Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Cynde:
    
    When we were in the process of adopting our daughter, we were told the
    bio mother was having twins and we were DELIGHTED!  Of course, our
    family and friends thought we were "nuts", but Jim/I were so excited
    and psyhic'd!  Then it turned out that there really only was just ONE!
    
    We were disappointed at first ... but we soon got over the
    disappointment when the reality of new parenthood set in!  JA was
    lactose-intolerant and colicy (which made feedings and sleeping through
    the night difficult at best!).  Everything did settle down around after
    3 months (she settled down and we loosened up!).  Now, at 9 months, I
    find a BIG difference when a little friend comes over to play with her
    -- she is so content and fascinated with another Little-People (her
    size and at her level!  JA's so busy and happy, we don't even know
    she's around!). 
    
    Kind of wish JA did have a permanent playmate now  (but then on those
    difficult days -- teething, bad-attitude-day, independence struggles,
    ear infections, etc. -- ONE can be a handful).  Also, I doubt Jim/I
    could have flex-hour'd with "two".
    
    But if we had twins, we WOULD have survived and loved them just as much
    as ONE ... just maybe we'd have to be a little more organized, better 
    with schedules, and do something different with our working schedules
    (e.g. babysitter), etc.  But I do believe, when they're old enough to
    play, it will get much easier for YOU!  (They'll tug on each other
    instead of tugging on you!).
    
    Good luck ... and I still remember thinking "TWO" cribs, "TWO" outfits,
    "TWO" pairs of booties, "TWO", "TWO", "TWO" ...  It was fun!  and I
    still notice ALL those little "two-somes" in the malls and pedi office!  
    Little Mutt & Jeff's!
    
    Are you planning on dressing them "alike"?  Although my sister and I
    are NOT twins, we look like twins.  Growing up my Mom "often" (not
    always!) dressed us alike, however, she usually bought different
    colors/same outfit (so we kept some of our individuality).  Even today,
    several people (family included) confuse us.  "NOW" we laugh about it!
    (Poor Grandma used to get so frustrated trying to figure out who was
    who!).
    
    Enjoy planning and buying in "pairs" -- and I can still rock "two" just
    as easily as "one"!
    
    Dottie 
                      

    My comment as an identical twin -- don't dress them alike, at least
    after infancy. It may be cute to other people, but it gets to be real
    tiring for twins to have people never know which is which.  It's not as
    fun as you would think....
    
    

    I hate to burst your bubble, :-), but as a mother of twins the first
    three months are the EASIEST part!  The pregnancy is definitely
    different than a singleton, and is, in fact, considered a complication
    of pregnancy.  Our twins are five years old now, and we have two in
    addition - four and ten months.
    
    Be prepared to get HUGE!  I went from a size eight to a size twenty
    maternity pants.  The two of them were born three weeks early at 6lbs
    1oz, and 5lbs 15oz respectively (boy/girl).
    
    I also went from 120lbs to 175lbs, and it was all belly.  Went out on
    maternity disability at 4 1/2 months on my doctors orders, best thing I
    ever did.  The biggest risk with a twin pregnancy is premature labor,
    which is why I went out on "home rest".
    
    But having twins is a thrill,  on the up side.  It's difficult work,
    sleepless nights, mine were up twice per night per child at first. 
    Obviously you need double the equipment, and double the patience.  I
    never woke them up to feed them, mostly so I could get what little rest
    possible.  But as they got older, three months for instance, I eased
    them into a definate schedule so that they were eating at the same
    time, change them at the same time etc.
    
    If you have any more questions or concerns, I'd be happy to answer!  I
    don't know where you're located, but I certainly can point you in the
    direction of what worked for me as far as baby items, furniture
    strollers etc.
    
    Above all, Congratulations!  You are in for a treat!
    

    I have to agree with .3, the first 3 months is definately the easiest.
    I am the mother of 7 year old identical twin girls.  The best advice
    I got while I was pregnant was to get as much rest then as I could,
    because I wouldn't get any rest after they were born.  And let me
    tell you, even now at age 7 rest is not a word I'm familiar with
    anymore!  But, they are definately worth it!!  And there's never a dull
    moment when they're around!
    
