Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I have two kids.  With my first, during the whole preganacy,
    I was told by my friends, OB/GYN nurses, strangers, etc.. that
    it is a boy.  Therefore, I was mentally prepared that it will be a boy.
    It did turn out to be a boy.   I don't think it spoiled the 
    'surprise'.  I was still curious of what he will look like.
    
    With my second, I had two ultrasounds, one said it is a girl,
    one said it is a boy.  Therefore, I had 9 months of guessing.
    I hated it.  I wished I can know for sure.  It turned out to be
    a girl. 
    
    I personally like to know the sex ahead of the time so that I
    can be better prepared.  And I don't think it will spoil the
    fun.
    
    Wendy

    Brenda,
    
    We found out "for sure" at 28 weeks.....I wanted to know SO bad!
    And so did my husband!!  We were so curious!  We didn't have a 
    preference of boy or girl, we just wanted to get to know our baby
    a little better!  I was so excited when we found out Alexander was
    a boy...my heart was pounding!  So, I guess I just got my surprise
    early.
    
    To be honest, know "he" was coming soon helped me get through a
    terrible pregnancy.  If we have another child, I am sure we will
    want to find out again.
    
    Babies are wonderful!!!
    
    Linette
    (Alex is 4 months old today!!)
    

    We have one kid, a boy. My wife did not want to know ahead of time
    and as the 'owner' of the pregnancy prevailed. I did want to know
    ahead of time but was not able to.  Knowing ahead of time would
    have reduce the stress of adapting to being a first time parent
    for me because it would have allowed me to adjust to the sex of
    the child a bit ahead of time. "It doesn't make any difference".
    
    Yes, it does, for me anyway.
    
    Jeff
    

    In the beginning of my pregnancy I did not want to know the sex
    of my baby.  I had wanted a girl so bad and just had it in my mind
    that that was what I was going to have.  Towards the end of my
    pregnancy I had ultrasounds twice a week (due to the fact that I
    was gestationally diabetic).  One time the ultrasound technician
    had asked me if I knew what the sex of the baby was and I said I
    didn't.  She asked me what I wanted and I told her that I wanted
    a girl.  She immediately shut up.  The next time I went for ultrasound
    I said, "It's a boy, isn't it?".  The technician asked, "Didn't you
    find out at your last ultrasound?".  I said, "No".  She asked if
    I really wanted to know.  I told her that I did and she confirmed
    that it was a boy.
    
    I'm glad that I found out in advance because I had wanted a girl
    so bad that if I had waited until my son was born to find out that
    I had a boy, I may have rejected him.  I was able to get over the
    depression of knowing I was having a boy before he was born and
    it also helped me to get over a lot of the anxiety I was feeling.  
    
    Don't get me wrong, I love my son so much and I wouldn't trade him 
    for all the baby girls in the world.
                                                                    
    Lori B.

I knew that my second pregnancy (which I lost) was a boy.  I wanted to
know because I tend towards the ultra-practical side and wanted to 
make sure I hit the right sale racks at the stores!

I don't know what I'm carrying now, but with being due three weeks
from today I'll know soooooon.

Lori, I completely understand what you're saying.  I desparately hope
this child is a boy, will LOVE whatever it is, but believe I'll have
to grieve a bit if it's a girl.  

    Lori,
    
     With my first I wanted to know. I am a very organized person and I
    wanted to have the room ready. I did not want to go with a color for
    either.( Blue for a boy Pink for a girl). I found out through a
    ultrasound at 26 weeks that I was having a boy. 
    
    I was thrilled abouting having a boy, my husband was a little sad he
    wanted a girl. When the Big day arrived the whole experience was very
    exciting and knowing the sex did not make it less exciting.
    
    I am now expecting my second and I want to know the sex again. This
    time to determine whether all the clothes I am saving from my son  will
    be used or not used.
    
    Next week I go in for amnio (That is 100%) so I should know the sex in
    3 to 4 weeks. (Can't Wait).
    
    Good Luck,
    
    Lynne

    I definately didn't want to know what sex our baby was, but I just
    felt like it was a girl, especially after I had read a note in the
    this notesfile about the heartbeat rate/sex.  My husband really
    wanted to know so that he could paint the room the "right" color, but
    he got over it.  Even towards the end when I had a few ultrasounds, I 
    didn't want to know for sure - I had gone the full 9 months without
    knowing, so why spoil the suprise now ?
    
