Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I know the basenoter said she didn't want to discuss the "right" and
    "wrong" or the "WHY".....but I have to ask:  "WHY would you want to
    pierce any child's ear prior to them reaching their teens when they are
    old enough to accept the responsibility for themselves????"  I'm not
    saying I think it's wrong, I'm just really curious.  It seems like just
    another hassle to add to all the other little hassles in raising
    children.
    
    Diana

re: .1

Perhaps some don't consider it a hassle - I have never considered it a hassle
at all, though I really don't change her earrings.  I still get many "how old
is HE?" comments (she doesn't have much hair, and she is bigger than most
linebackers), but I must admit they have cut down considerably since we got
earrings!

There are differences in cultures (in some cultures, ear piercing is as
standard as circumcision), parenting styles, desires, etc....  Some parents
purchase and dress their children in "cute" clothes that others would consider
a waste of money or a hassle - but the parents like it, and perhaps even the
child "feels" cute/good/etc.  Kati notices my earrings all the time, and likes
the fact that she has some too.

Kristen

    I don't think of it as a hastle either.
    
    Malainie asked and asked and asked for me to peirce her ears for months
    (mind you she is only going to be 4 in December) and I kept saying that
    we would have them done someday....
    
    She always loved my earings and wanted some like mine, also, other
    children in school have their ears peirced.  I put it off alot and then
    finally I said that we would do it.  We talked alot about it and what
    would have to be done ie: alcohol them 2 times a day, twist the earings
    alot, also no playing with your ears or earings so as not to get an
    infection.  She seemed to understand.  We had her ears done the
    beginning of August and just recently purchased her own earings, she
    loves them!  She also reminds me if I forget to alcohol her ears, and
    she does not play with the earings, in fact she associates them with
    her being a big girl now, so I know that we will not have a problem with 
    infections.
    
    I guess that it is up to the individual parent, my mother never would
    have peirced my ears as young as I did Malainie's, but she was there
    with us when we had Malainie's done and enjoyed every minute.
    
    I think that if anyone wants to have their daughter's ears peirced,
    that they should do it, as long as they understand the responsibility
    of taking good care of preventing infections until the child can handle
    the responsibility themselves.
    
    One helpful hint:  Make sure when you do decide to have them done that
    you go to a place (Hair salon's are the only place I know that do them
    around here, Westford, MA) that has to peircing guns, not just one.
    this will be easier on a toddler and less of a shock for them.
    
    Happy peircing!
    
    Julie

re:                      <<< Note 430.3 by DELNI::JULIESMITH >>>

<    One helpful hint:  Make sure when you do decide to have them done that
<    you go to a place (Hair salon's are the only place I know that do them
<    around here, Westford, MA) that has to peircing guns, not just one.
<    this will be easier on a toddler and less of a shock for them.

   It's going to be a little while before I have to worry about this -
   my oldes daughter is only 19 months, but can you clarify this for
   me?  What is the benefit of having two guns?  Do they do both ears
   simultaneously in that case?
   
   Thanks,
   
   - Tom
   

    Tom - 
    
    Yes, they do both ears simultaneously so the child doesn't get scared
    between ear one and ear two.  Emily sort of jumped when the guns went
    off but I think it was more the sound than the way it felt.  She didn't
    cry at all and her jump didn't affect the placement of the earrings. 
    Those guns are quick!
    
    Nanci

    I think a parent imposing ear piercing on a young daughter is slightly
    better than tatooing a heart on a toddler son inscribed "I Love Mom";
    but only slightly.  I know plenty of adult women who have unpierced
    ears, and prefer it that way.  In cultures in which permanent cosmetic
    changes are universally practiced, carrying them out on one's children
    is almost requisite conformity.  In our more diverse society, I feel
    ear piercing for either sex ought to be left to the adult choice of the
    owner of the ear(s).
    
    		- Bruce

    
    re .6  Gosh Bruce, you kinda sugar coated that one, why don't you tell
           us how you really feel?
    
    My .02 cents for what its worth,  both my neices had their ears pierced
    before the age of one.  From my perspective, it seems like such a 
    headache!  One neice is 12 and the other is 8, and they both are 
    STILL constantly losing their earrings.  Yes, even the screw-on kind.
    
    Both my sis and SIL have tried letting them go bare-eared [SHOCKING!]
    but the skin grows across the back the earlobe and you almost have to
    repierce!
    
