Conference moira::parenting_v3

    It's just a phase, which will probably end before Kindergarten.
    
    More seriously, you will probably have periods like this off and on for
    a few years, no matter what you do.  So get used to it, and try not to
    take it personally, or fight back.  You'll just make it worse.
    
    You might also just try taking it easy in the morning.  Why get him
    dressed right away?  Maybe he needs some do-nothing time.  Why force
    him into his highchair?  Let him decide when or whether to eat; he
    won't starve himself to death.
    
    But whatever you do, you'll have some of this behavior.  It's not
    _your_ fault and it's not _his_ fault.  It's just something you have to
    go through.  I can remember a phase (at a slightly older age) when Eric
    would have a TANTRUM every morning because he didn't want to go to
    school; and he'd have a TANTRUM every afternoon because he didn't want
    to leave school.  He was an angel everyday AT school.  Basically, he
    just didn't like being forced to make those transitions at those times.
    
    		- Bruce

    I have a 14 mos. old daughter.  She was doing the same types of things
    for a while and it didn't last long at all.
    
    What we did learn though is that she is just not hungry at 6:30 am.
    We couldn't get her to eat much and she wouldn't drink anything -
    milk or juice.  We finally tryed giving her a cup of yogurt and this
    seemed to work.  That way we figure she is getting some milk product
    and fruit.
    
    Then our day care provider offerred to feed her breakfast when we
    drop her off.  
    
    This elimated one fight in the morning and makes it a lot easier for
    all of us.  Also, all of the other kids at day care have breakfast
    there to so its kind of a nice way for them to start their day 
    together to sit at the breakfast table.

    Hi Pam,
    
    Does Josh go through the same/similar routine on the
    weekends?  
    
    Julia

    Boy,  I can relate.....   My daughter is 3 years old and most mornings
    when we try to wake her up at 6:00 she just wants to go back to
    sleep.  If we insist on her waking up she throws horrible temper
    tantrums. As far as breakfast is concerned forget it.  She is a finicky
    eater to begin with.  We may not be handling it in the best possible
    way, but what I have started doing is getting my daughter up out
    of bed and letting her sit on the couch.  Most times she lays down
    and falls fast asleep.  While she is sleeping, I will change her
    and when I'm changing her she usually wakes up and is in somewhat
    of a good mood.  She never wants breakfast before we have to leave
    for work.  We have approx. an hour's drive to work, so I usually
    end up making her toast or waffles or pancakes which she will eat
    in the car on the way to work.  Its not the best solution I know
    and its not the best nutritious breakfast either, but at least she
    has something in her stomach.  This morning she even refused to
    eat her toast or drink her milk, so she basically went to daycare
    hungry.  I feel bad about it, but you can't force them to eat if
    they don't want to eat.  At least they get a snack around 9:00 so
    she isn't absolutely starving by lunch time.  Anyone have any ideas
    for nutritious portable breakfasts?????
              

    re .3
    
    No, Joshua doesn't pitch fits on the weekends--he wakes up smiling.
    But then we don't wake him up, he wakes us on the weekends around
    7:30 or 8:00 am.  Yes, maybe he isn't getting enough sleep during
    the week but I can't force myself to put him to bed any earlier,
    his bedtime is 8:00 now!
    
    pam

    My morning schedule with my three children for this summer has been
    made as simple as I can make possibly make it(I am not a morning
    person.)
    
    I get up and get ready between 5 and 5:30 by 5:45 I use my most
    pleasent voise and say "rise and shine get up get up get up".
    I pull john (21 mths )out of the crib and he is usually smiling
    at being gently tickled and woken up. I will play "I see you smiling
    you are awake... rise and shine". Devin(4 yrs) is in the waterbed and I will
    remind him to get shoes, soxes and pants and shirt and will
    suggest long or short sleaved or bring one of each according to how the
    air felt when I stepped out befor waking them up and what the
    weatherman said when I turned on the radio. My daughter is expected to
    get up after I turn on her light and 'sing' to her I will give
    reminders about special clothes if I remember but at 11 I expect her 
    to be responcible for her choises of clothing(I am already working at
    remembering mine and two children) she is getting to the point where
    she will help me by reminding me about things. I change Johns diaper 
    and put is pjs back on or change him into comfortable play/sleep
    clothes depending on how much trouble he is giving me. His bigest
    behavior problem I have to deal with is insiting that he get the 
    bottle I have prepared for him to drink after we get to the providers
    house(she is still in sleep mode and John sleeps in her bedroom so
    I want him to go back to sleep so that she can get a few extra winks.)
    