    -Joy
    

    I didn't care about knowing because there wasn't anything I was
    going to change based on the information.  I don't care for either
    extremely feminine or minimacho clothing, we chose an attractive
    color that would last for years even if the kids decided to change
    rooms or we decided to sell the house, and we were generally going
    to reuse the stuff we had on hand no matter what the sex of the
    next one was.  So there wasn't any point to knowing.
    
    --bonnie

Why is it NOT a surprise to find out the sex ahead of time?  I guess I really
don't see much difference in being told "It's a girl/boy!!!"  X weeks before
you deliver, or being told the exact same thing on delivery day.  Either way,
you are finding out something you didn't know previously!

I wish I had the option of finding out ahead of time.  I would definitely like
to know.  I am due in April with my 2nd.  Let me tell you, by the time I went
thru labor and delivery with the first (and I had an EASY, quick, labor and
delivery) I didn't really care WHAT I gave birth to.  They could've said "It's
a puppy!" and I wouldn't have felt surprised/excited.  I was just relieved it
was over!  I would have preferred to hear the joyous news "It's a boy!" when
I wasn't so exhausted.  It would've been more exciting/surprising, I think.

� �ori �

    	My wife and I did not really care one way or the other what the sex
    of our children were when she was carrying them. For the first two
    pregnancies we did not know until they were born, they were both boys.
    However, for the third child my wife needed to have ultrasounds done
    because she had placenta-previa and was spotting. 

    	The technician asked my wife if she wanted to know the sex of the
    baby. My wife got nervous because all she really wanted was a healthy
    baby but in her heart she was wishing for a girl. Well we decided that
    we wanted to know the sex, the technician said it was a girl. My wife
    was ecstatic. To me I think it was more pleasurable knowing the sex
    ahead of time in this case because you might say we got what we wanted. 
    I even wrote an announcement for the delivery, I will include it here.


		****   FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE	****

	We are pleased to announce the release of Nicole Griffin. The third 
in a family of compatible, user friendly person products.

	Under development for the past 38.25 weeks under the internal code
name of B.A.B.Y., co developers Brenda and Keith Griffin announced that
Nicole was delivered 12 days ahead of schedule at 04:20pm on August 22,1988.

	Nicole, sporting a total new design from the previous two releases
(Derick and Mark), arrived in an innovative, self contained, pale pink,
washable, soft-bound wrapper weighing in initially at 8 pounds 9� ounces
and measuring 19� inches in length.  This new design includes several high
tech devices  such as a hydrodynamic input - output system with auditory
feedback sensory alarms, built in alarm clock for re-training parents to the
rigors of the ingestion schedule, and an intuitive ability to manipulate
the environmental controls to produce any and all desired results.

	At the initial release, functionality consists primarily of
processing parent-prepared liquid input streams. The automatic auditory
alarm is triggered whenever output is available in the parent installed
filtration devices. 

    I really only have one question: Why would finding out in an ultrasound
    not be a surprise?  With my first I didn't know because we didn't want
    any ultrasounds.  I was convinced that I was having a girl, and my
    husband wanted a girl soooo bad, that when we were picking names he
    didn't care what I chose for a boy, but DID WE ARGUE over the girl's
    name!  It was a BOY!!!!!
    
    For the second and third I did want to know.  It was just as much a
    surprise knowing at 6.5 months as it was at delivery.  But better
    because we named him right then.  Justin (our first) appeared to accept
    the second child more easily because he was more "real" to him once he
    had a name.  (Justin was very excited anyway...kept a stuffed animal
    under his shirt all day once because he was having a baby like Mommy!)
    
    By the way, even if you know ahead of time, you may be surprised....
    ultrasounds are only 60% right with girls, and 90% on boys....they only
    look for what is there...or not there....maybe it's hidden!
    
    -Laura

    To add to Laura's last paragraph in reply .11-----
    We have firends who had three boys and when pregnant with the fourth,
    wanted very much for it to be a girl. Well, due to some pregnancy
    complications, she had *many* ultrasounds, all of which indicated a
    girl. They were elated! and immediately bought all sorts of frilly pink
    stuff. two days before she delivered, the final ultrasound was done.
    She said the doctor was very quiet doing it. She was getting worried,
    until he said, "Uh, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but.....you've
    got a boy in there....He is perfectly positioned and there is *NO*
    mistaking it!!". Well, boy it was. She said he sure lookid funny in all
    of theat frilly pink clothing..............
    
