Conference moira::parenting_v3

    
    .0 > How do you convince a 2.9-year-old that she/he needs to nap?
    
    I think almost all kids benefit from afternoon naps up to kindergarten
    age, and also that most of them spend the time from age 3 on (or even
    earlier) denying it.  In my experience, you can't "convince" them. 
    It's time to remember that families are not in all respect participatory
    democracies.  You simply keep them informed that a nap is required. 
    The occasions when conflicting social schedules prevent a nap will
    probably lead to enough late afternoon unpleasantness to keep _you_
    convinced that s/he needs to nap, and that should be sufficient.
    
    		- Bruce

    Does your daughter occasionally put on football jerseys and double as
    my son?!?! 
    
    Berk will be 3 in February and does the same thing. I know he needs a
    nap (even an hour does him wonders) so I requested that his daycare
    make him take a nap, despite the fact that he's on the 3 and over group
    already. On weekends he is usually so happy to be with us and plus
    that's when we do "exciting" stuff and don't stick to his normal
    (weekday) schedule. He sleeps later, doesn't get dressed immediately
    upon waking up, etc. 
    
    Some things that help...try to do all your errands and running around
    as soon as you get up and get dressed. Be home as close to normal
    naptime as possible and tell her that she will be taking a nap once you
    get home. My son always asks if I'm taking a nap too. He's afraid that
    I'll sweep the floor without him!! 
    
    If you cannot get home in time for her nap and you are out running
    errands, plan an errand further away when you think she'll fall asleep
    in the car. Even if it is a 1/2 hour drive and she'll fall asleep, it
    is better than nothing. 
    
    One thing against us now, is that alot of kids are ready to give up
    their naps around this age. I think Berk wants to give his up, but by
    6:30pm he's a bear and, unfortunately, with 2 full-time working
    parents, 7:00 would be an impossible bedtime for us to meet.
    
    Hang in there. As they get older, their schedule is tougher to change
    and often even tougher to accomodate.
    
    Andrea 

See notes 346 and 443, that cover related, but not identical topics.

I especially endorse the suggestion on note 346.6 -- don't insist on a _nap_.  
Insist on a quiet time, preferably in bed.  If she's tired, she will fall 
asleep.  If she's not tired, she won't.  As I suggested in 346.10, this helps 
with transition times; it's possible that she doesn't need a nap _every_ day.
And very few parents escape this phase without _some_ unpleasantness.

Bruce is right.  At less than 3, you don't owe them an explanation.  But it's 
also futile to try to force a kid to sleep when they don't want to.  You can, 
on the other hand, require that they be in bed and quiet for a given length of 
time.  Then the "choice" to fall asleep is _theirs_.

Clay

    
    
    My older boys sandwich your daughter in age, but I've had the problem with
    getting them to take naps.  My older son has napped daily since birth
    and his daycare schedule included it.  Nowadays, (he's nearly 5) he
    still needs a nap, acts ornery after 3 p.m. if he doesn't take one,
    but gives me a hard time.  Since he is home with an au pair it's harder
    to enforce than in a group setting where "everyone's doing it".  I just
    make a rule that he needs a nap.  If he chooses to "lie there and think
    about things" (this is his current alternative), then that's his
    choice, but he has to lie down in his bed in a quiet, dark room.  Some-
    times he sleeps, sometimes he just "thinks about things".  As long as
    he's resting, it's OK.
    
    My younger boy, 26 months, takes long naps (3-4 hours), but sometimes 
    can't get in the proper mood.  When that happens, I talk to him about what 
    he'd like to dream about in his nap.  We've got a few choice ideas:dogs,
    cats...something for him to think about while drifting off.  Then
    I ask him about his dreams when he wakes up.
    
    I would just be firm that naps happen or that quiet time in bed
    happens EVERY DAY.  Maybe even tell your daughter that you'll do
    something together with her AFTER her nap - something to look forward to.
    
    Just my $.02
    
    -dorothy
    
    p.s.  Even when my 4 year old doesn't take a nap until 4 or 5 p.m.,
    I keep bedtime nearly the same time, so his schedule doesn't get too
    off.  He still sleeps until the same time in the morning.  
    

