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Conference moira::parenting

Title:	Parenting
Notice:	Previous PARENTING version at MOIRA::PARENTING_V3
Moderator:	GEMEVN::FAIMANY

Created:	Thu Apr 09 1992
Last Modified:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	1292
Total number of notes:	34837

1291.0. "Neighborhood kids want to swim in my pool" by MROA::ARMSTRONG () Wed Jun 04 1997 09:33

    I'm not sure if anyone else has encountered this, but I'd love some
    feedback.
    
    My husband and I do not have kids yet, but we own a home with an
    inground pool.  There are a bunch of kids, ages ~7-16 in our
    neighborhood.  I don't know any of them, but they hang out at the
    pre-school across the street (bike riding, playing on the swings,
    etc.)  My husband talks to some of the younger boys occasionally -
    they're fastinated with his dirt bike.  
    
    Anyway, we opened our pool last weekend, and twice over the weekend one
    of they boys came over to ask if he and his friends could swim.  The
    pool was not ready yet, which is what we told him.  This particular boy
    lives behind us.  My husband has talked to him and met his parents,
    I've done neither.
    
    Personally, I have NO desire to have the neighborhood kids in my pool
    for many reasons:
    
    1.  It's not a public pool
    2.  I refuse to take the responsibility (legally and morally) for them
    3.  I like my privacy
    4.  I don't want 15 kids that I don't even know in my pool
    
    Anyway.  My first thought was "if the parents come with the kids, they
    can swim" but then I relized that if I say yes once, they'll be back
    EVERY day and, in all honesty, I'm not up for that.  Also, I don't want
    them to think that since we said yes once, they can swim when we aren't
    home.  We do have a fence (stockade) around the back yard, but anyone
    with some coordination could hop any fence.
    
    I thought of just telling the asking boy (who is about 9 yrs old, I'd
    guess - I don't even know his name), that it wouldn't be right for us
    to allow them to swim in our pool because of the law and because it
    might look strange that we (having no kids his age) are inviting young
    boys to swim in our pool.  (I was trying to think how to phrase it so
    that a 9 yr old would understand).
    
    What I'm thinking is "No way!  I don't know YOU, I don't know your
    parents and I don't want to lose my house over an accident at my pool."
    
    What are your thoughts?
    Thanks,
    ~Beth

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
1291.1		PETST3::STOLICNY		`Wed Jun 04 1997 09:44`	15
	The first thing that came to my mind was to explain that your feelings to the parents and have them communicate it to the children. I thought this for a couple of reasons - first, if these were my kids, I would not want them asking to swim in someone else's pool in the first place (I don't think that's polite...). Second, I'm not comfortable with another adult telling my kids that it wouldn't look good to be inviting young boys into their home (if I understood the intent of what you were trying to say). I might remind the kids that the pool is definitely off-limits to them without permission - so you're glad that they asked. Carol
1291.2	I don't think so...	LINGER::PINEAU		`Wed Jun 04 1997 10:27`	13
	I'd say no directly to the boy and also mention it to the parents. I wouldn't want my kids to go around and ask neighbors to use their pool, play with their toys, etc. Also, it WILL get out of hand. Kids have no concept of invasion of your privacy at that age. They'll keep coming and well as the commercial goes - they'll tell 2 friends... Our neighbor has a pool and has told us many times to just come over and use the pool whenever we want - even when he's not home. We just don't unless I call him first and ask - and if he's not home - we don't. Nip this in the butt right away. Chris
1291.3		LJSRV1::BOURQUARD	Deb Walz Bourquard	`Wed Jun 04 1997 11:13`	7
	My initial response was "Just say no". You don't owe the boy an explanation. But I like the "I'm so glad you asked about this, but the pool is off limits without an invitation". It says the same thing in a much nicer way!
1291.4		KOOLIT::BLACHEK		`Wed Jun 04 1997 14:23`	18
	Kids just ask for what they want, and sometimes parents don't even know about it. I would be not be happy if my child asked a neighbor if they could swim. I too think you owe him no explanation. Just "we don't allow anyone to come and swim without an invitation." My brother has a pool and found the neighborhood kids in it when he came home a few times. He went to their parents and told them he would call the police if the kids did it again. In this time of litigation, who wants to take the chance? Don't feel the slightest bit of concern over this. It's a kid's job to ask, and yours to say NO. You'll end up as the neighborhood Pied Piper if you say yes. judy
1291.5		MROA::ARMSTRONG		`Wed Jun 04 1997 16:15`	16
	Thanks. I agree with all of you. Just wanted to know if I was nuts for thinking that way. I only know where the boy that asked lives, I have no idea about his friends. I could talk to his parents, but will give him the benefit of talking to him first. I will definately nip this before it becomes a problem. I always dread this time of year specifically because of the worry of coming home and finding kids in my pool. We do keep a solar cover on it when we're not in it and if someone ever jumped in on it, they'd get tangled and quite likely drown. I hope the cover is a deterrent. I would be quite angry with my child was asking to swim in someones pool, especially if I didn't know the people! Thanks again! ~Beth