    --dave--

    
    Brenda,
    I did a *very* wierd thing when I was pregnant with Hannah--but I don't
    regret it for a minute.  As a matter of fact, it makes for very
    entertaining conversation.
    
    I wanted to know the baby's sex, and my husband didn't.  We both were
    pretty adament as to our feelings.  So--when the amneo results came in,
    I asked my doctor to tell me the sex--but not to tell anyone else (ie:
    my husband).  My doctor complied--and for most of my pregnancy, I was
    the ONLY one who knew that Hannah was indeed a Hannah, and not a
    Nicholas!
    
    I did finally break down about 2 weeks before my due date and tell a
    clerk in a baby store--but that was it.  I didn't even tell my mother
    or my best friend.  As a matter of fact, most people were convinced it
    was a boy (I may have thrown subtle hints in that direction...), but
    only I knew for sure. 
    
    I am really glad I knew because I needed to know.  I was very
    ambivalent about being pregnant and knowing helped me to bond to the
    baby before she was born.  
    
    With my second pregnancy, both me and my husband want to know.  I want
    to know for the same reasons I wanted to know the 1st time--I feel it
    helps with bonding and my husband wants to know because he feels he had
    his big surprise with Hannah and he wants to know for bonding as well. 
    So, we both know!
    
    I recommend knowing.  If you're not into the big surprise, then why not
    know?  Those of us who are control freaks feel that if the technology
    is there....use it!  It would drive me crazy to know I could know...but
    not know.  Get that?
    
    Let us know what you decide to do.
    
    Bonnie
    
    

    My wife thought she didn't care, and I was mildly curious, so
    we asked to be told--the resulting feeling was such that if we
    ever have another, we'll ask not to be told.
    
    It's something like not having rice at a wedding, or not having
    a pumpkin at Halloween: you don't really mind, but you know you're
    missing part of the traditional experience.
    
    			-John Bishop

    The first time I did NOT want to know (and didn't).  The second time, I
    wouldn't have minded knowing, but although I had numerous ultrasounds,
    she (the baby) didn't give us any previews.
    
    So Bonnie P., are you going to tell anyone this time (like US?!!)?
    
    T.
    

    
    Thank you everyone for your replies.  Both my husband and i have always
    wanted to know and we also feel the same way Bonnie (.13) feels:
    
    "Those of us who are control freaks feel that if technology is
    there....use it!  It would drive me crazy to know I could know...but
    not know."
    
    I did get it.  So, we're gonna go for it.  I'm 3 months along now and
    i haven't had an ultrasound yet and i don't know when my first one will
    be but i'm hoping soon.  I'll ask my midwife next week when i see her.
    
    Although, when/if we find out i don't want to tell anyone else, we'll
    let everyone else be surprised!
    
    Brenda

	My OB group does not believe in giving ultrasounds if there is no 
reason to, so we never had to make the choice.  But Gary and I had talked 
about it and decided that we would NOT want to know.  
	
	Our largest reason was Gary's mother (and some other relatives and 
friends) are highly traditional.  Girl == "lots of Pink frilly dresses".  Gary 
and I feel VERY strongly about gender sterotyping and the pink for girls/blue
for boys routine is a major hot button for us.  

	Did we need to know so that we could decorate Katie's room "correctly"?
PPPLLLLLPPPL!!!  ( <= Raspberry :-) ) Heck No!  Katie's room is done in primary 
colors.  They're more interesting for little babies to look at anyway. It says 
so right here in my Owner's Operating Manual. :-)

	I have no regrets about doing it that way.  I wanted a boy.  I got a 
girl.  I had one instant of "rats!" when they told me.  Then I got to see/hold 
the most perfect baby in the world and all thought of disappointment was gone.
No question that I want anything but what I have now.   


Tracey

    We don't get the choice with our health plan to have an ultrasound. 
    They ONLY do one if twins are suspected or if there are complications.
    
    We don't want to know the sex of the unborn child.  If you know ahead
    of time, and tell friends and relatives as well, what do you say when you 
    call  people when the baby is born? "Hey, we had the baby!"  Some of the 
    fun and excitement is telling the news of the sex of the child.   Another 
    reason we don't want to know is (not that there aren't enough surprises 
    with the birth!) but it is just a little something more to look forward to 
    as far as the "magic" goes after the baby is born.
    