    
    No one wants me to yell in the morning. I will when kids are not at the
    door ready to get in the car at 6:00 or 6:10.I have taken children
    to daycare in PJs without thier clothes(they have to stay in all day
    when this happens and thier friends make fun of them). I will not
    complain if the children have their clothes in hand as they walk to the
    car. I have told my son, dressed only in his underwear to get his coat
    and get to the car. The rule is be in the car at such and such a time
    I do not care how you are dressed. He has never gone to car without his
    clothes since the first time I told him about the rule and enforced it
    the next day. They just have to be in the car by 6:15(absolute latest). 
    No one eats before we leave and sometimes if everyone gets to the car 
    before 6:00 I will stop and get juice for everyone before we get to the
    sitters.
    
    We are at the sitters at 6:30 or 6:40 and I take them in and settle
    them onto rest mats so they can go back to sleep. All of them lay
    quietly til the provider gets them up for breakfast around 8 am.
    Usually they go back to sleep and then she lets them get up when 
    they wake up.
    
    This system was worked on and suggested by my sitter who prefers that I
    come in the morning in a good mood as I am the first face she sees and
    she can work on waking up for another hour if all the children are in
    sleepy/good moods. I wouldn't have thought about sending them in Pjs if
    she had not suggested it. now every one knows what its like to go to
    daycare with no yelling involved and I dont have to wake up emotionally
    in a bad mood. I can be friendly, pleasent and tired when surrounded
    by friendly and pleasent and tired kids. 
    
    My theory on food:
    
    You dont want to eat... No problem lets get 'odda here.
    I will take some dry cereal in a baggie or a/some rice cracker(no wheat
    allowed for the boys as they are both asmatic) for the trip if they 
    ask befor I leave and we are not running late. Its a method of if
    you cooperate and we accomplish this goal then these things are a 
    posiblility(not enough times to be expected as a reward but posibly 
    as a treat). And the 21 mnt old can tell me if he wants cerial in the
    morning because he will walk right into the kitchen as soon as I let
    him go after changing him and pull the boxes onto the floor.
    
    I dont let any of them eat anything I dont want to clean up i.e. I can 
    vacuum out dry cerial but I dont like trying to scrap yogurt out of the
    upholstry.(My next car will have four doors AND PLASTIC over the
    uphostry) SOME things I learn only by experiance because I dont think
    much in the mornings ;^).
    janet
    
    
    I made the rule:
    
    You will be in the car and we will leave at 6:15.
    If you are not dressed, no problem for me if you do not go
    outside.
    If you are not dressed and have your clothes with you, no problem
    Cathy will let you change and you can put your clothes in the diaperbag
    to bring home.
    
    

    Well, just an update- for the most part the grumpy mornings have
    ended.  One of my solutions has been to open Joshua's door when
    I get up in the morning so he can hear the noises as I get ready
    for work.  Also, Josh has established an earlier bedtime on his
    own.  Last night he walked his dad into his room at 7:30 and pointed
    to his crib as he rubbed his little eyes.  Now, if that isn't a
    clear message I don't know what is!!  Josh went to sleep as soon
    as his daddy laid him down!  Also, we just received a new tape of
    children's songs that include the child's name in the song and we
    play, "Good Morning, Good Morning, little one, there's lots of things
    that Joshua wants to do today." during breakfast which seems to
    make things go smoothly.  Josh is so suprised to hear his voice
    out of the stereo speakers!
    
    Anyways, thanks for all the suggestions!
    
    pam

    GOOD AFTERNOON (FRIDAY AUG. 3, 1990)
    
    I found what works best for the Wright's is just what you have tried. 
    At about 7:25 we either open the door to Adam's room or if he is awake I can hear him
    playing in his bed.  He has always had something in his bed with him to
    keep him company in the morning.  I am not at all a morning person,
    Basically leave me the h**l alone until I have my shower and bowl of
    cereal.  Adam almost always wakes up in a good mood, but he really
    dislikes the fact that at times I need to wake him up.  Adam goes to
    bed at 8:30 - 9:00 depending on how over active he is or how much
    whinning he is doing or how much eye/ear rubbing is going on.  I have
    found that he doesn't seem to mind waiting on breakfast till he gets to
    the sitters at 7:45. I need to be at work at 8:00.  I have been doing
    this since Adam was 4 mo old.  The sitter doesn't mind feeding him and
    changing from PJ's to day clothes.  This summer I found he wet's so
    much that I throw him into a shorts and tank shirt and sandals. We
    usually get big hugs and sometimes a kiss always a giggle.  Boy I sure
    do enjoy my son.  I needed to become very organized in the morning
    because when Adam was 2 1/2 months old his father left so every thing
    was on my shoulders.  We have handled things very well.
    Hope this helps
    
    roseann
    

    Does anyone have any ideas on how to get out of the house
    smoother/faster in the a.m.?  I have 2 kids now, and I
    swear it takes 4 times as long to do anything or go anywhere.
    (James has also decided to start acting like a little boogerpuss
    again abut getting dressed, toileting, etc., but that's probably
    a different story.)  Moderators, maybe we could start a "Get
    Organized" note here?
    
