will.  We had agreed ahead of time on a guardian and trustee,
    and asked my husbands sister and her husband to fill the role if
    necessary.  When we told my parents what we put in the will, my mother
    had a fit!  She came up with all kinds of ridiculous arguments, that I
    could not believe were coming out of her mouth. "Why would you pick
    them over your own sister?  As long as I'm alive, they'll never get
    those kids"  
    
    I pretty much told her that's the way it was.  Any suggestions on how
    to better handle this situation would be appreciated.

    This is a difficult decision, and a difficult situation.  We had a
    bit of the same problem since we decided that the kids should go
    with my brother rather than his sister.  His sister was relieved
    about it after she calmed down, but boy, were her feelings hurt. 
    And I don't think my mother was very happy, either, though now
    that my father's approaching retirement age I think she's more
    understanding of it.  One thing I would do differently if I had it
    to do over would be to discuss the provisions with the nonaffected
    parties as well as the affected ones, explaining my reasons and
    asking for their thoughts, rather than presenting it as a done
    deed.  Your family might be different.
    
    You don't have to answer this question here if it's too personal
    for a notes file -- I wouldn't go into much more detail about our
    reasons! -- but what were your mother's reasons for being upset? 
    Were there valid points?  Did you try pointing out that they're
    not just your kids, your husband has a say in it, too?  If you
    think there's a real chance your mother will challenge the will,
    and that there might be grounds for it,  it can greatly help your
    case if you include a statement of why you chose one person over
    another.  I don't think it actually has to be in the will, but
    just a statement that you're aware of potential problems and made
    a thoughtful decision. 
    
    --bonnie

    
    We had a simliar problem when Colleen was born. My mother-in-law was
    upset that her side of the family had not chosen as 'backup parents'.
    It took a while but after explaining the reasons for selection:
    
    	Financial security
    	Stable career
    	Child development education
    	Age considerations and general ability to provide thru college
    
    she reluctantly accepted our decision though she didn't like it much.
    
    Talk to her ...
    
    Doug.

Why not put some contingency arrangements in to help ease the situation ...

e.g. if couple x find that their pesonal circumstances are such that they
cannot fulfill the role of guardians, then it would fall to couple y.
And express the wish (although I doubt whether this can be achieved legally
... talk to your lawyer) that the couples should endeavour to co-operate and
communicate one withthe other in the event.

This isn't perfect but it could ease the flames, especially if you present
it in such a way as "we had to pick someone, but we wanted to involve as
many as possible".

Stuart

    The thing that I found hardest to believe is that my mother would even
    think of challenging the will.  My parents are in their early seventies
    and are exhausted when the take the kids for an overnight!  
    
    I like the idea in .27  and will see what the lawyer says about
    legality.

    	We've been looking into doing a will.  We live in Colorado,
    	but all our family is back on the east coast.  (MA, NH, NJ.)
    
    	We've been trying to decide whether to pick a guardian for the
    	kids from people we know in Colorado (so that the kids remain
    	in a situation closer to the lifestyle they have today --
    	schools, friends, etc.) or to pick a guardian from among family
    	back east.
    
    	Also, we have 4 kids.  We'd like to keep them together, but
    	I certainly wouldn't want to be notified that I was selected
    	as guardian for 4 kids, and I can't imagine doing that to anyone
    	else either.  (Especially to someone I loved and trusted enough
    	to entrust my kids to!)
    
    	Has anybody else living far from family gone through this decision?
    
    	What are other larger families out there doing when it comes
    	to finding a guardian (or guardians)  ?
    
    	Joe Oppelt

    Well I can sort of answer this question from 'the other sided'.
    Good friends of our have asked my husband and I if we would
    take their son into our family if anything happened to both of
    them.  Now there family isn't all that far away, we live in Mass,
    the mothers sister lives in NY and the grandparents live in NY
    and FL.
    
    Aimee & Charlie wanted there son to grow up with people that 
    he knew and loved, he sees us much more than his aunt - grandparents
    were not really an option for them.  My only concern is that if any-
    thing did happen how would the family feel?  We have met all of the
    family but we really don't [[know]] them but we do realize that if,
    God forbid, anything happened then [[our]] family would not increase
    in size by one, but by many.  We also had to discuss the difference
    in cultures, jewish vs. non-jewish.  
    
    As far as keeping your children together I'd say go for it - ask you
    may be surprised!  If you are make the arrangements and thinking about
    this I'm sure you are also taking care of the financial security of
    your family.  Aimee & Charlie only have one son, but I don't think our
    answer would have been any differnt if they had had 2,3, or 4.  My 
    husbands comment when he & I discussed it was "Of course there are
    a lot of little things that would have to be worked out if it happened,
    but the bottom line is were talking about a child [[we]] love possibly
    needed a home, of course I think we should say yes!"
    
    There's another thing, how you ask is important.  We were asked to think
    about it and respond, no impact to the relationship we have regardless
    of the answer, not explaination regarding our decision, take as much
    time as you need to discuss it and get back to us, we [[[don't]]] want
    an answer now.

    Talk to all the relatives about their feelings in the matter.  It
    turned out that while most of our relatives thought all the kids
    in one bunch would be too much, my brother and sister-in-law,
    though they're the least able financially to take care of three
    extra kids, said they would definitely want to have them.  Terri
    always wanted a large family but they'd decided to stop at 2
    because of her health.  
    
    We took that into account when we made the financial arrangements
    in and with the will -- made sure there was enough life insurance
    to cover the mortgage -- so the kids will have the value of the
    house to cover all the extra expense should it become necessary.
    
    --bonnie

Remember that any request you might make in a will regarding the custody
and guardianship of children is classed as a wish.  Therefore nothing about
it is FINAL until a court judgement is made, which could be appealed and
appealed, depending on how deep a pocket the parties have for lawyers
willing to take on such cases!

Executorship & trusteeship are considered final in a will (subject to
protesting the will).

So, it is a good idea to ensure that if you do request non-family guardians
in a will that you ensure that any family are aware and relatively happy with
your decision, and that either in the will, or in notes supporting the will
(not legal documents, but may be useful) you provide notes indicating reasons
for chosing xxx as guardians and that you have sought out their assent to
your request.

Stuart

Joe, I kind of know what you mean as my family is mostly in NY and Lonny's
family is here in Colorado.  We have decided to ask a friend and her husband
to be our kids' guardian and trustee, much like the previous reply where
we would ask and want them to think about it and not feel pressured.

We don't really want Lonny's sister's to take this on for a number of reasons
and although I would like to ask one of my brothers, I'd rather that the kids
stayed here since this is where they're growing up.

Liz