    I too and somewhat of a control freak, but this is one we prefer to leave
    alone.
    

    I had an amneo so could have known if I wanted to.  My husband didn't
    want to know in advance.  I decided not to find out until the birth.
    
    I decided that I wanted time in advance to "bond" (I don't know if that
    is a correct term for prenatal psychological attachment) with "baby",
    without my developing unconscious preconceptions that might affect
    the baby later. 
    
    In other words, I wanted my baby and me to start out even as far as 
    sexual identity was concerned.
    
    

    When I was 35 weeks I had an ultrasound.  During the procedure the
    technician put her hand over the screen and asked if we wanted to know
    what it was.  We decided that if John(hubby) could look at the screen and
    tell, well, okay.. (I couldn't see the screen very well).. Well, he
    determined it was a girl and was totally convinced to the point of
    calling the baby "his Katie" from that moment on.. but until she was 
    actually born I wasn't totally convinced.  I did not feel like the
    surprise had been ruined.  I was so concerned that she was 
    going to be a healthy baby - boy or girl - that even knowing what to
    expect regarding to her gender did nothing to deflate my feelings at
    her birth.                          

    Well - here's my two cents.  One of the most memorable moments after
    both of my children were born were the "what is it" dialog.  I still
    remember my doctors expressions and the reactions from both myself
    and my husband upon learning that we had a boy/girl.  I can tell you
    it was pretty exciting to not only have the birth over with but to
    actually FINALLY find out what sex of a child we had.  I wouldn't want
    to know in advance - even though we probably would have picked more
    sex appropriate pet names for the unborn baby.  Last name was MOOKIE!
    

    Funny, although I am somewhat of a control freak, both of us were
    totally indifferent to knowing (or not knowing) the sex before birth.
    It was the doctor's plan to only have 1 ultrasound, unless
    complications were to set in later on. 
    
    So, this week we had the ultrasound. Other members of our family were
    more interested in knowing, but since I am only 20 weeks, we weren't
    sure that the topic would come up at all (itsy bitsy little
    genitalia...) in the examination room, and well, it did not. So,
    when my mother asked (she's been quite diplomatically knitting blankets
    with pink AND blue in them up until now), I said "no mom, the baby's
    legs were crossed."
    
    Anyway, it looks fine and dandy, and as I type it seems to be moving
    the furniture around in there....8-)
    
    I think that if I had found out now, it would still be a surprise,
    since I've heard of so many mistakes that I wouldn't really TRUST this
    prediction until the baby is born anyway.... (I may work with high-
    technology, but I don't have to trust it do I?)
    
    Monica
                                                   

    I think people that feel very strongly about one sex or another should
    NOT find out before the birth.  I thought I felt strongly about it,
    didn't know the sex beforehand, and can't remember feeling any
    disappointment when my child turned out to be the "other" sex.  (I
    have one of each so nobody will know which sex I thought I preferred).
    Mostly when I first heard the sex I was just glad labor was over, and by
    the time the being-glad-labor-was-over feeling passed, I was already
    holding and falling in love with my baby.
    
    On the other hand, I knew someone who felt very strongly that she only
    wanted a girl, and found out early on it was a boy.  She spent the
    remainder of her pregnancy being very angry at the to-be-born baby
    for being the wrong sex, and fretting about how unpleasant bringing
    up a boy was going to be.  I've lost touch with her since slightly
    before the birth, so I don't know how she's adjusted, but having
    5 months to imagine all the worst things she imagined about little
    boys seemed very bad.  I believe everything would have gone much
    more smoothly if she hadn't found out until the birth.
    
    Radia

I enjoyed being surprised.  It was nice after all that LABOR to have the
elation of discovering it was a boy or girl.  We are lucky and have one
of each!

    My doctor didn't do an ultrasound, but I wouldn't want to know
    the sex anyway.  I think my main reason for that is because
    it isn't 100% accurate.  If they had to do an amnio and I would
    know 100% what it was, I think I'd want to know.
    
