Conference moira::parenting

    
    re .0
    
    We got those frilly, pokey, itchy dresses too as baby gifts, usually
    from "distant" relatives who didn't bother to ask what we needed.
    For those relatives who just didn't get it, I just thanked them for 
    the gifts, waited a few months and gave the dresses away! As time
    went on, we have reached a point that my daughter (age 10) will only 
    wear clothes that she picked out for herself. If I could do it all
    over again, I would ask my relatives not to buy any clothes at all,
    if they wanted to buy something, buy toys, books, tapes (songs and
    movies), etc! It is really difficult to convince others about 
    dresses, since a lot of adult women freeze their buns/legs off too!
    
    
    Eva
    

    welll, you might find a store in twon that will exchange gifts if they
    carry a certain line [yes, still do this]
    
    Then write a heartfelt thank-you note along the lines of "Thank you for
    thoughtful gift to <child>. It's just too precious! She's growing so
    fast these days and already had a couple of dresses in her size and the
    next one up. So, I know you'll be pleased to hear that we were able to
    exchange it for the cutest little OshKosh outfit. As you can see from
    the enclosed snapshot, it's one of her favourites."
    
    If they don't take the hint ... 
    
    I've done a variation on this a couple times with Evan [now 8.5 months]
    who kept getting those oh-toooo-precious little boy outfits with the
    velveteen britches and bowties.
    
      Annie

    .0
    
    I used to get those 'fake' outfits for my daughter also.  Here's a few
    suggestions.
    
    	a)	Start purchasing a *large* toy/game which requires lots of
    		accessories.  i.e. brio trains, dollhouse.  Suggest to your
    		friends/family to purchase add-ons to her new 'hobby'.
    
    	b)	re-cycle the gifts to people who don't know the original
    		gift giver.  This sometimes can get confusing, you'll have
    		to remember who gave what and hope they never find out.
    
    	c)	Find your local 2nd hand store and put the 'fake' outfits
    		up for consignment and make some money.
    
    I found that the people who bought the *fake* outfits weren't really
    buying because they wanted to see my daughter in these outfits; they
    were really fulfulling a secret desire to shop and purchase for too
    girlish type clothes and my daughters birthday conviently gave them
    that opportunity.  Like you stated distant friends and family.
    
    My solution was easy, I stopped buying there kids presents (only
    because the became too old) and I noticed, they stopped buying my kids
    things.  The presents my kids do receive a fewer and farther between
    now, but at least they're genuine and from the heart.
    
    Joyce

re .0:

What does your daughter like to wear?  Our daughters love to wear dresses.
They wear heavy acrylic (?) tights with them, so they're quite warm.

    
    
    	I sometimes buy the shorter dresses (ie mid thigh) and combine
    	them with leggings and her sneakers.  
    
    	My daughter doesn't wear those frilly things either, however
    	this summer she will be a flower girl so I'll have to get her
    	one... and white too!  What a waste... she'll wear it once
    	and probably refuse to walk down the aisle anyhow... I'm
    	thinking I should just tell my cousin... thanks but no thanks.
    
    	Luckily, nobody buys frilly things for Lauren and she
    	rarely even receives clothing!  However, my MIL buys
    	stuff from Building 19 which is just gross!  She has even
    	bought boys clothes for Lauren because the price was
    	good.  Oh well....
    
    	Karen

    I didn't catch your daughter's age, but I know with mine (17 mths)
    dresses drive her nuts.  Everytime she tries to get up or down, she's
    always stepping on them and getting "stuck".  That might be a good
    "reason" to mention.    
    
    I don't know how we escaped all the the real "girly" dresses, but we
    did.  In fact, I think of the very few (I mean, like maybe 4) of her
    dresses, I bought two of them.   I guess my family and friends have
    "been there, done that" and knew better.
    
    						cj *->

     re: .5
    
    Karen,
    
    	You're right... she'll probably never wear that dress again... I
    hope it's not costing you too much!  As for walking down the isle - 
    she'll probably be fine. Or you may have to walk down with her if she's 
    afraid.  
    
    	My son was a ring-bearer in June '95 (2 yrs, 2mos) and did fine.
    I did have to walk down with him, but as soon as he saw his Uncle
    Russ (the groom), he RAN down the isle and JUMPED in his arms.  It
    was adorable!  The nice thing about boys in weddings is you rent the
    tuxedo.  We got his for about $25, and I bought the tux shoes at
    Walmart for $8.00.
    
    	Good luck!  I still think anything under 4 yrs old is too young
    to be in a wedding (too unpredictable!).
    
