Conference moira::parenting

    Mornings sure can be hard.

    We start by making sure the kids go to bed early.  For us, this
    is the most important thing we can do.  And for us, this means
    having dinner as early as possible, then right up into the tub
    and into bed.  (we have 4 kids...takes a while).

    I get up early and make breakfast.  Usually pancakes or eggs
    or french toast or waffles.  You can serve the whole family pancakes
    for the cost of one bowl of cereal.  And the kids get moving quicker
    with real food to entice them.  We have them lay out their clothes for
    the next day before they go to bed.  We try to have all their backpacks
    in the livingroom with shoes before bed.  Our biggest delay is when
    someone cant find their shoes.

    The kids know the rule that they are not allowed to start 'playing'
    in the morning....its dressed, then downstairs for breakfast,
    then back up for teeth, then into the car.  Breakfast in PJs is
    ok but discouraged.

    Last year we tried something that worked but we so far have not
    started it this year.  Any kid that was in the car with seat belt
    buckled BEFORE the 8AM NPR music started would get a stick of gum
    (sugarless).  They could chew it until they got to school.  Its
    amazing how fast kids will move for a stick of gum.  (Since the bus 
    goes by our house at 7AM and school starts at 8:15AM, we drive them
    to school).  This year some of the girls have started taking the
    bus, so its up earlier for them but great to get half of the kids
    gone by 7!
    bob

    
    I only have one.  Here is what I do..
    
    1.  Make my lunch the night before.  I don't have to make lunch
    	for Lauren.
    
    2.  No breakfast, just juice.  We leave for daycare at 7:00 so she
    	has breakfast there.  See if your daycare offers that option.
    
    I can get out of the house in 1 hour from crawling out of bed.
    Even if my husband is not home!
    
    Some people might say to lay out clothes the night before but I
    don't find this saves any time.  I don't have a hard time deciding
    what to wear though.
    
    Karen
    
    
    

    Our schedule goes something like this...
    
    Wake up at 6:30. Breakfast is served by 7:00, finished by 7:30. Then we
    pick out clothes (no problems/delays here), then we brush teeth and
    wash up (baths are done before bedtime). Then we get dressed and off we
    go - out the door by 8:00.
    
    I cringe at the thought of children eating breakfast and brushing teeth
    with the day's clothes on already. One mess up and you are delayed to
    allow for a change of clothes (not to mention additional laundry :-)
    
    Breakfast varies - we have (in no particular order) Nutri-grain bars, 
    oatmeal, scrambled eggs with some meat (ham, spam, bologna), pancakes,
    waffles, a variety of cold cereal, peanut butter and crackers. A lot
    depends on how fast we motivate in the first few minutes after waking
    up. 

    
    Wellllllllll .... we have some pretty "non-traditional" mornings in
    my house, but we do usually make it out, w/in 1hr 15mins for me, 45
    mins for them.
    
    This is for 3 boys, who know better than to ignore me in the morning
    when we're trying to get ready, and are QUITE wonderful about helping.
    
    I have the kids change for bed the night before.  They usually wear
    sweats to school, so they just wear them to bed the night before, and
    wake up and *POOF* they're dressed.  It also means they don't have to
    get "cold" getting dressed.
    
    They get up at the EXACT same time every day.  If they have trouble
    getting ready on time, they get up a few mins earlier the next day.  If
    they have trouble getting UP, they go to bed a few mins earlier that 
    night.
    
    Homework/papers etc are all organized the night before.
    
    The times that they won't wear "bed clothes" to school, they have to
    get their clothes ready the night before.
    
    If I'm REALLY together, I will pack part of their lunches the night
    before and just add the cold stuff in the mornings.  These days they're
    starting to pack their own lunch in the morning.
    
    RULE #1  *NO TV* in the morning!!  The ONLY time they're allowed to
    watch it is if they're ALL ready, shoes and all, and are waiting for me
    to finish getting ready.  That tv goes on before then, and we're
    guaranteed to be another 10-15 mins longer, at *LEAST*! (and I've got
    Barney stuck in my head the rest of the day!)
    