    As Eric was being born the doctor kept referring to him as "he".
    She said she didn't know why she kept saying "he" since should
    couldn't know for sure yet.  She just thought it looked like a boy.
    So I sort of felt it might be a boy, too.  When Eric was born
    they laid him on my stomach and his legs were up (blocking the
    view).  I just kept looking at his face saying "Oh, oh, oh" because 
    I he looked so perfect.  After maybe 30 seconds or so I realized I 
    didn't even know the sex.  I finally had to ask, "What is it?"  
    That's when I found out.  I could have cared less either way if it 
    was a boy or girl, so there was no disappointment for me.  I have a 
    question. How come so many of you are so determined to have either a 
    boy or a girl?  To the point that it leads to disappointment?  Even 
    though I now have a boy and if I had a second, I figure it might be nice
    to have a girl, I still wouldn't be disappointed because another boy
    would probably mean a closer pal for Eric.  Also, little boys are just 
    so wonderful.  I would have never realized how wonderful if I had a girl.
    
    Donna
    
    

    re: .25
    
     >> Also, little boys are just so wonderful.  I would have never
    >> realised how wonderful if I had a girl.
    
    Amazing!  My thoughts exactly, only I think that little girls are
    wonderful and I wouldn't have known how wonderful if I'd had a
    little boy.  Well, that's the way it should be, I suppose.  I
    think that the reason I think like that is that Alison is
    wonderful, Alison is a girl, therefore girls are wonderful
    (dubious logic, I know!)   Anyone out there with twin boy and
    girl who can tell us that they are so glad that they had one of
    each sex, because now they know that boys and girls are equally
    wonderful :-)  (Sorry Donna, I'm not trying to make fun of you, I
    know exactly how you feel)
    
    I also agree with Donna (.25) about people expressing a
    preference.  It makes me very upset when I hear pregnant ladies
    (or their partners) saying "Oh I do hope it's a boy" or "I'm
    longing for a little girl".  I know that whatever they have they
    will love, and they will not want the baby to be other than what
    it is.  I think it upsets me because there's no point in
    hoping for one thing or another, it's not going to change want
    you will get.  In a strange way I feel sorry for the unborn
    child.  It can't help being what it is.
    
    I also wonder about families with three or more children of the
    same sex.  Do the last children owe their existence to fact that
    their elder siblings were all boys or all girls, and their
    parents were trying for something different?  (This is not
    intended to be a criticism of families with children of the same
    sex, it's just something I can't help wondering about, so please
    don't post lots of replies saying "Well I had 10 boys and I
    couldn't care what sex they were," etc.)
    
    Anyway to get back to the original topic of the note - I had four
    ultrasounds, and at each one  I resisted the temptation to find
    out the baby's sex.  I felt that finding out the baby's sex
    before the birth was like peeking under the wrapping of a
    Christmas present before Christmas.  Also, I didn't mind whether
    had a girl or a boy, so it didn't matter to me.
    
    Now, after my flaming of people who are hoping for one particular
    sex, I have to say that my husband wanted a boy.  No big deal,
    but he did express a definite preference.  He never felt
    particularly involved with my bump when I was pregnant, so I
    don't think that knowing it was a girl-bump would have helped him
    at all.  As it turned out, he had already seen and fallen in love with
    our baby by the time he heard the words "It's a girl" so it
    didn't matter to him that she wasn't a boy!
    
    As far as bonding goes - I didn't mind whether I had a girl or a
    boy and I had felt very affectionate towards my bump when I was
    pregnant, but I didn't fall instantly in love with our daughter
    like my husband did.  I didn't reject her, or anything like that,
    I felt very fond of her, but I never felt an instant rush of
    maternal love.  The fondness gradually grew into love, and the
    love just grew and grew over a period of weeks.  But I don't
    think that that has anything to do with know the sex in advance.
    
    - Janet
                             

    
    I've had 3 different experiences and thought each one was appropriate
    for how I felt at the time.  I didn't find out the sex of my 1st child.
    Wanted to be surprised and all that, figured it was a boy and it was.
    The second baby, I had an amnio because of some complications.  Even
    though the answer to the "big question" was there in my file, I opted
    not to know.  Sometimes it drove me nuts, the file just sitting there
    and all the nurses knowing what sex my baby would be...but it seemed
    to be even more tantalizing by not knowing.  Boy again.  The third
    time I had another amnio.  The results came back with some potential
    genetic problems and then, after a few days, our concerns were quelled
    and we were told the baby was fine.  At that point we were so relieved
    we said, "Sure, tell us what we're having - we're so relieved and we
    feel so involved with this baby anyway, give us the news".  The doctor
    smiled, looked at my husband, looked at me and said "You're married to
    Fred MacMurray...it's "MY THREE SONS".  We had hoped for a girl but I
    think knowing, and knowing in this particular situation, made it com-
    forting and humorous. 
    