    	

    My daughter is now 6 and has never been one to wear dresses.  When she
    does wear them, she wears plain cotton ones in the summer and velour or
    flannel in the winter.  Right now she has 4 dresses to choose from.  I
    buy them all, because I know how fussy she is about every detail.
    
    It did take a while before people stopped buying her the
    frilly/lacey/pastel dresses.  Since she was the first girl after five
    boys, she got a *LOT* of those things when she was born.  She didn't
    even wear many of them.  As she got older, people started to realize
    that I just didn't dress her in that way.  Plus, I told anyone who
    asked what our clothes preferences are.  Or what stores are more likely
    to carry the clothes we like (Gymboree, Hanna Anderson, etc.).  
    
    I would sell the other clothes at a secondhand store, or try to return
    them for something more appropriate.
    
    judy
    she

    Karen -- I was in Raschels last week buying a dress for my daughter
    (also a flower girls) they had some really pretty dress for some pretty
    decent prices.
    
    Roberta_who_is_very_seldom_in_a_dress_who_has_two_daughter_who_would_love_to
    be_in_them_every_day_but_I_convince_them_that_pants/leggings/jeans_are_much
    more_practical.

    re.9
    
    Lucky you!
    
    My niece began removing non-dress clothing when she was 2. [my sister
    _hates_ dresses for little firls] I mean seriously. Carly would strip
    down to her underwear the minute her mother let go of her. She would
    spend time in her room, go without meals, whatever it took, to get a
    dress on her back.  It was a monumental battle as my sister is no
    push-over. Practical, smactical. The only bow she made to practicality
    was to keep her trousers or sweats on until she got to school in cold
    weather at which point the clothes came off.
    
    She outgrew this stage when she was 8. Actually, she began to see
    reason and would where pants _2_ days a week for compromise when she
    was 5. Now, at almost 10, she believes in spending most of her days in
    leggings and obscenely large t-shirts [XXL or larger on her 4'8" 70lb
    frame] although she still loves to own nice dresses.
    
      Annie

    Funny, my daughter would prefer dresses.  On Dress-Down Day at school,
    she wears dresses.  When she was a toddler the dresses never hung
    down low enough to trip her.  Most were cotton, no irratating ruffles
    or laces.  Sometimes I would buy her a t-shirt and add a skirt to the
    bottom.  She would be delighted.  She wears stirrup pants under them
    in the winter.  She doesn't own a pair of jeans.  
    
    Gifts of expensive dresses, dress her up, take a picture and your
    job is done here.  You have proof the dress was wore.  I recycled
    mine.  Coming from a big family there is always neices around who
    can use a new dress.  Some I've hung onto, hoping for a grand-
    daughter someday.  Especially the dress I made without a sewing
    machine, with needle and thread, now that's an heirloom.

    RE ummm.... the one having to get a flower girl dress
    
    Children's Orchard is having their big spring clothing sale this
    Saturday, the 17th.  Now this ad is for Nashua NH, but I know the
    Salem, NH runs their big sales the same day. 
    
    I don't know if there's any near you, but it might be worth looking
    into.  
    
    							cj *->

    
    re: flower girl dress...
    
    I was actually thinking of making one.  I'll be on Maternity
    leave this summer so I hope to have time to make one.  My
    cousin said to get whatever I wanted as long as its white.  I've
    seen some cute, easy patterns at the Fabric store.
    
    Of course, my first project while on Maternity leave is to make
    a new baby quilt.  I wanted to wait on that one since I'd like
    to gear it towards the baby's sex.  
    
    Karen

    You may want to look on the sale rack after easter.  I got my daughter
    an all white, fancy dress for a special occasion during June of last
    year at Mervyns, and it was very reasonable (i.e. $12).

    Another solution is to find a children's clothing consignment store, or
    consignment formal wear store.  You can get some pretty nice stuff when
    you need it for the wear-once-never-again kind of clothes.  
    
    I guess I am lucky or assertive enough about our life-style that people
    don't buy my kids dresses without asking first.  Atlehi did get some
    pale pink and white (got to be grayish really quick) pant outfits when
    she was small, but it was from a very proper older woman who felt that
    she was compromising by not getting her a cute white or pink dress.  I
    took pictures of them as quick as I put them on the first time so that
    Char could enjoy seeing her in the gift they way she wanted a baby girl
    to be, and then lumped it in with the rest of the terry creepers and
    didn't worry about it.  
    
    meg

    
    	Doesn't own a pair of jeans?? Wow! I have a 2year old boy. I am
    hoping for a little girl in the next pregnancy....if i do have a girl,
    she will wear all of my son's clothes. Why not?? I will never dress her
    in frilly crap. Not necessary...only for looks.
    	I have been a Tom-Boy all of my life. I turned out pretty ok. I
    think a little girl looks much cuter and real in a pair of jeans and a
    T-shirt. Why bother dressing them in something they probably don't
    like? Most small children really don't care what they have on. As they
    get older, you can let them choose what to wear. I'll offer a dress as
    choice(if I have a girl)...but I won't make it part of an everyday
    wardrob.
    
