| < Note 126.0 by SHARE::SATOW >
>>>>In any case, I don't have a contingency plan to deal with it, simply
because I haven't seen the need for it.
Clay
As with all plans, it's subject to change. As you may have read,
I am Chinese-Canadian (raised in Canada), my spouse is
French-German American and my adopted son is Japanese-American.
When I was raised, I was taught about my heritage by my parents,
uncles and grand parents. I will teach my son about his oriental
heritage and let the school system teach him about the American
part.
I also, have a plan to talk up about him being adopted; enough
that he knows the words and and later the meanings.
Childhood taunting is very much part of life, racial or not. I
was with my buddy's family union this weekend and the 6 and 7
year old was teasing the 13 year old about her relationship with
boys.
calvin
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| I am Japanese Hawaiian mix (more Japanese) but I was born an American
on Yokota AFB so that's what I consider myelf--an American. I am proud
of my heritage. Up to third grade, I was able to speak both Japanese
and English. Unfortunately, a boy came up to me and said, "If you
don't speak all English, you're stupid." At that age, it affected me a
lot and I stopped using Japanese. I have tried to pick up speaking the
language by taking Japanese classes in junior high school and I aced
all the classes but as the saying goes, "use it or lose it." My mother
speaks Japanese but I rarely spoke Japanese back to her. I can fully
understand it when spoken to and I can say some words and very few
phrases. I regret not being able to because I can am restricted to
what I can teach my two children.
Fortunately, I have very rarely experienced racial taunts. Once in a
great while, a young boy in our neighborhood will slant his eyes at me
but I just ignore them and it has pretty much stopped. They just want
attention. My daughter who is 5 1/2 is aware that her grandparents who
live in town are Japanese and is proud of it. My son who is 2 isn't
quite old enough yet to understand the difference.
My mother goes back to Japan to visit her family every other year and
always brings back our children gifts. My daughter takes those special
gifts and shares it with the children in her class at daycare on "Share
Time" days.
She proudly wears her Japanese robe and soon I will pass on to her the
kimono and accessories which I wore when I was six.
I've always considered myself fortunate in being a mixed race of
Japanese-Hawaiian-American. There's so much I can share with my
childen and that they can share onto others.
Karen
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| Clay....It sounds like your kids are growing up in a very healthy
environment and if I were to have it my way, I would see that my
daughters be as fortunate in having it the same. However, *my*
view on the reality of growing up Asian (or half-Asian) in America
is not as optimistic. I expect that they will eventually have to
deal with the fact of their mixed racial heritage and as much as I
hope that it will occur gently in a supportive, non-traumatic
manner, I fear that it will not. Perhaps I'm just projecting my
own anxieties based on my own experiences...I don't know. In
retrospect, my childhood/adolescent period growing up in New England
was for the most part, very good....very "all-American" you might
say. However I can still recall as an eight year old, having just
moved into the town I would eventually grow up in, wondering why
all our neighbors' homes started sprouting "For Sale" signs on their
lawns. In growing up, I quickly learned that the "pecking order"
(for young boys at least) was often determined by one's physical
strength and speed and in these areas I was fortunate to be able to
hold my own. In later years, I would occasionally wonder what
might have happened had I not. Would life had been more difficult
for me if those who might have taunted me had known they could "get
away" with it and not suffer some physical retribution? Kids, as we
all know, can get pretty mean at times and will often reach out for
the "weapon" which can inflict the most pain. I can think of few
things that can be more cutting...more wounding than racial slurs.
In the perfect world, I would not be concerned....however, I don't
believe this is a perfect world. IMO, I would be negligent in not
preparing (or being prepared to help) my daughters to survive the
storms of racism and bigotry if and when they're encountered.
Now...re: the questions...
> - their personal racial identification seems to me to a combination
> of their appearance and the culture they were raised in. Probably
> more of the latter. Any opinions or other experiences here?
I would suspect that given their environment and especially their
relative ages, the culture would be the dominant factor for now.
