Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Congratulations Andrea!
    
    I also became pregnant after coming off the pill (with my second
    baby). I never worried about it, and I have never heard anything
    about misscarriages being a result of this. I don't think you have
    anything to worry about...especially if your doctor isn't worried.
    
    As far as pregnancies being different, my second was definitley
    different, and I had a girl the first time, and aboy the second
    time. The first time I was like you are feeling now. I was naseous
    all day for 2 months, but starving at the same time. I really didn't
    feel like eating, but always had peanutbutter crackers with me,
    or a box of wheat crackers at my desk. I ate them all day long every
    day, and did not gain weight until 6 or 7 months. It drove my coworker
    crazy, cuz she <didn't> eat but <did> gain weight!
    
    With the second baby, I was only nauseated for 2 weeks and then
    suddenly it disapeared. I gained weight much quicker. Smells and
    certain foods did not make me feel sick like they did the whole
    pregnancy the first time.
    
    I wonder if there is any documentation showing that different 1st
    and 2nd pregnancies result in babies of a different sex? I am one
    example at least.
          
    I have seen several books in the public library, but I'm sorry I
    can't remember the names. If I go this weekend, I'll check and get
    back to you.
    
    What we did with Aisha (who was only 1 year when her brother
    was born) was buy a special baby doll to give to her when she came
    to visit me and Jacob in the hospital. We called the babydoll Effie,
    and wrapped her up in a blanket and put a little cap on her just
    like a newborn. When Aisha came, She met Jacob, and also had a new
    baby of her own to take care of while Mommy took care of Jacob. She
    was thrilled. We have the sweetest pictures of the four of us (Effie
    included) together in the hospital bed.
    
    Take care, and don't worry. Maybe it's those extra hormones making
    you more uneasy than usual.
    
    Sorry to be so long winded!
    
    Dot

    My sister-in-law conceived within about two days of stopping the
    pill and had a perfectly normal brown-eyed baby boy who I think
    starts kindergarten this fall.  No problems.  And probably
    millions of babies have been born after being conceived while the
    mother had the flu while she was taking the pill.  So I imagine
    things will be all right for you.  I certainly hoe so!
    
    Like you, I was sick as a dog with my first pregnancy -- throwing
    up at any hour of the day for 7� months, when it settled down to
    only intermittent unprovoked upchucks, disoriented, pretty much
    unable to function.  Result:  a beautiful daughter.
    
    It was so bad that when Neil and I decided it was time for us to
    have a kid, I hesitated for a year or more about whether I wanted
    another baby badly enough to put myself through THAT again.  Then
    we had a bit of trouble conceiving -- and then I woke up the
    morning my period was due, the first morning of our first visit to
    my parents since we got married, and ran straight to the toilet. 
    I was sick and disoriented the whole vacation and thought, "Oh,
    no, here we go again."  But after no more than three weeks the
    sickness went away and I never had another problem.  I breezed
    through pregnancy and delivery and had a beautiful son.
    
    So this last time I was a lot sicker, though not as bad as the
    first time, and was very tired and a little disoriented again all
    through the pregnancy, plus a lot of nuisance kinds of
    complications like erratic blood sugar.  Very much like the first
    pregnancy.  Result:  Son #2.  
    
    But I must say that the youngest son is more like his sister, my
    firstborn, in personality and development than he is like his
    brother.
    
    --bonnie

I've had 2 different OB/GYNs tell me to go off the pill for 3 cycles before
trying to conceive.  I guess they like to play it safe.  Maybe it depends
on the pill, too.

- Lori

    One book that my oldest really liked (and he was about the same age as
    yours) was "The Berenstein Bears New Baby".  He also enjoyed getting
    a new baby doll of his own, complete with bottle and diapers.  You 
    might want to wait a few months before hitting him with all this:
    January is a long way off to a toddler.

	I conceived while ON the pill.  (There is some evidence now that high 
dosages of Ibuprofen can interfere with the pill, and I was taking it for my 
arthritis for awhile the month I conceived.)  Far from micarrying, Katie came 
8 days late and weighed 8lb 9oz.  No problems here.