    	$.02
    			Katy

    I think it's hard to determine what a kid will wear.  My daughter, who
    doesn't wear dresses much, also WON'T wear jeans.  She says they are
    too rough and "hard."  She wears leggings, cotton pants, and velour
    pants.  
    
    One of my friends told me that next year, when she is in first grade, I
    will probably see a dramatic switch to jeans as she gets the peer
    pressure to wear them.
    
    judy

    
    	I never bought dresses for my daughter when she was a baby.
    
    	However, she received a dress as a gift from our pastor when
    	she was dedicated - pink, ruffles, the whole get-up.  I have
    	to admit, when she was all dressed, she was adorable.  I only
    	regretted not having another occasion to put it on her before
    	she outgrew it.
    	
    	After that, I still only bought her dresses for Easter and
    	Christmas, and only then after she was 2.  However, after
    	receiving a few comfortable cotton dresses as gifts, she
    	has virtually fallen in love with dresses.  As others, in	
    	winter she wears leggings under them, and I pack a pair of
    	sweats to bring along to preschool (with jumpers, she can
    	either leave it on or take it off when she puts on the sweats).
    
    	In fact, we just went out last weekend and bought her 3 new
    	dresses, because she wanted a dress at least 2 times a week, but
    	only had one that fit!
    
    

   Wow.. interesting stuff here...
   
   I have three daughters, ages from nearly 7 down to nearly 4.  They are
   almost always in dresses, by their own choice.  My 7 yr old is in
   first grade, and she even wears dresses (with shorts on underneath) on
   days she has gym.  Her biggest concession is to wear heavy cotton
   tights on really cold days instead of the synthetic (nylon?) tights
   that she wears most days.  They have always liked dresses, though we
   had a reasonable share of overalls and sweats for them before we
   realized they didn't like wearing that stuff.  And they are always
   looking for an excuse to really get dressed up and wear their "party
   dresses", as they call them.
   
   ymmv,
   
   - Tom
   

    
    	Just a curiosity here....all the girls talked about that wear
    dresses......do the moms wear feminine clothing also?
    	All the girls that don't wear dreeses....do the mom's wear sweats
    and pants?
    
    	Just curious.....>I wear jeans 99.9% of the time, the .01% is
    sweats. Although in the summer I wear those "hippy skirts"...
    	Does anyone think what I wear will affect what my (possibly future)
    daughter would wear?
    		K

    
    	I wear a dress no more than once a week.
    
    	Karen
    

    
    
      Well I have a daughter who loves to wear dresses - and I also wear
    jeans 99.9% of the time.  She started asserting herself around 3 years
    old, if she is choosing a new outfit - a dress is her first choice.  It
    doesn't matter to me (other than making sure the dresses are durable).
    
    ELizabeth

    re.20
    
    My sister _hates_ dresses. Hates them. She was born this way, I swear.
    She swore that if she ever had a daughter that her daughter wouldn't be
    allowed to wear dresses until she was on her own paying her own bills.
    She hates dresses on little girls, she thinks that the only acceptable
    colours that a person can wear [regardless of age and gender] are
    black, brown, grey, maroon and navy. OK, maybe a _little_ white
    sometimes, but nothing else light or bright. Blue denim, only, is
    acceptable.
    
    Her daughter, Carly, insisted on wearing dresses from about the time
    she was 10 months old. She would remove any non-dresslike garment that
    her mother put on her. If put in jeans she would stiffen up like a
    board and scream until exhausted. Once she went without 6 meals in a
    row because her mother told her that she couldn't eat until she took of
    the dress and put on some "real" clothes. [This when she was 3]. Her
    mother, to this day, has never had a complimentary word to say to her
    when she is wearing a dress -- about _any_thing. If Carly has a dress
    on, Wendy will not even congratulate her on winning at an out of town
    swim meet.
    
    This battle of the wills has been going on for almost 9 years now.
    These days Carly frequently wears hugely baggy t-shirts and leggings
    which her mother find marginally acceptable -- wouldn't you know that
    the child _loves_ bright colours? -- but she still loves her dresses.
    
      Annie

    
    	That's a sad story if you ask me! I say let the kids wear what they 
    want(to a point) and hey, they'll get dirty anyways, but that's what
    being a kid is all about! Right?
    	K.

