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Conference moira::parenting

Title:Parenting
Notice:Previous PARENTING version at MOIRA::PARENTING_V3
Moderator:GEMEVN::FAIMANY
Created:Thu Apr 09 1992
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1292
Total number of notes:34837

994.0. "Reverse vasectomy to have fourth child?" by QUARK::MODERATOR () Tue Aug 01 1995 13:46

    The following entry has been contributed by a member of our community
    who wishes to remain anonymous.  If you wish to contact the author by
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    conference name and note number. Your message will be forwarded with
    your name attached  unless you request otherwise.

				Steve






   For reasons that should become obvious, I am submitting this note
   anonymously.

   My wife and I have three wonderful children, ages 9, 6 1/2, and 4. 
   Through all  the hard work that comes with raising kids has also come
   endless hours of joy  and pride as they grow up.  We are blessed, and we
   fully realize it.

   But in the last few weeks, we have pondered what it would be like to have
   a  fourth child.  We're not sure why we are feeling such pangs, but it's
   likely  because:

   - our youngest, Gregory, is going to pre-school for the first time this
   fall,  and we are having a tough time letting go of our 'baby', who has
   been so special  to us;

   - we are both close to turning 40 (my wife this December, and me the
   following  December);

   - we just love little kids;

   - we love being parents and devoting so much of ourselves not to
   ourselves but  to them.


   This is all just wonderful, but there's a fly in the ointment.  I had a 
   vasectomy performed over four years ago, just weeks before Gregory was
   born.

   We made the decision for me to have that procedure for all the right
   reasons  back then.  We were happy stopping at three, and we figured that
   we could  adequately provide for all of our children's needs if we
   stopped at three.  And  for years after this, we often commented that we
   had no regrets in the decision  we made.

   But now we are having second thoughts.

   I know that vasectomies can be 'reversed', but I have no idea what the
   man's  chances of 'giving birth' are after such procedures.  And I'm sure
   that my  insurance wouldn't cover a reversal, so we'd have to come up
   with the money  somehow out of pocket.

   A lot to think about, and not just for me, obviously.  Even though my
   wife is  perfectly healthy and has had three uneventful pregnancies and
   deliveries, she  would be over 40 if she were to have another child. 
   That alone is cause for  thought.

   And while we are thinking about this, there's this little birdie who is
   saying,  "Just leave well enough alone!"

   I am curious if any of you know of someone who has had their vasectomies 
   reversed.  Was it successful?  Did a child get conceived shortly
   thereafter with  no problems?  Did the actual vasectomy bring on any
   health complications for the  man?  What about a woman having a baby
   after 40?

   Thanks so much for your feedback.
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
994.1CLOUD9::WEIERPatty, DTN 381-0877Tue Aug 01 1995 14:2913
    I realize this isn't your question, but (considering the reverse-v will
    cost anyway), have you considered adopting a child?  That would
    eliminate all of "your" health risk questions, enable an unfortunate
    child to have a better life, and show your other children the power of
    generosity and caring.  
    
    I had my tubes tied 2 yrs ago, and while I can't imagine SERIOUSLY
    wanting another child right now, I am starting to regret the decision -
    just taking away my options.  
    
    Take care.
    
    patty
994.2DECWIN::DUBOISBear takes over WDW in Pooh D'Etat!Tue Aug 01 1995 14:3925
<   I am curious if any of you know of someone who has had their vasectomies 
<   reversed.  Was it successful?  Did a child get conceived shortly
<   thereafter with  no problems?  Did the actual vasectomy bring on any
<   health complications for the  man?  What about a woman having a baby
<   after 40?

I can't recall anyone specifically, but seem to remember that sometimes it
is possible to reverse them and sometimes it isn't.  

I don't believe that having a vasectomy causes any health problems for the man
assuming the surgery is a normal, successful one.  I can't think of any health
problems which would exist from a successful reversal, either.  Though it
may seem otherwise, this just isn't much of a life-threatening portion of 
a man's anatomy.  ;-)  Because it's so far away from other organs, it just
really isn't very related to them, and the surgery is (as you experienced)
pretty minor.

A woman having a baby over age 40 is a problem in that her eggs are older,
she may not have as many eggs, so her fertility is reduced, but also is more
of a problem if it is her first child, or if there is a significant number of
years between her last birth and this one, so that her body has reverted fully
back to pre-pregnancy condition.  Don't ask me why; I don't recall.  :-}
Your doctor could give you more detail on this, as can probably several noters.

   Carol
994.4CSC32::M_EVANSproud counter-culture McGovernikTue Aug 01 1995 15:2543
    As far as women giving birth over 40 and problems, my mom had my
    littlest sister just before her 41st birthday.  The main concern at
    that time were concerns around potential chromosonal anomolies, as they
    are statistically more likely to occur as a woman ages. Mom did have a
    miscarriage at 50, a thought to ponder if you are thinking about having
    reversing your sterility.
    