Tracey

    I don't believe there are any statistically valid indications of
    whether the baby is a boy or girl, but there are plenty of folk-lore
    theories!  I would think differences between first and second
    pregnancies have more to do with the state of your body at the time
    of pregnancy, any "adjustments" it made from the first pregnancy,
    your own attitude and fears (hopefully reduced anxiety after the
    first, etc.)  Saying all this, I'll admit that I had light morning
    sickness with my first pregnancy (a girl) and practically none with
    the second (a boy), was starving with both the first 3 months, and
    gained an extra 10 pounds each (which I've unfortunately never lost!!)
    Other than that, the pregnancies were quite similar -- thankfully
    I was very healthy with both, but much more tired the second time.
    There's a good bood for parents entitled "Your Second Child" that
    has some interesting info and ideas that you might want to read.
    
    Good luck!  Number 2 is wonderful, but if possible, life does become
    more hectic, sleep more rare, etc.
    
    LIz

    I can vouch for the getting pregnant quick part. I had just 2 cycles
    after getting off the pill after 10 years. I thought for sure it would
    take at least 6 months. And I worried alot about the affects that the
    remaining medication would have on the fetus if it were still in my
    system. This is my first pregnancy. And so far no problems whatsoever.
    I believe i worried about conceiving to quickly untill the danger
    stage was past, around 13 weeks. Thank heavens I was one of the lucky
    ones who's taking the pill for that long had no affects on this
    pregnacy.
    
    Good luck! I'm sure you'll be fine :-)
    
    Sandy
    
    
    
    Sandy   

    RE: helping the older child cope
    
    My daughter was just 2 when my son was born.   What worked for us was
    to talk alot about the baby and how it was growing in mommy's belly.
    Also, about how Mommy would go to the hospital and the doctor would 
    help Mommy take the baby out when he baby was ready to be born.
    We also tried to set her expectations about the 'playmate' issue and
    how a baby just sleeps and eats and poops and stuff for a while.  
    She was very curious and liked to pat my belly and talk to the baby.
    She was and is a very verbal child, so this helped alot.  I guess we
    'told' her at about 5 months along in the pregnancy.
    
    Two books she and I liked were "Herry gets a baby sister" and "Baby
    Brother" (I don't remember the author.  If you want, I can check at
    home tonight.  This one was great!)  She still likes to 'read'
    Baby Brother to her brother fairly often and calls it 'his book'.
    
    Also, about a week before my scheduled C-section, Jessica and I went
    out shopping for a present for the baby (small soft rattle).  I let
    her pick it out, 'pay' for it, wrap it and keep it in her room until
    she brought it to the hospital to give to the baby.  The rattle then
    stayed in the bassinet so every time she visited she got real excited
    to see her gift in with her brother.
    
    Also, 'the baby' gave her a baby doll (complete with bottle and
    blanket) at the first visit to the hospital. (I was in for 4 days.)
    We have the cutest pictures of Mommy nursing the baby with Jessica
    sitting next to us 'nursing' her baby, complete with shirt lifted and
    dolls mouth on her little nipple.  Anyway, when I changed a diaper, she
    changed a diaper (one use for all the newborn size pampers the real
    baby grew out of so fast).  When I nursed, she nursed.  Etc.
    
    Burbank Hospital in Fitchburg where I had both my children has a
    sibling program that they run that she and I attended about a month
    before Billy was born.  The children learn about newborns (complete
    with newborn, anatomically correct dolls) and what they need.  Also
    included is a trip to the nursery and a post-partum room so they
    see where Mommy and the new baby will be.  She loved her 'super big
    sister' tshirt the best, though.
    
    We did have some jealously around the time I spent with the new baby,
    but she got over that quickly with a concerted effort on my part to 
    spend a fair amount of time with her too and to have her 'help' me in 
    little ways to take care of her brother.
    
    Best of luck and here's hoping for a healthy, happy baby.
    
    Donna
                                                                     

    I was on the pill for 12 years.  When I stopped taking it I had one
    normal cycle then got pregnant two weeks later.  I'm due in a couple
    more weeks and the baby is doing just fine.
    