    I love to see Natasha in dresses. She will be 1 in a few weeks. I don't
    put her in dresses as much now because she is learning crawling. I put
    heavy tights on her. The thing I like about the tights is she doesn't 
    pull them off like her slippers and socks. At least she has something
    on her feet. I have a jean jumper that I put turtle neck onesies under
    that works very well. The frilly dresses I don't use that much except
    for special occations. I like jumpers and casual T-shirt type dresses.
    
    I wear dresses to work about 2 times a week.
    
                                        Alice

    
    I only wear dresses for special occasions or in the summer sometimes 
    the light cotton ones. I find dresses rather impractical for my 
    daughter right now, like someone mentioned she always seems to get
    caught on them. Plus with the weather it's much easier to just put
    her in a sweatsuit type outfit.
    
    I've dressed her up a couple times and was surprised at how adorable
    I thought she looked. Once she gets some hair I bet she's even cuter!
    I'm definately a jeans type person but when she gets older I won't
    push her one way or the other. As far as I'm concerned as long as
    the outfit is reasonable for the activity and the weather she'll have
    her choice.
    
    I think it's sad that we as parents push our own agenda so hard on our
    kids. I want my daughter to grow up strong & independent and have a
    good sense of herself. But not allowing her to wear a dress? Come on,
    give me a break. What is it people hope to accomplish with this? 
    I think it's the same thing as not allowing girls to wear pants and
    go out and get dirty. I like to think I'm not one dimensional and
    neither is my daughter.
    
    oh and by the way, Laura did get several very frilly dresses that I
    didn't use. I brought them back and exchanged them for things she 
    needed. 
    
                         Barbara
    
    

    I am NOT a dress wearer, (nor am I crazy about leggings and you'll never
    see me in sweats) and have two girls 7 and 9 who would love to
    wear dresses more (their 2nd choice is leggings followed by sweats for
    the older one and jeans for the younger).  In the summer I give in and 
    they wear sundress 6 out of 7 days if they chose, during the winter they 
    give in to me and wear pants/jeans/leggings/sweats.  We throw in a dress 
    at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Until this past year (youngest is going
    to be a flower girl and I bought the older one a dress to wear to the
    wedding) I have never bought the girls a dress except for the
    sundresses, someone is always giving me a bag of clothes and my daughters 
    love picking through them.
    
    Roberta_who_loves_her_jeans!!!!
    

    This is great stuff! I feel sorry for the mother who chooses to battle
    her daughter over the dress though! I also wonder how a 10 month old
    could "choose" the dress over the pants. Anyway, who are these people
    putting tights on a baby still in diapers! I relented and did put Lisa
    in a dress for her birthday (1). But at the first diaper change those
    tights came off and I put in black leggings type pants (she only has
    one pair of those too). 

    My feeling on clothes in general is to be practical. My daughter
    doesn't need clothes to look cute (she's cutest in the nude!). I'm
    thinking that simple cotton dresses may be fine for the summer, nice
    and cool and airy, she's welcome to them, I wear dresses occasionally
    for that reason to. But in this bitter cold I won't get near them, even
    long wool skirts, it's just not practical. 

    Another issue not yet raised here about dresses is how your girl will
    get treated when she is wearing one. Put a dress on her and all of a
    sudden my husband is not swinging her around, she's become to fragile!
    I'm sure studies have been done, people are less likely to rough house
    with a girl in a dress than one in coveralls. Seems reasonable, don't
    want to mess her little clothes up. Ick, I don't want my girl treated
    as a doll. Swing her from the rafters (she loves it)! 

    Gail

    re.28 how does a 10-month-old "choose" a dress over pants?
    
    She removed pants. If you put them on her, she took them off. [in fact
    she would strip down to the skin] If you put a dress on her, she left
    it on. If you put pants on her, put her in her outdoor clothes, and
    strapped her in her carseat, she would wait until she got out of the
    seat and the outwear, then she would strip down to the skin.
    
    Actually your question about tights pretty much goes for pants as well.
    How much more practical a dress is until a child doesn't need to have
    it's linen changed ever few hours. This is why for ages and ages
    toddlers wore short dresses or smocks until the were toilet trained.
    
    re. my sister
    
    I fell pretty sorry for her myself. She's a self-destructive woman who
    should _never_ have had children at all, let alone gotten pregnant with
    her third.
    
      Annie

    
    re: .29
    
    Annie, please - tell us what you really think.   8^)   8^
    
    

    RE .28
    
    I don't know much about how others treat Angeline when in a dress,
    other than to comment and compliment, but she certainly loves to
    pick that sucker up and show off her tights and play peek-a-boo
    with the dress.
    
