Conference moira::parenting

    Gee, funny that someone should come up with this note today!!! ;^)
    
    When does it get easier for you to take the little one to daycare when
    he has a bug or temperature.  Aaron has a temp. today (around 100.8)
    and of course they say not to call the doctor until it reaches 101 (but
    of course I've called the doctor already!).  I decided to stay home
    today with him, for several reasons, one of which is the fact that a
    friends child recently had a febrile seizure (is that spelled
    wrong, I'm hitting a blank right now?)  As much as I like and trust my
    daycare provider, I need to be here for my own peace of mind.
    
    When were you able to leave your slightly sick child?
    
    sandy

    Sandy,
    
    There are many variables here.  Your type of provider (home or center),
    the age of your child (infant or toddler) and how sick.
    
    I had my now 7 year old at a center when he was an infant and they
    wouldn't take a child that had a temp of over 100.  I soon moved to a
    home provider (whom I had for 4 years) and she would take him anytime I
    needed her too.  Since then, I've been transferred and I'm on my second
    home provider in the last 18 months.  I now have a 2 year old as well. 
    The first home provider wouldn't take him if he was sick - even though
    she only had my children.  She didn't want to care for anyones sick
    children.  Maybe with the baby it was because he couldn't say when he
    was sick.  
    
    So, as I said, there are many variables.  Centers usually are more
    strict since they care for so many.  Additionally, I think some
    providers will take slightly sick kids when they're toddlers or older. 
    You know the drill, give them Tylenol and an hour later they're up and
    about.
    
    Chris  

    Even at 6 mos. or so it's usually easy to tell.  Give the little
    pipsqueak Tylenol and re-check the temp (I usually waited half an hour 
    to do that).  If it's going down, and they seem pretty chipper I always
    felt okay to leave them (and of course, have your child care provider 
    re-check in a few hours).  If they're whiny and clingy, or acting 
    lethargic I ALWAYS stayed home.  At that point I felt that playing Mommy 
    was more important than any meeting I had to attend at work!
    
    Just remember, they'll let you know by how they act.
    
    Good luck!
             

    Thanks!  My problem isn't so much that my daycare provider won't keep
    him if he's running a temp...I just have such a hard time leaving a
    little guy who's not feeling well!  Come to think of it, I have a hard
    time leaving him, period....  His temp. was slightly higher than usual
    this morning, but he was himself again (including laughing at mom
    putting her hair in a ponytail which resulting in me shaking my head
    and whinnying to make him laugh harder).
    
    I feel better knowing he feels better.
    
    sandy

    
    
    I'm going through the same thing right now. *8^( 
    
    Patrick (5 months) woke in the middle of the night screaming.
    He sounded VERY congested, was tugging at his right ear
    and would only sleep if I was holding him or sitting 
    up in his carseat.  I gave him a little Tylenol and 
    that seemed to help...we're going to the doctors today
    at 2:00.
    
    My question is:  how do you deal with the guilt?!  I have
    total faith in my daycare provider - but I should be the 
    one home with him, taking care of him (this is the first
    time he's been *really* sick).
    
    Where do you draw the line?!  How come I felt guilty this 
    morning for even thinking of calling into work and now 
    that I'm here I feel guilty leaving him...
    
    Kristin

    Seems to be a parent's burden.  Guilty if you stay, guilty if you go. 
    I still have difficulty with this even though Frank is home with my
    kids.  When Atlehi had the crud this winter and couldn't/wouldn't drink
    anything but me, I really felt it, even though Frank brought her in at
    lunch, and I nursed her then and worked shorter days than usual to
    minimize the time she was without me.  

    With Angeline at nine months, I can say to you - it gets better.
    I felt the exact same way, and already I'm looking back at a couple
    of times that perhaps I really didn't *have* to stay out but did.
    
    There will be times later when you just know what's necessary and
    what's not.  And it's sooner than you think!  I squirrel away the
    times now that I need to stay home with her as opposed to soothing
    my own guilt.  
    
    If I was back at her 4 or 5 months old, would I do things differently
    now?  I doubt it.  She was smaller then and I felt I needed to stay
    with her, but see now how much it was I WANTED to stay with her.
    