    Lori B.

    First off -- Congratulations!!
    
    I too, wanted to have 3 "normal" cycles before getting pregnant.  Well
    I only ended up having 1.  I ended up getting pregnant and I didn't
    even think I could at that point in the month.  It 18 months for me to
    get pregnant with my first.  I have been told that once the body
    "learns" how to get pregnant, it's easier the next time.  Anyway my son
    was born perfectly healthy.  Don't worry about it because it's the
    stress that can do more damage to an unborn fetus.
    
    When I was about 11 weeks pregnant, I got a wicked case of the flu.  It
    was February and prime flu season.  The worse part for me was taking
    care of my 2 year old as well cuz he was just as sick as I was.  The Dr
    had me taking tylenol around the clock because I couldn't keep my fever
    down.  It kept going up around 103 degrees.  That is one thing out
    there my OB/Gyn told me _not_ to let your temperature go above 101
    degrees as it is not good for the fetus brain development.  I ended up
    taking many showers at 3am because the 4 hours wasn't up yet and I
    couldn't take any more tylenol.
    
    
    My pregnancies were completely different and I ended up having 2 boys. 
    I carried them both different, felt different, was sick in the
    beginning with the 2nd and ended up having a boy.  Even the day I was
    induced the babys heartbeat was high and every nurse swore I was having
    a girl.  You never know.
    
    
    Best of luck --
    Donna

    I was going to ask if the early signs of pregnancy were different
    for each pregnancy.  I'm beginning to suspect that I'm preggers
    again, because I've had off-and-on nausea for over a week now and
    any time someone looks at me cockeyed I burst into tears -- not
    sniffles but real, hicupping sobs like I lost my best friend.
    I think I'd take breast tenderness over this emotional crap, this
    is very embarrassing.

    I'd take the "emotional cr*p" as a very clear indication!!  All through
    my pregnancy I'd burst into tears just _because_ ... because of a sad
    song on the radio, or a sharp word from a stranger (even if it was _to_
    another stranger!), because of a poignant moment in a movie, or even
    because it just felt good to cry and it was about time for a good old
    hiccuping, shuddering _session_.
    
    Hope it's true!  Let us know.
    
    Leslie

    I am expecting my second child Jan. 5th. My first will be four in
    August. This pregnancy so far, all 12 1/2 weeks of it, has been worse-   
    Although I was sick to my stomach with Tim, I have been really sick
    with this one. I ended up in the hospital 2 weeks ago because of
    dehydration. They just tanked me up with IV fluids and then sent me
    home. I just can't seem to keep anything in me---it's soooo hard to 
    stomach anything, first time in my life I can't stand to eat. I've lost 
    7 pounds so far, but a mini-ultra sound showed a fine fetus. I have a 
    detailed u/s in two weeks to double check my dates.
    
    I have had a few decent days mixed in with the  bad, more so recently so
    I am hoping it will wind down now that my first trimester is ending. 
    It's been really hard because not only are you working (or trying to
    work!) full time, but when you go home, you can't truly rest because
    you have a child to take care of. No falling asleep on the couch as
    soon as you get home at night (like I did for the first few months
    with my first pregnancy). My son is always saying to my husband,
    "Dad, Mommy's coughing in the sink again." He's all excited, telling
    everyone that he is going to have a baby sister. (no, we don't know the 
    sex, he KNOWS tho'-- we try to tell him it might be a baby brother, but
    there's no arguing this point. It's a sister..) I have the book, "A Child 
    is Born" which has actual pictures of the child at different gestational 
    ages in  utero and he is just fascinated. He tells his Dad, "look Dad, 
    our baby looks like this in Mommy's tummy right now."            
    
    Getting back to the original note, I concieved after being off the pill
    for 3 months. My OB told me that it is no longer required to wait 3
    months before getting pregnant, studies have shown  that there is no
    increased risk of "left over" hormonal problems to the fetus. They now 
    suggest that you wait at least until you have one menstrual period after 
    stopping the pill only so that they can better determine conception/due 
    dates.  
    