    And yes, TIGHTS!.  They don't bother me anymore than anything else
    to take on and off, or make diaper changing convenient.  I had a
    baby!  Life has changed drastically.  These little extra steps to
    care for her are less than minor irritations.   It all goes with
    the job.
    
    								cj 

>                                             Anyway, who are these people
>    putting tights on a baby still in diapers!

What's the problem?  It takes a few seconds to pull down the tights enough
to change the diaper.

>   Another issue not yet raised here about dresses is how your girl will
>   get treated when she is wearing one. Put a dress on her and all of a
>   sudden my husband is not swinging her around, she's become to fragile!

Dina loves to grab my hands, climb up my legs, and do a back flip.  Both
my daughters are very active and physical.  The both wear dresses almost
exclusively.

    I read somewhere that the reason little girls like dresses is that
    everyone says "How pretty you look!"  :>)
    
    My now 8yr old has 2 pairs of jeans that she wears constantly -- 1 pr
    each week, unless they get dirty before the weekend -- preferably with
    sweatshirts and t-necks, when I insist she'll wear them with a sweater
    [rarely the one I pick out of course].  She has lots of
    clothes -- the joys of hand-me-downs -- but will only wear a dress
    lately for dressier occasions, i.e., where she can't wear jeans.
    She did go thru a stage where she wouldn't wear anything BUT
    dresses/jumpers/ skirts, but it's been so long now that I don't
    remember exactly when that was....never did like overalls too much, but
    will wear short-alls in the summer.
    
    IT's been so cold this winter I haven't minded the no-dress/skirt
    route, but it hurts to see all those nice clothes hanging in the closet
    -- someone will get some nice hand-me-downs next winter!
    
    <sigh> life is never dull......
    
    sandy

    I get "dressed up" for work and generally wear skirts/dresses.  Once or
    twice a week I wear nice jeans with a blazer or leggings with a big
    sweater.  My daughter, who is 5-3/4 today, consistently tells me that
    she doesn't like my work clothes.  She likes it best when I get into my
    sweats after work.
    
    She, however, only wears leggings or cotton pants.  She won't wear
    sweats because she "doesn't like how she looks" in them. She currently
    wears a dress as often as it is washed (maybe twice a week), but it's a
    very practical velour dress with velour leggings.
    
    Since we value independence over compliance, we have no problem with
    whatever my daughter wears, although I try to steer her toward
    weather-appropriate clothing.  I will admit to cringing at the outfits
    she terms "wild" ones.  The combinations aren't ones that I would pick.
    
    I have the same sense of style that my Mother does, which I think is
    interesting.  My sister, who was quite the tomboy, has two very girlish
    daughters.  She thinks our kids got switched somehow.
    
    judy

Like Judy, my 5 year old pretty much wears what she wants.  If it is a
particularly cold day, I point that out if she wants to wear dresses.  We've 
had discussions about days she can't go out at daycare are good ones for 
dresses with tights.  She also has a number of dresses with leggings to match.
If she wants a dress and there is a clean one in her closet, she's free to
wear it.  We do have a few special for church and special occasions which 
don't go to school, but anything else is game. 

As for how she acts, it's no different in dresses than pants.  She puts a snow
suit own over dresses and goes sledding.  She plays soccer or anything else
in dresses same as she would in pants.  During the summer, she prefers dresses
because they're cooler outside.  

My feeling is let her wear whatever she wants as long as it is appropriate for 
the occasion and the weather.  Also, if she gets to pick out her clothes in
the morning she's much more likely to get dressed with no hassels!

Irene

    I have two daughters, the oldest is 8 and youngest is 6.  My oldest
    daughter, Kasey, would prefer to wear dresses everyday of the week 
    and every where that she goes.  She has two pairs of jeans that seldom 
    get worn!  Kasey is very "fashion" minded (sometimes a little more than
    she needs to be!)  My youngest, Keri, has maybe two dresses that seldom 
    get worn and about 6 or 7 pairs of jeans that are about worn out 
    (but all new!) Keri cares about her appearance but must be in jeans.
    I gave up the battle over clothes long ago, as long as they are clean
    and match they can wear it.
    
    I work at a customers site and have to wear dresses and heels to work 
    every day-but when I get home it's sweats or jeans.  
    
    CG

    What a great note !
    
    Any chance the relatives are doing this because they feel compelled to
    get a message a cross to you. I have a cousin who teases me that my
    daughter is going to grow up to love all the things I hate...makeup,
    sequins, jewels.
    