    Breakfast - break down those "traditional" barriers.  Kids will eat
    lotsa things in the morning.  Some things I've served for breakfast (by
    THEIR request!);
    
    fish stix (fish is excellent brain food, and esp, in the am.)
    tuna
    chicken nuggets
    pizza
    cheese and crackers
    PB+J sandwiches
    a spoonful of PB
    lunch meat
    toasted chz sandwiches
    cereal
    toast
    homemade-and-then-frozen pancakes and waffles (this is great - if you
    	have enough plates or plastic dishes, you can freeze them with
    	syrup and butter already on them.  Pop 'em in the microwave for a 
    	few mins and it's DONE).
    eggs (about 2x/year we have time for this (-;)
    leftovers from dinner (spag, chick, meatballs, lasagne)
    hash browns - Esp if I make them over the w/end, I'll make extra for 
    	Mon. and pop 'em in the mirowave.
    
    Another *REAL* time saver for me, was "better communication".  When the 
    boys were ~5 and 8, I made up a list.  I used to make some statement
    like "Get your bag ready for school", and to them this meant pick it
    up and put it near the door, or wherever Mom will trip over it.  To ME,
    it meant check your homework, notes, etc are IN there, and take OUT all
    the old stuff that doesn't need to be in there.  I made the list for
    many things, so I just had to say one thing, and they knew what I meant
    by that.  If they weren't sure if they'd done it all, they could look
    at the list.  This prevented ME from repeating myself every morning,
    made them a little more responsible for themselves, and also freed me
    up to be able to concentrate more on other stuff that needed to get
    done.  The list has a "Heading" - being whatever it is I would say, and
    then under each heading is a list of "details", being those things that
    were implied when I said that.  
    
    "Go take a bath" .... means find your clean clothes, (MAYBE)run the
    water, wash your hair and your body, dry off, comb your hair, drain the
    tub, put the toys away, put your dirty clothes in the hamper, and get
    your "pjs" on.  It was too much for them to be expected to remember,
    but the list got it all across perfectly.
    
    Since Jason was so young, I had to draw pics so that he'd know what
    each thing meant.  I don't think that they've had to look at the list
    for about a year now (probably okay to take it off the fridge, eh?). 
    They really loved it, and it really lowered the tension all around.
    
    The "routine" goes something like this now;
    
    6:30 - I get up, make my coffee, pack their lunches, get out bowls and
    cups of milk for cereal.  Do dishes or whatever else might NEED to
    happen.  Get together the little one's clothes (he's 2).  Get my
    clothes ready (hey, do as I say, not as I do! (-:).
    
    7:00 - Wake them all up.  The little one's usually pretty tired, and
    won't eat as soon as he wakes up, so I pretty much just plop him on the
    couch.  Help the kids get their cereal, then I hop in the shower.
    
    7:15 - Back downstairs.  By now the little one's wide awake, and if
    he's going to eat, is ready by now.  Sometimes he doesn't eat till
    daycare.  By now the older 2 are usually done eating and wandering
    aimlessly around.  Remind them to get dressed (if they need to), and
    get the rest of their stuff ready.  Sometimes they'll finish their
    lunches or want to bring something special to school.  And dry my hair.
    
    7:30ish - Dress the baby, find whatever it is that's HOPELESSLY lost,
    (shoes, coat, 'blankie' etc) pick up a few things, shut off the lights, 
    and by about 7:45, we're out of there.  Drop them at school, the little
    one at daycare, and I can make it to work by ~8:30.  At which time I'm
    ready to collapse (-;  Actually, I'm relieved it's DONE!
    
    Keeping their "morning" time short, also seems to a.let them go to bed
    a little later (though it's usually 8pm), and b.helps stop them from
    bugging me about putting on the TV.
    
    If I'm running later, or they get up earlier,some times they'll go out
    and play ball or something in the morning, but they're definitely ready
    before that.  
    
    We've always had 1 rule about mornings -
    
    The *FIRST* thing you have to do, is get ALL ready to go.  Once you're
    *ALL* ready, you can do whatever you want.  By the time they're done
    with their stuff, it's about 45 mins for them to get ready.
    
    Occassionally, I'll switch it a little, and get up and get right into 
    the shower (usually do this if they're allstill asleep), and then wake
    them, then do lunches and stuff while they're eating, but for some
    reason, that order seems to take longer ...... I also do this is
    they're going to have a hot breakfast, so that I can warm it up for
    them. 
    