    Will January ever get here?
    
    Sandy
    

    re: -1  Congratulations Sandy!  I can relate to your feelings of
    working full time and having one at home too!  Only now, for me
    its having TWO at home!  Never a moments rest.  Thank god for
    husbands huh?  
    
    Anyway, I am really happy for you and it is all worth it....all
    those very tiring days and nights.  (As I am sure you know)
    
    Take good care of yourself,
    
    Lisa Holm

    
    In re: .13  Sandy-  happy dozing!
    
    When Eric was on the way, mom slept ALL the time (at least at home),
    much more so than the first time around.  I won't assert that this was
    the _purpose_, but a major _effect_ was that Aaron saw a lot more of
    her _after_ the birth than _before_, and we had essentially no problem
    with jealosy.  Their age gap was quite similiar (4 years), which I
    think helped, too.  Aaron quite liked A Child Is Born, too.
    
    So, take it easy, and get back to your 9 month nap.
    
    		- Bruce

    
    
        An off the wall question but I have to ask.  My son is just 4 1/2
    months old and I am already getting the urge for baby #2.  I guess the
    first question would be - has anyone ever done this before and if so -
    is it safe or what was the outcome?  Please respond soon!
    
    
    Francine
    

    According to my OBGYN he told me to wait at least 12 months prior
    to having another baby.  This way your body returns to its normal
    cycles and the hormones return back to their original state.
    
    He also said it would also give me enough time to spend with #1 prior
    to the arrival of #2.  

    Plenty of women have babies back to back, by design or by
    accident, this close together.  Even if you got pregnant today,
    the baby wouldn't be born until more than a year after the last
    one was born.
    
    It will be harder on some parts of your body to have two babies
    close together, and you'll have a different set of sibling
    relationships than what most of us have described here, but I
    don't think there's any real problem with having another baby now.  
    
    I think I'd start by talking to my OB and making sure I didn't
    have any complications or whatever from the last pregnancy.  But
    other than that I don't see any real problems for you.
    
    --bonnie

    I'm not sure if you're looking more for a physical or psycological
    reason for having your #2 close together, but my cousing had four, all
    between a year and 13 months apart. (three girls then a boy, you can
    tell her motives)  They are just so close, they look
    out for each other, defend each other and oh yes get in trouble
    togther!  My cousin said she wanted to get all her diapering, colic,
    and temper tantrums over with all at once.  From what I observed it
    worked out wonderfully.  She also managed to work nearly full time as a
    nurse at Several large Boston Area hospitals as a nursing supervisor,
    second shift through all of this.  The last one should be graduating
    high school this year and he too will be college bound.  I think that's
    reason enough for having them close.
    
    Lyn
    

    WOW, does your note hit close to home!  When Samantha was between 3 and
    5 months I had an incredibly strong urge for another baby.  But, we
    decided we wouldn't get pregnant until the winter for a number of
    different reasons.
    
    Funny thing happened to me, though.  Once Samantha stated doing stuff
    (she's 9 months now) like crawling, standing, etc. etc. etc. the urge
    totally went AWAY!  Now we're going to wait at least another year.
    
    My experience is, maybe wait a month or two and see if the urgent
    desire doesn't go away.  If it doesn't, what's two months?  If it does,
    you can always try later!
    
    Best wishes to you, whatever you decide you'll be happy!
    
    Cheryl
    

    I am expecting my second child in August.  Can anyone recommend a good
    book, if one does exist, about a second pregnancy?
      
    I understand the second one is different from the first and I was
    wondering if such a book exist that will illustrate the differences.  
    
    Thank you!
    
    Denise
    
    

I read a book entitled "Your Second Child" that was very
informative.  It concentrated mostly on the CHILD as opposed
to the pregnancy, but it did have some information on the
pregnancy as well.

I have heard that another book, "The Birth Order Book," is
also good, but haven't read it.

I don't have either author but if you have trouble finding them
I'll look it up for you.

Congratulations and good luck!  It is more than twice the fun!!!
Kristen