    When they were infants I couldn't take them anywhere without having
    people come up to us with a list of question, ie "Oh, how cute, are
    they twins?" etc...  I would say the first 10 or 12 people that asked
    I was happy to answer, but it after a while it would be really
    annoying.
    
    Some of the advantages of having twins that I've found are:  They
    always have someone to play with.  They look out for each other.
    They tell on each other, so I always know if Brittany did something
    she wasn't suppose to, and the same for Brandy.  Though they are
    best friends.  The list goes on and on..
    
    But on the downside, when two little heads get together they can get
    into more mischief then I could have ever imagined!  They always have
    someone to play with yes, but they also have someone to fight with too!
    One thing that used to really drive me nuts was when I would be doing
    something or say something to one of them, the other would want you
    to do the same exact thing with her to.  You'll know what I'm talking
    about in time I'm sure!
    
    All in all its alot of work, but alot of fun too!  Good luck and enjoy!
    

    I'm the father of identical boys who will be five next week.  Raising
    twins is an exhausting and exhilarating task.  Let me recommend three
    good sources of information:

    1) Get in touch with your local Mothers of Twins Club, (in some
    enlightened areas called Parents of Multiples).  This is an excellent
    source of support and practical information from others who have gone
    through it or are in the same boat as you.  Most chapters encourage
    membership as soon as you find out you are expecting multiples.  Many
    offer special services/groups for expecting or new moms.

    2) The best book I've seen on twin birth and childhood is called _Make_
    _Room_for_Twins_, by Terry Pink Alexander.  It is available in
    paperback and is worth the investment.

    3) TWINS magazine is a bi-monthly publication that covers parenting of
    multiples from pregnancy through adolescence.  It contains a fair
    amount of helpful information, ads for products specially designed for
    twins, and interesting reports on twin research.  For subscription
    information call (800) 821-5533 x130, or write to:

    		Twins Magazine
    		P.O. Box 12045
    		Overland Park, KS  66212

Cynde,

First, congratulations!  It must have been quite a shock.  My twins are almost 
5 months old now, and I can tell you that when I found out I was expecting 
twins I cried for a few weeks.  I was worried about the impact on my life, my 
career, my daughter (almost 3), etc.

What do you want to know?  First of all, like one of the other noters 
mentioned, you will get quite big.  I gained 27 lbs with my daughter, with the 
twins I gained 45.  I was quite uncomfortable, couldn't ever lie on my back, 
and was having trouble doing stairs in the house.  I was put on maternity leave 
at the end of my sixth month, with partial bed-rest prescribed, to avoid 
prematurity (a big risk with multiple pregnancies).  I did go full-term, and 
delivered to healthy baby boys, 6 lbs 3 oz, 6 lbs.  There was only 8 minutes 
between them, and the labor was MUCH shorter, and MUCH easier than with my 
daughter.  The boys were born vaginally, with absolutely no drugs involved!  
The one thing I will say about the delivery was that I was so caught up with 
the birth of the first baby, that I forgot that I still had to go through the 
pushing again for the second.  That was the opposite experience of a good 
friend of mine who said that she didn't even want to look at her first-born 
because she wanted to finish delivering the second!

Although throughout the preganancy I was told the babies were fraternal, the 
doctors said (at birth) that they are "probably" identical ... they didn't do 
any blood work on them, which is why the "probably".  I had two amniotic sacs, 
but one chorion.

I am still breastfeeding the babies.  As for your question, I always feed them 
at the same time.  When they were first born, I fed them one at a time, and 
while I was feeding one, someone else was waking and diapering the second.  
Now, I feed them simultaneously, and again, I always wake one up, if I have to. 
I've found that, within a couple of weeks, they were almost always on the same  
schedule and I didn't really need to wake one up because his co-twin was hungry.
Altho' there was only 3 oz difference in weight at birth, Lowell was quickly 
2 lbs heavier than Blake.  This was caused by Lowell having a much stronger 
suck than Blake, and therefore getting more milk.