    Simple, isn't it ?!? (-;

    
    Just a few points to add -
    
    	- My daughter has her own alarm clock and she puts in on the
    	  far end of her room, so she has to get up to shut it off.
    
    	- Pack all the bags, including lunches, the night before.
    	  We have a white baord on the fridge and we leave reminder
    	  on it to take the lunches out in the morning. Load up the
    	  car also if possible the night before.
    
    	- My daughter usually has low maintenance breakfast like toast, 
    	  bagels, english muffins, muffins, eggos, cereal, yogurt. I don't 
    	  cook in the mornings during the week since I leave the house before
    	  my husband and my daughter do. I do make sure I always have fresh
    	  fruit salad around so that my husband can have that with his cereal 
    	  or toast and my daughter brings that for lunch dessert in a
    	  thermos.
    
    	- For my daughter, it's get up, eat, get dressed, grab the lunch, feed 
    	  the cats and go in 1 1/2 hours.
    
    	- Showers are taken at night (for me also).
    
    
    Eva
    

I have 4 boys (13 yr. old, 11 yr. old & 6-month twins) so 
things can get kind of hectic in the mornings but I find being 
organized helps tremendously.  

The night before I make sure I put out the older boys' lunch
money and snacks.  They will usually put out their clothes the
night before, too.  (I watch the Weather Channel every night
to get an idea of what the weather will be the next day so I
know what is appropriate to put out.) The 11 yr. old takes his 
shower the night before.  I also pack everything I need for the 
babies the night before (formula, extra clothes, toys, etc.) and 
even pack most of it in the van.  Also make the coffee the night
before and put it on the timer so I have it when I wake up.

I get up at 5:30 every morning since it takes me the longest to
get ready! :')  If the babies wake up, my husband feeds them
while I finish.

The 13 yr. old gets up at 6:30 to take his shower and then I 
get the 11 yr. old up.  I usually put out breakfast beforehand
which will include anything from Nutri-grain bars, cereal, pop-
tarts and pancakes.  They eat, brush their teeth and they're out
the door by 7:10 am!

Then I take over with the babies - feed & dress them while my
husband gets ready. I also make bottles, do laundry and some
cleaning during this time.  Thank goodness for Sesame Street!

My husband takes the babies to the sitter so I'm still the last
one to leave but I'm out the door by 8:00.

For us, organization is the key!

Susan

    Breakfast?
    
    Well when I have time on weekends we make a large batch of waffles and
    freeze most of them for the following week for Carrie and Atlhehi. 
    Frank and I prefer breakfast burritos and he usually makes up a big
    batch of chorizo and beans, rice, potatoes or eggs one day during the
    week.  Drop in the filling, nuke and eat.  (I prefer making them as I
    go to avoid soggies.)
    
    I am usually out the door before anyone else is moving, but on the days
    I am not, the schedule moves around getting Carrie up, organized and
    out.  Atlehi stays home with Frank, so she is flexible.  When Carrie
    was in Daycare and Frank and I were both working outside the home, we
    often sent her to Lorraine's with a cup of yogurt and cereal.
    
    When Lolita and I were the family unit, our mornings started with me
    getting the tea kettle hot and setting up her instant oatmeal, grabbing
    a snadwich for myself, making her one for lunch and then getting her
    out of bed.  She latchkeyed from 4th grade on, so she was pretty much
    on her own between 7 and time to leave for school.  Having her lunch
    and book bag at the door saved us a lot of problems and she loved
    oatmeal until she hit highschool and fruity pebbles (ick!, bleah, and
    thank goddess she didn't propagate this obscenity onto the other
    kids) became her staple breakfast.  
    
    As far as organizing the other stuff, I ask kids what homework they
    have when I  get home.  they do that, give me any papers I need, and
    then all signed stuff goes back into the bookbag.  Saves major
    problems.  Carrie works in the library so she reads books in the school
    library without need to check them out.  (saves heartburn on lost,
    missing books her room "eats")
    
    meg

    - Wake up the kids.  Stand them on their feet and point them in the
      direction of downstairs.  Remind them to take their dirty laundry
      with them on the way downstairs.
    
    - Leave bowls and spoons on the table from the night before.  Leave
      a box of cereal on the table.  They walk like zombies to the
      fridge get a container of milk and sit down at the table to eat.
      (They used to fight about the bowls not being identical, this
      squashed that problem).
    