    Yes, I do still WANT to stay with her, but know I don't need to.  
    Chin up, it gets easier, you'll see!
    			     			cj *->

    Keep your priorities straight and live them. Your baby needs you. Ear
    infections can be serious if not treated. At the end of the day at DEC,
    we haven't prevented hearing loss, saved a life, built anyone's self
    esteem.
    
    Use your vacation time to cover these situations or really do work at
    home. It will clear your mind that you are not stealing from the
    company and you will be able to look your peers in the eye when they
    complain that they are going to lose accumulated vacation time and you
    don't have any.
    
    It gets easier. It really does. They are less fragile at 3 or 4 than
    when they are younger. In Europe, teh company grants a one year
    maternity leave. Remember that as you are trying to "balance work and
    life".

    Like I mentoned in .3, if they're sick, but in a good mood don't feel
    guilty about leaving them, because when they REALLY need Mom they'll
    let you know.  So keep telling yourself that as you're on your way to
    work!  And monitoring the situation during the day, will help you feel
    comfortable about your decision.
    
    And if you decide to stay home, don't feel guilty about that, and don't
    let our boss make you feel guilty!  Everyone has stages in their life
    when something else just has to take priority over work, whether it's
    sick children, aging parents, or some other personal emergency.  Your
    in one stage, and children are the priority, that's okay.  I guess I've
    always looked at it the following way; Just know what's important to you,
    do you care about what your children will grow up feeling/thinking
    about the job you did as a Mother, or will you most care about the
    impact you made on such and such Company.  Both important, but I can
    guarantee you I made a decision about which is MOST important, and that
    makes it all easier! 

    
    
    Thanks everyone for the advice and it's helpful to me to
    know that things do get easier.  My boss is the greatest
    and understands that things like this do happen, but its
    not him who gives me the "trouble".
    
    Patrick is doing better.  The doctor said it's just a 
    little cold but he does have severe Eczema.  We've canged
    him to a soy-based formula and started using 1% Cortozone
    and he's doing better.
    
    Hubby stayed home with him today.
    
    Thanks again!!!
    
    Kristin

    Now I have a question about feeding solids.  Aaron's just a little over
    6 months and has been eating cereal (rice, oatmeal, barley) since he
    was about 4 1/2 months old.  I've slowly been introducing fruits and
    vegetables.  The best way I've found to introduce a new food is by
    adding it to his cereal for a week or so, then trying it on it's own.
    
    My question though, is how many feedings of solids should he be getting
    now?  Right now his schedule is: nursing sometime between 4:30 and 6:30
    for around 10 - 15 minutes, eating cereal/veg or fruit around 7:30am
    (sometimes he'll nurse for a few minutes before going to daycare), 6 -
    8 oz formula 9:30 am, 4 - 8 oz formula around 1:30/2:30pm, 4 - 8 oz
    formula around 5:00pm, then he likes to nurse a few minutes when we    
    get home around 6:00/6:30, cereal/vege or fruit at 7:00, nurse before
    going to bed between 8:00 and 8:30 pm.
    
    Sometimes he'll miss the 5:00 bottle if the earlier two bottles were
    substantial (7 - 8 oz).  Anyway, my question is how much solids should
    be be taking?  He takes around 2 - 4 Tbl in the morning and evening. 
    Should I have my daycare provider offer him vegetables once or twice
    through the day?  He also gets an occasional graham cracker and some 
    cheerios through the day, but gets most of them on him rather than in
    him!
    
    This might be a silly question, but I'm just not sure.  I keep reading
    when solids should offered and have lists of what to offer, but they
    don't give any idea of how often to offer them through the day. 
    
    For what it's worth, at his 6 month checkup Aaron was 27 1/2 inches
    long and 19lbs 8oz (around the 80th percentile, proportional).
    
    thanks,
    
    Sandy

    WOW Sandy!  Angeline is the same weight and just 1/2 inch longer,
    and she'll be 11 months this week!  How's your biceps???   :-)
    
    When she started on fruits and veggies, she was already getting
    cereal three times a day.  She started getting fruit with breakfast,
    veggie with lunch, and either one with supper.  Now a lot of people
    couldn't believe she was getting cereal three times a day, or how
    much she ate, or how soon she started the fruits and veggies.  But
    she was happy, I was happy, and that's that.  Sounds like you're boy
    may have an even bigger appetite!
    
