Conference moira::parenting

    > she shouted that my son is not welcome to play in that
        street and if I know whats good for him I wont let him!!!
                   ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    
    Maybe I'm on the paranoid side, but I think this sounds like a threat. 
    I would consider calling the police department (to get this altercation
    on record) under the guise of wanting to know what your son's rights
    are: "I know he can't go on her property if she states that he may not,
    but he *can* play on the street surface and on the adjoining
    properties, isn't that correct?"  If you quote the neighbor now you'll
    be establishing a history of her harassment of your son, which IMO
    would strengthen your case if the argument intensifies.  (I would
    probably not tell the neighbor that I had informed the police; I'd just
    want it documented officially.)
    
    Leslie 

I agree this sounds a little strange 
and I certainly understand your indignation, but 
I wonder why it was necessary for her
to "push" your child out the door?
Did he not leave when she indicated that
he was unwelcome?  Did she know your child
prior to this incident?

I ask this because I once observed something
from the other perspective:
One day when I
went to pick up my 2 1/2 year old up from
his in-home-day-care place, 
I observed a strange older boy 
(who nobody knew) come into the yard and
just start playing on the swings and
stuff making himself completely at home.
My day care provider went right over to
him and said who are you? what are you doing
here? and when he answered that he was
from way down the street, she told him to
leave and not come back.  

At the time this
seemed completely appropriate and I was 
releaved to see that she did not let 
unfamiliar kids just wander into the yard.
She is afterall being paid to take care
of only my child and ensure is well being
she is not paid to take care of the whole
neighborhood.


In any case, I would suggest that you explain
to your child that he is not to go over to
that women's house, that Her yard is for
children who's Mom's and Dad's are paying
money for their children to go there.
Nothing good can come of you child playing 
where he is unwelcome.

--val

That woman's actions do sound harsh, but I have a problem with a 4.5 year old
child playing in someone's backyard without being invited by an adult in charge
of the property, and without the knowledge of his parents.

						Brian

    IMO - The "neighbor" is definitely a couple of fries away from being a
    Happy Meal if you know what I mean.  She has definitely got to be
    mentally unstable to push and yell at a 4 year old for coming in for a
    drink with her own son.  That's what kids do.  If she doesn't want her
    son bringing any playmates home then she should address it with her own
    son, not the other child to whom she doesn't even know....and what a
    way to make an impression on a LITTLE one.  If I were the author, I
    would explain to my son that unfortunately there are people in the
    world with short tempers that we are better off to steer clear from. 
    As a parent, I would think twice about having someone provide day care
    for my child if it were that easy for them to push and yell at a
    four year old.  What does it say about their disposition?  She agreed
    with the author's 4 year old son (that all he did was set foot in the
    house for a drink) -- he wasn't posing a threat to any other child.  
                                                                         

    re: .3
    
    I don't have a problem with a 4.5 year old in someone's yard without
    being invited.  It happens all the time in my neighborhood.  I live
    in an "older" neighborhood and sometimes the grandkids visit for a day
    or a weekend.
    
    Sometimes the grandmother will call in advance to let me know that they
    are babysitting for the weekend and their grandkid is about my kid's 
    age and would it be alright if the play together.  Most times, however,
    my daughter will just troop in the door with a new kid in tow to show
    her the bathroom or to grab a snack.  When I ask, I'm usually told
    that it's so-and-so, Mrs. So-and-so's granddaughter.
    
    We have put the word out that we don't wan't kids playing in our
    yard when we're not home, but kids are magnets for each other. I
    think it's unreasonable to expect them not to play together. That's
    what neighborhoods are for!
    
    just my 2 cents.
    
    Diana

Re: .5

To each his or her own, I guess.  I don't want my kids (4.5 and 8.5) going to
someone else's house without me knowing about it.  It's fine if they want to
play with kids in the neighborhood.  For my daughter (the older one), a simple
"Dad, I'm going over to so-and-so's house" is enough; for my son, a phone call
and escort is required.  It hasn't been much of an issue for us, since the kids
don't play much with kids in the neighborhood (neither much time nor much
inclination).

This, of course, doesn't excuse being mean to other kids in the neighborhood,
as the neighbor woman from the base note is apparently doing.

						Brian

    
    
    my son IS only 4.5 - and some of you may think thats a little young to
    be out and about on his own, but summer before last he was only allowed
    in the front garden, last summer he was allowed on the walkway outside
    the front garden and this summer - because he's started school he is
    allowed to play actually in the close with his other friends.
    
