Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I think you should see if you can get him to 'help' you change him.
    Instead of YOU CHANGING HIM, see if you can change the psychology to
    BOTH of you changing him.  He may be reacting to his lack of control
    of the situation, and the more control he looses (you holding him
    down) the more frantic he gets.  Since others have less trouble I
    suspect its not the diaper being changed per se as much as 'being
    pushed around over it".  Not that you intend to hurt him, but he
    may well see this as a battle of wills more than anything.  This
    may be a male to male battle of wills issue, that would explain why
    your wife has less trouble. 
    
    Does he have a stuffed bear?  Why not have both of you 'change' the 
    stuffed bear, diaper and all?  I have tried this with Matt and he
    loves being paralled changed with his bear... it makes it a shared
    experience for him.

    Don't think its a male-to-male battle, since base noter is female!
    
    Try changing where you change him. Like move to a floor, a bed, etc.
    The idea is a totally different environment. Maybe keep some "changing
    time only" toys...ones with lots of moving parts, and gadgets. Try
    giving him a warning before you change him...."We;re going to chnage
    your diaper in a few minutes", and then drop the subject even if he
    screams, "NO!". Just keep your word. Maybe fi he gets the toy *before*
    you take him in to change him....I know our 17 mon. old won't take even
    his most favortie toy if he's in the middle of pitching a fit...he'll
    do just what yours does....toss it across the room!
    Good luck.......maybe he'll potty train early! :-) :-)
    --dave--

My son was the same way - and always worst when I was in a hurry (needed to
get to a doctor's appointment or some such thing).  I found that the
distraction techniques that helped when he was younger just didn't work
very well by the time he reached your son's age.  The best solution for me
was to make sure everything was set up so that the diaper change could be done
as fast as possible, and then just do it, using force to hold him still if
necessary.  I would still try some form of distraction every time, and that
would give me some "easy" changes - asking him to pick out a toy to hold
worked sometimes, or singing to him, or asking him to pick what color of
diaper pins to use.

I've heard that it sometimes helps to change the child while they're
standing up - I could never figure out how to put on the clean diaper that
way, though.  You might try at least getting (non-poopy) diapers off while
he's standing?  I think a lot of my son's squirming was due to hating to be
on his back (he never liked to lie on his back, even as an infant).

You will survive - keep that in mind!  Hang in there,
						cheryl

    I just KNOW I'm going to get flames on this one, but for us it worked.
    I found when AJ was sqirming and about to get himself in trouble,
    either with potential for hurting himself, or just plain not staying
    still I used a light swat on the thigh!  I only had to use this a
    couple times, he soon learned who was in charge here. If he were
    pitching a screaming fit, and this works when they're in the thows of a
    temper tantrum too, I'd blow into his mouth.  It makes them stop and
    catch their breath.  Then I'd say in no uncertain terms "Knock it off!"
    I personally think the shock factor will work better than a physical
    battle.
    
    I can't help but wonder if diaper changing isn't the only problem here?
    Does he create this much ruckus when you bathe or feed him, or put him
    to bed?  Has he always been like this or perhaps did it start when he
    discovered there was life outside the cribrails?  I wonder if the
    bottom line problem, as is still AJ's problem, that he's being taken
    out of the action for a short period of time? 
    
    You MAY have problems when potty training starts, just getting him to
    sit still that long?
    Lyn
    

re .4:
    I can't speak for the base noter, but in our case, it was indeed just
diaper changes that were a problem.  (Bedtime battles showed up around the
time potty training was completed - some sort of law of conservation at work
there.)  And potty training went very smoothly for us - but it never
required sitting still for long.  Maybe we did it the wrong way? :)  Anyway,
to reassure the base noter - diaper changing wars don't necessarily mean
potty training wars as well!

			cheryl

I'm .0.

re .4--yep, it is just diaper changing.  Which makes it all the more
confusing since he's generally a very cooperative kid (well, for 1.5 years,
anyway!).

re the swatting on the thigh.  I've tried it and it doesn't work.  All he
does is kick me, which I can understand!  In theory I don't want to spank
at all, and it definitely doesn't help this situation--only makes him
madder.