The first three months are the toughest, so far, as it seemed like I was always 
feeding them.  We hardly ever got out of the house, but that was also because 
of the cold weather (they were born in February).  I came back to work when 
they were 14 weeks old and the nanny goes out with all 3 kids every day.

I do not dress them alike, ever.  Someone else mentioned that twins tend to 
draw a crowd.  It's enough of a "freak" show when people come running over with 
well-meaning interest.  I don't want to draw even more attention to them by 
making it more obvious with alike clothes.  Most people did buy us two of the 
same outfit, which comes in handy when we go out ... babies mess their clothes 
up so much that we always bring the second (alike) outfit for each baby as a 
back-up so that we can change his clothes and no one will notice.

We bought two cribs, one changing table, a Perego twin stroller, two wicker 
bassinets (for downstairs, to save us running up and down steps for them to 
sleep), two infant seats, two carseats, etc.

The stroller is great, the seats can either face in the same direction (either 
away or facing the person pushing) or they can face each other.  Both seats 
fully recline for sleeping.

The greatest moment so far, was when, at about 3 months, the babies discovered 
each other.  They were breastfeeding at the time, and one looked at the other, 
and they both started to smile, and laugh.  I ended up putting them on the bed 
to admire each other and give up on feeding.  They really do notice each other 
now and have started to play a bit.

If you have any questions, please let me know.  Best of luck to you.

Regards,
Debra

p.s. Check with the baby stores ... many offer "twins" discounts!

    It was great reading these notes.  I'm expecting twin boys in February. 
    I'm 4 1/2 months along now and already gained about 17-18 pounds.  I
    know I'm going to get hugh through!
    
    I've been feeling all different emotions.  These babies are a result of
    in-vitro fertilization and I thank God that it worked on the very first
    try.  I was not expecting twins, although I'm very happy about
    it, I'm really anixous too!  I'm 39 years old and I'm glad that I have
    my instant family and won't have to be going through this again for
    another child (as I wanted two anyway).  
    
    Sometimes I'm feeling really excited and other times I'm feeling "what
    have I done" although I wouldn't change things for the world, I'm just
    "freaking out" sometimes!!  I know once they come, all the
    apprehensions will disappear!
    
    Any words of encouragement would be most welcomed!!

    re: .7
    
    Well, I don't know, if you're anything like me, you may wind up 
    thinking "what have I done" on and off for quite some time....
    these little people will have their bad days along with the good!
    
    carol

    A coworker has just found out she's expecting twins early next year.
    I'm looking for ideas of what to get for gifts, of course whatever it
    is it will likely have to be TWO of them!
    
    I feel so helpless on this one.  I can't even offer to give or loan
    anything to her since she will have TWO babies, and all of my baby
    things are strictly for ONE!
    
    Any suggestions would be appreciated.
    Lyn
    
    (the first thing I did after congratulating her was to introduce her to
    this wonderful notesfile!!  She has since expressed her gratitude
    several times!  :-)  )
    

    Lyn, I would think if someone is expecting more than one, ANYTHING
    that is kindly offered, will probably be graciously accepted! Heavens,
    image having to worry about spending/getting twice the amount of
    everything! 
    You needn't consider getting identical things, perhaps something
    that she might need a lot of (and more than any single birth mother!)
    
    Or information for instance. Books are a wonderful gift (IMO!) either
    kids' books or help books for the new mother. 
    
    Just off the top of my head,
    Monica
    

    I would think, with twins, that more than anything, she'll need TIME!
    Do you have time to volunteer??  Maybe make up a coupon book for a free
    night of babysitting for a night out, to do laundry, prepare a mail, 
    things like that...  
    
    Good Luck!
    Patty

    We just found out the Wednesday before Thanksgiving that we are 
    expecting twins (results of IVF).  I still can't believe it and 
    wonder how I'm going to handle this.  I have a 6 year old at home
    who can't wait for the babies to be here so he can be a big brother.
    