    
    Clay, of course, is right.  On can't (and needn't) enforce _sleep_. 
    But I find that Eric (now 4.6) resists a nap most strongly when he most
    needs it.  If he doesn't want to be quiet in his bed, it's a good bet I
    will scarcely be able to wake him two hours later (and that without a
    nap he would desintigrate at 5:30).
    
    		- Bruce

   David started refusing to nap when he learned to climb out of his crib
   (shortly after his 2nd birthday).  I just tried to get him to play
   quietly for a while after lunch every day (not hard, because he loves doing
   puzzles and building things with his Duplos).  Over time, David adjusted
   his bedtime and morning waking time so that he still got the amount of
   sleep he needed.  (At 3 years old, he typically sleeps 11-12 hours at night.)

   I would bet, though, that in order to get a child's sleep schedule adjusted
   like	this, you'd need to have it be consistent all week.  If she doesn't
   nap on the weekends, then she'd need to also not nap at daycare (and your
   schedule would have to provide enough hours for her to make it up at night).

   One thing that almost always does get David to nap is to go somewhere in
   the car late in the afternoon.  He reliably falls asleep in his car seat.
   If you get desperate, you might try this.  :)  He also will often nap if
   someone else is taking care of him.  (My mother believes his reasoning is,
   "if Mom's not home, there's no reason to stay awake".  I think it's part of
   the general principle of saving the "testing" behavior for parents.)

   Good luck,
		cheryl

    Good Morning Everyone,
    
    I am hoping someone out in the parenting community can help me out. 
    Spencer now 10 1/2 months old has a new trick, which is really getting
    to me.  At both his naps and bedtime he has started getting up in his
    crib as soon as he is put down.  He either sits up or stands and plays. 
    Now my first thought 2 weeks ago was that he is ready for one nap, but
    that is not true since he is impossible to deal with without a nap. 
    When he finally falls asleep, he will nap 1 1/2 hours - 2 hours in the
    morning and then again in the afternoon, so he needs to sleep.  Now I
    have gone in every 5 minutes and put him down again, I have let him
    play till his hearts content, but this means no sleep which equals one
    cranky kid by dinner time.  This all started when he learned to pull
    himself up to a standing position.
    
    Is this just a phase, can someone give me some ideas or suggestions on
    how to get him to stay down when I put him in for a nap.
    
    Thanks for any inputs!
    Joanne
    

Joanne, 
    
You might find pertinent information on this problem in the following
notes which I found by dir/title=nap and dir/title=sleep.
    
   443  WFOV12::MOKRAY       23-OCT-1990    11  Naps->Quiet time
   790  FSLENG::WENNERS      22-MAR-1991    20  Two naps -> one


   135  TIPTOE::STOLICNY     16-JUL-1990   181  sleep problems in infant/toddler
   136  CSG002::MCOHEN       16-JUL-1990     6  How Much Sleep is Normal?

My personal opinion is that your child might be ready to transition to
one nap (probably 2-3 hours) per day and perhaps a slightly earlier bedtime.
If when you let him play, he doesn't sleep, then he probably wasn't very tired.

The only other advice I would add is to follow a bed-time/nap-time routine
in order to wind him down.   Bedtime routines are discussed in note 135 and
probably some other places as well.

Carol                                                           

    Joanne,
    
    Jason did this when he was ready to start changing to one nap.  Try
    putting him down a little later so he gets a little MORE tired, and see
    how that goes.  Instead of a 10:00 and 3:00 nap, maybe he just needs a
    long one right after lunch (not sure what his nap hours are now).  If
    he takes it later it'll help him be 'less cranky' in the evening.  It's
    always a struggle because it's a time when they kind of need 1 1/2
    naps, and there's no neat way to get through that.  You'll find him
    fading off an hour or two before bedtime ... Groan!  It does pass.  In
    my experience, it takes ~1-2 months to re-adjust to a different nap
    schedule.
    
    Patty