    - Lunches were made the night before, except for the sandwiches
      (if jelly the sandwiches would be soggy).  Milk money and 
      snacks (which are acceptable - tasteful were figured out the
      night before).
    
    - Clothes are laid out downstairs (prevents those sleepy-heads
      from jumping back into the sack).  Including socks and shoes.
      This is very important.  If you cannot find the shoes may I
      recommend looking out on the back porch, in the toy box or
      in the car?  These were the last place I would have looked and
      FINALLY found them.  Now I learn, place them out the night
      before.
    
    - Because of age differences, different children have different
      jobs.  All are expected to put their lunch boxes on the counter
      as they return home from school.  Empty the debris, etc.
      The oldest is expected to make her own lunch, but I always
      "reward" her by packing her snacks *IF* I don't have to fish
      for her lunchbox, otherwise she'll have to pack that.  Small
      things are incentives for kids.  She strives!
    
    - I take a shower in the morning.  My underclothes are already
      laid out in the bathroom and my clothes are hanging in my
      bedroom.  If anybody had a bad dream or "feels sick" or
      is in a lazy mode, they grab their clothes and get dressed in
      my bathroom while I take a shower.  It's a little personal
      time.  Also, I have not taught my children that nudity is
      a private thing.  I don't encourage it, but I don't run
      screaming off if they see me nude.  They feel comfortable.
    
    - When I come downstairs we are all dressed and now it's 
      packaging piles.  Piles of lunchboxes into their schoolbags
      and piles of books into their bags.  All the piles are left
      on the counter or table.  If really big (projects) into the
      car the night before.
    
    - I put the dog out, feed her.
    
    - The 3 year old comes down.  Is dressed while the others are
      getting into the car and we scoot out.  He has a "breakfast"
      box (lunchbox) which he eats while we drive.  I usually mix
      a container all sorts of cereals together or toast or carrots.
    
    - We're off.

    How old are the base noter's children ?
    
    Until a few months ago, I had to dress my 4 year old. Now, magically,
    she does it herself while I get started on lunches. (Things get better)
    
    I guess my advice is lighten up. You may be expecting too much of
    yourself. If, like the rest of us, this is the only time you have with
    the children, realize they need a little flexibility..at least mine
    does.
    
    I have enforced some rules recently but am not sure they would have
    worked before age 3 or so. 
    
    Get dressed before doing anything else (On Saturday's playing in pj's is 
    a treat. Sometimes it even works as a way to get the bath done early...
    she can play in pj's for a while afterward).
    
    No TV on school days..It was too hard to get it turned off. The
    computer is ok while I'm getting breakfast ready but it is downstairs 
    once it is ready.
    
    Velcro on shoes helps..and headbands in stead of pony tails.
    
    My coffee maker is on auto so it makes the pot before I get up. It
    helps me get downstairs.
    
    Tell them why they need to hurry. In our house we say "Buses don't
    wait" and we are practicing for when she is big and takes the bus to
    school.
    
    Good luck. Stay calm. You probably are doing all you can.
    
    Rituals help my daughter. The day care good-bye involves her standing on
    the mat outside the door waving and making faces while I, waving and
    throwing kisses, walk backward down the hall. It's what she needs to be
    bale to let go and it is easier on me than a torn dress.
    Keep it in perspective. Being 5 minutes late for work is not the end of
    the world and it may be the 5 minutes the kids (and you ) need. 

    As the author of -.1, I tend to be a bit lighter in the morning.  I
    have 2 kids, age 4 1/2 and 17 months.  First, I get up about an
    hour before the kids, get me ready and fix lunches.  They know if they
    want something specific, they better tell me the night before.  I don't
    fix lunches the night before because I often put something hot in them.
    
    After all of that's done, I wake the kids.  I get clothes out for them
    and my husband helps the older one dress while I dress the younger. 
    The older child can dress herself, but prefers help like her baby
    sister gets.  
    
    Once their dressed,  we go downstairs.  They can watch television while
    I get breakfast.  When they're called to the table, the tv is turned
    off for the morning.
    
    Breakfast is usually something simple like eggo waffles, cereal and
    milk, instant oatmeal, etc.  After breakfast, we brush teeth and hair,
    get any toys they want for daycare (they're allowed 1 animal each) and
    out the door.
    
