Conference moira::parenting_v3

    My sister in law is due Christmas Day. Being the "Aunt" I'm going
    to make sure this baby gets just as much as everyone else and
    doesn't miss out on anything. I know they say that the child misses
    out on things but in my eyes this one won't. I feel that if
    they give my daughter a Birthday and Christmas present that there
    child will receive the same, not a combination of both.
    
    I can't wait for this baby!!!!
    
    The Aunt
    

Carol:

I was born 12 days after Christmas.  My parents always made a big deal about
my birthday when I was young(er) so it wasn't so bad.  We always had a 
special dinner (menu of my choice) and invited my grandparents.  Sometimes,
I would invite special guests, usually good friends.

My husband, his brother, & our nephew are all "pre-Christmas" babies.  We 
have alot to celebrate in this family 8-).


- Terry

    The "half birthday" is a good idea.  With all the excitement around
    Christmas, a child's birthday is somewhat "lost in the shuffle", even
    if the parents try not to.  In my family, the birthday was special. 
    That day you chose the dinner, opened presents as soon as you got up,
    everyone HAD to be nice to you (with 3 sisters this was quite a feat!)
    
    My son's birthday is early September.  Since school is just beginning
    then and he doesn't know most of the kids in his first grade class, we
    agreed to have the official "birthday party" on Valentine's Day.  The
    actual date of the celebration really doesn't matter to the kids, just
    that they get a day all their own.....Christmas is quite a competitor!
    
    Even our Nursery school has "birthday celebration day" for each child
    that coincides with the actual birthday if possible.  But for those
    with birthdays during the summer or the Christmas holiday, a special
    day is assigned at times when there is no other birthday so that these
    kids get their day in school.
    
    Think about these things on their level....with their special
    understanding.  Kids cannot read calendars, but they understand when
    all the focus is on them.  And wouldn't it be neat to have TWO
    birthdays a year?
    
    Laura

    Our middle child was born December 29.  While it's true that Christmas
    looms large so close no matter what you do, it's also true that if you
    do that birthday as you would a more felicitously placed one, it works
    out fine.
    
    It's me I feel sorry for!  I *hate* the burden of all the excess
    activity required to prepare for the Christmas season.  A birthday
    right after is just another wave trying to knock me down before I got
    over the previous one.
    
    Kit

    I have a son that was born on December 22, and each year we always
    celebrate his birthday during the month of December.  I also have a
    December birthday at the beginning of the month, and when my parents
    come up for mine they bring along Erik's presents.  From then on, Erik
    thinks the whole month is dedicated to his birhtday.
    
    He also gets very excited about Christmas coming, and part of that
    enthusiasm I believe is due to his birhtday celebrations.  This year we
    are having a party for him and his friends on December 15.  
    
    I think because we always make the time to celebrate Erik's birthday
    during this very hectic time of year that he doesn't feel like his
    birthday is getting pushed aside in order to prepare for the Christmas
    holidays.
    
    Donna
    

    Several folks in my family are near-Christmas babies. From them....
    1) Please! never wrap the birthday present in Christmas paper! Use real
    birthday paper, and make sure it's a separate present/s for this day,
    not thrown under the tree with teh rest of 'em. 
    
    2) Make a birthday cake. Even if it's right after/before Christmas and
    you're incredibly busy, this is so important to a kid!
    
    3) If having a party (either family or kids), have it at another time
    than the Christmas get-togehter. It may be okay for adults, but kids
    want their own party that is special for just them. If you simply can't
    do it separately (maybe relatives live too far away for two trips),
    then celebrate Christmas before you have your big meal, and then
    celebrate the birthday afterwards. Use birthday plates, cups, party
    hats...whatever for the birthday celebration, not just leftover
    Christmas ones. Make it special, and it will be remembered as *being*
    special.
    
     
    My sister has her birthday on Jan. 1, and she says that for years she
    thought all the parades on New Years Day were in honor of her birthday!
    
