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Conference moira::parenting_v3

Title:Parenting
Notice:READ 1.27 BEFORE WRITING
Moderator:CSC32::DUBOIS
Created:Wed May 30 1990
Last Modified:Tue May 27 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1364
Total number of notes:23848

244.0. "FOSTER PARENTING" by AIMHI::CONNOR () Fri Aug 10 1990 14:02

    Hi all,
    
     My wife and I are foster parents and right now have
    2 very special little ones living with us. I quess
    I'm just curious if anyone else out there is a FP
    and do the experience the loss that I do when a
    child leaves to go back to there home?
    
                                JIM
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244.1kidsASABET::TRUMPOLTLiz - ML05-3/T92 - 223-6321Mon Aug 13 1990 10:1625
    Jim,  I am not a foster parent but my daycare lady is and I have seen
    her go through so much in the past few months with this one child that
    I really felt bad for her. 
    
    Now don't get me wrong when reading this.  My daycare lady is very good
    with the kids and cares alot about them.  Most of the kids they give
    her have been abused either sexually or mentaly.  This one partiucler
    kid she had was almost 2 and was sexually abused by his dad, the mother
    knew about it and still let it happen so DSS took this kid away and
    sent him to my sitter.  He went on a visit one day with his mom and
    never came back.  My sitter got a call from dss and was told that the
    mother filed a 51A aginst her for neglect and abuse (which she never
    has done).  Dss came donw to talk to her and told her they were going
    to drop the charges because they knew she never did such a thing.  They
    were supposed to close the case on this kid last Firday 8/10 the case
    worker showed up but his social worker never did.  So now my sitter has
    to wait to find out what happened to the little boy because no one
    seems to know where he is, not even the DSS office.
    
    She (my sitter) feels a loss when the kids leave to either go to
    another home or back to their parents.
    
    
    
    Liz
244.2Similiar, I thinkDISCVR::GILMANMon Aug 13 1990 15:5011
    I have never been a foster parent but I can relate to the feelings the
    providers have because I can well remember how tough it was at the end
    of a summer at summer camp (8 weeks long, I was a counselor) when the
    kids in my cabin left. That was before I was married and, to me, it was
    like  giving up part of my family.  It was strange because I seemed to
    be the only one affected that way.  I certainly understand how a foster
    parent feels. I wonder why they don't get burned out after investing
    so much in a person to have it guaranteed to end.  I don't know if I
    would be willing to put myself through that.  But I suppose the
    willingness is a form of mature love which I would like to develop
    in myself.  I have one child, a three year old boy.