    But if it is overkill, let them know she has the dresses by sending
    pictures of her in them. Maybe dess up for church, visits, etc. Then 
    mention that you are wondering how ot deal with scratched knees in the
    school yard. Get them thinking about where she spends most of her time.
    They may think you'll buy her all the casual stuff so they'll
    supplement. Tell them she really needs something. Maybe an "If you ever
    come across a ____in her size, would you pick it up for me; I've been
    looking for one and she really needs it."

    I wish I had a little girl to put in dresses, frilly or otherwise. 
    I've got two boys (7 yrs, and 5 mos.), and never did there exist a
    bigger mis-match between mother and children.  I am a bit of a JAP
    (Jewish American Princess, thanks!) myself.  I may not cry when I break
    a nail, but I do prefer to wear makeup every day, dress nicely in
    matching clothes at all times, prefer dresses and suits to pants.  I do
    bow to practicality, now that I telecommute, and wear nice leggings or
    stirrups most days, with matching sweaters, etc.  But I've got
    jewelery on at all times, and always wear perfume.  In the summer, I
    much prefer a sun dress or knit skirt/tunic to shorts any day.
    
    Now my baby, of course, isn't old enough for preferences.  But my 7
    year old is a typical rough/tough boy.  He's at that stage when bathing
    is considered an unnecessary evil.  Until he was about four, he would
    actually *cry* if he had to wear clothes that didn't coordinate.  I
    will absolutely never forget the time my husband stuck our
    then-2-year-old Joe in a bright orange/blue Broncos shirt with a pair
    of green/white patterned pants.  The kid screamed and screamed until
    Mom came and suggested a nice pair of blue pants to go with the blue
    numbers on his shirt.  My husband was completely baffled.
    
    Now, it is a battle just to get Joe to wear socks that match, never
    mind clothes.  He will not wear any of the following:  collars,
    sweaters, sweatshirts, long sleeves, dress clothing of any kind, boots,
    regular shoes.  Joe will only wear:  chinos, sweatpants, cotton
    sheeting pants or shorts, t-shirt knit shorts, t-shirts, crew socks
    with the stripes, and sneakers.  Period.  Also, we went through a
    year-long "strike" on the colors purple and teal, which were formerly
    his favorite colors and look terrific with his blue eyes, fair skin and
    light brown hair.  "Real guys don't wear purple, Mom"  -- I swear, he
    really said that.  He also HATES denim, says it is too hot and
    scratchy.
    
    On the other hand, he simply HAD to have a t-shirt and cap for every
    sports team he knows and/or claims to like, even though he doesn't
    follow sports and hasn't the paitence to sit through one inning of
    baseball, let alone a whole game of anything.  
    
    My family members were always sending Joe cute clothes -- dress shirts,
    beautiful sweaters, LaCostes, etc.  He refused to wear them.  I finally
    cut them off by not giving them sizes == the conversation goes as
    follows:
    
    Relative:  I'm going shopping for Joe's (birthday, Xmas, etc.) present
    next week.  What size is he wearing in (piece of clothing) these days?
    
    Mom:  Actually, he's in the middle of a major growth spurt, so I'm not
    sure what size he'll be wearing tomorrow, let alone by (birthday, Xmas,
    etc.).  Clothes probably aren't a good gift idea right now.  I do know,
    however, that he would really love a (whatever I can't afford or don't
    want to buy him) from you. 
    
    This works very well with my brother, in-laws, etc.
    
    M.
    

    
    Sniff sniff .... I have 3 boys.  I wander by the girls' sections now
    and then, and try to THINK *WHO* do I know that I could buy one of
    those puffy, frilly, (clearly irritating (-;) dresses for??  But, even
    my niece rarely makes it into a dress so .... we go look at monster
    trucks instead.  Somewhere there's a feminine side of me dying to get
    out... (-:
    
    I NEVER dress up.  I hate dressing up - hey, I hate clothes.  Long
    t-shirts, that's what life is all about.  Sweats in the winter.  On a
    special occassion, I might wear slacks instead of jeans (something like
    Chinos).  On occassion, if I'm not tipping the scales too badly, I'd
    sneak into a LONG sweater and stirrup pants.  
    
    And boy do I get hell from my two older boys.  "Mom, how come you never
    wear a dress??"  "Mom, I have a play at school, will you please dress
    up?" etc etc.  JASON is my little fashion-expert.  At least HE thinks
    so.  He likes everything to "fit" just right, and look nice.  He wants
    his pants and shirt to match nicely, to match his socks, and if he had
    10 different pairs of shoes, he'd wear them all.  His latest "matching"
    scheme, is to wear all one color - which gets a bit much, especially
    with RED, but he does pay a fair amount of attention.
    