    --dave--

    I'll second .5. My birthday is the 18th and growing up we always
    decorated the Christmas tree on my birthday and if I had a party
    it was a caroling party, etc. My mother recently asked me if I felt
    slighted having a birthday close to Christmas and I told her honestly,
    no it was always fun. I can't say exactly what she did to make it
    special for me but it always was.
    
    I must say I've had to train my husband. When we were first married, he
    and his family tended to forget about my birthday. That's when I
    realized how great my family had been about acknowlodging my birthday
    all those years.
    
    My friend's daughter was born on the 25th. She is now 15, but when she
    was smaller they had a half birthday celebration. My friend said they
    dropped that when she got older because people tended to give 2
    birthday gives, etc.

     My mother's birthday is early January and she felt that her birthday
    was  not always remembered dur to the Christmas season. As far as I can
    remember my mother changed her birthday to June. So we celebrate her
    birthday then and not in January.
    
    Now, my husband's birthday is December 28th, and when I met him he told
    me that he feels his birthday always gets lost in the Christmas
    Spirits. But he does'nt want to change his. So I try and make a big
    deal on his birthday. The first year we were married I planned a big
    surprise party, and it turned out to be a flop. It snowed that day and
    the people did not want to travel to the party. Two people showed up.
    
    Lynne

    My oldest turns 17 on 29-DEC, and her biggest gripe isn't that her
    birthday gets lost in the Christmas shuffle, it's that it ALWAYS
    falls on a school holiday so she never gets to bring in cupcakes
    for the class and all her friends are always on vaction or off
    visiting relatives so her parties have been kind of small. 
    
    Dave's ideas in .6 are all good, but as your child gets old enough
    to have opinions (like about age 3), start asking for feedback. 
    For instance, Kat always loved the idea of having presents under
    the tree.  It seems to make the holiday last a little longer,
    rather than ending so abruptly, to have more packages waiting for
    another day.  But wrapping them in birthday paper, not Christmas
    paper, is important.  
    
    I try to figure out ways to see the problems as advantages.
    
    For instance, since it's not a good time for parties, we added up
    the cost of putting on a "typical" party for 8 or 10 friends, and
    then told her she could spend that much on a birthday celebration. 
    One year we went out for pizza and ice cream, then blew the
    balance on an evening of video games.  One year she chose to go to
    a movie every afternoon of the week.  Last year I took her and her
    best friend to Fanieul Hall for a day's shopping (window shopping,
    mostly), and then took them out to dinner at Scotch'n'Sirloin
    before we came home.  Other years she's had a couple of her
    friends sleep over, something manageable with three kids that
    wouldn't work for a whole class.
    
    My main recommendation wouldn't be to do or not do any particular
    thing, but to take the child into the planning as soon as
    possible, so s/he feels like it's his or her own day.  Maybe I'll
    have Kat enter her thoughts about it -- assuming she survives the
    Nutcracker performance this week.
    
    --bonnie

    
    This is a little bit out of sync with this topic ... but I'd like to
    add the importance of making sure a child receives his/her birthday
    card, gift, cake, long-distance phone call (or whatever) ON TIME!
    
    I know we all get busy and we have such good intentions ... but it's so
    important that a child doesn't feel like Grandma or Auntie FLAT OUT
    forgot about his/her birthday .. only to find a gift on your doorstoop
    two weeks "after the fact".  (I'm not saying it's wrong to push
    birthdays out to the following weekend, I'm trying to say make every
    effort to have the thoughts and presents occur on their 'planned' special
    day.)  It will mean a lot to them to know you did "remember".
    
    Just my two cents!
    Dottie
                                                           

I'm something of an expert on December birthdays.  My birthday is December
8th; my daughters' birthdays are December 9th and December 10th.


ON HAVING A DECEMBER BIRTHDAY

I've always enjoyed my December birthday.  On one hand, it was part of what
made the holiday season so special for me.  People are in a "partying"
mood and some of the excitement was directed my way.

On the other hand, my parents still made my day special.  Compared to
Christmas, it was a "quality vs. quantity" type of thing.  For my
birthday, I would have a special dinner and receive one or two _special_
gifts (vs. the barrage of toys on Christmas).  We did not put the Christmas
tree and major decorations up until after my birthday.