    I think those cute little heart stickers for girls are cute!
    
    Rochelle

re: .6

I agree with your central point, but I think the practical issue makes 
earpiercing more than "only slightly" different than tatooing.  As mentioned 
in the previous note, and in previous discussions on this topic, the holes 
usually -- but not always -- close if there is not an earring there to keep it 
open.  And even if it doesn't close, the hole is pretty unobtrusive if there 
isn't an earring there.

I agree with the "choice" aspect, but I don't think that restricting it to 
"adult" choice is necessary.  I think that the uncoerced choice of an eight 
year old girl is fine.  

Also, I also don't think that having it done is necessarily bad in itself, 
unless it is symptomatic of a parent who wants to control a child's life, and 
who attempts, consciously or not, to define for her a girl's role as "looking 
pretty".  So when I hear or see "She looks so cute", I am somewhat put on 
guard.  But if that same parent lets the child dress in jeans or sweatpants 
and play in the mud if she so chooses, then to me ear piercing is pretty 
trivial.  And  BTW, I didn't always feel this way.  If I remember correctly, 
my reply in previous discussions was quite heated.

Clay

    re: stick-on earrings
    
    Sally took her $3 birthday money to Marshalls and bought 31 pairs of
    stick-on earrings.  I have never seen her get so much fun out of $3
    before!  She wears a different pair each day, shares them with her
    sister, and is having a blast.  I think the real retail price is $5 or
    $6.
    
    This may be an easy and CHEAP option for a young child who wants
    earrings today but maybe not tomorrow.

    re: .6
    
    Our diverse culture also includes many subgroups in which ear
    piercing for infant girls is routine.
    
    --bonnie

    My 8-year-old asked for four years to get her ears pierced.  I finally
    did it when she was seven.  Nine months later she decided that she
    didn't want them pierced any more, even though she hadn't had the 
    problems with infection my older child had.  So if she decides in a
    few years she wants them pierced again, she has to earn the money to
    have it done herself.  In the meantime, she wears the old-fashioned
    clip-on type earrings and is perfectly happy with the arrangement.
    
    Ellen
    

    I have a few questions...They made have previously been made by others,
    but That was so long ago and are inbedded into other notes not seen,
    unless you open that topic and weed thru all of the replys.
    
    My daughter will be 2 next week, and we hemmed and hawwed wether we
    should get her ears peirced when she was under 1 yr, we decided to
    forget it, because about that time she started getting ear infections
    from a flu, and the same one came back many times...
                                                                            
    I have thought when I have my second, should it be a girl, I may dare
    and just do it.
                                                                            	
    The thing I never saw in all those replies was talk about how many
    times you have to turn the earings and put Alcohol on them to get over
    that initial new wound. I always grew up doing this to mine per the
    people that peirced them.
    
    Also...Unrelated question...I am about to put Alicia into a "big girl"
    bed (twin), should we take down the crib, even tho I am planning to
    have another one within the next yr, so she forgets about it and does
    not feel that the "baby" is stealing her bed away, plus she won't think
    that she has a choice of 2 beds?
    
    What do ya think?
    
    Charlene

    As far as preventing ear infections where pierced, I would keep it up
    for at least a month.  My niece (10 yr) had hers done and got tired of
    keeping up with the alcohol bit and let them close up after the first
    month.  Check with the professional doing the ear piercing - they would
    have more experience.
    
    About the beds...
    
    We took the crib down after the first went into the bed.  We only had
    it down for three months, but there were absolutely no questions about
    it being "my old bed".  Then again, we did not even have a jealousy
    problem between the two boys at all.
    
    Good luck with both...
    -sandy
    
    

    
    
    	RE: ear piercing
    
    	Normally, the earrings should be turned as often as possible
    	and alcohol (many prefer you to BUY this cream that works
    	better than alcohol, more safe, etc, but alcohol works just
    	fine) for 30 days, after which the earrings can be taken
    	out and changed, etc...
    
    	Remember, though, that the stud is wider than most normal
    	posts and with my second hole, I sometimes have a hard time
    	wearing "normal" sized earrings for a long time. (I just
    	wear the diamond stud more often than not)
    
    	/Kim

Re:  ear piercing....

We got a special solution from the store (Claire's Botique) that we applied
3 times a day for 6 weeks.  No turning required, it had some sort of lubricant
or something in it.  We just put it on the ears when changing diapers.

Kristen