    Every once in a while I call my husband Steven Douglas just to get a
    reaction!  I certainly could use Uncle Bill around the kitchen these
    days too!...  ;-)
    
    Whatever you decide - you're going to have so much FUN!
    
    Good luck!
    
    -dorothy
    

re: .23

Interesting theory.  See .4 for a contrary view of someone who had strong 
feelings and found out.  It would be interesting to see how things turned out 
with your friend.  

re: .26

>    I think it upsets me because there's no point in
>    hoping for one thing or another, it's not going to change want
>    you will get.  

The same can be said about hoping for _anything_, such as a healthy baby, or a 
baby with no genetic defects.  Why should hoping for a boy or a girl be any 
different?  I can't help thinking that there is some "correct" way to feel.

IMHO, it's far more damaging to deny that you have a feeling than to have it, 
and admit it.  Admitting that you have it may make you better able to deal 
with it, as .4 did.  Denying it makes it more likely that the feelings will 
come out in unintended ways.  Please don't be hard on people for being honest, 
or for not feeling like they "should" feel.  The former is admirable, and the 
latter is unavoidable. 

>    I felt that finding out the baby's sex
>    before the birth was like peeking under the wrapping of a
>    Christmas present before Christmas.  

Excellent analogy.  Suppose you wanted a pair of blue jeans, but you got a 
frilly dress.  If knowing ahead of time enable you to _avoid_ saying something 
like "yuck! a dress! I don't wear dresses!" -- thereby hurting the feelings of 
the person who gave it to you -- , then maybe you should find out.  If you 
would say it anyway, or if knowing it would spoil Christmas, then you 
shouldn't find out.

Clay

I have a couple reasons for wanting a boy.  Perhaps my main reason is that
I cannot imagine possibly loving another girl with the intensity that I 
love my daughter.  On the other hand, I have absolutely no doubt that if
I do have another girl, I will love her as fiercely.  The other reason I'd
like a boy is that I lost one last year.

Liz

    
    
    
    RE: .29
    
    From someone who has 3 of one gender I can only say that I am
    continually amazed at how different children can be from one another.
    Regardless of their sex, each one is an individual and will capture
    your heart in his or her own way.  
    
    Just enjoy the ride, it's phenomenal.
    
    -dorothy
                                                   

    re .26 and .28 - oops, sorry, I didn't mean to be hard on anyone for
    expressing a preference for boy or girl.  I was just saying how I felt
    about it, but I definitely don't expect everyone or anyone to feel the
    same way as me.  My husband expressed a preference for a boy, and
    honestly I wasn't hard on him. 
    
    Frilly dress or blue jeans - I like it!  I always thought of it as
    "diamond necklace or diamond bracelet" - I don't mind which I have!
    
    I've read all the replies to this note and I can understand people's
    reasons for wanting to know the sex and not wanting to know the sex, so
    I just thought I'd add my two-pennies worth.
     
    - Janet

    After two children, both girls, I am surprised to look back and
    see how practical my wife and I became.  The first time around,
    we had no baby stuff whatsoever, so we just waited on any of the
    stuff that might be different for one sex vs the other.  On the
    second, we had all the "girl" stuff and needed to know whether to
    lend it out or save it.  It so happened that the AFP came back 
    abnormal, so we ended up doing an amnio with the second and were
    able to determine without a doubt what the sex was.  For us, it
    didn't take away any of the wonderful experience of childbirth and
    made our preparations much easier.
    
    If we were to have another, I would absolutely want to know!  As
    an aside, my wife's OB/GYN will not allow any sex determination
    based on ultrasounds (His response was always "I can absolutely
    tell you it's a baby!"), so we couldn't have found out with the
    first anyway.  Also, I must admit, both Jan and I, after all of
    the agony we went through with the abnormal AFP, felt that we'd
    at least better get SOMETHING out of it!
    
    Good luck with whatever you decide (but I'd be real cautious about
    making major color choices based on an ultrasoud!!!)
    
    Rich
     

    A friend of mine had several ultrasounds during her
    pregnancy and they all swore it was a boy.  This made
    her husband very happy since they already had a girl -
    he wanted a boy very much.  So we had a shower for her
    and bought her all this neat *boy* stuff.  Well.....
    when she finally delivered - oops!!!!!! She had a girl.
    