My daughters face more competition from the other birthdays than from
Christmas.  But we still keep their celebrations separate from each other's
and from Christmas, maintaining the same types of traditions my parents
observed.

I realize it's tougher if the birthday is closer to, or on, Christmas.  But
you can still pick one day to celebrate the birthday.  For a school age
child, I think a vacation week birthday party will make a nice tradition to
look forward to each year.

I do not recommend a "half-birthday."  For a child, part of the excitement
is being a "whole year" older.  Also, it reinforces the idea that his/her
actual birthday is NOT special.  The result is two watered down
celebrations.  IMO, that is.


ON HAVING A DECEMBER BABY

When I was expecting my older daughter, my best friend sent me a magazine
clipping (dated November of that year) that I have kept in Caileigh's baby
book.  I've been meaning to share it here for those of you are expecting
this month.

	"A nice young couple just moved in down the street.  Sally
	and Ed Newton are expecting their first child in about a month,
	and sold their one-bedroom condominium to buy this two-
	bedroom house.  It will be nice having an infant in the
	neighborhood again.

	"Now, a baby is a wonderful thing, but for my money the parents
	are the real show.  Suddenly, they act as if they've just
	fallen in love.  They talk quietly, arm in arm, on long walks.
	It's as if no one else existed.

	"I also enjoy watching the love that grows between parent and
	baby.  It was there in a manger 2,000 years ago, and it will be
	there when we build cities on the moon.  Right now, I see it
	plain as day in Sally's and Ed's eyes.

	"Having a baby at this time of year seems especially appropriate.
	No matter how much we dislike the chorus of 'buy, buy, buy,'
	there's a lot of genuine love and affection in the air.  Adding
	one more child seems a fitting way to multiply that feeling.  In
	fact, I can't think of a nicer gift to give the world."

						    -Burton Hillis

In my case, as some of you recall, Caileigh was very sick when she was
born.  For two weeks, we did not know if she would live and, if she did,
what terrible damage may have happened to her little body.  Because her
condition was so fragile, I could not hold her or, in the beginning, even
touch her.  Because she was on paralyzing drugs to keep her immobilized and
allow the life support systems to do their job, I had not even seen her eyes.

By Christmas Eve, she had improved enough to "wake up" and see her parents
for the first time; to breathe on her own (albeit in an oxygen hood) for
the first time; and to tolerate testing.  The brain scan and other
preliminary tests were all normal.  On Christmas Day, Caileigh's nurse
(aptly named Joy) allowed us to hold her for the first time.  She still had
a long way to go, but our baby was here to stay.

For me, Christmas will always be a wonderful reminder of what a precious
gift I have in my TWO December babies.

-Tracy

    

    My daughter was born on December 30 last year, and be planned on having
    a half birthday for her in June.
    
    With buying alll the Christmas gifts (that are needed) there really
    isn't much money left over for the birthday gifts.  We felt with having
    a second birthday in the summer there are different types of gifts we
    could give.  Whereas if we gave her a bike in December she couldn't use
    it until the spring/summer time.   We had also figured that we could do 
    the birthday parties in the summer when there is  swimming outdoor
    sleep overs (when she is a lot older) and a lot more outdoor activies.
    
    I am all for giving pre/post Christmas babies another special day, when
    it is really all theirs, and they don't have to compete with Christmas.

    My vote is to remember the kid's birthday just like you would any other
    birthday.
    
    I was born on December 28th, and thanks to my parent's - I never felt
    slighted.  As a matter of fact, I always thought that having a
    Christmas birthday worked to my advantage.  Since we traditionally
    spent Christmas week at my grandparents house, I had more people around
    for my birthday than my brothers did for their summer birthdays.  Of
    course, I always had a birthday cake and birthday presents - never a
    combination Christmas/birthday present.
    
    Nowadays, my birthday does tend to get lost in the shuffle, and I do
    sometimes feel a little left out.  When somebody gives me a "combo"
    present, I feel like they didn't think I was worth the energy.  I would
    rather get no present than a "combo" present.  Somebody recently
    suggested that I celebrate my birthday in June.  That really insulted
    me - it was like somebody saying "why don't you change your name - we
    don't like it".  
    