    
    Generally I dont allow my son into neighbours back gardens without my
    knowledge firs, but this was a quick juice incident where they had both
    gone round the back specifically for that purpose with the intention of
    coming back out to play with the other children.
    
    I want advice on how to handle this woman in relation to my son.  I
    certainly do not intend to be pushed around by her by any means!! 
    Wether my son is in the right or the wrong.
    
    I want to live in a peaceful environment - and this was until the other
    day, not the type of place where you'd expect trouble.
    
    Can ANYONE offer their help on this situation?
    
    
    re: letting police know - Ive done that.  Thank you.

    
    re .7
    
    First off, not knowing this crazy lady will do in the future, I suggest
    talking to your son about staying away from her property. I don't like
    the sound of these other children ganging up on him. Maybe for the mean 
    time, just stick with the friendly playmates. Kids do change their
    minds about other kids rather quickly (one day they can be best of friends
    and the next day they can be at odds). The situation certainly seems
    unfair to your son, maybe you can take this opportunity to teach your
    son to transcend this difficulty, to rise above it all. For example,
    instead of feeling left out and bullied, feeling proud about not being 
    part of meanies may help him look at the situation from a different
    light. 4.5 year old is not too young to understand right from wrong.
    Help him to understand it is not him who needs to feel bad, since he
    has a wonderful mother and some wonderful friends who stood by him.
    
    Good luck.
    
    Eva

    Other than avoiding the woman, who appears to be a bit on the
    imbalanced side, I don't have any advice.  We have a neighbor (no kids
    there is a diety) who is fine most of the time, but occaisionally goes
    into the screaming fantods about such horrible things as a squeaky
    tricycle, laughter, bikes, people walking their dogs past her
    fence......  Several days later, you wouldn't know anything had set her
    off and she is offering the kids cookies, and always remembers Carrie's
    B-day as it is also hers.  
    
    I just avoid and ignore her when she is Raging Woman, and am polite the
    rest of the time.  I remind the kids that some people have things that
    bother them on some days but not others and suggest they avoid the
    corner for the rest of the day.  
    
    other than doing the same, and treating her kids with respect when they
    start wanting to play with yours in YOUR space only, I don't have a lot
    of advice.  
    
    Reminder, some of us live in neighborhoods that are kid-intensive and
    we do let them out without escorts.  different neighborhoods have
    different dangers, as well as different levels of kid-friendliness. 
    Atlehi will bwe running up and down the sidewalk once the kids are out
    of school and I can trust her to follow the boundaries.  
    
    meg

    Thank you everyone for your input into this situation.  I feel a lot
    more calm and my attitude towards it seems less angry after reading
    some of your entries.
    
    
    Thanks again.
    
    
    Debbie & Ross

    Debbie,
    
    This is a bit late, but you have to think about what you WANT to
    happen.
    
    Are you okay remaining "enemies" with this woman?
    Are you most interested in keeping your honor/pride intact, and will do 
    whatever it takes to see to it?
    Do you want your son to be able to play freely and safely in the
    neighborhood?
    
    Whatever your real goals are, you need to decide first, and understand
    the possible implications.
    
    Does your son want to play with her son?  Does her son play with other
    kids that your son likes to play with?  With summer almost on us, this
    is only going to become more of an issue.
    
    I THINK that I would try to talk to her, rationally, about what
    happened, what the real problem was (in her eyes), and how to avoid
    that in the future.  Assuming you're not planning to move soon, you've
    got a lot of years left in this neighborhood, and it won't do anyone
    any good to be at odds with your neighbor like this - especially where
    the kids seem(ed) to otherwise get along.
    
    I agree with Brian too .... I don't think that any kid has any business
    in someone else's yard without an invite (at least from the kid that
    lives in that yard!).  I live in a neighborhood with ~400 kids
    (literally) on 3 streets, and they are CONSTANTLY running through my
    yard, up and down the driveway and the side door, leaving trash,
    breaking things and causing destruction along the way (i.e. I've got a
    couple huge (long and ~5" deep) imprints on my front lawn and
    rollerblade marks, from them riding/rolling when it was muddy ... and I
    just re-seeded it).  So if some kid comes along, my FIRST impulse is to
    throw them out because I'm so disgusted with the rest of the
    neighborhood trashing the place.  And maybe that kid is really innocent
    .... but I guess it all adds up, and I'd personally, just as soon build
    a moat and 10' walls then to have to keep dealing with this.       
    
    Good Luck!