    Got a BIG headache over this....

    Well, there have been a few past discussions about this but I'd be
    happy to get the ball rolling again.
    
    When we had our second child I swore that *nothing* doubled, it
    quadrupled.  
    
    I started getting five complete outfits per child, ready on Sunday
    night.  I put together a top, pants, underwear, socks and shoes for
    every day, pressed them and layed them out at the end of the hall.
    This meant on Monday morning, generally the worst morning of all,
    each child had five sets of clothes to choose from.  Kids like to 
    have some control over their mornings and clothes selection. 
    
    This process would take about one hour on Sunday night.  Well worth
    the time and effort.  Mornings went incredibly smooth using this
    method.
    
    Some people put their kids to bed in clean sweats and then only have
    to feed them breakfast, brush their hair and teeth in the morning. 
    We did this when our daughter was about two and was a real crank in 
    the A.M.
    
    But I think the key is to allow the kids some control over their hectic
    mornings by letting them make some choices.  Whether it be what to
    wear, or whether to eat before dressing or visa versa. Make them feel
    important (and not too rushed).
    
    Good luck
    Jodi-
    

    I agree with .1,,,,I thought it would be just as easy...Boy what a
    laugh.
    
    I try to organize everthing the night before.  I make lunches. Put all
    of the bags by the front door.  This includes, backpack, diaper bag,
    and purse.  Then in the am, I just add lunches.  This really seems to
    help.  With my oldest, he gets to choose what he wants for lunch.  The
    baby would eat your hand if you let him, so he is very easy to please.
    
    Then before I go to bed in the evening, I take a shower.  My husband is
    up at 5:30 am. After he goes downstairs in the am, I am up.  And start
    the morning.  Curling hair, make-up, getting dressed.  Getting both
    kids up and dressed. Then we are downstairs for breakfast.  The oldest
    and myself eat at home, the baby eats at the sitters.  Then it's time
    to clean up and feed the dog.  Then out to start the car and carry all
    of the bags out.  Then back in to check that everything is turned off
    and all doors are locked.  We are generally out of the house by 7:20
    am. due to the fact the oldest has to catch the bus at 7:40am.  Thank
    goodness that the daycare center is only down the street.
    
    Then its's off to work.  Then the whole things starts again.  The
    weekends are even hetic because I have a part time job cleaning houses
    on Saturdays. So I really only have one day per week off.
    
    But the bottom line is...if you organize...you can handle it and still
    have time for cartoons and such in the morning.
    
    Hope it helps!!!!!
    
    
    lillian

    Getting clothes ready the nite before is definitely helpful.  Also, in
    our case we each take a child!  My husband usually gets my daughter
    ready because he has to leave a little earlier than me, and I get my
    son ready because he takes longer to eat breakfast so I don't get him
    ready (dressed) until the last minute.
    
    Also, we get up about 1/2 hour before the kids, take our showers, make
    lunches, and get dressed.  By the time the kids get up, we even have
    time to have breakfast with them.  This is not every day of course. 
    There is always at least one day of total chaos... we get up late, one
    of the kids is extremely uncooperative or whatever. If we do run late,
    I sometimes send breakfast along with them to the babysitters.
    
    I don't know what I am going to do when our third one arrives in
    March!!!  
    
    Good luck!
    Joyce B.
            

    First, to the moderators, would it be appropriate to combine this one
    with my note, 1085?  Since in my opinion they are both extremely close
    in nature.
    
    I do a lot like .2, and do a lot of the things that require "brain
    function" on the night before.  I make the morning coffee and set
    the timer, make lunches; even if it's just the sandwiches and
    collecting the rest of the lunchbox contents in the morning, and check
    his backpack to make sure his "backup outfit" and other things needed
    at daycare are all set. I almost  always have a load of laundry every 
    night or two, and if it isn't a load tonight, I put AJ's *filthy* things 
    into soak in soapy water in the washer, then I at least give some thought 
    to what we will all wear tomorrow. (My husband is one who absolutely Sleep
    walks in the morning, and just CAN't function)  I'm the one who makes sure
    his clothes are ironed.  In a moment of "Ican't take this anymore" decided 
    almost a year ago to send his work (dress) shirts to the laundry once a 
    week.  I feel a dollar per shirt is worth not having to wash,dry and iron
    shirts either one per day or all at once.
    