    Now I really appreciate the fact that my parents recognised my birthday
    the same way they recognized my brothers' birthdays - regardless of how 
    busy they were.

    My son was born on Christmas morning at 9:30.  He was due on the 15th
    of December and that is the alternative day we use.  For the last few
    years we have celebrated Christmas in the morning and his birthday late
    in the afternoon.  It has worked out fine.  We will alter as needed but
    I feel that 6 months away is too long.
    
    	...Kat

    I was born on December 22 in France.  I was almost named Noel or
    Noella.  Thank God I wasn't.  My immediate family would always have
    a separate party for my birthday before xmass when I was younger.  
    My relatives however would get me combo birthday/xmas gifts wrapped in
    xmas paper, this really bothered me.  When I was younger I would see
    me getting the combo gifts and my brother getting all xmass gifts (we
    would both get the same amount of gifts from our relatives) then in
    May my brother would get a whole bunch more gifts for his birthday.
    I did feel cheated about as a child.  Now, I don't care about it
    anymore.
    

    Thanks for all the replies - I'm overwhelmed with the response.
    
    Bonnie; if you do get a chance to ask your daughter for her opinion I
    would be interested.  Most comments that I get from Christmas babies
    are from adults - a teenager's view would be interesting.  By the way,
    I love your comment about your 'Christmas present'.  I was born on my
    mother's birthday (in July) and she always told me that I was her best
    birthday present ever (which made me feel great).
    
    Tracey; your note made me feel great.  Thanks for taking the time to
    enter it.
    
    As far as Christmas names go, you don't have to worry.  Although I love
    the name Holly, Holly Hammond sounds silly (in my opinion).  We thought
    about Nicholas for a boy but then re-thought it after we recognized the
    connection to Chistmas.  (I used to work with a Carroll Noel - first
    and last name - who was born on Christmas.  Frankly, I felt sorry for
    her.)
    
    Carol

Just thought I'd throw this one in, as its happening to me :-


SCENARIO

     Me (Anna) in Australia
     Parents   in England

     My birthday 18th December

     Birthday presents sent several weeks ago have yet to arrive, mail 
     normally takes approx 7 days.

     On ringing the local Post Office


     " Oh, its probably caught up with the christmas post, we've hundreds of 

        parcels arriving now "

     IT's not fair !!!!!!!!!


      Mind you, when I was a kid, some people used to forget my birthday.

ALSO - Donot give kids with Xmas birthdays money for Xmas, I always felt obliged
       to spend it on Xmas presents for other people, so ended up with nothing.

    Well, my second is due January 20th and I honestly don't want to go
    early (5 days with my first) because I didn't wants its birthday to be
    too close to Christmas. I don't want to go late either - just on the
    20th!!!
    
    In my family (extended) we celebrate about 1 birthday/anniversary a week
    starting October 1st all the way through February 28th. And we
    celebrate them as they should be. Luckily the closest to Christmas is
    December 16th or January 14th. Needless to say it is a busy time of
    year, lasting about 5 months. Adding another birthday isn't bad but it
    must be kept a birthday and not an extension of Christmas. 

    My second daughter will be 4 on Jan 2. I have a hard time finding a
    good gift for her because everything in the stores have been picked
    over. Almost everything is on sale though. We usually only have
    family over and they always spend as much as they do for the other
    kids with summer birthdays. I think it will be harder as she gets
    older and wants to have a big party with friends over. I hope I
    can always make her birthday a special day for her even if it is
    so soon after Christmas. I call her my special Christmas present
    because she came 10 years after my first and I hope she always
    feels that her birthday is important no matter what day of the year
    it falls on. 
    I wish I could give her the bike she wants for her birthday this
    year but living in N.H. I'm sure we'll have too much snow for a 
    bike again this year!
    

    I am a January 4th child, and I must admit I NEVER had a problem as a
    kid with mixed xmas/b-day presents. I wouldn't worry about mid or even
    early January children.
    
