Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Kate,
    
    Being due in about 3 weeks with number 2, I recall all the emotions and
    feelings you are expressing. Months 4 to 6 were the toughest. It is a
    vastly different pregnancy then my first was physically so I know that
    had alot to do with all those early feelings. Months 4 to 6 were like
    nothing months. I was barely showing (then popped about 5 1/2 months),
    I felt good (I threw up for 5 months straight with my first), etc.
    
    I think the biggest thing for me was the "I've been through this
    before" attitude. I didn't pick up a pregnancy book until about 5
    months along (occasionally to show my son a picture of an infant), I
    forgot I was pregnant, etc. Suddenly, I felt guilty for not being so
    in-tuned with this pregnancy as I was with my first (you know how
    obsessed we all got). But I soon realized that all those feelings were
    normal. How can I be expected to think about this pregnancy all day
    long when I've got to be worrying about whether our first is ... 
    (whatever, fill in the blank). I felt awful comparing the pregnancies
    because I was already doing the thing I didn't want to do with
    siblings before the second was born. I wanted them to have their own 
    identity. 
    
    Well, it all got better every day. Hang in there. Despite my atitude
    of "I've done this before", I'm still nervous about the whole labor
    part of it. The first wasn't too bad but I could have a doozy of a
    delivery with the second. My husband is nervous about the breathing
    (he'll probably have me hyperventilating). My other worry is how will
    our first react. It is totally different from your first and I think
    once I accepted that, and most importantly accepted that I could not be
    expected to have all those same feelings all over, I allowed myself to
    really enjoy being pregnant. I do worry about how I will handle 2,
    especially since you have to start all over again. I'm also afraid of
    losing #1. He's my "munchkin" and I hate the thought of him feeling he
    might have to compete for attention, that he has lost mommy to this
    other thing that cries, etc. From all that I've read, I'm pretty normal
    and it all works out. The wonderful thing about love is that there
    seems to be a never ending supply of it, if you allow it. It may be a
    different love than I expect or want - I'll have to see.
    
    0-3 months : "Well, I'm pregnant again. Won't it be great to have a
    		 brother or sister. Babies always smell so wonderful. Are
    		 we really doing this again?". 
    
    4-6 months : "Sorry I forgot I was pregnant and shouldn't sky dive"
    
    6 months 1 day : "Who stuffed this pillow under my shirt?".
    
    7-8 months : "This one is much more violent in there then the first.
    		 Why don't these car manufactures make steering wheels
    	         that fit around a belly?"
    
    Week 37  : "Almost there. Maybe I should think about the baby's
    		 room? I guess I'm not getting another shower. Why hasn't
    		 anyone called to see how I'm feeling?"
    
    Week 38 : "If the baby was born right now, that wouldn't be too
    		 bad. I think I've had enough of this." 
    
    Week 39 : "I went 5 days early with the first. I should be in 
    		labor tonight according to my calculations".
    
    Week 40 : "This is it".
    
    Week 40+: "Perish the thought!!!!"
    
    Hang in there Kate!!! I *am* really excited about having another member
    of the family. I'm excited (and nervous) about the way we will all
    rediscover each other. Adjustments will be inevitable.
    Congratulations!!
    
    Andrea                   

    Kate,
    
    It's ironic (for me) that you entered this note today because I just
    saw my doctor last night and she asked me how I was feeling about my
    second pregnancy.  Well, except for my daily vitamin and iron pills,
    and the fact that I can't get my pants buttoned/zippered anymore, I
    don't even THINK about it! Life is just too hectic and I have enough to
    deal with between my family, house, and work as it is.
    
    The one good piece of news I got last night (in my mind) is that I'm
    going to have a planned C-section, so I can pretty much expect to have
    the baby the week of June 3-7 and get my life organized accordingly. I
    don't like surprises and I function best when I'm prepared.
    
    Time to break out the maternity clothes again!
    
    Nancy-

    
    I had basically the same experience with #2, and even went through
    guilty feelings because I wasn't sure I wanted #3.  It all passed, and
    by the time I got to 7 months I couldn't have been happier (or fatter!)
    I think I had too much time to think about #1 (being naive enough to
    think it would all be wonderful and fun...how much work could a little
    tiny baby be?); and knew too much by the time I had #2 and 3 ("how will
    I ever be able to take care of all of them....")
    