    In the morning I get up about 5am, (good grief that's early!) and take
    my shower, have my coffee so it has sufficent time to kick in, this is
    probably the only time in the day I can acutally watch the news and
    weather without interruption, then I wake up my husband at 6, he does the 
    shower routine and I get dressed, then AJ gets the bathroom while my 
    husband dresses, and I lay out AJ's clothes, he gets dressed has his 
    breakfast between 6:45 and 7:00 and generally we're out of the house 
    between 7 and 7:10.  Simply because if we run any later than that the 
    cross town traffic on 290 is impossible. I usually am in the office by 
    7:50, in time for another cup of coffee before the office chaos starts,
    hubby generally drops AJ off at daycare, I pick him up at night.
    
    I still maintain that being a mother is an exercise in TIME MANAGEMENT!
    And that's how I survive and stay sane!!
    
    Lyn

    RE:  Pressing clothes...
    
    Yep, I press my kids clothes and mine.  My husband presses his.  This
    is just part of the daily routine.  If we stopped, it would probably
    only shave about five minutes off our time.  We have it down to a
    science.  We have one of those built-in ironing boards, so it's no big
    deal to get the iron out.
    
    My kids are 4 and 6.  Ironing is one part of life that I just never
    wanted to compromise.  That's my idiosyncrasy.  Hair is another biggy
    for me.  I usually do french braids for my daughter each morning. We
    arrived home late last night from a short vacation, so I simply pulled
    her hair back into a pony tail and added a ribbon.  She looked
    presentable but I would have rather have had time to do braids.  My son
    sports a flattop.  I spritz his hair each morning and comb it up.
    
    Luckily my husband handles the food preparation.  I don't mind doing
    clothes and hair, but I hate fussing with breakfast and lunches.  We
    were made for each other, my husband and I.  We compensate well for
    each other. It would never occur to him to brush the kids hair or 
    choose clothes from the same color wheel. :^)
    
    Jodi-
    

    I must truly be on the lazy side.  I don't fix lunches anymore.
     The kids do their own in the morning.  They're 7&9.  I fix mine.
    
    I get up at 6am to put the coffee on then go back to bed for 5-10
    more mins. while the mate brushes his teeth or takes a shower. 
    Then we drink coffee, read paper or watch Good Morning America.
     Then he rides the bike to work or sometimes I give him a ride.
     It's only 2 miles away.  Then around 7am, time to wake up the kids.
     We all get dressed at the same time.  They've dressed themselves
    since they were around 2 or so.  I don't care if what they wear
    doesn't match, if they're insistent about wearing it as  long as
    its clean and not holey.  About 8am. I yell out the check list then
    give the kids a hug and they're on their way.  They walk a block
    to school, then I hop in the car for a 7-10 min. drive to work.
    
    It's the evenings that I wish for more time and less effort.

   re: .15 - Jodi 
   
>    were made for each other, my husband and I.  We compensate well for
>    each other. It would never occur to him to brush the kids hair or 
>    choose clothes from the same color wheel. :^)

   You mean that its OK for kids clothes to match?!  Oh my... now I
   know why my wife gets the kids dressed most days... ?!    And brush
   their hair... c'mon.. give 'em 3 minutes and it won't look like you
   brushed it anyway... besides, I make sure all the tangles are gone
   when I give baths... what more could you want?!   :-)   :-)
   
   - Tom

    .16 made a good point -- could we start some more notes about
    the OTHER end of the day?  I don't mean, how do I get dinner on
    the table faster, I mean just how do people handle a fussy baby,
    a whiny 3.5-year-old, and still manage to get/eat dinner and clean up.  
    Mike's been working wild and crazy hours and I'm head honcho at both
    ends of the day.  I can't fix hot dogs for James and a salad for
    me every single night....
    
    Losing it,
    Kate

    re: .18  Kate,
    
    Well, believe it or not, there is a topic here devoted to that
    very subject.   See note 1085 - "What is Your Nightly Routine?"
    for a discussion on juggling chores and playtime at the end of
    the day - and note 307 - "The Family Cooking School" for meal
    ideas that are no-fuss, low-cost.
    
    Carol