    Also as stated previously, I don't go nuts if we're 5 minutes late.  I
    find the less stressed I am in the morning, the easier they go into
    daycare.
    
    Irene

    Short of hiding all of my 8yr old daughter's books, how do I impress
    upon her that when I say it's time to get up and get downstairs that
    I mean it?  Doesn't help that the bus doesn't come till 8.35 -- she's
    such a procrastinator that I have to get her moving by 7.15 -- yet even
    with clothes picked out and all she's still not ready by 7.50!  ARGH! 
    And then breakfast is another chore. Her older brother not usually a 
    problem. He is usually in the shower and downstairs by 7.30. (Good,
    glad one can do alone, because next year he's got to be on a bus by 
    7.....yuk). I 'm sort of at wit's end, I don't want to stand there and
    dress her, she's really too old for that and is totally capable of
    doing it herself. But how?????
    
    sandy

Discuss it with her and jointly develop a solution.
Be very clear on what you will be responsible for
and what she is responsible for.  Mutually decide
what the consequences will be if you don't meet your
responsibilities (you'll drive her to school?) and when
she doesn't meet her responsibilities.  Then allow her to make 
mistakes and suffer the consequences you've agreed to.  

I'm not the mom of an 8-year-old (yet), but this would
be my approach.

Good luck!

- Deb B.

    
    ....send her out the door in her pjs one morning.  I wouldn't actually
    make her go all the way to the bus stop, but telling her it's time to
    go and YOU have to go and she can't stay in the house alone, and you're
    leaving NOW.
    
    Then when she has a fit, you can tell her to go in and get ready, and
    she has 5 mins, and then you're leaving and will take her to school
    just once, but next time she's on the bus in pjs.
    
    What's her "deterrent" that would make her get ready?  Clearly she
    isn't bothered by YOU being upset (few kids are!), and she's much too
    old for you to have to be hounding her every second.  What does she
    lose if she's NOT ready ?  Or what does she gain if she IS ready?
    
    To take it to an extreme - if you could punch everyone you didn't
    like, and all that happened was someone disapproved, why would you ever
    stop ??
    
    I personally think that she's too old for "rewards" for this type of 
    behaviour - getting ready for school is something you should EXPECT,
    and her not doing it should be something that results in a lack of
    privileges.  Is her brother rewarded for getting ready each morning?
    Probably not - so she shouldn't be either.
    
    So, maybe you COULD take away a book each time that you have to remind
    her.  Or set her bedtime back 5 mins earlier for each time you have to
    push her along.  Set up a list of what she's expected to do, and what
    time she needs to be done by (might help to have mid-times so she can
    check on her progress).  She's too old for you to be having to get 
    totally stressed out about this.  It seems to be the consensus in here
    that at about that age (and no shower) it takes a kid ~45 mins to get
    ready.  So give her 45 mins, and let HER figure out the rest.  And when
    it's time to go, leave.
    
    You need to give her a REASON to act in a way that's more acceptable to
    you.

    re: .13
    
    Reminds me of episodes with my daughter.  I've told her many mornings
    that she's going to daycare in 15 minutes, the only question is if it
    will be in her pajamas or play clothes.  Once, she told me they didn't
    allow pajamas at school.  She perked up when I responded that she'd
    just have to sit in the director's office until she decided to dress. 
    Gee, somehow, she managed to dress in about 5 minutes that morning :-)
    
    Irene
    
    P.S.  If you use this arguement, you better be ready to carry through 
    	  on the threat if they call your bluff.
    

    I set the timer on the microwave and have them try to  "beat the
    clock."  The other thing I told my kids is, "You can get up early and
    have a relaxing morning, or you can sleep till 7 and get nagged for
    the next half-hour."  Our 4-year-old still wants help getting dressed.
    Some mornings our 7.5-year-old does too.  I don't mind, but I've told
    my son, "If you need me, you MUST tell me in words.  I cannot read your
    mind."  
    
    No TV is the rule in our house in the morning.  Otherwise, nothing
    would ever get done.  Also, we get up an hour or so before the kids,
    otherwise, we'd never get OUR breakfast!!  We keep it simple -- frozen
    waffles, granola bars, Pop-tarts, muffins, etc., juice and/or milk.
    
