Conference moira::parenting

    
    
    This sounds like a familiar story with my Sarah, who is now 5 1/2. 
    When Sarah was 4, my mother took very ill and passed away.  Sarah had
    a very close bond with my mother.  3 Months later, my grandmother died,
    then a month after that Sarah's nursery school teacher died.  Sarah
    seemed okay until early september of 1995 (about 4-6 months after all
    the deaths) then at school she suddenly started not participating and 
    very withdrawn from all the children.  I met with her kindergarden
    teacher and discussed this during parent/teacher conference.  I didn't
    realize how upset she was over everything because she was being
    sensative to my needs.  Sarah's always the strong one, saying it's okay
    we remember all the good times, right?
    
    Eventually, I sat and asked her about her being withdrawn at school and
    not wanting to participate in school activities.  Basically, she was
    going through a depression state of all her losses.  Eventhough she
    seemed to handle them okay, while it was happening, she really I think
    was in denial (sp?).  As time went on, she grew out of it, we talk
    often of the people she lost, I think this has helped tremendously.
    Sometimes, out of no where, she'll start laughing or crying because of
    memories of gramma, and she'll say, I really miss her.
    
    
    It could be a similar situation for gregory, maybe he's afraid of
    people leaving and not coming back.  Don't under-estimate how much a
    little person actually grasps.  He could be worrying about things we
    wouldn't expect a small child to even think about.
    
    If I could turn back the clock, I'd be a better listener, and pay extra
    close attention to how sensitive Sarah got in certain situations.
    
    Good luck, I hope everything works out for the little guy.
    
    Joyce
                                                                     

    This is just sort of a wild guess, but do kids go through a phase
    around 5-6 where they suddenly start grasping what death is?
    
    I know that what we went through last weekend is no where in the same
    range (thank God!), but this past weekend my 5 year old found the
    collar of a cat we had that died 2 1/2 years ago.  We found her sitting
    in the dark dining room by herself crying over the cat!  We talked to
    her about it for nearly 2 hours with her alternating between sad and
    sobbing.  It took us completely by surprise!  We've not had any other
    deaths in our families or friends within the last few years.
    
    Just wondering,
    
    Irene

I had similar concerns after my dad's death last year. There are books which
mayhelp raise the issue to where your child can talk about it. Elizabeth Kubler
Ross has a children's book about heaven and a child who dies. Badger's parting
gifts is a little easier as the character is an animal. 

You may want to call a local hospital or hospice to find out about grief support
for children. There are a lot of people out there doing things to help kids get
through losses...special ceremoies, books, counseling.

My daughter (also nearly 5)still asks questions but not as much as last year. I
expect more soon as she is beginning to get the idea that body and soul are
separate and she has not really understood the burying issue.

Don't expect him to outgrow it; that's just leaving the little guy to handle it
all by himself when he really needs some help.