    Needless to say there were a few confused moments in the
    delivery room.
    
    FWIW - my husband and I both want to be surprised at delivery.
    
    Kara Tulanko

    With my first I didn't want to know at all. Yes, it did make planning
    harder but now the way the room is decorated will handle either sex
    with my second.
    
    With the second, we want to know but have yet to get a definative
    answer. The ultra-sound at 20 weeks said a girl but the baby didn't
    flash and the technician said it "looks like a girl" based on the "fat
    deposits" around the hips or the hip girth or something with the hips.
    That doesn't sound definite to me at all so I'm not planning on it
    being a girl; my husband is! 
    
    One of my nurse practitioners told my with my first it "sounded" like a
    boy and she was right. I see her next week and will see what her
    prediction is. I'd love a girl so we had one of each but my son was
    such a wonderful baby, I wouldn't mind having another boy. 
    
    For the second it seems more practical to know. For the first, I liked 
    keeping everyone in suspense!! 
    
    Not to also "scare" people, but good friends of ours conveived their
    first at about the same time one of their fathers died. They decided
    immediately that the name would be Jeremy if it was a boy. An amnio
    confirmed it was a boy quite early so they started calling the unborn
    baby Jeremy. The mother once told me that if she every lost Jeremy to a
    miscarriage or still birth it would have been so much more difficult to
    handle because this unborn child had a complete identity. I would
    think people at risk during their pregnancy might want to wait to find
    out the sex until they are out of danger but it is usually the mothers
    of high risk pregnancies who go through the tests that can comfirm the
    sex without a doubt - a catch-22!!!
    
    Andrea

    I didn't know the sex of my baby and *really* wanted to know it.  My
    only ultrasound was at 13 weeks, and I didn't have amnio.
    
    The one thing that surprised me over and over was the way other people
    would have opinions on this topic.  When I was asked if I knew the sex,
    I would say no.  Then I would get a long story about how nice that was,
    with the surprise and being like the old days.  I usually would hear
    some type of judgement in the response.
    
    Each of us knows our own style. Judge for yourself and figure it out.
    
    If we can figure out what whether to use a doctor or midwife, or home
    birth or hospital birth, then I think each of us can figure out whether 
    we want to know the sex of the baby beforehand.
    
    Has anyone else noticed this attitude?  (I'll admit that most of the
    time I heard this from grandmother types, including my own
    mother-in-law...)
    
    Judy
    

I am enclosing a fun way of determining the sex of your baby.
This is supposedly an old Chinese way of determining the sex of a
baby. Since old Chinese society favours a boy child, you might
find this leaning that way.

To the woman's conception age, add one year since Chinese society
count the child as age 1 at birth; ie, year 0 begins at
conception.

Calvin Hoe

		Will the Baby be a Boy or a Girl?


 C       	     Woman's Conceiving Age
 o
 n      1 1 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 4 4 4 4 4 4  
 c      8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5
 e  Jan g b g b g b b g b g b g b b b g b b g b g b g b g b b g 
 p  Feb b g b g b b g b g b g b g g g b g b b g b g b g b g b b
 t  Mar g b g g b g b b b g b g g b b b b g b b g b g b g b g b
 i  Apr b g b g g b b g g b g g g g g b g b g b b b b g b g b g
 o  May b g b g b b g g g g g b g g g g g g b g b b g b g b b g
 n  Jun b b b g g g b b b g g b g g g g g g g b g g b g b g b g
    Jul b b b g g b b g g b b b g g g g g g g g b g b b g b g b
 M  Aug b b b g b g g b b b b b g g g b g b g b g b g b b g b g
 o  Sep b b b g g b g b g b b b g g g g g g b g b g b g b b g b
 n  Oct b b g g g b g b g b b g g g g g g g b b g b g b g b b g
 t  Nov b g b g g b g b g g g g b g g g b b b g b g b g b b g b
 h  Dec b g b g g g g b g b g g b b b b b b b b g g g b g b g b  

 	b=boy   g=girl

CHART EXPLANATION

You can decide for yourself whether you will have a boy or a girl 
by following this chart. The woman's age from 18 to 45 (Chinese 
reckoning is that age 1 is at time of her birth) is the top 
line while the months Jan to Dec is the month the baby is conceived.
By following the chart, you will be able to tell, in advance, whether
your baby will be a boy or a girl. 