    Chris - well, he looks like a bum most of the time, BUT, if he could
    dress like he REALLY wanted, he'd be wearing a suit to school every
    day.  Cost, ironing, and teasing from other kids, prevent this (thank
    God, cuz I haven't a clue where the iron is... (-;).  But he LOVES to
    get dressed up, from head to toe.
    
    Now, they're CERTAINLY not getting any of this from me.  It may be from
    their Dad, (who they're with half the time) who has to "dress up" for
    work, as does my boyfriend.  But I think that it was something they
    were BORN with.  They *LOVE* the attention "My GOSH!  You look handsome
    today!", and I do make sure I gush over them when they've gone the
    extra mile to get all dressed up.  Hey - who doesn't like being told
    you look nice?
    
    As for girls in dresses .... I definitely don't rough with them.  I
    know when Angeline's over, and all frilly, I hesitate to go near her -
    she does look fragile!  Put her back in her pants, and I'll toss her
    around - that's weird, huh??
    
    But I may be getting my chance - there's a little girl (8) who lives
    across the street that's friends with my kids.  Well, this w/end she
    decided she'd pretty much rather stay at my house, than at home, so we
    spent some time playing "dress up" with her - Jessica-the-Tomboy!  Her
    parents probably fell over when she walked through the door.  (-:  But
    with an older brother, and a ton of boys around, she doesn't get much
    "girl" time.  She loved it .... I have vision of frilly dresses in my
    future (-;
    
    Sooooooooo .... how much of it all has to do with the time available to
    spend on "dressing up"??  It's quicker to toss on sweats than to make
    sure everything's "just right" getting dressy .... BTW - Jessica's mom
    dresses up for work, and dresses way-down for home.  
    
    How do your boys dress?
    

    Patty,
    
    My little refrigerator, FRAGILE?????  Hey, you can dress my kid up
    and toss her around anytime :-).  Just don't teach her any diving!
    
    You can come over and dress her up anytime you want to satisfy
    that need.  She just behaves so well when you're around.  She may
    even lay still for you!
    
    							cj *->

Well, I have enjoyed this note!!  I wish I had an answer for the basenoter's
dilemma . . but I too have the same problem and have had it for 13 years!

My MIL still sends clothes that my thirteen year old daughter would NEVER wear!
She never asks for suggestions, she just sends things.  It's kind of funny
actually because she lives 1400 miles away and doesn't see the kids very often
so usually the size is wrong as well.  I guess I have resigned myself to the
fact that she is going to buy whatever she wants to buy regardless of what
the rest of us think.  We just pass it on to someone who can use it.

With Becky, we have gone full circle, from loving dresses to hating them, and
now she seems to have found a happy medium.  She has a couple that fit nicely,
which she wears to church or special occasions, or just because she feels
like it (once a month or so).  I decided long ago that her choice of apparel
was NOT worth fighting about!  I only insist upon cleanliness and a certain
amount of modesty at this age.  However, if she is going somewhere with me
I do make alternative suggestions.  

With my son . . he is 4 . . we spent the fall in sweatpants exclusively!  Soft
pants he called them.  He did agree to wear corduroy after awhile, but his
jeans are too 'bumpy'.  I do buy him 100% cotton everything as he has very
very sensitive skin.  He HATES turtlenecks but other than that he is pretty
easy to please.  Mostly he would prefer to just run around in his jockey shorts
(the ones with gargoyles and power rangers on them!)  Again, my MIL doesn't ask,
she just sends things like wool or acrylic sweaters . . once in awhile she
will send a flannel shirt which he will wear. 

I know this is a bit off the base topic, but what do you do with wrong sizes?

My MIL will call and ask what sizes the kids wear.  She did this about 6 weeks 
ago and I told her they were in 6-6X and 24 months for now.  I also told her
I would be buying 6X and 2T for spring/summer clothes this year.

So... we got a box the day before Valentine's where she had been shoppping.  The
clothes were sizes including 18 mos., 24 mos, 2T, 3T, 4T, 5, 6 and (I think 1)
6X, but she got them all at "really great prices!".  She does this 5 or 6 times
a year, so it's not just an occasional thing.  I hate having so many clothes 
that the kids will never wear.  Any ideas on what to do with them?  Mine are 
the youngest in the family and the only younger kids in the neighborhood are
boys.  

Irene

    Re. -1
    Sell them! If they are new, Children's Orchard or another second hand
    store might give you a good price. 
    