Marty

    I don't get it.  Doesn't a kid by that age dislike the feeling of
    a wet/messy diaper and _want_ to be changed?
    	Linda

You'd think so, but somehow it doesn't work that way.  I'd blame it on
the wonderful disposable diapers, that keep the wetness away from the skin,
but Evan is the same way with poopy diapers.  He just doesn't want to be
changed.  I guess it takes him away from what he wants to be doing (even
if he isn't doing "anything").  

        Carol

re: .7

I'm not convinced at all.  Were it not for the discomfort of diaper rash, I'm 
not sure that that a typical baby wouldn't be perfectly happy to go around 
with wet, poopy diapers all day.  And were it not for diaper rash, unpleasant 
odors, and the fact that feces particularly are full of germs, I'm not sure 
that there is a good reason to change diapers.

Clay

    I remember this stage well. We swtiched to changing him on the floor
    for a while but that even got a little tough. We eventually just had
    him stand up while we changed him. You just might need to be a little
    more careful when changing a messsy diaper. What actually worked was
    letting him stand at the coffee table, where he could continue
    "playing", us behind him and it was done quickly. Our son didn't see it
    as an interuption to his playing. We also never ran him upstairs
    everytime to change his diaper on the changing table. It just kept a
    second supply of everything in a kitchen cabinet. 
    
    I do remember times having to sit along side of him and place my leg
    over his chest to keep him down (especially when he was teething badly
    and had diarehea). He hated it but we "discussed" it immediately after
    that if he couldn't stay still and made a bigger mess on the floor, he
    would have to be held down. He only did it a few times. 
    
    Also try to strategically plan your diaper changes. Whenever my son had
    a bowel movement, he knew he was having it. I immediately changed him
    before he wen back to playing. As for tinkle, at that age they have
    longer dry spells so I'd change before and after naps, before lunch, etc 
    (i.e. periods of transition between play and another acitivties).
    
    Hope this helps.
    Andrea

    So the base noter is not a male.  Well, I guess that leaves out male
    to male control battles.  How about a male to female control battle
    instead?  Anyway, have you tried changing a stuffed animal WITH your
    son Marty?  How is the issue coming along?   Jeff
    

Well, here's an update:

These replies have been a help... things are definitely getting easier. But
I think more than anything else, the thing that's helped is my attitude.  I
gear myself up for each change, putting my mentality somewhere between
Stepford Wife and Mickey Mouse Club Member.  No matter what happens, I
don't get mad and I don't stop being cheerful.  This way the whole thing
doesn't escalate like it was before.  If you would have told me 2 years ago
that this is where I'd be I absolutely wouldn't have believed you! 
Parenting certainly is strange, sometimes.


Marty

Marty,
    Recent events have reminded me of this note.  I hope things are going
    better for you by now!  About a week ago, Gregor learned to turn from
    his back to his tummy, and diaper wars began for us.  I had been expecting
    this, since I had major struggles with David from about 6 months old to
    about 18 months, but since Gregor has a more easy-going personality, I was
    hoping I might avoid the diaper wars with him.  No such luck - in fact,
    the wars started about a month earlier than with David (sigh).  So far,
    we're doing ok - Gregor's last week's worth of diaper changes have
    almost all �kbeen with him on his tummy.  This works ok, but when he really
    learns to crawl, I doubt that he'll stay still long enough.  Right now,
    he's content to squirm sort of sideways so that he can hang on to the
    rail of the changing table and chew on it while he's being changed.
    (Chewing on toys is not an acceptable substitute, he indicates.)

    I do find that I'm coping better this time.  Maybe it's partly because
    I have so much background in diaper changing now that I'm more confident
    about experimenting with alternate techniques.  I keep telling myself that
    the squirming is a sign of an active intelligence, and I try to laugh
    rather than get frustrated.  So far so good.  Only 2 years to go til
    potty training...

		cheryl