By following the column down for the woman's age to the row for the 
month the baby was conceived, the gender of the baby can be determined. 
For example, a 27 year old woman conceived her baby in January 
(according to the Chinese Lunar calendar, beginning the first new moon 
in January of the Julian Calendar); her baby will be a girl.

This chart, designed by a Chinese scholar, was discovered in an Emperor's
tomb near Bejing, China. The original chart resides in the Institute of 
Science of Bejing. The accuracy of the chart has been proven by 
thousands of people and is believed to be 99% accurate.

    Hey, I want to know the sex of my next child right now and I'm not
    even pregnant!!!  I'd love to have another girl and be able to re-use
    a lot of Allyson's beautiful, barely-worn baby clothes, but if it's
    not in the cards to have a girl, then I want to be able to give all
    of this stuff away.  I have four friends that are all about to have
    babies and I know at least one of them is bound to have a girl.
    
    I didn't know my daughter's sex til she was born, but I think I
    would have liked to have known beforehand.  My husband and I could
    have escaped all of those fights we had over boys' names ;-).
    If I have the choice to know beforehand next time, I think I'll opt
    for knowing.  But next time it really won't matter that much.  I
    already got exactly what I wanted the first time.
    
    - Kathryn
    

    re: .36
    
    The chart was right on for me!  My son was conceived in November
    when I was 30 years old.
    
    Lori B.

    
    In re: chart.
    
    Piffle.  It got mine just the way you would expect, namely 50%.
    
    Anyway, as everybody should know, that silly chart has the wrong
    factors.  To have predictive value, it would have to use the number of
    vowels in the paternal grandmother's last name (at her birth), plus the
    results of the last prior off-year U.S. congressional election prior to
    conception.
    
    			- bruce

100% accurate in our sample of two.

But question:  Given the strong Chinese cultural preference for male children, 
particularly first born, if the chart is 99% accurate, wouldn't that mean that 
99% of first born Chinese children would be male?

Clay

    Re .36: 50% accurate in our case.
    
    Re .40: HUH?
    
    T.
    

Re. .41 HUH ?,

I think the author of .40 means that if 100% of Chinese people follow this 
chart, and if 100% also prefer sons, and if the chart is 99% accurate, then
it follows that eventually 99% of Chinese people will be male. Presumably
this will go some way to resolving the population problem there ;-)

re:.41, .42

.42's is correct as to what I meant.

> Presumably this will go some way to resolving the population problem there ;-)

Yes, particularly, if the allegations about the governments attempts to limit 
couples to one child are correct.

Clay

BTW, the chart is 0% effective for me...

    
    In re: .40 - .42
    
    I think the trick here is that the chart is only 99% accurate in 
    retrospect.  If consulted in advance of conception it loses its
    predictive value.
    
    		- Bruce
    

    
    Well, I am so excited...I put a note in here a while ago about
    'physical symptoms' a mom gets in determining a baby's sex.
    I thought having oily skin, zits, etc. meant having a girl and
    I wanted a boy bad...
    
    Well, guess what...I'm having a boy!  I saw the little bugger's
    plumbing real good at my ultrasound on Tuesday...I'm about 5 1/2
    months (1 week sooner than my doc thought) and still barely feel
    the baby move but at least I saw him...the lab tech couldn't
    believe I didn't feel him....saw him drinking amnio fluid and
    playing with his hands and feet....nothing like I've ever
    experienced....
    
    so for all you other 'oily' skinned prego women out there...you
    could be having a boy.....
    
    Kristen

    Well,  with my first ultrasound we found out that the baby was breech &
    the nurse immediatly knew what the sex of the baby was?  So, of course
    I thought its a boy!  Everyone would say to me your having a boy
    because I carried the baby low. The night before I was scheduled to
    have a C-section because the baby was still breech I had talked with my
    father and he told me that he feels that I going to have a baby girl. 
    Well to my suprise on April 11th 1989 I had a big baby girl 9 1/2 lbs. 
    I'm pregnant with my second child and is do to have a ultrasound
    January 3rd, 1992.  I wouldn't mind knowing what the baby sex is but my
    husband said "we didn't know with the first one so, let it be a suprise
    to"  I'm due May 21st, 1992 only time will tell!!
    
    Tiki