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Conference moira::parenting_v3

Title:Parenting
Notice:READ 1.27 BEFORE WRITING
Moderator:CSC32::DUBOIS
Created:Wed May 30 1990
Last Modified:Tue May 27 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1364
Total number of notes:23848

111.0. "Separate bedrooms" by BSS::SHUTE () Thu Jul 05 1990 15:19

    Our two children (Krystal-5 1/2 yrs old and Alex-2 yrs old) are
    currently sharing one room.  Due to Krystal wanting some privacy when
    she changes and both squabbling of which toys belong to who, etc., we
    decided to separate them into two rooms downstairs.  We are in the
    process of doing it this weekend.  Krystal is excited that she is
    getting her own room.  We told Alex but I think he is too young to
    realize what will be happening soon.
    
    Would anyone mind sharing their experiences in doing the above (i.e.
    what to expect from the children and how to handle it)?
                                    
    Thank you in advance.
    
    Karen
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name		DateLines
111.1Your Second Child (get the book)SCAACT::COXKristen Cox - Dallas ACT Sys MgrThu Jul 05 1990 16:149
Karen,

I read about this in a book entitled "Your Second Child" (forget the author).
It has lots of details about whether or not to share (recommended not to
unless necessary), the benefits/drawbacks of sharing rooms, etc...  It also
had lots of good tips for minimizing the impact if they HAVE to share, etc.

Good Luck!
kristen
111.2Book on ChildrenBSS::SHUTEThu Jul 05 1990 17:076
    
    Thank you Kristen.  I've been borrowing books left and right on
    children.  I just finished a book on "He Hit Me First" by Louise Bates
    Ames.  It had some good pointers in it.  I will make sure to get the
    book you recommended this weekend to get a head start on things.
111.3might be harder on the younger oneTLE::RANDALLliving on another planetTue Jul 17 1990 10:3321
    I'd be prepared for some distress on the part of the younger
    child.
    
    My brother and I shared a room for many years.  My parents wanted
    to separate us when I was about 6 and he was 4, but we didn't want
    it, so they divided the room with curtains so we could have
    privacy and yet still be together.  I must have been 9 or 10
    before I insisted on having my own room.  
    
    My brother was VERY hurt and upset that I wouldn't want to keep
    sharing with him.  He felt rejected, he went through a bout of
    refusing to go to bed, and he had nightmares for a couple of
    weeks.  It was a long time before he enjoyed being alone in his
    room, rather than just feeling lonely.
    
    Your son's a lot younger, so maybe he won't mind so much since he
    hasn't had so many years to get used to it.  But it sounds like
    he's had someone else there for his whole life, and he might well
    be afraid at first.
    
    --bonnie
111.4ResultsBSS::SHUTEThu Jul 26 1990 16:0918
    Going into the third week of being in separate rooms and things are
    getting along great.  Krystal just loves it!  Although Alex still goes
    into her room to bug her and play with her things, she just loves the
    idea of having her "own" room.  She feels grown up.  
    
    The first night Krystal jumped into the bed as I was tucking her in. 
    She just snuggled under the blankets and said, "Thank you Mama and
    Daddy for making my own room.  I love you."  I got a lump in my
    throat.  It's nice to have my children appreciate us too.
    
    Even with Alex, we didn't have any problems at all.  He adjusted very
    well.  He still goes through his normal routine before bedtime of
    wanting a drink of water or going potty or more kisses and hugs, but
    that's normal for him.
    
    Hope this keeps up.  Thank you for your inputs.
    
    Karen