    Also, if the kids really want to watch a video, I tell them they can
    take it to the sitter's, and they can watch it during the day if she'll
    allow it.

Actually, the TV is a life-saver for me in the morning.
If I turn it on (Rocky and Bullwinkle are on at 6AM!),
they stay awake enough to eat breakfast.  

At 6AM, I get them up, plop them onto the couch, where
they stare catatonically at the blue screen while I make
breakfast.  (We've tried without the TV - they go back
to sleep).

I hit the button at 6:30, when R&W is over.  Then it's 
clothes, teeth, hair, faces, etc.  They choose what to
wear.  I dress children who cooperate (they like the 
attention), else they go to daycare in their jammies and 
must dress themselves there.  (The teachers help out by
backing up my philosophy that jammies are not play 
clothes.)  We're in the car by 7AM, give or take 5 minutes.

On the other hand, I get up at 5AM.  I get ready myself,
feed the dogs, make coffee (!!!), make lunches, make
Sarah's extra snack.  (Sarah isn't a morning person,
she needs a snack at about 8AM; she also gorges on
the day-care 9AM snack.  She's growing like crazy...)  
I am dressed except the outer-most layer, in case of crisis.
I have packed as much of the day-care bags as possible
the night before.

I load the car while they eat breakfast.  They collect any
extra stuff they *need* to take while I put on my clothes.

Occassionally, I'll forget to set the alarm and oversleep.
I frantically wake them up, tell them I'm in trouble - I
forgot the alarm and please help me.  They love this -
they do everything they can think of to help; I've found
Elise changing Sarah's diaper, she did a good job too. 
(Elise is almost 5, Sarah is now almost 3).

In panic mode, we can do it in one hour, but I don't expect 
this, it wouldn't be realistic.

    Crazy mornings!!!  I am a single parent with 2 children; Holly who is 6
    and Michael who is 4.  I have been a single parent for well over 2
    years.  You want tips.....
    
    Yoghurt (?) is a great morning breakfast food.  Sometimes, my son does
    NOT want to eat first things, so I put toast or dry cereal in a ziplock
    bag that he can bring to the sitters.  Home made muffins or loafs are
    great as well.
    
    As far as routine, I get everything prepared the night before.  Their
    clothes (they pick them out) are laid out the evening before.  Lunches
    are prepared and refridgerated the night before.  Even my clothes are
    laid out the night before.  I know this sounds like I would be up until
    11:00 getting everything together.  Not so.  I still have time for
    myself to read, take a long bath, write etc.....  The trick seems to
    make sure most things  are done the evening before.  If you are worried
    about taking quality time away, have the kids help prepare their own
    lunches....together.
    
    In the wintertime, I get the kids up about 10 minutes earlier because
    of road conditions.  I know my son is NOT a morning person (uggg) so I
    tend to wake him 5-10 minutes earlier than my daughter.  A gentle
    wakeup and dress him first.  Now that he is dressed, I wake my
    daughter.  Oh yes, I do get up at 6:00 and prepare myself.  By the time
    it is time to wake Michael, I am already dressed and prepared.  So it's
    only breakfast, wash up chat a little at the breakfast table and out
    the door we go.
    
    Organization is probably the biggest help factor.
    
    Good luck, I hope this helps a little.  
    
    Helen
    

    Alarm goes at 6:45, get up at 7:00 after the news & weather.
    
    I get Rowan (2.5yr) out of bed & take him downstairs to watch a video 
    - this gives him time to 'come round' before he has to be co-operative 
    with things like getting dressed / change nappies etc. My wife has a
    shower & gets dressed.
    
    I get Holly (6 mnths) up changed & dressed, just in time for her feed
    off Helen who is now out of the shower. I have a shower & get dressed.
    
    Helen finishes the feed & makes toast & coffee, I change & dress Rowan
    downstairs in front of the telly. Everyone has toast. 
    
    Coats on & out of the door by about 8:00 / 8:15.
    
    I take both children to nursery (same building, different sections)
    where they have more breakfast.
    
    Once we discovered that Rowan was more co-operative this way, life was
    alot easier. We do sometimes have problems tearing him away from the
    TV, but if he's allowed to switch everything off himself it usually
    works. (But not this morning :-( he had calmed down by the time we
    reached nursery tho')
    
    Andy