    My question is, how soon did you start showing?   I'm 9 weeks
    pregnant and I look like I'm 4 months.  I've been told that your
    stomach does pop out sooner for the 2nd than it does for the 1st, but
    is this normal.  I feel funny wearing maternity clothes so soon, but
    I'm running out of things to wear that are comfortable.
    
    Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
    
    Regards,
    Cheryl
      

    
    Congrats!
    Remember, that along with showing more quickly with the 2nd, your bound
    to be bigger than average because of the 2 babies. As well, remember
    that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT! So relax and have a good time with it.
    
    I think every women goes through that awkward "to big for normal
    clothes too small for maternity" Phase. Last time it was harder on me,
    this time I gave in gracefully - black stretch pants under long
    sweaters/cardigans worked well. There are a number of things that you
    can wear in comfort at this stage.
    
    Good luck!
    Monica
    

    With my twins (from GIFT), I started showing around 8 weeks.  I figured
    it was because I'm sort of thin and was carrying 2 babies.  And be
    prepared for people to ask when you are due as though it's tomorrow by
    the time you are 6 months along.  You'll get big fast.  
    
    And don't forget, twins statistically come a little early (about 6-7
    weeks), so you may want to be ready for the babies early just in case. 
    That, plus you'll probably be so big by then you won't feel like doing
    much anyhow.

    I just wanted to say congratulations on the news of your twins.  I am 5
    months pregnant with twins also (these are my first).  To sort of fill
    you in, I lost my belly button about a month and a half ago and
    according to my sisters and sister-in-law's I look like I'm about to
    give birth any day now.  I haven't gained a huge amount weight but
    enough for the twins to be growing fine.  My next ultrasound is next
    Tuesday.  I was lucky to have a co-worker lend me maternity dresses,
    jumpers, pants, etc.  These dresses are VERY comfortable, I refer to
    them as tents because they are nice and big and plenty of room in
    them, if you can get some of those maternity overalls, I find them very
    comfortable and roomy.
    
    Last night for the first time they (the twins) decided to stay up most
    of the night and move around, I was begining to wonder if they were
    beating each other up or playing around, this went on for at least four
    hours or so.
    
    Well, best of luck - hopefully we can compare more notes in the future.
    
    Denise

	Hi everyone,

	I'm new to this notesfile but someone suggested it since my wife is
	expecting triplets in about 4-6 weeks (she'll be at 35-37 weeks at
	that time).  She's on tributiline (SP?) every four hours now.  Our
	triplets are the result of IVF and they are our first.  The last
	few weeks are terrible for me; I'm on pins and needles.  The in-laws
	have been here for around 5 weeks and will be here until Easter.  That
	makes it a lot easier for me to come to work and not worry about Mary.
	I agree with a previous noter; time is what we'll need.  I've read a
	lot of interesting things in this file, keep it up! 

	Thanks,
	Kevin

    Congratulations on the triplets!! 
    
    I have a neighbor who has triplets (they wanted a 3rd baby, and #3
    turned out to be 3 babies) who are around 18 months now.  She says that
    it was a lot of work at first, and that she and her husband took shifts
    when they were infants to take care of them.  She gave me some pointers
    for my twins (from GIFT) like get them on the same schedule so that you
    can feed all the babies at once instead of feeding them one at a time
    so you're not always feeding a baby.  You might try contacting your
    local Mother of Twins Club for information and other folks who have
    multiples.  Plus, you can get a lot of second-hand baby equipment from
    some of the other members as they usually have ads in the newsletter
    and have sale tables before the meetings.
    
    You must be so excited!!
    