    I expect you'll get a lot of different responses to how much, how
    often, but that's how we did it.
    
    						cj *->

	At my pedi's advice, I've increased my kids' food as they
	start to show a need for it.

	For my kids, that meant not going more than an hour (maybe
	an hour and a half) between feedings, and being ravenous at
	that (meaning a screaming, inconsolable child until fed).

	When that happened, I'd add a meal.

	As for amounts at individual meals, I fed until they turned
	their heads away.  I always thought my babies ate a lot - about
	1/3 C. of cereal mixed with an appropriate amount of formula or
	breastmilk, plus about 1/4 - 1/2 cup of a fruit or veggie.

	FWIW, my kids went to 3 meals a day right about the time the
	doctor said to start introducing meats.

	Karen

    Oh!  A correction... Angeline started with the fruits first, then
    we worked in veggies later.  So fruit went with breakfast and  I
    think supper, then we worked it into lunch.  
    
    When veggies came, we did fruit with breakfast and lunch, veggie
    with supper. Eventually, as she was eating whole jars of either, 
    we took the cereal out of lunch and gave her whole jars of a fruit
    and a veggie.
    
    						cj *->
    

    Yup, Aaron's a big boy, he started out at 8lbs 14oz so he had an
    advantage there!  One of my co-workers has a son who, at his 4 month
    checkup weighed about 20lbs and was 27 inches long, way off the
    charts!  He started out at 9lbs, 14 oz.  I'm slowly building some arm
    muscles, and have sore back muscles!
    
    I don't want to rush Aaron into eating solids, but I also want to try
    different foods while he's open to new tastes (I've read that if we
    wait very long to try new foods, a baby may be more fickled!).  If any
    of his liquid meals are to be replaced, I'd prefer it be one of his
    formula feeding rather than one of his breastmilk feeding.
    
    Also, I haven't really been offering Aaron water, is this a mistake? 
    I've read that breastmilk and formula is the only fluids he really
    requires (and he's not getting fat or anything, so I don't need to
    replace the calories with water).  And of course juice is considered by
    many as being empty calories (except by the gerber/beechnut etc. folks
    who make baby juices).
    
    So many questions, I just want to do the best for him, I don't want him
    to develop bad eating habits that will stay with him for life (like his
    mom's habits!).

    If I remember right .... Jonathan's solids each replaced a bottle.  1st
    thing in the morning, he'd have a bottle.  Then an hour or so later
    he'd have some type of solid, and (if I remembered!) a sippy cup w/
    water or juice.  He did just 1 solid/day for a long time (a few mos).
    Then he graduated to 2/day for a month or so, and then we introduced
    the 3rd meal.  I THINK that supper was the last meal that we gave to
    him, but I could be wrong.  Supper has always tended to be a 'chunkier'
    and 'trial' meal for my kids, so I save it as the last one to
    introduce.  Once he started eating supper, he pretty quickly stopped
    with his nighttime (pre-bed) bottle  )-:  I missed that time ...
    
    With solids, I've always tried to offer a sippy of liquid.  Gets them
    used to the cup, and gives them some control if they get thirsty.  When
    Jonathan gets thirsty, he'll stop eating and indicate he's "done". 
    Usually he's just thirsty, and after belting down a cup of something,
    will finish eating dinner.
    
    Of course THESE days, dinner for him is a farce ...
    
    Good luck!
    Patty
    
    
    
    

Many new mothers (as well as mysel) have asked the same question.
There don't seem to be any good guidelines for feeding babies solids.
I just added meals as my son seemed to be hungry for them (up to 3)

As for water, they don't really need it at that age unless it's hot (which is
has been) or they are sick (fever or diareha (sp?)).  They really don't
need juice(IMO) whole fruit is much better.

Lori

A series of notes on infant sleep problems at the tail of this topic
have been moved to topic 27, "Sleep Problems".

	Neil Faiman, PARENTING co-moderator