    My midwife had her youngest just after her 40th birthday, there were
    some complications, but they were from the roll-over car accident she
    was in 4 days before Lily was born, and didn't effect Lily's or
    Deborah's health, long-term.  Deborah is plannning on another bundle if
    she and her partner can manage it, and she will be 43 this year.  
    
    Late babies run in my family so I never really thought about any
    potential issues, but my youngest (so far) was born when I was 37.  
    My Aunt Gen was born when my grandmother was in her 40's, and she had a
    younger brother who was born when her mother was 45.  I don't say last
    baby anymore, as we haven't done anything permanent, although we are
    happy with our family, just the size it is.  
    
    Vasectomies all have about an 90% reversal rate, but the "successful"
    rate is lower and drops further depending on how long ago the vasectomy 
    was done in the first place.  Successful is defined as fathering a
    child.  After 10 years, I understand the chances of a success are poor.
    YMMV.  It seems that the body begins to recognize the backed-up sperm
    as an invader and develops antibodies against its own sperm, since it
    has to dispose of it some way.  If you are seriously considering have
    your vasectomy reversed, I would consult with a good urologist who
    specializes in fertility and vasectomy reversal to judge your chances. 
    
    I do not know about vasectomy reversal, but I do know the surgery to
    reverse a tubal ligation is extensive, as well as expensive.  A friend
    of mine had her tubal reversed, and the scar resembled a c-section,
    whereas the initial tl scars were practically invisible.  She was also
    on disability for 8 weeks while things healed, by order of the doctor
    she wasn't to lift anything heavier than a tea-cup for the first 4
    weeks.  At last check she had concieved 4 times, but miscarried in the
    first 4 weeks of each pregnancy.  I haven't seen her for a bit, but I
    think they decided to take a breather and she went on the pill for a
    while.  I do know the risk of an ectopic pregnancy is far higher after
    a reversal than in normal unligated(sp) tubes. 
    
    meg 
994.5Been there, did that, love the resultsANGLIN::SEITZA Smith &amp; Wesson beats 4 Aces.Tue Aug 01 1995 17:2033
    Hi,
    
    My husband had a vasovasotomy (vasectomy reversal) 4 yrs ago. We're
    covered through Digital ins. and John Hancock covered the procedure.
    They were proud to tell me that they are only 1 of 2 ins. companies in
    the U.S. that do. So if you're covered through JH there's hope there.
    
    It was a gruesome procedure for him to go through - much more extensive
    than a vasectomy. 
    
    The way it was explained to me is that there are two factors that
    affect the result - the actual reattachment of the tubes and your
    body's ability to stop "absorbing" sperm. Since your tubes which
    normally carry the sperm out of the body are now cut, your body has had
    to absorb the sprem you are producing - some men develop a resistance
    to their sperm and are unable to stop absorbing them. I'd check on the
    accuracy of the above.
    
    Anyway, a couple of months after the surgery thecould tell that the
    actual connection was a success but it took my husband about 8 months
    to actually build up a sperm count/mobility rating that would allow
    impregnation. Unfortunately the dr. didn't tell us this until after the
    8 months so we were getting pretty frustrated. 
    
    So right about a year after the operation I had a baby - looks and acts
    just like her Dad and is the apple of his eye. Had another 15 months
    later and are planning a third. We're both thrilled he went through it.
    
    Good luck and if the decision is right for you both I urge you to try
    it. I think the success ratings are only about 40% but if we can be
    lucky so can you.
    
    Pat
994.6mistake in last - not that quickANGLIN::SEITZA Smith &amp; Wesson beats 4 Aces.Tue Aug 01 1995 17:213
    Sorry previous should have read
    
    right after a year I found out I was pregnant...
994.7NOTIME::SACKSGerald Sacks ZKO2-3/N30 DTN:381-2085Wed Aug 02 1995 10:036
>    Anyway, a couple of months after the surgery thecould tell that the
>    actual connection was a success but it took my husband about 8 months
>    to actually build up a sperm count/mobility rating that would allow
>    impregnation.

That should be "motility."
994.8We "reversed" tooASIC::JPOIRIERWed Aug 02 1995 10:3047
    My husband also had a vasectomy reversal about 4 years ago and we have
    a wonderful 17 month old son thanks to the surgery.  We didn't attempt
    to get pregnant until almost a year after the surgery but if I remember
    correctly his sperm was tested 3 months after the operation and the
    count was up right where it should be.  It did take 9 months of trying
    for us to conceive our first child but I don't believe that had
    anything to do with the fact that we were working with a reversed
    vasectomy.  Unfortunately, our first child was born prematurely and did
    not survive but there is no indication what-so-ever that it had
    anything to do with my husbands surgery.  We conceived our second child
    after only 4 months of trying and he is a very happy healthy little
    guy. 

    I remember that the surgery took about 6 hours, this is tricky stuff I
    guess.  I seem to remember that there are two different procedures for
    doing this and that each one has different success rates.  We opted for
    the "microscopic" way to go.  I can't remember what they called the
    other procedure.  Our choice seemed to have a better success rate.  As
    mentioned previously, the longer it has been since you had the
    vasectomy, the less the chances are of success.  For us, it had been
    over 8 years and our chances were a little less then most but we are
    certainly glad we took the chance!  My husband was in rough shape for
    about a week but he stuck to the doctors orders of not doing *anything*
    for a while.  (The "two-beer rule" helped - one to drink and a cold one
    between your legs.)  It really didn't take more then a week or two for
    him to be back to semi-normal.  