    Gosh Kevin, what a wonder!
    My best wishes on the health of everyone concerned! I have only known
    one woman who had triplets; she said that when she discovered she
    was going to have 3 (at the ultrasound) she cried for a week because of
    the shock! She went on to have 3 lovely babies, all large and healthy
    (she was stunningly huge for her small frame those last few weeks) 
    -- two boys and a girl, all fraternal. With the help of her mother and 
    mother-in-law she managed to make it through the first couple of months
    okay.
    Her most interesting obervation was that when you have three children
    in a row, you often forget at which point in the baby's development did
    they start to do certain things (i.e. eye tracking, lifting their
    heads, etc) but with triplets it was so much fun to compare those
    little steps. 
    
    Have a great time!
    
    Monica
    

My wife gave birth to TWINS the day after Christmas.  She was 40 weeks and 4
days.  A little past term.  She is 4'11" tall and weighed 105 lbs.  She gained
about 65 lbs by the time she delivered.  At 10 weeks pregnant,  the doctor
thought she was "too big" for 10 weeks and thus wanted to perform a sonogram. 
The sonogram show TWINS,  much to our suprise.  At week 26,  her doctor placed
her on bed-rest until week 32.  At week 32, she could have gone back to work, 
but she was soooooo big that she could not stay on her feet or sit upright for
extended periods of time.  We were going for NON-STRESS tests and sonograms the
last three weeks and Kathy's doctor had decided to take the babies by section
on the day after Christmas.  Well,  my wife went into labor at 7am Christmas
morning and at 9pm Christmas evening,  we decided to go to the hospital.  Since
the labor was progressing,  Kathy's doctor decided to let her deliver
vaginally.  At 9am the next morning,  Kathy delivered identical girls,
Katherine Elizabeth (Katie) and Kelly Marie vaginally, 4 minutes apart. Katie
was the first delivered, at 7 lbs 1 oz and Kelly was 6 lbs 8 oz.  Both girls
are doing fine and are already up to 9 lbs 5 oz and 8 lbs 12 oz.  Hang in there
with the pregnancy.  I know it is difficult,  but the rewards are incredible!!

John Spann (The SpannMan) 

    Wow John, that is impressive!
    	Linda

    Congratulations!! Your story was wonderful. Thanks for sharing it with
    us. You had big babies for twins. And to do it vaginally, since your
    wife is so small is great!!
    
    Enjoy,
    
    Sheila
    

    RE: .19  
    
    Incredible!
    
    Jodi-

    good morning,
    
    	we need some help and some info.....we have 11 week old twin girls,
    and are having a problem putting them on a schedule.  can anyone who
    has experience, or can offer any suggestions help us out?????????
    
    	thanks
    
                                               very tired,
    
                                            sue and kathy :)

    I've not had this experience myself but I have friends who did.  One
    thing they said they did was, when twin A woke to be fed, they woke up
    twin B and fed him or her first.  After a short time, the twins learned
    to "key" each other.
    
    Just a little suggestion :-)
    
    ccb

My twins are 11 months old, so I have recently gone through this.  We 
found that feeding them about 15 minutes to 1/2 hour apart works the best
so that one person can feed both babies.  You can get them both on the
same schedule gradually by stalling one 15 minutes and feeding the other
15 minutes early during the day til they are both eating at the same
time.  During the night, when the first one wakes up to be fed, get the
second one up when you put the first one back down to sleep so you are 
only up once for both babies.  

My babies have slept through the night for quite a while.  But they do not
both nap at the same time, which is OK with me.  Jessica requires more 
nap time than Brad, so she tends to nap for 45 minutes to an hour while
he naps for 10-20 minutes.  They take their naps at the same time, it's
just that Brad gets up much sooner.  I don't really care about that since
they sleep through the night.  The only time they eat a meal at the same
time is at dinner when both my husband and I are home and we can each feed
a baby.  Other than that, they eat about 15 minutes apart.  If both babies
get hungry at the same time, I usually will feed Brad first as he can
start a meal well after Jessica and still finish first.  

You'll have to see what works best for you.

Twins are great!!

Cathy

Schedule?

I'm definately not the person to ask .... I had but ONE KID, she's 2-1/2 now,
and I still don't have the faintest idea or conception of what a schedule is,
let alone how to implement it!


Sorry ...

Dottie
From_the_land_ of_unpredicability!