Conference moira::parenting_v3

    
    Marty:
    
    From what I've heard, all kids go through it ... some are more clingy
    than others.
    
    JA (10 months) started clinging about a month ago.  I thought it had to
    do with her "cruising" around (walking supported), as well as a means
    for attention.  I found if I ignored her, she got more desperate and
    persistent.  When she'd first cling and reach out to me, I'd try to
    pick her up, give her a hug, talk with her a bit and then divert her
    attention (to magnets on the refrig, get her a "different toy", talk to
    her - while continuing doing what I was doing, etc.).   Most times this
    pacifies JA and she'll go off and entertain herself for a while longer.
    
    Sometimes JA just HAS to be held, rocked and cuddled (for 20 minutes)
    ... about twice a day ... so I try to oblige (gives me a little QT with
    her, too).  And sometimes she'll relax and fall asleep for a short nap.
    
    I find JA's most clingy when she's tired (just before a nap), or when
    I'm doing something she wants to be involved in (so I give her a piece
    of carrot - which I'm peeling) or she's bored (so I get her a
    "different toy").  But right now, it's not too much of a problem for us
    since she's not clinging to us "all the time".
    
    It can be annoying ... especially when you're trying to get things done
    and you're on a "tight schedule" ... guaranteed that's when they'll
    plant their feet firmly and PERSIST!!!
    
    I'm lucky in that I can usually nip it early and get her re-settled.
    Not sure it will work as she gets older, though.
    
    Just my 2 cents!
    Dottie 
          

    I have a 14 1/2 month old.  He follows me EVERYWHERE I go, I can't
    even go to the bathroom in privacy.  I was told by my pedi this
    is just a phase, but I also ask when will it end, it's been going
    on now since he was about 10 mos.
    
    I just returned to work also after 14 months and since I started
    working, he's been worse, so I tend to think its seperation anxiety.
    I want him to be independent but I just can't ignore his wanting
    to be picked up.  The guilt gets you.  I always give in to him,
    I'm so soft, but I think children (especially that age) need all
    that love and attention!
    
    AM

    Yes, it is a stage, that does end, though sometimes it seems like it
    never will.
    
    Try not to feel obligated to respond to every incident of clinginess
    but temper that with understanding of the phase.  You can also try
    toting him around in a backpack even in the house -- keeps him near,
    but your hands are free. We swore by it!
    

    Yes, it does end or at least lessen. We did almost exactly as Dottie
    does with JA. BY acknowledging that they want your attention does not
    necessarly mean they have to be on your hip. I had a little step for my
    son and when he wanted my attention, he could just step up right next
    to me and see exactly what I was doing. At 17 months they really want
    to experiment with exactly the same things you are doing. Give him a
    veggie to help cut up (break up), let him wear a oven mitt too, buy him
    a child's apron, etc. These helped in the kitchen. I think we let our
    son participate in anything that he wanted to and we saw as safe (17
    months is too young to chop wood but he could certainly carry the
    smaller pieces of kindling and put them in a pile). 
    
    I think they just want to be with you. By letting them participate in
    what you are doing or at least have a good view of it, they feel as if
    they have your attention. There are times when they do want to cling.
    They need the close physical contact. Don't deny them that. You will
    learn the difference between the 2. 
    
    Andrea 

    My daughter is 8 YEARS old and is still clingy.  My older daughter
    outgrew that when she was about 2 1/2, but Angel has always needed
    more touching, skin contact, or whatever, than most kids I've known.
    She was nursed for 26 months, and always had her hand on my neck or
    chest.  She still likes to suck her thumb and have her hand on my
    neck while I hold her and rock her.  Spending time with her or just
    telling her how much I love her doesn't seem to have the same effect
    as actually sitting with her on my lap and hugging her.
    
    For a while I resented it, feeling like I was wasting time with her
    instead of being able to do other things (that didn't include her in
    any way).  But I realized that giving her the love and security she
    needs was not wasting time.  Instead it is sustaining an already good
    relationship.  I'm trying to be a "better" parent with Angel, to listen
    more to what she's saying (verbally and non-verbally), to be more
    understanding, and to let her know how much she means to me.  Recently
    I learned that my older daughter never thought I loved her because I
    was so "impersonal."  I don't want Angel feeling that way.  She knows
    she can come to me for anything she needs, even a simple hug.  
    
    It doesn't look like she's going to grow out of that need for a while,
    although she is very mature in other ways.  So I'm willing to give her
    that security for as long as she needs it, and keep her close to me.
    It may make her teenage years easier for both of us (I hope)!  In any
    case, it's well worth the time invested.  
    

   re .0
   
   Enjoy it while it lasts. In time, you will miss this behaviour...
   
   (But then, that applies to just about everything about kids...)
   
   q