    Monica
    

    My son is December 28th.  All the family give him seperate gifts.
    He opens Christmas gifts on Christmas and Birthday gifts on his 
    birthday.  
    
    We have always celebrated his special day on December 28th with a
    birthday cake etc.  One problem previously mentioned is the 
    birthday that falls during school vacation.  When they are little
    they don't get to bring the cupcakes in to school to celebrate
    (we used to bring them in one day during the week prior to Christmas
    and not on the Christmas party day).  The other problem is having
    a party, first off for Mom and Dad to have another house full of
    company is to much to deal with.  Over and above that, an awful
    lot of kids are away someplace during the Christmas vacation.  It
    is difficult to explain to a child that most of the kids he invited
    to his birthday party can't attend because they have other things to
    do.  We handle it by doing something special with him, sometimes
    including a special friend and sometimes with just the family. Also,
    on occasion we have had a get together with some of the people we
    could not squeeze in on Christmas and combined Christmas gift giving
    with Brad's birthday party on December 28th.
    
    This December 28th he will be 14, and right now he claims he wants
    to change his birthday to the half birthday because he gets jipped.
    And remember at the beginning of this note, I mentioned that he gets
    the same gifts as his sister born July 1, and not wrapped in Christmas 
    paper, he gets a birthday cake and some celebration on his special day.
    I believe this is all coming from the fact that everyone tells him that
    he must get jipped because his birthday is December 28th.  Hopefully,
    when he gets a bit older he'll realize a birthday is a birthday no
    matter when the date is and everyone in our family gets the same
    attention/celebration on their special day EXCEPT MOM THAT IS!
    
    Judie
     

    This is really off the subject but several people have mentioned
    the problem with not being able to bring cupcakes to school if
    the birthday fall during break.   Is this routine?   I'm wondering
    what happens to the diabetic children and children with "sugar
    problems"....seems they'd feel awful left out that they CANNOT
    participate in the cake eating.  Seems really unnecessary to me.
    cj/

    Carol, 
    	Thanks for the last note, as the mother of a diabetic child, it is 
    nice to know someone actually thinks about those kids too.......
    	I could go on and on but maybe the subject should be brought up 
    under another topic. 
    
    

    It's nice and refreshing to see this topic,now let me add my 2 cents
    worth.  My mother inlaw's birthday is Dec 26, as long as I've known her
    I've always made it a point to give her a birthday present ON her
    birthday, and make her my special Chocolate cake (from scratch).  I try
    to give her a present that isn't typical Christmas, even if it's a
    plant or a non Christmas looking floral arrangement.  We took her to
    dinner at the Wayside Inn one year, all the children, spouses and my
    father inlaw too!  Last year we had a surprise party at their house and
    arranged to have ALF bring a dozen balloons.
    
    As for my son, he was born 4 years ago yesterday (January 2) but was 7
    weeks early.  Yes I agree it kind of rushes us to end the Holiday
    season, pull the tree down on or before New Years day, but he
    definitely gets a real party, usually the Sunday after or even a week
    after that, but he gets a real party.  When shopping for Christmas we
    consider his requests (this is really the first year we actually heard
    particular requests) and give him one big present for Christmas and a
    second big present for his birthday, I usually ask relatives,
    godparents and friends to refrain from more toys for his birthday, but
    to give clothes, and PJ's.  By the time the holidays are over he's got
    more toys than he knows what to do with.  This year was no exception!
    This year he was *very* aware of his birthday, I send cupcakes (I put
    cake batter into ice cream cones, frosted to look like the real thing)
    to nursery school and they celebrated his birthday.
    
    As a summer birthday I relate to being "cheated" out of a party at
    school.  Usually when my birthday rolled around school was out and
    eveyone was away on vacation or it was too hot to enjoy a party anyway!
    
    But AJ's birthday is special, he was 7 weeks early, and if my OB wasn't
    on the ball and seen mine and his distress, We'd have been remembering
    only a stillbirth, so this is a minor inconvience!
    
    Lyn
    (who named her kitty Holly, since she was a Christmas present!)