However, if and when they deal with the identity crisis most
adolescents go through, you may find that there is a noticeable shift
towards being more Asian....perhaps even an overcompensation to "make
up" for all the years of being "white" before settling down somewhere
in between. I feel that the "need to belong" to *some* group at that
time of life is so strong...yet can be devastating when you find out
you belong to neither....Asian or white. It can be tough to try to
find out "who you are" when there are no obvious role models (at least
in the racial sense). You, as the parent, can say "you are who you
are" but as an adolescent, when you look in the mirror and you don't
see Mom...and you don't see Dad...and you realize that the path you
face is one you must carve out for yourself, it can get pretty
confusing and intimidating.
> - the fact that they have not been subjected to racial taunts seems
> to me a combination of their appearance, the culture they were
> raised in, and the attitudes of the community they live in, but
> I'm not sure which, if any, is predominant. Any opinions or other
> experiences here?
As you mentioned earlier, their appearance is more white than Asian
so I would suspect that this is the dominant factor. People often
respond to other people based purely on appearance. Take for example
the studies done where someone changes their appearance to something
they are not ("Black Like Me" I believe is the name of one book
describing the experiences of a white man who was made up to be
black). I would suspect that your kids probably won't ever have
somebody say to them that they "speak very good English" like I did
in the city (Providence, R.I.) I was born in.
Regarding the community...I suspect that this has an impact too
however, even in my present hometown...a place which I consider
pretty socially enlightened, a kid of around 8 or 9 years old rode
by my house on his bike recently saying "ching, chang, chong..".
> - I suspect that racial taunts that may occur will be in the form
> of " Ya' muddah weahs combat boots" kind of stuff. I other words,
> indirect insults. The parent is the one who is easily identified
> by race, and bigots have a much easier time dealing with black and
> white (excuse the pun) than with shades of gray. But I suppose
> there could be "half breed" or "mongrel" type stuff also. Whatta
> you think?
Unless you're the more rebellious type or you're just trying to
"make a statement", most people would prefer to "belong" rather
than be different so any statement that focuses on differences
can be painful. Statements aimed at the parents indirectly can
be pointed at the children. I can remember one taunt..."why don't
you go back where you came from" which would be ironic in my
daughters' case because their mother's family can be traced back to
the 1600's in America.
Let's face it...it's tough growing up regardless of what color
you are and when you're not a member of the present majority,
that's just one more issue that has to be dealt with. I hope
that Jan and I are able to make the issue of our daughters'
racial heritage an asset for them rather than a liability.
Milton
|
| I've found the replies so far to be interesting. Some of you may recall
that my husband and I adopted 4 mixed race children (moms were white
and dads were black) plus having one 'home grown' child.
The two boys look definitely black and the older of the two, Peter,
who is 17, has a very strong black identity, which has gotten stronger
as he has gone through high school. I will be very interested in how
he grows and changes in college starting in the fall.
Stevie who is 15 is also mildly retarded, so while he's aware that
he's black it isn't a political issue with him as it is for Peter.
Peter got a few negative remarks while in grade school that I spoke
to the teachers about and they delt with. Since jr high he's
delt with any racism that he's encountered (which wasn't much until
this year when he got the school committee to change the mascot from
a characature of a native american - but that is another story).
Stevie has gotten teased because of his being retarded and kind of
simple and trusting..we've worked with him on how to deal with
kids who do that.
The two girls favor their mothers' race. Judi has - I've been told
by a black co worker - a black body build, essentially pear shaped
with very muscular legs, but is entirely caucasian in features -
light skin, blue eyes, straight brown hair. She had pretty much
self identified as white until she spent 4 months in Texas and
encountered some real prejudice against blacks, yankees and hispanics.
As a result she's actually admitted publically that she's part
black, a big step for her. Judi is 16.
Jessie is 12. She looks hispanic or italian, is quite willing to
admit that she is 'part black' but hasn't formed any strong
self identity in re being mixed race as yet. I believe that as
it has with Peter and Judi, it will with her also.
Bonnie
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