    At the time we were also covered by John Hancock which picked up the
    tab for the surgery.  It might be worth looking into the costs and
    possibly switching to JH during the open enrollment time just so that
    you have the surgery covered.  Then you could always switch back after a
    year.  Just a thought, you'd have to do the math on how much JH will
    cost you to have it for year (I know it's not cheap) vs. the cost of
    the surgery (which also isn't cheap).

    I can't think of the doctors name right now but I have all the paper
    work at home and could find out if your interested.  If you'd prefer to
    send me a note on any other questions feel free. Good luck with your
    decision, I'm sure you will make the right choice for you and your
    family.  
    
        Jean




    
994.9CLOUD9::WEIERPatty, DTN 381-0877Wed Aug 02 1995 10:336
    Isn't there a John Hancock-HMO plan, that will let you use either an
    HMO or John Hancock, depending on what you want, at any particular
    time??  Then you could stick with a little lower rate, and lower costs
    for "normal" stuff, but use J.H. when the "big bill" comes in ??
    
    Good Luck!
994.10HMO ElectIVOSS1::SZAFIRSKI_LOIVF...I&#039;m Very Fertile!Wed Aug 02 1995 14:387
    Your right Patty, for us on the West Coast it's HMO Elect.  My HMO
    is Pacificare and the Elect piece is JH.  We do exactly what you said,
    use the Pacificare for the small stuff and the JH for the big.  The
    weekly premium is nothing compared to taking the JH Digital Medical
    Plan 1 or 2.
    
    ..Lori
994.11please consider adoptionSTOWOA::SPERAThu Aug 03 1995 12:3514
    Good luck with whatever you decide but please don't rule out adoption
    simply because you had not thought of it before.
    
    I hate to evangelize but, having adopted a little girl 4 years ago, I
    am an advocate. Just this week I got an update from an agency dealing
    with Albanian adoptions and was told that the maternity hospital is
    trying to place 5 children a week in the orphanage. The situation in
    China is so grave that one worker told me there would "never be enough
    homes for all the infant girls".
    
    Yes, some people view adoption as risky but so is pregnancy after 35.
    
    I'll get off the soapbox but the baby who is calling to you may already
    be born and waiting for you.
994.12USCTR1::HSCOTTLynn Hanley-ScottTue Aug 08 1995 11:279
    I know of a neighbor who did exactly what the basenoter is
    contemplating: reversed a vasectomy to have their 4th child. 
    
    From what I have read about vasectomy, I thought that the general rule
    is the sooner after the vasectomy that the reversal is done, the more
    likely success in reconnection?
    
    best of luck with your decision.
    
994.13CSC32::A_STEINDELWed Aug 16 1995 15:5513
    I have  a friend that had a healthy baby after a reversal with no
    complications. I had the opposite situation- my husband  went and had
    a vasectomy and one year later I became pregnant-surprise surprise.
    I'm so glad we had a second baby though-he's the apple of my eye and
    I just can't imagine life without him.
    
    You can get the statistics on problems with the fetus for each age 
    group from any obstetrician. It does ramp up fairly high from 35
    on. But you still have the option of an amniocentesis. I was born when
    my mother was 41,so......
    
    good luck.
    Aj
994.14Downside of being an older parentMARLIN::COLEFri Aug 18 1995 17:3230
    Had my first child at 38, hoping to have a second by the time I hit 40. 
    I know quite a few couples that have had children at an older age, and
    with the help of "medical science", they were very successful.
    
    A few things you might want to think about, though, before you go
    through all of the pain and expense.  First, will your wife be willing
    to have an amnio, and would you consider keeping or teminating the baby
    if it had Down's syndrome?  At 38, my odds of Downs Syndrome was 1/200.
    By the age of 45, it's 1/20.  We had agreed to teminate the pregnancy
    if the baby had down's syndrome, but found out that we only had a 1-2
    week "window" that would give us enough time.  If you were against
    terminating the pregnancy, could you live with a Down's syndrome child?
    
    Second, 40 is an older parent ... I certainly don't have the energy
    that I sometimes wish I had to get up during the night and/or chase
    after a small child.  Most of her peers (my neighbors) are also 5-15
    years younger than me ... sometimes I find that to be very
    uncomfortable.  (I was not an older parent by choice, I was just
    infertile and spent years and years until we finally found a drug and
    procedure that worked.)    
    
    Personally, my husband was opposed to adoption; he felt that if it
    wasn't his "flesh and blood", it wouldn't really be his child.  I'm
    sure that I'm opening up a can of worms here, but that was his feeling
    and his choice.  It might also be awkward for the other child if they
    looked different from their brothers/sisters, not to mention the
    expense that new babies can run if you go through a legal adoption
    agency.  
    
    Good luck with whatever you decide!