    Now I have three very different kids, and there is no way I could even
    think of life without one of them (or even choose a favorite).  The
    first had no problem accepting each baby as they arrived (but when I
    told him about #3 he only said "Okay, as long as it's a girl"...it was
    another boy).
    
    BTW, planned C-sections are great in theory (I KNOW I'll have this baby
    at 9:00 am on X day), but I found out babies do what they want WHEN
    they want....My second came at 3AM 1 week earlier than the scheduled date;
    and the date for #3 was EXTENDED out by one week every time I went for my
    "last" checkup (3 extensions)!  So much for planning! 
    
    
    -Laura

    Boy, is this a TIMELY note for me!! I am work today suffering (I have 5
    weeks to go) and I don't feel like doing anything.  I know I am alot
    smaller (my husband says so and I feel it) but I am much more
    uncomfortable this time around.  I have a son who is 2 and will turn 3
    about the time the baby is born - she is a girl!!  He couldn't care
    less about a baby sister.  I too am worried about how he will be around
    the baby. I am not the least bit worried about the birth only about
    WHEN will I go into labor.  SO since 2nd births are sometimes early I
    am staying close to home - I don't feel like doing much anyway.
    
    I am looking forward to the baby and I know that I will be excited when
    she comes but right now, I just want to GET IT OVER WITH!! I know that
    this is the last time I will be pregnant so that is a help.  We only
    want two because we both work full time and don't think we can handle
    any more.
    
    GOOD LUCK!  Let us know how things turn out.
    
    Anne

    Kate, I had the same feeling a year ago when I was pregnant with my
    second one, and I was also almost 35. On one hand I was happy, on the
    other ... again all this hard work I've already forgotten about (my
    first one is 7). It went away in the second half of pregnancy. 
    Now my son is 8 months old and I am as happy, as only could be. Good Luck.  

    I felt the same way with #2.  I was only 30 at the time and very
    much wanted a bigger family, but the pregnancy itself was more of
    a nuisance than anything else -- just a mildly inconvenient
    interlude preceeding a brief annoying period of discomfort that
    had to be gone through to get the highly desirable result.  I had
    been VERY sick throughout the first pregnancy, but the second time
    I had almost no physical symptoms, so it was relatively easy to
    ignore it.  
    
    #3 was quite different, however.  I was totally involved in that
    one from the very beginning.  
    
    The most important thing I learned was that the kind of pregnancy
    I've had, or the number of children already waiting at home,
    hasn't had any bearing on how much I love the new addition or the
    older ones.  I worried about it a lot ahead of time, that the new
    baby would detract from the special relationship I had with the
    ones who were already here, that I wouldn't be able to love the
    new one as much, that I would never manage to cope with that many
    kids.  But it all works out.
    
    --bonnie

I'm 29 and pregnant with my second, and I had mixed emotions
early on too.  Basically, the feelings were pretty vain -- I
had just lost the remaining weight from my first child and
was upset about gaining weight again (I gained a lot of 
weight my first go round and it was mighty depressing).

I'm in my fourth month now, and I often forget I'm pregnant
(My daughter Rayna keeps me too busy to even tune into this 
pregnancy!)

I am keeping a journal to record my feelings/thoughts about 
this experience (good, bad, or indifferent).  I meant to do 
this with Rayna, but I was too busy worrying!

    Kate,
    
    It seems like a very common feeling with #2.  I remember driving down
    the street 2 days before Jaclyn (now 7 1/2 months old) was born and
    *reminding* myself that I was pregnant!! She soon reminded me herself
    two days later!!!
    
    From your notes about James, and my being able to relate, as RJ is 2.5,
    it's no wonder you don't have time to dwell on this pregnancy!!
    
    When Jaclyn was about 2 weeks old, I was speaking on the phone with 
    my mother, and I said "Oh Jackie"  (she had probably just spit up) and
    my mother said "Meg, you sound like you resent her" - Boy, did that
    hit home!! It's a big adjustment having a baby who can't walk, talk
    and sit up again!! (Even though it was only 22 months since RJ was
    born!)  But, that little incident really put it into perspective for
    me!  I think this is also why we aren't as *excited* about #2, we know
    what we're in for now!! (Especially when they turn 2!!!I swear, Jaclyn
    is watching and taking notes about how RJ is acting now, so she knows
    what will really frost Mommy and Daddy when she's 2 years old!!)
    
    Relax now, and enjoy your sleep - you forget how quick those 2 am
    feedings come up!!
    
    Meg