    I have the same problem with my parents, whom we don't see very often
    (3 times year). Last time I visited, my mother pulls out a 9 month
    outfit for my then 9 month daughter. Good try, but she was in an 18month
    by them. It was no suprise that when we visited last week she comes out
    with two 18 month outfits, Lisa is wearing 2T or 24 month. Mother
    claims she does not keep the receipts so I can not exchange them myself
    (they are just from WalMart). She then tries to convince me that they
    will fit a few times, not a chance I say. I kind of wonder what
    she's doing with the outfits, Lisa hasn't seen them. But hey, they
    weren't dresses!
    
    Gail

    
    What if you ask your mom???  "Mom, THANKS for the clothes!!  They're
    great!  I can't believe the prices you got!!  I have a question though
    ... the ones that are too small for <the older child> I can hold onto
    and hope <the younger child> will grow into them, but what would you
    like me to do with the ones that are too small for the baby?  I don't
    know any smaller girls to give them to - would you like to return them,
    or maybe you know someone who they'd fit?"
    
    If she sort of "ends up" with them, then maybe she'll be a little more
    alert to sizes.
    
    My family tends to buy *HUGE* clothes for my kids, that don't fit them
    till it's the "wrong" season.  What we do, is whenever the kids get
    clothes, I make them try them on immediately, and if they don't fit
    right, the "giver" sees that right off, and will offer to change sizes. 
    Sending them back to the store a couple of times seems to have them
    listening to me a little better.  AND when telling them a size, I give
    them the range I want to stick on, not just a single size, so they know
    whether to lean towards a bigger/smaller size.
    
    "Well, a 7 fits Jason PERFECT right now, but he's got a lot of size 7
    clothes.  If it's something for winter than get a 7, but I suspect
    he'll outgrow it soon.  The 8s are still a little big on him, so
    definitely don't go bigger than 8s.  Unless it's sweats, in which case
    it's about a 8-10, or big boys small/med"
    
    Then they KNOW the ranges the kid's in.  And I'm usually pretty
    particular - before I give out size info, I ask WHAT they're planning
    on buying.  If I bought Jason a pair of Jeans, size 8-10, he'd be
    swimming in them  for years.  If I bought him sweats in a size 7,
    they'd look like floods.  I guess having "weird" size kids helps
    (they're TWIGS!!  Even the slim stuff is baggy....)..
    

    Walmart will exchange clothing without a receipt, according to their
    posted policy at the one's I have shopped at in CO.  They will not
    directly refund without same, but chances are you can find something
    you like in the appropriate sizze and price.  
    
    YMMV
    
    meg

    Also Sears, Target, and lots of other places.  As long as the tags are
    on it and the national chain carries that item *somewhere* in the
    country, they can look it up in the computer and apply an exchange
    price.
    
    I guess if folks keep sending your kids unsuitable clothes, try calling
    them and telling them the dress doesn't *fit*, where did you get it,
    I'll need to exchange it for something else.  Then, when they later ask
    how daughter looked in the lovely dress in her correct size, you can
    fib some more and say, "Actually, they were out of size (   ) in that,
    so I got her a (    ) instead."  Parenthood and little white lies. 
    They go together like kids and messiness.  
    
    M.
    

    If hints aren't helping, I wouldn't have any guilt over selling
    and using the money to buy clothes that DO fit, or if the resale
    doesn't quite come up to par - there's always SOMETHING they need.
    
    Coming from one who is at the receiving end, those second hand stores
    are a blessing.  Not to mention the clothes I have gotten through
    people here in this file selling things!
    
    Angeline lived for a year off clothes that I bought from a woman
    in here.  They were beautiful, well worn, and GREATLY APPRECIATED.
    
    (yes... Laura Murphy, it took a while, but she's gone through all
    of them!   any 2's, 3's, and 4's ?????  )
    
    							cj *->

    
    
    Clothes - IMO, they are for warmth and for protection, the ideal
    is to have both form and function, but function comes first. In the
    winter, I rarely wear skirts because it is way too cold around here
    (even with the thickest tights). In the summer, I wear short skirts 
    often. I don't wear anything that is synthetic or requires ironing!
    I dressed my daughter with functionality in mind, though I always 
    tried to buy the cutest and prettiest outfits that worked. Once my 
    daughter could pick out her own clothes at the store, I let her decide 
    for herself what she wanted to wear (and buy). Dresses and skirts were 
    never high on her list, they tended to restrict her activities, like 
    hanging upside down on the jungle gym and grinding in the grass and mud 
    (don't ask me how!). At 10 years of age, she wears jeans, stretch
    pants, sweats and flannels, sneakers and hiking boots. Her frineds
    wear the same stuff (grunge look!). I guess peer pressure is more
    important at this stage.
    
    
    Eva